I Love Myself
by Kimmydonn
Summary: Edward says at the end of New Moon that he didn't think Bella would believe him so easily. What if she didn't. What if she saw through him? -  End Is Only The Beginning for contest details. B/E/J
1. Chapter 1

**The End Is Only The Beginning: A New Moon Contest**

**Title of your entry: I Love Myself  
**

**Penname: Kimmydonn  
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**Pairing: Edward/Bella**

**Summary: Edward says at the end of New Moon that he didn't think Bella would believe him so easily. What if she didn't. What if she saw through him?**

**Disclaimer: Bold is direct from New Moon. Of course all characters and the scenario are Stephanie Meyers'**

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2245547/The_End_Is_Only_The_Beginning**

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**When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder – like the liquid gold had frozen solid.**

"**Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.**

**There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.**

**"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order. **

**"No."  
**

I stared back at him for a moment. I weighed each of his words as it seemed he had. "I don't believe you." I believed he didn't want me to go with him, but I didn't believe he was telling me everything.

"Why not?" His voice was still detached. He spoke with the same perfect cadence. "Why do you think I'd want you?"

I continued to look at my own reflection in his eyes. He was too perfect, too still. He was holding himself back. If he were being honest, he would be the way he was before my birthday, open, free. "I have no idea why you want me. It doesn't make any sense. But I knew that before. Why would you, the perfect immortal being, want plain insignificant me? I can't answer your question."

He blinked and his eyes warmed for a minute. For a second I saw the love I remembered. If I hadn't been gazing, transfixed, into them I would have missed it. The hardness returned and he put it into his voice now.

"You're right. You are plain. You are simple. You are dull. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not human; you are. You are fragile. I could break you now, between my fingers." He made a pinching motion.

I shook my head. How dumb did he think I was? "You won't. You could have done that any day before today, if that was what you wanted."

"I won't," he agreed. "But why would I want something so easily taken away from me? Why would I keep you, except as a snack?"

That was what James had said. I knew this tactic. It was what I had done to Charlie. He was trying to hurt me to make me let go. "No. You're lying. You're trying to hurt me. Edward? Why are you trying to hurt me? Why do you want to leave me? Am I in danger?"

His eyes melted again and widened. "This would have been so much easier if I could read your mind," he said in exasperation. "Yes, Bella. You are in danger. You are in danger every day you spend with me and my family. I'm trying to hurt you to make you let go. I'm trying to break you, cleanly. I'm trying to make you safe. I should have known it wouldn't work," he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.

I put mine around his waist and my cheek to his chest. "So, I passed the test?" I asked snarkily.

He huffed, "Yes. You passed the test." He pulled away from me. "But I'm still going Bella. We all are. The others have already gone. I'm going to meet them. We aren't coming back."

"You aren't," I said and spent a moment reflecting on everything he had said, on what he had tried to do. "Obviously there is nothing I can say or do to change your mind." I made my eyes and tone as hard and detached as his had been. "If there were you wouldn't have told me I was _plain, simple, dull._" I said each word as an expletive and watched him flinch at them. "You wouldn't have tried to break my heart. You wouldn't be breaking my heart if there was anyway I could convince you to stay."

"You're right." I watched him freeze over again. Now he smiled, but it was only a turn of his mouth. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind. It will be as if I'd never existed."

"Keep your platitudes, Edward," I folded my arms over my chest. "You won't forget, and you can't honestly believe I will, not really. Sure, I might think of you less as the years pass, but I won't forget you, or Alice. How did you convince her to leave without saying goodbye anyway?"

He hung his head. Then he met my eyes again, now they were fiery as well as liquid. "Did I really say you were simple?" He shook his head with a chuckle. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I wanted to make a clean break."

"Well, so much for that," I said icily.

He nodded. "You can't come with us," he said again. "You need to stay here, or go to Jacksonville. You'll be safe from my kind there. I really do want what is best for you, Bella." He reached a hand out for me but I backed away. I was angry now.

"And why do you get to decide what is best for me?" I asked him. "This isn't the 1900s Edward. You don't get to protect the damsel by locking her in a tower. If you don't want to protect me anymore, that's fine. I can understand that. But you don't get to choose my fate. That's what makes it _my_ fate."

I was hurting him now. I could see it. Good. He would have hurt me far far worse if he'd succeeded in making his 'clean break'. I waited. He wasn't meeting my gaze. The sun was starting to set. He still wasn't speaking.

"Goodbye," he said and ran from me.

I stood for a few more minutes, now in confusion. I heard the Volvo pull away. He was gone? He wasn't going to make any other pleas or demands of me, like not to try to find him?

I turned and walked the short way back to the house. Charlie had gotten home while Edward and I were not talking. I had heard the cruiser, but not really acknowledged it. Now it was parked, badly, in front of the driveway, blocking my truck. Charlie was laying on the couch when I came in. "Nice walk?" he asked.

"Um, no, not really," I answered truthfully.

Apparently he wasn't actually listening because he didn't respond to that. I went into the kitchen to make dinner. I saw the note then.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Be back soon, B._

He did a good imitation of my handwriting. I crumpled it and put it in the garbage. I started browning beef in the pan and peeled potatoes. He had been in the house. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling. Making sure the burners weren't turned up too high I climbed the stairs to my room. Nothing looked different, but I had the sensation that something was. My new photo album was on the floor by the bed, just as I'd left it. I opened it.

There on the first page was my caption with no picture. I snapped the album shut and tossed it on my bed. I opened the CD player where I had left the disc he and Alice had made for me. I already knew it wouldn't be there.

I tromped down the stairs. First he broke his word and then he stole from me. Obviously I didn't know Edward Cullen as well as I thought I did. I got back just in time to save the beef from burning. I put the rest of the touches on my comfort food, beef, gravy and mashed potatoes.

"Everything okay, Bells?" Charlie asked when he came to the table.

"Not really, Dad." My voice was snippier than I expected. "The Cullens have decided to leave town. They left, and I found out, today." I felt tears in my eyes and wasn't sure whether they were from sorrow or anger.

"They did?" Charlie asked. He snorted, "Well, I guess you can't peg them all. I was sure I was going to have to pry that boy off you with a crowbar," he muttered putting a forkful in his mouth.

"Yeah, well, apparently it wasn't that hard after all." The tears were leaking from my eyes now and I sniffed wiping them away.

"Don't you worry, Bella. There are lots of nice guys out there. You'll find the one that's right for you." He smiled at me, and I found myself smiling back.

Was it possible Edward wasn't the right one for me? I couldn't accept that. One day he would come back for me or I would find him. We were too tightly bound to one another. We were more than friends, more than boyfriend and girlfriend.

I had to hope he wouldn't let too long go before he came to his senses. After all, I couldn't choose his fate either. I worried though; years could pass him by, but they were still ageing me. I wouldn't let his choice ruin my life. I was stronger than that.

"You're right, Dad." I ate another forkful of dinner.

"I'm going fishing with Billy Black this weekend. I bet Jacob would love it if you came out with me."

I eyed Charlie slyly. "Matchmaker," I muttered.

"What was that, Bells?" he asked, looking around me to the score.

"Nothing, Dad."

After supper I called Alice's cell phone. "Bella, I'm not supposed to talk to you," she said sadly.

"I know Alice. Did Edward actually steal my stuff or just hide it?" I asked her.

She laughed her tinkling laugh. "He hid it. It's under a floorboard in your room. I knew you wouldn't fall for it. He is such a fool, isn't he?"

"Big time. Don't lose this phone, okay. I'll only call if I really really need to."

"Sure. And I'll make sure not to think about your calls," she said with another laugh. "I love you, Bella. Goodbye!"

I knocked on a few of my boards before I found one that rattled slightly. Sure enough, I was able to pry it loose and there were my pictures and CD. I decided to leave the CD there. I was mad enough right now to snap the damn thing, and I didn't want to do that. Instead I took the pictures and put them back into my album. I looked closely at Edward now, as I had the first time I put them in the book.

In the first picture I saw Edward's eyes warm, caring, smiling. Then he became the ice statue that had been making me anxious since. It was all an act. I came to the picture that was folded in half. I started to unfold it. Then I thought better of it and put the picture in with my face up. I was the honest one in this photo. I kissed my finger and put it to my own lips.

_

* * *

I love myself today, not like yesterday. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be Okay. I love myself today, not like yesterday. Take another look at me now, cause it's your last look, your last look forever. - _because Bif Naked has this one nailed.


	2. Chapter 2

My sleep was fitful. I was so used to seeing Edward in my room, even just to wish me good night. I tossed and turned for an hour before I finally dug the CD out of my floor and put his lullaby on. That did it. I smiled a little, remembering that he hadn't left because he didn't love me; of course he did, just like I loved him. He had just decided to take himself out of my life.

"Idiot," I muttered, as I tossed again.

I started up my beast of a truck the next morning. I think it had actually gotten louder during it's period of idling. I got out carefully and walked across the parking lot. I was going to be asked a lot of questions today. Questions I didn't want to have to answer.

"Idiot," I muttered again before waving to Tyler who was just getting out of his car.

"Hey Bella. Where's the Volvo?" he called after me. I walked a little faster.

It was in class where Edward's absence became undeniable again. He'd pulled the strings to get us in nearly all the same classes, so the empty seat next to me was a constant reminder that he'd made his decision and left me to deal with the repercussions. Nice.

"Idiot." I really needed to stop doing that. Someone was going to notice. Also, I did still love Edward; I didn't want 'idiot' to become my new pet name for him.

In English, Jessica moved to take Edward's empty desk. I smiled in gratitude. "He's not coming today?" she asked.

I shook my head. I couldn't really have this conversation in class. We'd be in lunch in minutes anyway. "Tell you at lunch?"

She nodded and turned back to the front of the room. She walked with me to cafeteria and I took a seat between her and Angela. "No Alice yesterday and no Edward today? Must be nice to have a dad that can just pull you from class whenever you like," Jess commented.

"Yeah, about that," I began. "Their dad, kinda pulled them entirely. They've moved."

"What? When?" Angela asked. Her concern for me was prominent and I appreciated it.

"Yesterday. Guess they had to move fast to take the offer.... Edward didn't fill me in on all the details. Just that they had to go, and they had to go now."

"Did I hear you say the Cullens are gone?" Mike asked from the other end of the table.

"Yeah," I said a little louder, making sure the whole table heard this time. "Carlisle took a new job."

There were a few seconds of silence before Jessica and Lauren initiated a discussion of the latest romantic drama and the date possibilities. Angela's eyes were still on me, but everyone else had gone back to their lunch. Cullen presence or absence really didn't affect any of them. "Are you okay, Bella? Are you two going to... keep a long distance thing, or something?"

"Maybe." I snorted. "No, no we aren't. He's – he's trying to make a clean break. Idiot," I muttered again and put my chin on my arms.

She patted my shoulder in condolence and then left me to mope a little. Angela was good at knowing what you needed and when you needed it. I didn't want to talk about Edward. I didn't want to be cheered up. I just wanted a moment to mope.

And the moment was over. I sat back up and started engaging in the conversations around me before heading back to class. In most of them someone took the opportunity to snag Edward's empty seat. I was glad, it made it easier to deal with the loss when it wasn't looking back at me.

The worst was Biology. That was no surprise. We'd started as lab partners, and now instead of him sitting alone at the bench until a new student came, it was me. We'd passed the point where my advanced classes in Phoenix had taken me, so I was on level footing with my classmates. I could have really used Edward's help now.

I arrived for my shift at the Newton store and pulled on my vest. "Hey Bella," Mike said, sidling up to me. I narrowed my eyes. I was sure I knew what was coming. "I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me this weekend. That one Jess and Lauren were talking about sounded pretty good."

"The romantic drama," I confirmed.

"Yeah."

I shook my head. I chuckled a little before breaking into full laughter. My boyfriend had only left yesterday and Mike was already trying to pick up the pieces. I couldn't help but laugh at both his persistence and his complete ignorance of propriety.

He blushed a little and moved away. "Right. Never mind, Bella."

I stifled my laughter and smiled at him. "No, Mike, it's fine. I'm sorry I laughed. You just don't give up, do you?" I teased. "He only left yesterday!" I reminded him.

"Yeah, well, didn't want to miss my chance did I?" he said with a goofy grin.

I lost it again. "Yeah, yeah, right." I went to the till to cash in.

My life was delightfully mundane. No crises, no major blood loss, no friends coming and going suddenly. It was nice to be normal again. Of course it was awful to not have Edward. I took Charlie up on his offer to go to La Push with him. We took my truck instead of the cruiser, but I let him drive.

He shook his head as we pulled up to the Black house. "I still don't understand how this old girl keeps running."

"I know. She's a force of nature or something." I hopped out and slammed the door, watching rust flake off.

Jacob ran down the steps and swept me into a spinning hug. I froze in his arms. He was huge. Would he ever stop growing? And why was he hugging me?

"Ever heard of personal space?" I teased him when he put me down.

He laughed. "Yeah, I like you in mine," he retorted. I laughed too now. "It's really good to see you, Bells. I'm glad you came."

"Sure, just promise we aren't fishing," I said looking meaningfully at our fathers who were already pulling tackle and rods.

"No fishing. Maybe the beach though?" he suggested with a raised eyebrow.

"I like beaches. I like sandy beaches, but the one here is nice too," I allowed. "I also like hot, sunny beaches."

"Hmm, I'll remember that," he said looking at me intently.

I shook my head, "Anyways..."

We walked from his place to beach, shooting the breeze. I double checked that he _had_ gotten the master cylinder Billy had promised to give him in return for that stupid display he had to make at my prom. He had and promised to show me how work was going on the Rabbit. He told me about his friends and I told him about mine. It was so easy to talk to Jacob; even easier than Angela. I made plans to come out again the next weekend.

It was only once I got home that I remembered Charlie trying to pair me up with Jacob. There is nothing worse than having a Dad who was right, and who knows he was right. Charlie was oozing smugness when I served dinner. It was hard not to glare at him.

I trudged through my week like a good student, employee and daughter. I would have the odd pang when I'd start to lean over to tell Edward something and find Mike or Jess or Angela in his seat. It was like a small slap in the face each time it happened. I'd look over hoping to catch a glimpse of him and not find him there. I'd wait in my bed for him to come through my window, but he wouldn't, never again.

I started to hope he was right. He had said my brain was a sieve, that I would forget. Now I started to want to. I wanted to forget that he had left. I wanted to forget what it had been like when he was here. I wanted to be happy as who I was, with what I had. But I couldn't be when I could remember my beautiful icy angel and revisit all the places we had walked together. It hurt to have the memory of him so close, so near, and not be able to see or hear him.

Was he hurting the way that I was? That was a stupid question, of course he was. He loved me, he was just an idiot. After naming him so a few times each night, I would turn on his lullaby and dream of him playing for me, returning to me, apologizing for thinking he knew what was best. Alice was the one that could tell the future, but I still hoped those dreams were premonitions. That one day he would come back and regret the time he had missed with me.

By the end of the week I was thrilled to go back to La Push. It was a place I had never been with Edward; there were no reminders of him there. There was only Jacob, with his car on blocks, his bright smile, his quickly developing muscles.

"Seriously, do they put something in the water out here?" I asked after meeting his friends Embry and Quil. Quil wasn't quite as tall, but both he and Embry were far taller than any fifteen year-old I'd run into. And Embry was filling out as well as Jacob. "Anabolic steroids in the fish?"

They laughed, all three, as one. "Maybe! We should definitely have some feds out to sample. Growing their own special mutants on the west coast." Embry suggested.

Embry and Quil were nice guys. They ribbed Jake about my repeated visits, even though it seemed obvious, to me at least, that we were just friends. Granted, Jacob still had a very liberal definition of personal space, but that extended to his other friends too. I had witnessed more than a few two-on-one wrestling matches involving all three of them. He would take my hand sometimes when we walked and always greeted me with a hug, but he never seemed to press his advantage. Which is more than I can say about the guys at school.

It was like the girl's choice dance all over again, only worse. I had more offers for dinner and movies than I had ever wanted or ever wanted again. I considered on more than one occasion having a T-shirt made that read 'on the rebound – now bound off' but I never actually did. Angela laughed when I told her about it. I had no doubts that if my birthday hadn't already gone by she would have had one made.

As September passed into October the talk around our lunch table turned to the upcoming Halloween party at the Newton's. It was cool that Mike's parents were willing to host what looked to be a pretty epic showing on behalf of the senior class. Costume ideas were flying. Mike was torn between Indiana Jones and Neo from the Matrix. I could not picture Mike in a duster.

I rolled my eyes. "Indy, obviously." I ruffled his hair and made a whip cracking motion that got a few giggles in response.

"What about you, Swan?" he asked rubbing shoulders with me. "Going to be my Marion Ravenwood?"

"You are such a geek," I complained. I couldn't remember the names of any of Indy's girls. Apparently they didn't have the punny names of Bond girls, that was probably why. "And no. I think I'm going stag. What about you, Jess? You got a date and paired costume?"

She huffed and looked angry. Oops, guess I touched a nerve. "No. I don't, actually. I think I might just not go at all."

"Aw, you have to come Jess. You could be Willie Scott and convince Bella to be Marion anyway," Mike suggested. I elbowed him.

"Well, let's go together," I suggested to Jessica. She looked at me like I was insane. I tried to think of a pair of strong independent women, the kind who partied hard together and for whom boys were toys. "We'll be vampire slayers."

Her eyes widened. "Buffy and Faith?" she asked.

"Sure!" I said with a grin forming. I looked to Angela, "You can get a red wig and be our Willow."

"No, thanks." She rolled her eyes. "But that sounds like a great idea."

The guys seemed to approve of the suggestion as mouths dropped around the table. Jessica began suggesting outfits for us and I started to regret this idea. Faith was kind of a tramp, wasn't she? Good thing I had someone to dress me.

That weekend Jacob asked about Halloween too. I told him about the party at Mike's place and my costume idea. "Jessica isn't the kind to be happy going to a party by herself. So I'm her date," I told him, shrugging.

"Cool. I wish I could crash with you."

I shrugged again. "Don't see why you couldn't. I'll just run it past Mike. One more on a guest list of twenty probably isn't a deal breaker."

"Really?" he asked straightening from the Rabbit to look at me now. "You wouldn't mind me hanging out with your friends?"

"Why would I mind? And you are one of my friends," I reminded him, punching him in the arm. The thing felt like concrete. I shook my hand out a little.

"Yeah, but, I'm only fifteen," he reminded me.

"So, if they break out the booze don't drink any," I joked. "I won't," I said rolling my eyes. "Really, Jake, you don't look like you're fifteen, you'll fit in fine."

"What would my costume be?" he mused. "I can't pull off British, but maybe I can still be your Watcher."

"Watch this," I said getting up and walking to where our warm sodas sat, bringing them back with me.

He laughed. "I'm watching, I'm admiring, I'm approving."

I threw the can at his head and he caught it easily.

"I'm liking this idea. I'm sure I can find a stuffy jacket at the thrift store." He opened his can spraying foam everywhere. "Geez, Bella, how hard did you throw this?" he complained slurping up the fizz from his can.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I've got a killer arm," my sarcasm was abusive.

"Vampire slayer," he chuckled. "What with the Cullens leaving, maybe you _are_ a vampire slayer," he teased.

I laughed awkwardly. He still didn't believe his own legends. But of course the Cullens were vampires. And I hadn't slayed them, just chased them off somehow. Still, the thought of putting a wooden stake through Edward's heart, especially since I knew it wouldn't actually kill him, was oddly cathartic. I was going to like my choice of costume.

I hadn't told Jacob just how much Edward's leaving was hurting me. How I still looked for him around school. How much I missed him.

Jake was pretty good at noticing when things bothered me though, so I took it to mean I was doing a good job of hiding it. Still, hearing their name made me feel the loss more keenly. He did notice now.

"You miss them, don't you?" he asked me.

I nodded, sitting back down.

"They don't keep in touch? Call once in a while?" he asked, leaning back over the open hood of the Rabbit.

"I've talked to Alice once or twice, but no, they don't. Guess they're too busy for me," I took a sip of root beer and tried not to let it get me down. Of course they weren't too busy. They had nothing but time and more time. They were still listening to Edward's advice and keeping me as distant as possible. "Idiot," I muttered.

"What?" Jacob asked, looking over his shoulder.

I shook my head.

"Still, how hard is it to send an email? I mean you keep in touch with your Mom, right? And she's all the way in Florida. They're only down the coast," he snorted.

I'd claimed they'd gone to California. That was the story Carlisle had given the hospital, Alice told me when I called to ask. She couldn't deny that was information I should have been given. She hung up quickly though, without a goodbye this time. Edward was probably around. I didn't want to lose the only real connection I still had to their family. It wasn't like calling vampires was going to bring disaster down on my head, was it? I couldn't see how.

"Bella?" Jacob asked now, turning instead of just looking over his shoulder. "Are you Okay?"

"Yeah, I just zoned out."

"Looks like more than that." He sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. "Spill," he demanded.

I chuckled. "Pushy, ain't ya? Just feeling like the cast off. I thought we were friends. More than friends, and he just takes off and doesn't even keep in touch. Hurts, you know?"

"Yeah. That's harsh. And he didn't give you any warning they were going, just poof."

I nodded, "Yep, pretty much just like that."

"You're handling it really well, you know that."

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"I saw the way you two were. He just walks out on you and the next day you're back at school like nothing's new. That takes guts."

He hugged me and I wrinkled my nose. "You need a shower," I teased.

"You mean you don't like hot sweaty boys?" he taunted, holding my head under his arm.

"No, no I don't," I yelled trying to wrench myself out of his headlock.

He let me go laughing. "So, Watcher Black-" he mused. "Let me know what Mike says. I'm looking forward to this now."

* * *

I sat in Jessica's bathroom thinking about Alice. This was exactly the sort of set up she had had for me for prom. I had had a scrub, a mask, foundation and now I stopped paying attention to what she was doing. I thought that was for the best. When I opened my eyes next they were rimmed in black, heavily shadowed and my lips were the most vivid red I'd ever seen them. My hair was still in rollers while Jessica made up herself.

I got out of the chair to give her more space in the mirror. "Really, Bella. I can't believe you don't know how to do this," she complained as she applied shadow to her own eyes. "I mean, granted, you don't actually _go_ on a lot of dates, but still..." she shook her head.

I didn't bother answering. I crossed my arms under my breasts and watched my cleavage jump in the shirt she'd dressed me in. My bra was showing, for crying out loud! And she said it was supposed to? I started pulling out the rollers instead.

"Here, sit. You'll take all the curl out, doing it like that." She began unwinding the rollers. It didn't look like she was doing it all that differently. Then she took a brush and started teasing it. I was _so_ glad Charlie wasn't going to see me tonight; he'd ground me on sight. Jessica, as Buffy, was wearing a much more conventional, though no less revealing, outfit of her own.

I took a moment after she finished to make my additions to our costumes. I had a mini-crossbow for her, a wicked looking knife on loan from the Newtons for me, and a pair of wooden stakes. "Mr. Pointy," I said handing her one.

She laughed. "This was a great idea Bella. I'm glad you talked me into coming. Are you riding with me?"

"No," I told her and her face fell a little. "You can ride with me if you like. I invited my friend Jacob, remember? I told him I'd give him a lift. He's still building his car." And he didn't have a license because he was only fifteen, but I wasn't telling her that part.

"Three of us, in your truck? Well, Okay, I guess."

Jacob was waiting on the porch when we arrived and I laid on the horn as I doubled up laughing. His jacket had oval patches on the elbows, a book tucked under his arm. His pants were actual tweed. He had his long dark hair pulled tightly back in a low tail, and wire-rimmed glasses rested on his nose. He looked over the tops of them and I could have sworn he was in his mid-twenties, not fifteen.

Jess slid into me as Jacob took a seat. "Oh my god, Jake. That costume is perfect. Buffy, don't you remember our watcher, Mr. Black?"

He took off his glasses and cleaned them on his ivory shirt and I snorted again. "Where did you find tweed pants Jacob? And ones long enough to fit you?!"

"I would appreciate a modicum of respect from you, Faith," he said snootily putting the glasses back on his nose and I roared again. His mask slipped and he gave me his brightest smile.

I wiped a few tears from the corner of my eye with a sigh and pulled out again.

"Did you know, Bella?" Jessica asked me.

"That he was going to be our Watcher? Yeah, he told me that part. That he was going to nail it so well? No, I had no idea. What's the book?" He only had the one prop.

"Anne Rice," he said with another grin and I had to laugh. "Rebekah left it behind."

The party was already underway by the time we arrived. I pulled out my stake and looked to Jessica who did the same. Then, rather than knock or ring the bell like a real person, I unlatched it and motioned Jess to kick it in.

The response was perfect. The door crashed into the wall. Several heads turned to see what had been broken and the two of us charged in, armed with wood, scoping for vampires. I even found one.

"What do you think of my costume now?" I asked Tyler Crowley as I jumped on him on the couch, slopping his drink.

He was laughing too hard to respond as I kept beating his chest with my blunt stick.

"Nice Dracula, by the way," I quipped as I stood back up, offering him a hand, in case I'd wedged him too hard into the cushions.

"Faith can slay me any day," he said still yucking it up.

Jacob was suddenly behind me, "Very sloppy. I don't think you hit the heart at all. You really must focus more on your strategy."

I cracked. Several faces turned to see just who was speaking. "Everyone!" I said loudly, "This is Jacob Black. My Watcher."

"And a fine thing she is to watch too," I heard from across the room. I threw my stake ineffectually in their direction. One of the boys threw it back. Jake caught it and handed it to me.

Jessica was already slaying her own vampire. Conner had a killer Spike costume and they were re-enacting scenes from the sixth season (the one where Buffy decides to let Spike have his way with her). Well, good for her. Maybe Conner would give her a ride home.

I led Jake over to the snack table just as 'Indy' swung in with a pistol. I snatched it from him. "No guns," I complained. Then smiled handing it back to him. "Mike, this is Jake. Jake, Mike." They shook hands and I saw the group dancing outside. "Excuse me while I collect my date," I said walking to Jessica and removing one of her hands from Conner. "Sorry, this one's mine," I said with a butch smile.

"Bella... I was having fun," she whispered at me.

"Jess, anticipation is the best seasoning. Now come dance with me and get him drooling." I laughed and we started moving together on the floor. Of course I stumbled all over the place, bumping into Jessica, Lauren and Ben.

We almost turned into a mosh pit when I ran into Eric as well and he tossed me to Tyler who tossed me to Mike. I just tried to stay upright while I was getting nudged and shoved in every direction. It made me very giggly. When I got my orientation back, thanks to Jake, who held onto me instead of passing me off again, I saw that Jessica was now grinding with Conner.

"Thanks," I said to Jacob, who still had his hands around the tops of my arms. I laughed at myself. "I don't know why I even tried."

"Tried what?" he asked. He looked down into my face, his black hair pulled back and shining in the patio light. How had I not noticed how beautiful Jacob was? The red-brown of his skin, the warmth of his dark chocolatey eyes. The roundness of his face was gone now and his cheeks and jaw were more defined, more chiseled.

"Bella? Tried what?" he repeated and I blinked, breaking my stare.

"Dancing!" I complained. "I can't dance, obviously."

"Really?" he asked. "Did you have fun?"

"Well, yes. It was a riot!" I giggled.

"I don't think anyone out there minded you crashing into them. They seemed to enjoy it too. Well except for that cold blonde witch."

The witch wasn't entirely meant as an insult. Lauren was dressed as Samantha from Bewitched. "Yeah. But you can't please all of the people all of the time. And I can't please that blonde any of the time." I said with another laugh. "Is there punch?" I asked noticing someone walking by with a plastic cup.

"Yeah, you don't want any of it though," he said steering me toward the kitchen. He filled a glass with water for me instead. "Someone spiked it," he whispered, winking.

"How do you know?" I asked draining the glass and refilling it.

"I could smell it."

"They spiked it that much?" I asked putting the glass back in the sink.

"I guess," he shrugged.

"Well that's kinda stupid. Mike's parents will find out." I looked to where Mr. and Mrs. Newton were chaperoning from their bedroom balcony.

Jacob shrugged again. "Want to dance some more?" he asked me now.

"You mean stumble and get tossed around? Sure!" I grabbed his hand and bounced out into the crowd again.

"Jacob, over here!" Mike called holding his arms open to catch me.

After a few more minutes and much dizziness I begged out of more dancing. I flopped into one of lawn chairs circling the yard. That was when I saw that Jacob wasn't among my circle of dance/mosh partners anymore. He was dancing with Lauren of all people. Then Janice, a girl I didn't know very well, then another and another. I grinned hugely watching my big friend getting woman-handled. I hoped he didn't hold it against me that I'd left him unattended among a crowd of tipsy senior girls.

When Lauren moved to latch onto Jacob again I pushed myself out of the chair and wedged in between them. "Watcher Black! There's a vampire loose in La Push. We have to go stop him!" I made sure to hip check Lauren twice before turning Jacob and walking off.

"Thank you," he murmured as I pushed him ahead of me.

"No problem at all," I laughed. I turned back to find Jessica. She was with Conner again. She'd been dancing with just about everyone over the night, but she was sitting with him now. I waved her to join us and she shook her head then cocked it to Conner. Good, she had a ride home. I waved again, this time in farewell.

"You leaving, Bella?" Mike asked meeting me at the door. He wrapped his whip around my waist, pulling me closer.

"Nice," I smirked. "Very dominant. Yeah. I'm getting a bit tired and I have to drive Jake back to La Push tonight. It was a great party though. Thanks for inviting both of us."

"Any time. Thanks for coming Jacob," he said addressing him now and letting me go. "It was good to meet you. Maybe next time we should party out there at the beach."

"That's a great idea. I'll let you know when we're having the next bonfire. You guys would be welcome." He took Mike's hand again.

"Oh!" I unbelted my pants and watched both boys mouths drop. I rolled my eyes. "Give this back to your Dad. And thank him for me," I said sliding the knife sheath off my belt before refastening it. "I really appreciated it."

"Oh," Mike shook his head. "Sure Bella." He kissed my cheek. "See you Monday."

I held Jacob's hand as we walked back to my truck. "Had fun?" I checked.

"Of course! That was great. You?"

"It was all right. Better than I expected. I usually linger on the edge of things like that, y'know? Because I can't dance."

"I was expecting the same, being the one no one knew. But your friends are cool; they didn't make me feel awkward at all. Well maybe Lauren," he shuddered.

"What was up with her?" I asked, remembering her coming back for seconds.

"She made comments about big and tall. She's scary," he shuddered again.

I laughed. "Big and tall. Are you big too?" I teased.

"You want to know?" he teased back, dropping my hand to goose me.

"No, no I don't!" I covered my face in embarrassment.

* * *

**All right. So please remember to vote by going to **http://wwwfanfictionnet/u/2245547/The_End_Is_Only_The_Beginning

**I will try to post new chapters regularly. I have a LOT already written.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

I got a call from Alice around Christmas. "Happy Holidays, Bella!" she said when I answered.

"Alice?!" I asked incredulous but excited. "Is that really you?"

"Yep, me! Edward is off chasing Victoria's trail so he has no idea I'm calling!" she laughed in her tinkling voice. "I wanted to let you know you can call me any time. I don't imagine he'll be back for a while."

"How is he?" I asked, curious.

"A mess. He is a complete mope. I miss you so much Bella. For me as much as for him. You made life fun! Now everything is boring again. Emmett could usually be counted on to make things interesting, but he took Rose to Europe." I could actually hear Alice pout.

"Well you have missed some fun. We had a senior class Halloween party that you would have been queen of I'm sure."

"A party?" she whined. "I missed a party." She was pouting again. "What was your costume?"

"I was Faith the Vampire Slayer," I said with a chuckle. "Don't worry I have pictures in my scrapbook. Can I send copies somewhere?" I asked slyly.

"Nice try, Bella. You know I'm not going to give you our address. That would really defeat any purpose to us leaving, wouldn't it."

"I don't see any purpose to it at all," I complained in a sulky tone. "At least I can call you. I've missed you too, Alice. You'll be missing another party next weekend," I sing-songed now, teasing her. "But you couldn't come to that one even if you were here," I told her before she could be too disappointed. "We're having a bonfire out on First Beach with a bunch of Jacob's friends."

"Oh! Well I hope you have a good time, Bella. I'm glad you're doing so well. I worried when we left, that you would feel abandoned. I'm glad you don't. And you know we all still love and miss you, right?"

"All but Rosalie?" I joked. "Yeah, I know. I miss all of you too. Say, how is Jasper doing? He knows I don't blame him at all for Edward being an idiot, right?"

Alice laughed again. "I don't think Jasper ever blamed himself for Edward being an idiot. He did blame himself for nearly killing you," she amended. "He'll feel better when he hears you're doing well."

"I am. It hurts not to see you guys where you should be. Like at lunch. I keep turning to tell you something and you're not there. Jessica made me up for the Halloween party and I was thinking of you the whole time. And Charlie misses you too. He'll be glad to know you're calling. When do you think you'll convince Edward you should come back?"

"Again, nice try. I do agree with him somewhat, Bella. Our world isn't safe for you. It probably is better that we put some space between us. I'm sure we'll visit sometime," she allowed.

"Fine. Sometime. Hey, are Carlisle and Esme with you? I want to thank them for my gift. I'm going to use my ticket to visit Renee over Christmas and New Years."

"They are, but I haven't told them I call you. I'll just... tell them I saw you put their gift to good use."

I laughed this time. "And now you do, because you've bothered to look?"

"Exactly!"

"I'm going to have to say good-bye before I miss you worse and really do try to trace this call," I teased.

"Don't even think about it," she threatened. "Take care of yourself, Bella. And remember, you can call anytime!!" I was so happy to hear that.

"You too. Bye, Alice." I hung up with a sigh. The phone rung again almost instantly. "Yes Alice?" I asked with a smirk.

"Alice, that's a new one. Don't think anyone's called me that before."

"Jacob?" I asked with a laugh. "I just hung up on her. What's up?"

"Nothin'. Just wondering if you wanted to come out for a while."

"Oh," I thought about my homework load, trying to gauge how much time I needed for it. "Yeah, sure. I can come out tonight. What are we doing?"

"Surprise," he said, piquing my curiosity.

"I'll be there as fast as I can make the beast go," I said with chuckle.

I climbed out of the truck and into Jacob's usual hug. "Are you feeling Okay, Jacob? You seem awful warm."

"Yeah, Dad's just got the heat turned up in the house. It feels nice to be outside."

"So, what's the surprise?" I asked.

"First, does this fit?" He pulled a swimsuit from behind his back.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. I looked at the tag and held it up to myself. "Probably, why?"

"Surprise!" he repeated, sticking a thumb in the direction of the house. "Go change."

I continued to stare at him, hoping he'd give me some sort of clue. I was out of luck. I shrugged and went into the house.

"Bella!" Billy greeted me. "Happy holidays."

"Thanks," I said with a smile. "Can I borrow your bathroom?" I asked gesturing with the suit.

"Oh, sure. Just around the corner there." He pointed.

I looked at my reflection. The turquoise suit was a simple one-piece. It was a little big on me, but not bad. I pulled my raincoat back on over it. For all Jake said the heat was up in the house, it didn't feel that way to me. I folded my clothes and took them out with me. Jacob was waiting by the door.

"Just leave those on the couch. The coat was a good idea. Here, put these on," he nudged a pair of flip flops that were far too big for me. I stepped into them anyways. I walked out the door he held open for me and shivered in the December chill.

He put a hand over my eyes as soon as I reached the bottom of his stairs. "Jacob, what-"

"Just, enjoy the surprise, all right. Trust me," he whispered in my ear and guided me forward. I heard another door open and felt warmth inside. From the smell, it was the garage. There was a faint trace of grease and gasoline. "Kick off the shoes," he whispered.

I stepped out of the flip flips onto sand. I dug my toes in and reached for his hand. He let me pull it away from his eyes. Two walls of the garage were covered in light blue sheets, making it look like sky. There were a number of heat lamps throughout the space making it very warm. The floor of the garage was lined in sand which sloped up to the edge of a kiddie pool. It was perfect.

My grin was enormous. "Where's the Rabbit?" I asked. It normally filled most of the garage.

"Together enough I can drive it out of here," he said simply. "You like it?"

I turned and hugged him. "I love it! Thank you!"

"Merry Christmas," he said. "I knew I couldn't get you out here _on_ Christmas, so it's a little early."

I walked up the sand to the edge of the pool and dipped my toes in. The water was nice and warm. "Well now I know why you were so warm."

"Heh, yep." I turned back to him and saw a flash. "Thought you might want this one for your scrapbook too," he told me as he put the camera back on a shelf behind one of the sheets.

"I will, thank you! Are you coming to join me?" I asked, lying down on the beach towel he had laid out under one of the lamps.

He shrugged. "I hadn't really planned to, but since you asked." He pulled off his shirt and I gasped. I knew his muscles had developed, but I wasn't expecting to be confronted so directly with the result. He grinned at my response and I could feel myself blushing. I rolled onto my stomach so I wasn't watching anymore.

He lay on his side next to me in his shorts. He had a bottle of moisturizer with a label stuck on reading 'sunscreen'. I laughed. "You thought of everything, didn't you?"

"I tried," he admitted rubbing lotion onto the back of my shoulders. "You like hot sandy beaches, right? Well, it wouldn't really be a beach with out some guy to smother you in sunscreen, would it?" His smile was brilliant.

I rested my chin on my hands and then turned it so my cheek was there instead. "Thank you, Jacob."

"Anytime Bella," he murmured. His hands were large and warm on my skin. I felt my eyes close under his gentle stroking and rubbing.

"I'm going to have to do some serious thinking," I mumbled, so utterly relaxed my lips and tongue weren't working properly.

"Why's that?" he asked, moisturizing my thighs now.

"Because my original gift idea of new seat covers is depressing compared to this."

He snickered. "It's not a contest, Bella. The best gift you can give me is being happy." He kissed my exposed cheek and I closed my eyes again.

"Well, Merry Christmas to you then," I murmured.

He laughed. "Merry Christmas to me."

The night of the Winter Solstice, First Beach was lined in bonfires. Most of the Quileutes were out for the event and, true to his word, Jacob had invited a number of my friends along. So Jessica, Mike, Angela and Ben were sitting with me when I met some of Jacob's other friends. He used the term loosely.

"That's Sam Uley. He's really tight with Paul, the angry looking one, and Jared. Jared's okay. At least he used to be. You never see them without one another anymore. It's really weird. Then there's Emily, the lady with the scars. She's a cousin of the Clearwaters." I had the feeling I was getting filled in on a soap opera as Jacob continued to whisper. "Sam was practically engaged to Leah Clearwater until one day Sam just dumps her for Emily. Then, a couple weeks later, she's sporting those gashes from a bear attack."

"Karma," Embry whispered.

"Nah, Emily didn't do anything to deserve that. Sam maybe, but I've met Emily. She's sweet," Quil argued. "I just don't understand how he could do that to Leah." He pointed to a girl sitting around another fire down the beach. "She's sitting with Seth, her little brother. You know Harry and Sue, don't you, Bella?"

I nodded. "Sure, I've met them. Charlie fishes with Harry all the time," I told my friends, trying to keep them in the loop. "And they own the store here." I passed the chocolate to Angela who held crackers for Ben's s'more. "Sounds like this Sam is a real winner."

"Well he is if you talk to any of the elders. They all treat him like he's some sort of honored son of the tribe or something." Jacob was reaching for another pair of marshmallows. "He keeps sizing up Embry and I. I don't know why."

"He's really creeping me out," Embry said shrugging closer to the fire.

I decided it was time to change subjects. "Merry Christmas, Jacob," I said pulling out a gift bag. It was a stupid hat with mistletoe hanging down the front of it. "Pucker up, Quil," I teased, jumping out of the way.

Jacob proceeded to chase just about everyone around the fire making smooching faces.

As soon as I returned from Jacksonville, I recruited Quil and Embry to help me with my plan for Jacob's birthday present. I needed to make up for my dollar store Christmas gift. I brought all the ingredients for an authentic fiesta to the Blacks' house. I turned on Gypsy Kings on the stereo and pulled on my red hot chili pepper apron. Charlie was taking Billy fishing and Quil and Embry were keeping Jake out of the house while I cooked and decorated. I had a pinata set up on the back porch, a sombrero on Jacob's chair and enough food for all of us.

"Feliz Cumpleanos," I cried when Jacob came in.

"Wow! Thanks Bella." He came and gave me a sweeping hug before putting on his sombrero and smiling for my camera. Quil and Embry wouldn't let him take it off all night. They demolished the food in record time and took out the pinata with one swipe.

"Well that was anti-climactic," I complained as they quickly divided the sweets.

"It's the thought that counts," Charlie reminded me as the boys proceeded onto a sugar high.

"Yeah. I'm glad he liked it."

After Jacob had opened his gifts, Quil and Embry made a hasty exit. "Thanks for the grub Bella. Invite us over anytime you're cooking."

I laughed. "Only if you promise to reimburse me for the food. I thought I had enough for seven or eight people."

"You did," Billy told me. "Which is about the same as three or four boys." I laughed with him.

Charlie excused himself as well. He had arrived early that morning in the cruiser but checked that I wouldn't be far behind him.

"I won't stay late, Dad. I have school in the morning," I reminded him and myself.

Billy rolled off to his room, leaving me in the kitchen with Jacob. "Not quite a day on the beach, but I did my best," I said with a smile.

"You did great, Bells. Thanks." He pulled me in for another hug. He didn't let go right away and I started to feel a little awkward.

His lips came to my ear then. I heard his warm breath swirling there. My heart started to pick up its pace. I was pretty sure I knew what was coming next. Should I stop him? I was running out of time to decide as I felt his nose move along my cheek. It seemed very warm, like he'd had too many spicy peppers. He didn't smell spicy though, he smelled earthy, mossy.

I still thought of Edward daily. I still missed him like crazy. But Jacob was here. Jacob was giving me the friendship and attention that made my life more than existence; it made it enjoyable. He was here; Edward wasn't. Was that enough? Was I that easily swayed? Was what Edward and I had so easily replaced?

Jacob cared for me. It showed in all the big and little things he did for me. The way he treated me, as friend and equal. His physical presence brought me comfort.

I was human after all. Edward had said it himself. I would forget. And this would help me forget.

When Jacob's nose had traced it's way to mine I rose on my toes bringing my lips to his. His hands tightened on me, holding me to him. I brought mine to his neck now, twisting my fingers in his hair. I let my weight fall back into my heels and he let go slightly.

"Happy Birthday," I wished him again.

His fingers brushed my cheek and I thought he was going to kiss me again. I turned my head a little to stop him from getting the idea. I wasn't ready for much more tonight. I needed time to figure out just what I wanted.

"I'll come back out next weekend, all right?" I assured him.

"What is it Bella? Is it him? Are you still pining for him?" His hand shook slightly on my cheek

I closed my eyes. "I don't know, Jacob. I need to figure that part out, okay?'

He smiled then. "Okay." He brushed my cheek again with too warm fingers. "Let me know when you do."

"You'll be the first," I said giving him another quick peck before grabbing my bag. "Good night."

"Good night, Bella."

* * *

The next weekend I arrived on the Black's doorstep, but Jacob didn't come out to greet me. I knocked on the door, getting no answer. I frowned and walked around the house peeking in windows. He would have left a note if he wanted me to meet him somewhere, wouldn't he?

When I came back to the front I spied Quil and Embry on the road. "He's not here," they informed me.

"I see that. Where'd he go?" I ask.

"He's with Sam."

"Why? How do you know?"

They led me to the store where Jacob was standing, arms crossed on his bare chest, hair buzzed short, leaning on the wall of the building with Sam, Paul and Jared. He saw me and turned and walked away. He seemed to be shaking a little.

"I don't understand," I told the other two.

"Neither do we. After his birthday, he didn't come to school. Billy said he was sick. Then, when we came by, he told us to scram." Quil started recounting the tale.

"I tried to corner him without them and he practically took my head off. Told me it wasn't any of my business and to stay out of his way." I watched Embry's hands shake. I grabbed them, trying to still the quaking.

"Are you all right, Embry? Are you feeling well? If Jacob actually was sick..." I put a hand to his forehead. "Yeah, you're burning up. You should go home. How are you feeling, Quil?" I asked putting my hand to his head now. "Charlie and I weren't sick, so it wasn't the food." Quil's head felt a little warm, but nothing like Embry's. "I'm going to get you something to drink Embry. Then you should go home."

That night I tried to call Jacob. Billy answered the phone. "I'm sorry Bella, he can't come to the phone. He's out with some friends."

"Yeah, Sam right? Well let him know I called and that I'd like to talk to him."

I never got a call back from Jacob. I tried calling twice more. Once I got Billy again, and the other time no one answered at all. Charlie noticed when I thumped the phone onto the counter.

"Something wrong, Bells?"

"Jacob's avoiding me. I'm starting to think I have a knack for scaring boys off. Maybe it was a good thing none of them took an interest in Phoenix," I said with a sad smile.

"I'm sure he isn't avoiding you Bella. He's probably just busy with that car of his. Didn't take the phone into the garage or something."

"Yeah, maybe."

That weekend I decided to visit La Push anyway. I didn't have Embry's number and I wanted to know if he'd gotten sicker, or if Quil had come down with it. A few kids at school had picked up a nasty stomach flu that sounded like it might be what the boys had.

I started towards the Black house again, knocking on their door. Billy answered. "Didn't expect to see you, Bella. Jacob's out. Don't expect I'll see him before tonight."

"Yeah, Okay. You'll let him know I stopped by?" I checked.

"Of course."

I nodded and walked toward the Clearwater store. When I still hadn't seen Quil, Embry or Jacob I popped inside, thinking to get some gum. I found Quil flipping through the magazine rack.

"Hey Quil!" I greeted him. "Did you catch that flu Embry had?"

"No. I still feel fine. And I don't know that it was a flu bug. I think it might have been a Sam bug."

I scowled. "Sam Uley," I muttered.

I heard a chuckle behind the counter. I looked over to see Leah looking in our direction.

"Now you are a girl who might be able to answer our questions," I said walking to the counter. Quil followed slowly. "Sam Uley. What is he doing to drive all our friends off?" I asked.

"If I knew I would have stopped him running me off, wouldn't I?" she said with a snort. "He wouldn't even talk to me except to say it was over. Sam Uley is an asshole of highest magnitude."

"Tell me what you really think," I said with a smile for her.

She laughed. Just then the door opened and Emily came in. She grabbed a couple loaves of bread and came to the counter. I moved aside for her.

Leah didn't address her, just took her cash and gave her change. "Did it just get colder in here?" I whispered to Quil who chuckled. Once Emily was gone I turned back to Leah. "So, no grudge, eh?" I joked.

She snorted. "Yeah. We used to be really close, Emily and I. Then, she came to visit, and it was like I ceased to exist. I just don't get it. Four years really deserves a little more than a brush off, doesn't it?" She looked to Quil and I who could only nod in agreement. "I wish I could strangle both their necks." She made wringing motions with her hands.

"Yeah. I'm starting to think I have a knack for running guys off myself. First I chase Edward Cullen right out of town and now Jacob won't even answer my phone calls." I shook my head.

"You were dating a Cullen?" Leah said with a look of distaste.

"Yeah." I'd forgotten the Cullens' had a bad reputation on the reservation. "Obviously not anymore."

"Probably for the best," she said without any emotion.

I rolled my eyes. "Please. And it's just for the best that Sam ran off with your cousin. Save that stuff for someone who believes it."

She smiled at me now. "I like you," she said with a nod.

"I don't like you," I said but it was only half true. And it made her grin even wider. "But you're growing on me."

She laughed then. "Like a parasite?"

I laughed too. "Exactly! Well, if Jacob isn't going to be seen or heard from, I don't think I'll waste my time around here."

"Wait," Leah called after me as I started to leave. "You're Charlie's daughter?"

"Yeah."

"I'll give you a call the next time I need someone to bitch with."

"Sure. Do that," I said with a smile.

Outside I found Embry and Jacob wrestling with Jared, Paul and Sam calling out to them. Embry definitely didn't look sick anymore. None of them were wearing shirts and seeing it made me pull my jacket closer. It was cold outside. I walked toward them and Jacob and Embry dropped each other and straightened.

"Bella," Embry said and backed away.

"Jacob," I said, nodding to him.

"Hey Bells."

No reason, no apology, nothing.

"I've tried calling." I thought I'd give him an opening.

"Yeah."

"Yeah. You know at least Edward had the decency to say goodbye when he cut me out of his life." Saying his name still stung a bit, but seeing Jacob and knowing he was going to continue to ignore me was worse. I walked around them on the road.

Jacob was suddenly in front of me. I didn't see how he got there so quickly. "Don't you compare me to that bloodsucker," he spat.

"Jake," Sam warned in a cool low tone.

"Bloodsucker," I whispered. "You don't believe those stories, do you, Jacob?" I asked looking up into his eyes.

"Maybe those stories are truer than you think." He turned to rejoin his friends.

I walked slowly back to my truck. His words seemed very important to me and stuck with me that night.

"Alice called," Charlie informed me when I entered the house.

"Thanks, Dad," I called to him as I hung up my jacket. I called her back right away. "Hello?"

"Bella? Are you all right, Bella?" She sounded terrified.

"Yes, I'm fine Alice. What's the matter?"

"You disappeared."

"Um, no I didn't. I went to La Push."

"Was that where you were? I was looking at the old house. You haven't been there, have you? Don't go there, Bella, all right? You can't go back to our house."

"Settle down, Alice." She was really starting to scare me now. "Why would I go to your house when none of you are there? I haven't been there and I have no intention of going there. What's going on at your house? Are you coming back?"

"No. But, Laurent is looking for us. Checking up on us, probably. Of course he will find that we aren't there. And, luckily, he will find that you haven't been there either. But when I saw him I worried about you. I saw you go into the store in La Push but I didn't see you come out. I was so worried, Bella. You just disappeared. Your future disappeared. For a while I thought you were dead, but then I saw you come home to Charlie."

"Slow down, Alice. I'm still a little confused. Laurent is looking for you? Why?"

"I don't know. I just know he looked for us at the house and didn't find us, obviously."

"And you saw me go into the store, but I didn't come out. That's really weird, because I did come out. And other than a bit of a spitting match with Jacob, nothing interesting happened outside the store."

"Oh, you had a fight with Jacob?" she asked sadly. I'd told her about my Christmas present.

"No, that's just it. He just stopped talking to me, out of the blue. Won't look at me, won't return my calls. It's like he's a completely different person." I sighed in frustration. "Have I told you how much I miss you?" I asked. "Besides Angela I don't really have anyone to talk to about this sort of thing."

"I miss you too, Bella. You be careful, okay? Laurent is supposed to be a vegetarian now, but I could have sworn his eyes were red."

That scared me. "I'll be careful, Alice. I promise. I just wish I knew what he was looking for. Speaking of looking for something, how's Edward's hunt going?" I smiled a little. I liked getting updates on Edward when I knew he was getting nothing of the sort on me. He would flip if he knew Alice was keeping in touch with me at all. It just put the power in my hands for once.

"Not good. He's in the southern states now, but it sounds like he's on an old trail. I'm not helping him either." She chuckled. "Hunting her is giving him something to do. Something besides wallow in self-pity. I really don't want to see anymore of that."

"Southern states, eh? Maybe I should go visit Renee again."

"Don't you dare, Bella," she threatened. "Besides, he's not in Florida."

I laughed anyway. "Say hi to everyone for me."

"I will. Goodbye, Bella."

I put on Edward's Lullaby that night. I hadn't listened to it for a few nights now. Tonight I seemed to need the comfort more than ever. He was wallowing in self-pity. He still loved me. He was trying to protect me, not just push me away.

_Those stories are truer than you think._ Jacob's words came back to me that night. I remembered walking with him on First Beach. I remembered him telling me his people were descended from wolves. That vampires were the only true enemy of werewolves.

If he was willing to admit that the Cullens were vampires, then he knew he had a pact with them, a pact he had broken. That still didn't explain his hostility.

_Don't you compare me to that bloodsucker._ Why was Jacob so angry?

The enemy of werewolves....

That couldn't be it. I was just having bad dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

I need to acknowledge IamKate. In her story First Imprint, Sam and Leah had a special waterfall they visited. I borrowed the idea for my story too.

* * *

I knew it was my imagination, but I heard more wolves howling in the night. Between Jacob and his legends, and all the stories around town about bear attacks, it wasn't surprising. I convinced Charlie that I could still go to La Push, even if there was some rogue bear on the loose. I'd stay in the residential area after all.

Quil was thrilled to see me. "Bella! I didn't think you'd be out here today."

"Yeah, well, it was this or homework. Tough choice," I said with a smile. "Not catching any Sam bugs, are you?"

He laughed. "Not yet."

"Bella Swan?" I turned to see who had called me.

"Hey Leah. What are you doing today?"

"Hiking. There's a waterfall I used to hike out to once in a while. I thought it was time to visit again."

The way she said it reminded me of Edward's meadow. "Somewhere you used to go with Sam?" I asked.

She looked down. When her head came up her eyes were aflame. "What difference does it make?"

"Could I join you? Quil and I? We weren't doing anything just now; a hike would be nice." I asked nudging his shoulder. He smiled at me.

She chuckled. "Yeah. That'd be fine."

"You aren't worried about the bear they've been sighting?" I asked Quil and Leah.

"Nah. My dad and several of the elders say they've been keeping an eye out. They have a party out right now."

"Yeah? I'll have to tell Charlie. He was talking about joining a hunting party with Fish and Wildlife."

"I'm surprised the elders haven't caught sight of it. Seems every third person on the res has seen a big animal lurking around. There must be more than one though. Some say a black bear, some say he's spotted, some he's brown. Like there are any brown bears around here," Quil snickered.

"Yeah, brown? Not Grizzly?" Leah replied. I knew nothing about bears so I kept my mouth shut.

"Apparently one is a grizzly shade, but spots? I don't know. Sounds fishy."

I was glad the path Leah and Sam used was fairly well worn. I only tripped into Leah once although Quil caught me three or four times before I bit the dust. They didn't seem to mind me holding them back at all.

Leah was very quiet at the waterfall. I pulled Quil aside and drilled him about his classes. Was Jacob back in school? Did Quil have a new girlfriend? Did Jacob? Anything to give Leah a moment alone. When she came back, her face was still hard, but her eyes were softer. "You know, Bella, you might be right about those bears. We shouldn't linger out here too long."

"Definitely, let's get back." I smiled at her. I imagined myself standing in the Cullens' house or the meadow right now. I wouldn't be feeling any better I was sure.

When I got back to Forks I told Charlie what Leah had said about the elders.

"Yeah? Well that's good. We'll keep our searching outside the reservation then."

"Be careful, Okay, Dad? Quil said more than one animal has been sighted."

"I'll be careful," he said, turning his eyes back to the game.

I rolled mine and headed for the shower.

* * *

"Bella?"

"Yeah, Mike?" I didn't look up from my copy of Pride and Prejudice_._

"You working tomorrow?"

I rolled my eyes. "Is tomorrow Saturday?" I asked redundantly.

"Yeah, tomorrow is Saturday."

I still hadn't looked up. "Then, yes, I would be working, wouldn't I?"

"Right."

I looked up now to see him shifting in the chair beside me, blushing. I racked my brain. It was the middle of February. I groaned quietly.

Well it had been over four months since Edward had left, though I still half expected him to be sitting next to me at lunch. It was nearly a month since Jacob's birthday party where my chili breath had proven to be toxic. Maybe the best way to chase Mike away was to let him take me out.

"I was actually wondering what you were doing _after_ work on Saturday."

"I was thinking of heading out to La Push to meet some friends."

"Oh," he said quietly.

Wow, had I scared him or something? That was surprisingly easy. "I haven't made plans though."

Angela's head came up, looking in our direction. She arched an eyebrow at me. I shrugged.

"Oh! Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie with me." He smiled brightly.

What had I done to this poor boy? I hadn't given him any reason for hope of this magnitude. I was suddenly a little afraid of just what he would make of this 'date'. "That's a good idea. Sort of a Valentine's thing?" I asked.

"If you want. I can buy you flowers or something." I heard a snort from somewhere down the table and tried not to break out laughing myself.

"How about dinner instead?" I suggested. "You cover dinner and I'll get the movie."

"Well, I could treat you to the whole thing," he said.

"Yeah, I know what we get paid, Mike. You planning to pay for college? We'll dutch. It's good." I went back to my lunch. "Speaking of college, where are all of you applying?"

I looked around the table listening to the answers. I made a note to avoid Hawaii as Lauren gushed over how sure she was to get accepted there. Several were staying in Washington, but the names and places ranged right across the country. It reminded me that I hadn't put a lot of time or effort into my applications yet. I'd kept up a decent average. I shouldn't have any troubles finding somewhere that would accept me.

I smirked a little thinking about the University of Alaska. I was almost positive that was where Alice and Jasper had holed up, somewhere near Denali. Then again, Edward might have told me that just to throw me off. Still, I knew there were vampires in Denali. Wouldn't it gall him if he left to protect me and I moved within spitting distance of another family?

"You look like you just swallowed a canary," Angela whispered to me.

"Oh, just making more plans. These ones don't have anything to do with Valentine's Day. Though," I said a little louder, "has Ben made plans yet?"

"Maybe. And maybe I'm not going to tell you about them."

"You will after," I promised her.

She giggled. "I'm surprised Jacob didn't snag you for Valentine's."

I cringed. "Yeah. Jacob, kinda stopped talking to me."

"What? Why?" She was instandly concerned. She knew I had a close friendship with Jacob.

"I wish I knew. I threw a party for his birthday and then when I came out the next weekend he wasn't there. He hasn't returned any of my calls. I don't understand." I heard the strain in my voice and swallowed against the lump in my throat. "I miss him."

"I know you do, Bella. I'm sorry I mentioned it. I'm sure you two will work things out."

"I hope so."

I swung by the office after lunch and picked up an application package for Alaska. I also grabbed one for Jacksonville University. Renee would love it if I went there.

I called Leah Clearwater when I got home. "Hey, I have a favor to ask you. What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Nothing special. Why?"

"I was wondering if you and Quil can bail me out of a date." I snickered as I said it.

"Oh, this ought to be good."

"Yeah. This guy has been trying to take me out for months and we're going out for dinner and movie. I'm thinking, after dinner, I might need something to break up the evening."

She laughed loudly. "That good?"

"Yeah. That good. Will you do it? It doesn't have to be Quil. You can bring whoever you like. I just know Quil would do it if I asked and he had a way to drive himself."

"Yeah, you're right. You have that sappy boy on your finger too."

"I think he likes you better," I teased.

She laughed again. "Because he and I have _so _much in common."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

"Yeah. Which show?"

I gave her the details and breathed a sigh of relief. Then I called Alice. I knew she'd want to hear this news.

"You didn't! Can I tell Edward when he checks in?"

"No, you cannot. For one thing you can't admit to talking to me."

"Damn you and your logic," she whined.

"Guess what I'm doing right now," I teased.

"Filling in applications for universities. Edward is going to be so put out with you."

"I know, isn't it funny? I'm glad you're keeping an eye out for me Alice. Makes me less lonely. Why were you watching today?"

"Because Laurent is going to be in the area soon. You haven't disappeared again, thank goodness, but I don't want to lose your future again."

"I don't want you to either, Alice. Thanks again. I should go fill this in though. I think I have a good shot at acceptance, don't you?"

"You are so mean, Bella."

"And you love me. I'll talk to you later, Alice."

Dinner with Mike was surprisingly pleasant. Thankfully, he didn't take me to Bella Italia. I would have made him change restaurants if he had. We went to C'est Si Bon instead.

He didn't make any real advances toward me, just kept me talking, like Jacob used to. It was nice and sad at the same time. How many times would I find someone who made me feel good to be me only to have him decide he didn't want to be in my life? I was far too young to be this cynical.

Even so, I was not sad to see Quil and Leah idling in front of the cinema where I could 'accidentally' bump into them.

"Quil! Leah! Mike, you remember Quil from First Beach right? This is Leah Clearwater; she's from La Push too. What movie are you here to see?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Tomorrow and Forever," Leah said snidely. "I don't know if Quil here is grown up enough to handle it though. It could be pretty mushy."

He laughed at her and walked over to Mike. "I'm totally gonna score tonight, You?"

I choked on my tongue and watched Leah shoot lightning bolts from her eyes at Quil. He just grinned back like his face was going to split apart. That boy was getting some beatings on the ride home.

Mike declined to answer Quil while I bought our tickets. I sat between Mike and Leah. I probably should have sat next to Quil. Leah and I kept mocking the on-screen couple.

"Oh Com' on, you can kiss her better than that."

"Aw, you have to go visit your Mama? Maybe you should check those apron strings."

"Girl, he's gonna drop you. Run now, run now."

We were laughing at each others quips. Mike had started out with his hand moving to grasp mine, but about halfway through the flick he decided to join us instead.

"What are you doing with her? That blonde is obviously the one with the goods."

I sprayed soda and Leah barked with laughter. We were asked to hush by the other couples more than once.

"Thanks, Mike. This was a great night." I pecked his cheek as he pulled up to my house.

"Thanks for _finally_ letting me take you out. Maybe you won't shoot me down so quickly next time."

"Maybe there will be a next time," I muttered under my breath. "Oh. Come inside. I want Charlie to take our picture for my scrapbook."

"Wait, Bella." Mike pulled me to a stop on my doorstep. "I'm guessing you're going to stay inside after the picture."

I didn't get more warning than that. Mike put his lips to mine. He was still holding one of my hands but he put the other under my hair on my neck, holding me close. My face was half-frozen in shock and my eyes were wide. Which is why I saw that his were closed at first. He broke the kiss and opened them. A second after he laughed. I imagined my face was still filled with shock.

"Did I scare you?" he asked, still chuckling.

"Not scared, no. Startled. Surprised out of my mind. Not scared though." I narrowed my eyes now as he continued to chuckle at me. "Get in here before I change my mind about that picture."

"I wish I could have one of your face a minute ago. That was priceless."

It was that weekend that the first hikers were taken by the bears sighted throughout the area.

* * *

I spent the next weekend with Leah and Quil as well. I told them about the meadow Edward had taken me to and wondered if they might want to help me find it. Having hiked on another occasion with Leah and Quil, I didn't feel completely inept in leading them from the trail head.

"I don't know exactly where it is. I just know we started here and went that way, about six miles. I brought a map and compass." I held them out to Leah, I didn't really know what to do once we went off trails.

"He didn't take you down the trail?" Quil asked, looking at the trail marker where I'd parked.

"No. But he said he went there often, so he knew exactly where it was." I looked at the wall of trees in front of me trying to remember exactly where we'd come out.

"So this direction?" Leah said pointing. "Do you remember if you climbed at all, even just a little slope?"

"Definitely not. I think it dropped a little actually." I wouldn't have remembered climbing on the way out, of course.

"Then it isn't this way." She pointed down one line from the compass. "And it isn't that way either. It has to be somewhere between the two, but you're still looking at a four or five mile arc."

Quil looked up at the sky. The weather was looking good for the day. "We can do it. If we keep Bella on her feet." He took my elbow in a tight grip as though expecting me to fall here on the road.

"Ha ha. Probably better sooner than later, eh?"

"How definite are you on the six miles? Should we head straight out that far or weave from five to seven?" Leah was looking at the map again.

"Let's just go six. If we don't find it, it's no big deal. I just remember it was gorgeous. I bet you guys would like it too." And although I knew it was going to sting like hell to see the place we'd been together, Leah seemed to be happier since her visit to the waterfall. I know she agreed with my plan. If Quil hadn't figured it out, neither of us were going to tell him.

The hike was slower than our others, due to lack of a trail. Leah made sure to keep us on course and Quil made sure to keep my feet on the ground. We chatted the whole way. I got to know a lot more about each of them. Quil told me about his mom's family, they were Hoh. He had a bunch of cousins he only saw once in a while. He told me about his girlfriend. They were still casual, but she was nice, quiet. Leah told me more about Emily and Emily's sister. She told us about her second cousins who were only toddlers. Some of them she had only met once because they were Makah.

I told them about Renee and Phil. What had been like living in Phoenix. How different it was from here. Then Quil and Leah took over again, talking about places they'd visited, parks mostly. Leah told us about the time her dad had taken the family to Mount Baker and they'd climbed to the peak. Quil had been to the Canadian Rockies and recommended that for a vacation.

"Do you two ever run out of things to talk about?" I asked them.

"We try not to. Best way to keep the bears off. If they hear you, they don't want to see you," Leah explained

"And nothing is as scary as Leah's voice." She slugged him.

When the sun started to dip toward the tree tops in the west I felt the ground starting to rise under our feet. Leah turned us abruptly. "No love today. Next Sunday?" she asked.

"I'm in. You, Quil?"

"Sure."

"Do you two mind if I invite Seth along? I know he's looking to get out of the house."

Quil picked me up by the arm again. "Thanks," I muttered. "Why? What's up at home?"

"Well I told you about Dad's heart. He and mom have been having a lot of scraps about his diet lately. Suppers are fine, but neither of us wants to be there when the Sunday afternoon game comes on."

"Snacks," I murmured. "Got it. I don't mind a fourth. And he can't be the one slowing us down; that'll still be me."

"Yeah, and I could use someone else to watch for your stumbling." He reached out to steady me as my foot snagged another hidden shrub.

When I got home, Charlie noticed the green on my jeans. "What have you been doing, Bells? Bushwhacking? You keeping your bear spray on you?"

"Yeah, this is actually some deodorant," I teased patting the holster on my hip. "I've got a couple friends at La Push and we went off trail today."

"Don't know that I like that," he said putting his beer down and standing up. I got the impression the law was about to be laid.

"There's three of us Dad. We watch out for each other. We'll be fine."

"There has been another disappearance, Bella. I really don't want you to be one of them."

"I won't. Would you like it if Leah or Quil brought a rifle? I'm sure one of them could." I wouldn't touch a gun myself, but I knew Quil had been hunting with his family before. "Or maybe we'll talk Harry into coming with us," I said with a grin. "Sue will be thrilled. Apparently he's in need of the exercise."

"Don't tease, Bell. He's been out with groups several times a week from what I've heard."

"Really? I wonder why we haven't run into them at all. I never see them around the res."

Charlie shrugged. "They're probably off trail too."

I let that go and checked up on him instead. "What about your team? Any luck?"

He shook his head and picked up his beer again. "Nope. Just tracks. And they are the weirdest bear tracks you ever saw. Too narrow, long. Doesn't look like bear at all. But the right size..." He sighed as he settled in the couch. "The rangers are right stumped. Make sure you let the Clearwaters know when you head out, all right? And when you'll be back?" He looked up at me again.

I kissed his cheek. "Of course, Dad. I'm going to shower though."


	5. Chapter 5

I haven't thanked my totally awesome Beta, Sharebear, recently. Thank you for all your help Sharyn!!

* * *

That Sunday I drove out to La Push and parked at the store. Jacob was hanging with Embry just outside. I winced a little and opened my door slowly.

"Hey, Bella."

I blinked twice before turning. That had sounded like Jacob. He approached slowly, the way I would approach a dog I didn't know, hand held out. "Jacob?"

"Yeah." He ran the hand over his cropped hair. "I - I wanted to apologize for being a jerk before. I - there was some stuff going on. But I have a handle on it now and I was hoping we could still be friends. You know, if you could forgive me."

I just stared at him for a while. He wasn't the cold, hard Jacob I had seen last. He was the old Jacob. Bright smile, shining eyes. "Is it going to happen again?" I asked.

"What?"

"Whatever made you ignore and avoid me for over a month."

"No," he said with a smile. "Well, yes, but no. I'm not going to lie to you, Bella. I can't be - as close with you as I was. I have secrets now. But I can, and want to, be your friend again. If I can. Is that possible? Can you forgive me?"

I smiled a little. "Yes, I can. I needed to decide if I should." I looked around him now. "What about you, Embry? You still off-limits?"

"Totally," he said with a grin. "Nah. We patched up with Quil the other day. He said you guys were going hiking."

"Yeah. The trail at the end of the one-ten. Well not actually the trail."

Their faces had already fallen. "You've been out there?" Jacob worried.

"Yeah, why? Have you?"

He looked to Embry who shrugged. "Once or twice. That's where you were headed again today?" Jacob asked now.

"Yeah. Are you coming?" I asked tentatively. I sensed a no.

"I don't think so. Not today. Well, not now. Maybe we'll catch up to you guys in the afternoon."

"But we'll be in the middle of-" I didn't bother finishing my sentence as he had already turned to walk over to Embry and started whispering to him. "Your manners haven't improved," I shouted.

"Jeez, I'm sorry, Bella." He came right back over and put his arms around my shoulders. "You have a good hike all right. And we're watching out for you, Okay?" What did that mean? He kissed my cheek and backed away. He was still as warm as ever.

"You're sure you aren't sick?" I asked after him.

"No," he chuckled. "Healthy as a horse. Go on; Quil and Leah will be wondering where you are."

He was right, so I opened the door to the store finding the pair inside. "Is he on drugs?" I asked them.

"I'm starting to wonder myself," Quil answered. "Talk about hot and cold. Well cold and hot, actually." He grinned at his own joke.

Leah shrugged. "He wasn't that friendly with me pre or post. The beast ready Bella?"

"Yeah, but is Seth coming?"

"I'm here!" He came running out from the back. He was tall too. He was only fourteen?

"Okay, well, someone is going to have to ride in the box." The truck didn't really make highway speed. The boys could probably run as fast as I would drive.

"Let's take my car," Leah suggested.

"How's your Dad doing?" I asked as I took shotgun.

"He's been better. The doctor is riding him as hard as Mom. It's getting to the point where her pressuring him is too much stress; she has to lay off. She's got her hands tied and it's really pissing her off."

"That's rough. I hope everything turns out okay."

"Yeah, I'm sure it will."

"Leah said we're looking for something?" Seth asked from the back seat.

"Yeah. A meadow Edward Cullen took me to once. It was beautiful. I think we overshot last week. Let's try shortening the distance today," I suggested to Leah.

She nodded and pulled off to park at the trail head. When we got out of the car we heard a wolf howl.

"Okay, that's a little creepy. Aren't they more common at night?" I asked the much more knowledgeable Quileutes.

"Yeah," Leah whispered uncomfortably. "Should we ditch this?"

We all looked at each other for a few minutes. I made a proposal. "How about we start out; if we hear another in the next hour, we turn back."

They all nodded. "That sounds good."

Seth kept the bears away today. The boy could run on forever at the mouth. And, since I hadn't heard any of his stories before, he talked mostly just to me.

Quil caught me once more when I got a little too involved in the story and stopped paying attention to my feet. "Seth," he complained. "You're falling down on the job. You're supposed to keep her on her toes."

"Right, sorry." He blushed a little and I laughed. Then I noticed a break in the trees to our left.

"Wait, Leah. Stay here for a second." I walked toward the break I was sure I saw. I stepped out alone into the meadow. It hadn't changed. The flowers weren't quite as open as they had been that day and the sun was hidden behind the clouds, but the grass was soft and tall. "This is it!" I called back to them. I heard footsteps behind me.

I looked around the area, remembering. My chest tightened thinking of all the revelations of that day, his cold touch, his trepidation, his tentative words. I could almost see him, on the edge of the trees where he'd run when I gotten too close. He was so scared of hurting me, and then he moved past that. I remembered his cold face on my chest, touching his face for the first time. I wiped my eyes, distracted by the others joining me.

"Wow, this is nice," Leah said appreciatively. She was the last to arrive and closed the compass once through the trees. "Just in time for lunch too." She smiled.

I slung off my pack and started pulling out our sandwiches. We had just started eating when there was another howl. "No way," I muttered. We were sitting in the center of the clearing. If a wolf were to come out anywhere in the circle of trees, we would see it. "Do you guys see anything?" I asked searching the edge of the meadow.

"No," Leah answered first. She rose to her feet though. She crouched like she was expecting some sort of attack.

"You already eat everything?" I heard Jake's voice before I saw him. He was coming from behind me, away from the highway. What was he doing over there?

"Nearly," Quil answered. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. He didn't have any more idea than I did where Jake and Embry had come from or how they had found us.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked noticing neither of the boys wore shirts.

"Nah, it's nice out today." Jacob rolled his shoulders back which just accentuated the rippling muscles he was sporting these days.

"Not that nice," I muttered, hunching.

Embry sat beside Leah and reached past her for one of the last sandwiches. "If you don't mind us joining you?" he asked belatedly.

"Yeah, whatever," she murmured. She sat back down.

After the sandwiches were all consumed we headed back to the highway. Jacob and Embry didn't join us right away. "Aren't you coming?" I asked, looking back to them.

"Nah, we're going to head up to the top of that ridge first. I'll give you a call tonight, if that's all right, Bella?"

"Yeah, sure, Jacob." I still looked at him questioningly. He was more like himself, but he was still behaving oddly.

We were a couple miles away from the meadow when we heard the wolves again. "All right, Seth you take one arm, we're double timing out of here." Quil's hand latched on to my bicep and as soon as Seth had me on the other side they half lifted me to pick up their pace.

I rubbed my arms when we were on the highway again. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem." Quil muttered.

"Quil did most of the lifting," Seth admitted.

I looked back at Quil who seemed to be shifting around more than normal. I put a hand to his head.

"What? Bella!" He pulled my hand away.

"You're burning up," I told him. Then I looked right into his eyes. "I think you should talk to Jacob and Embry." I held his eyes. I didn't know what the 'Sam bug' was, but apparently they'd managed to work around it. They could help Quil, I was sure.

"Yeah. I will. Where's their car?" he asked now.

He was right. If they were hiking out here, where was their vehicle?

"Forget it," Leah said. Her tone was clipped and angry too. "Let's get out of here. I don't want to be standing around if the wolves come out here."

She was right and we all piled in.

That night Alice called. "You disappeared again."

"I did? When?"

"Lunchtime. I saw you and your friends go into the woods, but I didn't see you come out. I really really don't like this, Bella."

"I know, Alice. I don't understand it. Wait, did you see me this morning?"

"I wasn't looking, why?"

"No real reason. Just wondering if you saw Jacob at all."

"Jacob," she muttered. "Can't say I've seen him with you at all, but he wasn't talking to you, was he?"

"He is again," I said brightly. "It was odd though. It won't be like it was, I'm sure, but at least we can be friends again, I hope."

"I hope so too, Bella. I wish I could be there for you."

"So do I. I wish Edward was here too. Especially today."

"The meadow?"

"Exactly." I sighed. I hadn't let it bother me at the time, being with my friends, but it weighed heavily now, remembering him baring himself to me there, sharing all of his secrets, his thoughts, his feelings. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling now. Was it anything like what I was? "Where is he now Alice?"

She laughed and that made me smile again. "South America. He followed a false trail out of Texas, I don't mind telling you that _now_. I have no idea where Victoria is, but just watching him I could tell he was going the wrong way."

"Well I sort of hope he doesn't find her." I still worried for him.

"He'll be fine, Bella. I'm watching out for him after all."

I laughed again. "Right. You'll send Emmett or Jasper to him if he needs it."

"Definitely. Speaking of Emmett, he and Rosalie are back from Europe. Hold on a second."

There was a pause before Emmett came on the line. "Is this Bella? Are you really calling us big, bad, dangerous monsters?" he teased.

I laughed. "Yes. Don't jump through the phone and kill me, okay?"

He laughed back. "Hold it a little closer to your ear. I'm going to suck your blood right through the line."

I laughed again. I could hear Alice fighting with him to get the phone back. "Don't break it!" I yelled at both of them. "I only have the one number!"

"Get him out of here, Rose. Sorry about that. I wanted to let him talk, not make love to my phone," she shouted after him. "Well, if you figure out what's blinding me before I do, you let me know."

"I will, Alice. Take care of each other. I love you all!"

"We love you too, Bella."

I called Jacob next. Billy answered. "I'm sorry, Bella. He's out with Quil and Embry. He said to tell you he's really really sorry he can't be here though."

I chuckled. "Tell him I'm not going to give him a hard time. I had a feeling something might be up with Quil. Can you tell me anything about it, Billy? You know too, don't you?"

"I can't tell you anything I haven't already, Bella."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks anyway Billy."

That night, I thought I found the answer on my own. At first I thought it was simply a recurring dream. It was the same one I'd had the night I found out Edward was a vampire. The night after meeting Jacob at First Beach.

Edward walked out of the trees. I was glad the dream was slow. I hadn't let myself look at his picture in weeks, only listen to his CD. The dream brought him back as clear as my own eyes ever could. He was pale, reflecting the little light from the moon. His hair was dark without the sun to lend its light. His eyes were dark too, but not from the dimness. He had dark circles beneath them, darker than I'd ever seen them before. He was very very thirsty. He moved toward me and I wasn't afraid, just as I hadn't been the first time. Even though it seemed obvious he was coming to kill me, to drink me, he didn't scare me.

That was when I felt heat in my palm. I turned from my glorious Edward to look at Jacob, towering beside me. He was as beautiful in contrast as day to night. He was dark in the dim moonlight, but his eyes shone as Edward's skin did. He was in pain. He dropped my hand and started shaking. He fell to the ground, writhing. I wanted to help him, to reach out to him, but Edward was still approaching. In the moment I took my eyes from Jacob, he disappeared and a wolf charged Edward.

"No!" I screamed at them. I woke with a start. It was the same dream. The wolf had been Jacob. His tribe descended from wolves. The wolves who became men. I clutched my sheets to my chest. Jacob was a werewolf.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my heart. I looked to my clock. It was 5 am and I had school today. I wouldn't get any answers until tonight. How on earth was I going to get through the day?

I pulled out my scrapbook. I opened to the first page. Edward was as beautiful as ever. I turned the page to the empty spot. I'd decided I couldn't handle looking at lying Edward ever again and had taken that picture right out of the album. After all, I had another, better one of Charlie with me. The next was me, the folded picture. Once more, as I did every time I went through the album I put a kiss to my own lips. I was strong. I was true. I was me.

There were pictures of my friends from September and then Halloween. Jess and I as Slayers, Jacob our watcher. My personal beach. Renee and I from Christmas. Jacob's birthday. I hesitated on that one. I tried to remind myself that he had come back to me. I still didn't _know_ why he'd taken himself away, but I had reason to believe it was for good cause. If that was when he'd started turning into a wolf.

That meant Quil was a wolf! And Embry, Sam, Paul and Jared. My head spun a little. They weren't just one or two, they were a pack.

Then my alarm went off. I closed my book and got up to get ready for school. It was going to be a long day.

Before I went to get in my truck I called Alice. "Hey Alice. I'm getting together with Jacob tonight."

"And you are calling me because? Oh! Your future is gone."

"That's what I thought. I have a theory. I'm going to talk with Jacob about it tonight, but if I'm right you can probably get the answers _you_ need from Carlisle."

"What's the theory?"

"Jacob's a werewolf." It sounded wrong even as I said it. It had to be wrong. Jacob, sweet, human, normal, Jacob. Who was suddenly not normal? Maybe it wasn't so crazy. "Well, I think he is. Like I said, I'm going to see him and talk it out tonight."

"Are you sure? I don't like not seeing your future, Bella. Is it safe? He can hurt you, if you're right."

"I have to know, Alice. And it's not the sort of thing I can ask over the phone, is it?"

"I guess not. I'm definitely telling Edward this when he checks in."

I sighed. "Why? Why does he need to know?" I sounded whiny and changed my tone. "I'm just going to visit a friend who may also be a werewolf. Is that really so much more dangerous than being alone with my boyfriend who is a vampire? I think the one you should worry about is Mike. He's totally going to have his way with me one of these days." I was joking. Mike hadn't made another pass since our last date.

It worked though. Alice was laughing. "All right. I won't tell him. Just be careful. And call me when you get home tonight, okay?"

"Absolutely. Everything is going to be fine Alice. Who knows, maybe it's something else entirely. Not like I've never been wrong before."

Mike sat next to me at lunch. "How're you doing, Bella? You look tired. Rough night?" he asked. He took my hand. He didn't do that normally. I must look pretty bad.

"Yeah, bad dreams." I rubbed my eyes and took a sip of my lemonade. "You remember Jacob Black?"

"Your Watcher?" he said with a grin. "Yeah, of course. Big Indian, nice guy. Why? Something happen to him?"

"No. Yes." I sighed at my own confusion. "He's been avoiding me since January. Then yesterday, out of the blue, he apologizes and wants to be friends again. Just a bit of a head trip."

"Yeah? I'll bet." He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. "Need a distraction?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes now. "What did you have in mind?" I pulled my hand back and he let it go.

He laughed. "A movie actually. A drive out of town, a flick with some guns and action, maybe something to eat?"

I smiled. Mike had changed too. Maybe it was because he knew that we were going our separate ways in a few months. Maybe it was because he'd finally gotten to kiss me and realized there really weren't any sparks there. Maybe it was just that I looked that messed up today.

"Yeah. That would be good. When were you thinking?"

"You work tonight, right?" I nodded. "How about tomorrow then? I could pick you up so we head straight out after class."

I thought about that. We might even get there in time to eat before the movie. "Sure. That sounds good."

That night, after work, I called Jacob. "Hey Bells! I'm so sorry I wasn't here last night."

I interrupted him. "It's okay, Jacob. I sent Quil to you, so I wasn't exactly surprised you were busy with him. I'd really like to talk to you, but not on the phone. Would you mind if I came out for an hour or two?"

"I don't know that that is a good idea, Bella." He formed the sentence slowly. "I know, how about I come out to your place?"

"All right." How was he planning to get here? "You got the Rabbit finished?"

"Enough," he allowed. "I'll see you in a bit."

I walked out to the living room to tell Charlie that Jake was coming. He was passed out on the couch. I turned off the TV and dug out a blanket for him. If he didn't wake before Jacob left I'd get him up enough to move to his bed.

Far too quickly there was a knock on the door and I opened it for Jacob. He hugged me and started talking. "I'm so-"

I put a hand over his mouth and pulled him in enough to see Charlie on the couch. I took his hand and led him up to my room.

"I'm glad you came, Jacob." I sat on the edge of my bed and he stood facing me. He was wearing cut-offs and nothing else. "Did you take off your shoes?" I hadn't seen that.

"No," he wiggled the toes I was looking at. "I've been enjoying going barefoot."

I nodded a little. "I wanted to ask about true stories." I was blunt, but I didn't know another way bring this up.

He paled as I looked up to his face. "Yeah?"

"You told me, when I compared you to Edward, that your legends are truer than I think. Well, you must know, I knew how true they were in Edward's case."

He frowned but nodded.

"They are in yours too, aren't they?"

I watched him try to form an answer several times. Finally he said, "I - I can't _tell_ you anything Bella."

"You are a wolf, aren't you, Jacob?"

He smiled and then hugged me tightly. "Air, need air," I reminded him.

He laughed and let go. "I couldn't tell you. How did you guess?" He kept his arm around my shoulders and sat next to me on the bed.

"Yesterday. The wolf howls in the forest, and then you and Embry just magically show up. I knew something was up. Then, I dreamed of you and Edward last night." I looked up at him now and he didn't frown he grinned. "You turned into a wolf."

"Yeah, I do that." His smile was a little shy now. Then it broadened into his full grin. "Did I take a chunk out of him? In the dream I mean." He sobered up at the end. No doubt he realized that I wouldn't be happy with that result.

"No, I woke up screaming at the two of you to stop."

Jacob shrugged. "We have a treaty. Apparently my big mouth wasn't enough to negate it. I won't hurt him if he plays by the rules."

"Well, we don't have to worry about that at all since he's currently in South America." My voice was more angry and hurt than I expected.

Jacob pulled me to his chest again. "I'm here for you, Bella. I'm so sorry I had to push you away. It's the same reason I didn't want you on the res tonight. Quil is too new, he can't control the change yet. We're, dangerous, until we get ourselves sorted out. That's what happened to Emily."

"You can tell me about that now?"

"Apparently." He snorted. "Who knew all I needed to do was get you to guess it? Sam's gonna be pissed that you know. Damn. Aw, he'll get over it."

"Sam?"

"He's our leader, our Alpha. He's the one that ordered us not to tell anyone. That's why I couldn't answer you before. But I didn't tell you." He hugged me again. "I'm glad you're a smart cookie, Bella. I don't have to keep any secrets from you now."

His lips found my temple. "Did my kissing you have anything to do with... it?"

He laughed. "Yes. You got me a little too excited and wolf burst right out of me. Right there in the kitchen. Luckily, because he's an elder, Dad knew what was going on with me and the others. He called Sam up right away."

"Jeepers, I'm barely allowed to kiss Edward either." I started to pout, but then I put my shoulders back and stuck out my chest. "I'm just too hot for you all." I fanned myself with my hand.

Jacob tossed me back on the bed with a low growl. "It won't happen that way again," he told me. "I can control it now." He was coming closer with each word. If he hadn't pushed me away, I had been planning to try to make this, whatever this was, with Jacob work. But he _had_ hurt me, should I stop him?

He just told me he was protecting me. Would I push Edward away if he came through my window tonight? I asked myself. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't push Jacob away either.

His lips met mine and it was nothing like my kisses with Edward. Those either ended in me attacking him or me fainting by forgetting to breathe. This was so much more natural. My lips shaped themselves to Jacob's easily. And his matched mine, soft and warm. So different from Edward's hard frozen ones. And Jacob felt no need to restrain himself. Even though it was only our second kiss, his tongue was gently touching my lip.

I sucked another loud breath through my nose and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was warm. He was hard, but not marble. He was healing the wounds Edward had left. I could feel them closing. He filled all the gaps with himself. Jacob's warm hands on my ribs brought me back to myself. "Wait, wait," I pleaded.

He chuckled lowly and his lips left mine. "I could use a breather too. Wow, Bella." He put his nose to my ear and nuzzled it gently. I tilted my head to his and sighed.

"Wow. That about sums it up."

We held each other for a while, kissing occasionally. Mostly we just caught up on what the other had been doing in the past month. "You went out with Mike Newton?" Jacob sounded a bit angry.

"Yes, and I'm going to a movie with him tomorrow. You don't own me, Jacob Black. I can go out with any boy I want to." I reminded him playfully. "Besides, Mike isn't interested in me that way anymore." I yawned. "He was just worried because I seemed troubled and tired. Which is why I should really kick you out and get some sleep."

"Sure thing. I'll be watching though. Right outside."

"Why?" I asked now. Then another idea occurred to me. "Can I see your wolf? Will you come under the window so I can see you?"

He laughed. "Sure. And I'm watching because there's a slippery leech in the area that I don't want coming to visit you. Friend of the Cullens or not."

"A friend of the Cullens?" I asked.

"I doubt that, but we try not to kill on their land, just in case. She's figured that out and tends to run there. We took care of the male already. He wasn't nearly as difficult to pin down. This redhead though-"

"Redhead?" I interrupted. "And the guy. He had black hair, olive skin?"

"Yeah. Are they friends of the Cullens?"

I shook my head vigorously and held up my wrist, showing him the pale crescent scar. He traced it gently. "They're from the group that tried to kill me last year. The Cullens took out James, their leader. So they're probably looking for Edward and revenge."

Jacob seemed completely unimpressed with this news. "Well, we aren't going to get into any internal spats between bloodsuckers. They just need to stay off our land, away from our people. And that includes you, Bella. I'm not going to let her get anywhere near you."

"Thank you, Jacob. I don't doubt she'd kill me if she had the chance." I shivered and he ran his large warm hands over my arms.

"I love you, Bella," he told me then and kissed me again.

I sighed. "I love you too, Jacob." Then he left me. My friend had come back to me. And he'd come back as more than a friend. I couldn't believe my luck. It took me a moment to gather myself. I went downstairs to call Alice.

"You're okay?" she asked before hello.

"Yes. Fine. He's going to watch me from outside for the night, so I might still be missing. He had some scary news. Victoria is in Washington. Probably looking for Edward."

Alice laughed. "He is so hopeless. He's on the wrong continent."

"Don't tease him too badly, Alice. But if he does call in, you could tell him that she's a little closer to home. I don't really want him here, not if she's looking for him. But closer would be better."

"Yeah, I'm sure you want him nice and close."

"Shut up, Alice," I said through clenched teeth. I heard a howl outside. "I have to go. I'll talk to you again soon, promise."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I shook Charlie enough to get him to his own bed before running to my window. Jacob was as beautiful a wolf as he was a boy. His fur was shiny and sleek, a warm red-brown. He was huge. And he was chasing his own tail. I leaned out the window laughing at him. "Make sure you get some sleep tonight, all right?"

He barked up at me before heading back to the trees behind our house. I climbed into bed, happy to have some answers at least.

* * *

So, were the boys too reckless? Giving themselves away? Yeah, cuz they're BOYS! teehee.


	6. Chapter 6

It's Friday! Thanks to my Betas: Sharebear and Cullenobsession114

* * *

The phone rang while I was eating my breakfast. Charlie answered.

"Hello? Bells, it's Jacob. You two patch up?"

"Yeah, last night. Thanks Dad." I took the phone. "Hey Jake."

"Bella, I know you have a date with Mike tonight, but I was wondering if you'd come out to the rez another night this week."

"I thought that wasn't a good idea?"

"Yeah, Sam really wants to meet you. Embry's going to be out with Quil, so it shouldn't be a problem. Are you free tomorrow night?"

"I have work. How about Friday?"

"Friday is fine. Thanks, Bella."

"For what?"

"Being willing to be my friend."

"No problem, Jake. I never stopped being_ your_ friend."

"Ouch, low blow. I kept watching out for you. All the time. I'd follow you hiking, guard your room...jeez, I sound like a stalker," he realized.

"Yeah, you do. It's all right. I had one before. He was way scarier." I replied nonchalantly.

Charlie was looking at me as though he was terribly curious with what we were talking about. "I better go, Jake. Class. I'll see you Friday?" I hung up the phone.

"I'm glad you two are back together again. Did he ever tell you what was up?"

"Nope." Not a lie. I'd had to guess. "Did I tell you I'm going to a movie with Mike Newton tonight? You'll be all right to find yourself supper?" I asked checking the contents of my bag.

"No and yes," He chuckled. "Have fun Bella." He left for work and I washed up our dishes while I waited for Mike's horn.

Mike, bless him, suggested skipping last period. I was right with the rest of my classmates who saw Spring Break around the corner and were itching for freedom. I happily hopped into his car at two instead of three.

"So, what are we going to see?" I asked as I flounced in the passenger seat.

"You're in a better mood today," he said with a grin.

"I am! Jacob came over last night and we talked for a while. He's had some big personal stuff he didn't think he could share with me. Now he has, and things are like they used to be."

"I'm glad to hear it. You don't show it, but I can tell you still miss the Cullens, Bella. Losing another friend must've bit ya pretty hard." He was on the highway now. "So... just remember you have other friends too." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it once before letting go.

"I do. Thanks, Mike. So what are we going to see?" I tried again, turning to look at him.

He smiled. "Crosshairs. I'm surprised it's still in theaters, but I had so much fun mocking that last one, and I heard this one is almost as bad." He chuckled. "I'm hoping fewer people will care if we're...vocal."

That sounded dirty, but I knew what he meant. "Funny blood and guts. This should be good."

It was quiet for a while. "You got any plans for next week?" Mike asked to start the conversation again.

"Nope." I gazed ahead, thinking about the week off school. "I think I'm going to go out to La Push. Between Leah and Jacob, I'm sure they'll keep me busy."

"Really? I'm going to San Diego with Tyler and Conner. I know Jess and Lauren are putting together a group too. You'd be welcome to come with us or them..." he trailed off with a hopeful tone.

I had heard about the San Diego plan and was completely unsurprised that Lauren had excluded the invitation from me. "Yeah I heard about that. I think I'd rather stick around here though. I mean, I just got things patched up with Jake; I really want to spend some time with him."

"Fair enough. Just know you have the super _amazing_ chance to get out of Forks when you can," He grinned widely.

"Are you referring to my Christmas vacation by any chance?"

"No, I'm referring to that miserable excuse you called a tan that you were wearing when you got back." I laughed with him at that.

"Yeah, getting out of small town is nice once in a while. Of course we'll be getting out of here for good soon."

"Scary, isn't it?"

"Yeah...It's coming so quickly. I mean we're halfway through March. There are only a couple months left and then, _poof_, we're graduating." I couldn't help but feel a bit of melancholy at the thought. A few months and I'd be leaving my little room at the top of Charlie's stairs. A few months ago I would have thought that would be attend wherever Edward went next. Now... who knew? Alice, but she wasn't likely to tell me.

"Yeah. Did I tell you I got accepted to A&M?"

"No you did not!" We spent the rest of the hour talking about various colleges and I bemoaned the fact that I hadn't gotten any acceptance letters yet.

We ate quickly at a pizza joint and then Mike took me out on the piers and other touristy locations that I hadn't visited on any of my previous jaunts to Port Angeles. "You've seriously never been out here?" he asked, taking my hand again. I'd slipped more than once on the boardwalk and was glad for the extra support.

"Never. When we came shopping we stuck to the commercial district. And for movies, we don't usually have a ton of spare time."

"Well I'm glad we cut class then," he said with a smile, walking me through a park in the direction of the cinema. "Are you and Jacob..." he let the question hang.

"I think we will be," I said with a blush.

"I'm happy for you, Bella." He gave the hand he still held a squeeze. "You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks, Mike. You deserve to be happy too. I'm sure you'll meet a wonderfully nerdy engineering student in Texas."

He laughed. "Maybe."

There were only a few other people in the theater with us, so we were free to mock away. I was laughing hard enough to make my sides hurt before the credits rolled. The final battle was so completely over the top we just kept pointing and laughing, unable to form coherent sentences any more.

When the house lights came on I sighed and wiped my cheeks. "Oh my god, Mike. Thanks. That was great."

"Anytime. You are a gas." He kissed my forehead before handing me a kleenex. I blew my nose obnoxiously. That made us both bust out in laughter again. I leaned heavily on him, still chuckling as we walked back to the car.

I froze on the street. All traces of humor gone. Flaming red hair and all, there was Victoria, and she was leading a man into the park Mike and I had come through. "Do you have a phone?" I asked Mike in a whisper.

"Yeah, why?"

"I know that girl. I need to let someone else know." I called the Black house. Jacob wasn't home, but Billy was. "Billy, I need you to get a message to Jacob for me. Tell him the redhead is in Port Angeles_. Right now."_

"The redhead?"

"He's been looking for her," I clarified.

There was a moment and Billy's voice changed; he sounded more cautious. "I'll make sure they know. Thanks, Bella."

"Talk to you later, Billy." I gave the phone back to Mike. "Let's get out of here. I don't want her to see me."

"Jealous?"

"Something like that."

* * *

On Friday I made supper something quick and easy. I'd already eaten when Charlie got home. "Where's the fire?" he asked.

"La Push. I told Jacob I'd come out and meet some of his new friends tonight. I figured I'd get an early start, have more time."

"Ah, well, tell them I said hi."

"I will, Dad."

Jacob was waiting for me on the porch. "You came."

"Of course I came. I said I would, didn't I?"

He came to stand over me and bent down to kiss me. "You are ridiculously tall, you know that right?"

"You're just short."

"No, five four, for a girl, is pretty average. What are you? Six five?"

"Six seven." I shuddered. "Too big?" he asked and looked a little crestfallen.

I stood tip-toe to peck his still bent face. "Not too big. Now, lead the way." I gestured to the road.

He led me to a gray house, on its own, at the end of a lane. I saw a pair of wolves just at the edge of the trees. They both stopped and howled seeing us. "Cut it out," Jacob moaned at them, pulling me a little closer to him.

"Embry and Quil?" I asked.

"Yeah." I peeked around Jacob to wave at them. Quil, how I could tell I will never know, jumped up on his hind legs and raked the air, his giant claws waving at me. He was a lovely brown color, like milky chocolate. Embry was much lighter. Apparently he was the one with spots. He took a swipe at Quil and knocked him off balance. The growling and barking faded as we walked through the blue door.

Three large men sat around a table while a woman with long black hair busied around the kitchen. Jacob spoke first. "Hey. She came, just like she said she would."

I felt hostility from these men. The air was tense, and I felt uncomfortable. One was almost shaking. Another laid a hand on his arm, "Paul. Ease up. Do you need to go outside with the pups?"

"No," he growled.

I was going to have a hard time telling these men apart. They all had the same short, cropped black hair, the same black-brown eyes, as well as the same large muscular frames. The first speaker introduced himself with an air of authority. "I'm Sam Uley. I suppose I have a few things to thank you for, Bella."

This was their Alpha. That made the other one Jared.

"You're scaring her, honey." I recognized Emily as she came and kissed Sam. "Please sit down, Bella." She put a plate of cookies on the table which were quickly grabbed by Paul, Jared and Jacob. I got a closer look at the three jagged lines that ran down the side of her face and under her shirt. I looked and looked away, back to Sam to avoid staring.

"Thanks for the call from Port Angeles. We almost had her that time, but she made it to the water before us. And thank you for sending Quil. It's going a lot more easily for him, being with the pack right off the bat. Was that when you figured it out?"

I froze in my chair. Two long arms came over my shoulders pulling cookies off the plate. I looked back to see Embry and Quil stuffing the whole rounds into their mouths. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Out," Jared said flicking a thumb. They split again right away.

I looked to Sam. "I didn't have it all figured out then, no. I just recognized the same changes in him as in Embry."

Sam nodded, leaning back in his chair. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes, gazing at me, contemplating.

"Oh lighten up on her," Jacob interceded. "She ran with vampires and never told a soul, not even me, and I'm the one who told the story in the first place. She's not going to spill our secret either."

My eyes widened in understanding. Was that what they were worried about? "Of course I won't!" I huffed indignantly. Then I chuckled, imagining doing just that. "Who would believe me anyway?"

"She has a point," Jared agreed.

"I'd love to understand more though. Apparently you're dangerous. But not so dangerous I can't sit here. How is that?"

Sam snorted. "Yeah, you could still be in danger sitting there. The three of us have been doing this for more than a few months. Of course Paul still jumps out of his skin – quite literally - on a regular basis, but otherwise we tend to choose when we transform."

Paul growled a little and shifted in his chair. It was then that I noticed Jacob had angled himself between Paul and me. I was glad for that.

"What do you know about the redhead?" Sam asked next.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Not enough." I put my arm up on the table, but they weren't surprised by my scar. Jacob must have told them about it. "James, Victoria, and Laurent crashed the Cullen's baseball game a year ago."

"They play baseball?" Jared suddenly looked interested.

I nodded. "When there's a thunderstorm. It's pretty incredible to watch." I smiled broadly at the memory. The thunderous crack of Emmett hitting for the trees; Edward a complete blur as he ran after it; Esme assuring me that Edward was fast enough to catch it.

"We are totally crashing one of those if they come back," Jared told Sam, interrupting my reminiscing.

He snorted. "That won't start an incident."

Jared sat back grumbling now. He snatched another cookie. The plate was emptying quickly. "Grab one if you want, Bella," Emily encouraged. "They'll eat them all before you get any."

I smiled at her and took a cookie. She did seem nice. I hoped I could work this conversation around to her and Sam. Or maybe Jacob would tell me. "So the three crashed the game," Sam said bringing the story back to me.

"Yes. The Cullens tried to protect me when James decided that he wanted to share their 'snack'." I shivered at the memory. "He was a tracker. Edward saw his plan to hunt me and we decided I needed to hide."

"He saw it?" Sam asked.

Revealing the Cullens' secrets was a lot more difficult for me than telling them about the nomads. "Yes. Edward can read minds. He knew that James had fixated on me and wasn't going to stop hunting until he killed me. Laurent, the most civilized of the three, saw the size and strength of the Cullen family and wanted to break ways with James. Carlisle sent him to Denali where there is another group of vampires like them."

"That leech had red eyes. I saw them," Paul argued.

I nodded. "Alice told me he'd... broken his diet." I said quietly.

"Alice?" Sam asked now and I cursed myself.

"She has another gift. She can see the future. She saw Laurent lurking around their house, looking for them. They won't hold it against you for taking out Laurent, I assure you." I nibbled on the edge of the cookie.

"And the redhead?" Jared asked.

"James' mate. When I ran, she stayed around Forks; Esme and Rosalie led her on false trails. James found me in Phoenix. That's where he tricked me into getting separated from the Cullens and attacked me. Edward saved my life."

"How is it you aren't one of them?" Sam asked, reaching out for my hand. I let him take it and leaned over the table. He began inspecting my scar.

"Edward sucked the venom from me."

"He stopped?" Jacob asked amazed. "We caught the redhead mid-feed and she carried the body until she was done. I didn't know they could stop." He looked to Sam.

"He did," I whispered. They wouldn't know that it was even more Herculean an effort for Edward to stop than it would be for any other vampire. I tasted far too good to him.

Sam dropped my hand. "So, Victoria. You think she wants revenge."

"Yes. Most likely on Edward, but probably any of the Cullens would suit her just fine. She wouldn't hesitate to take me out given the chance either, I'm sure."

Sam nodded. "Any other Cullen family secrets?"

I groaned. "I already told you the biggest ones. Jasper has an ability too. He can manipulate emotions." I tried to convince myself I wasn't betraying my friends. After all, these wolves didn't want to attack them. And I hadn't told them that Alice couldn't see them. Assuming I was right about that. "Now, tell me wolf secrets. You aren't like the story werewolves, with the full moon and biting to make new wolves."

There was roaring laughter around the table and I felt a surge of irritation. "So what is it?!"

"It's genetic actually. We're born with the ability to phase into wolves. We only actually change in the presence of a threat though." Sam met my eyes, making sure I took his meaning.

"The Cullens," I whispered.

"Yep. That's why the three of us changed and why it started in the boys. I'm guessing the change is actually in response to these new threats." He leaned back again. "Not that I'm not glad to have them. Jacob here is supposed to be Alpha, if he weren't too much of a kid to take it."

Jacob rolled his shoulders and frowned. I rubbed the hand that was still on my shoulder in reassurance and he met my eyes. He smiled a little.

"What else? What about you and Emily?" I'd meant to ask more tactfully than that. I was awful.

Emily stepped in though. "That's imprinting. We never intended to hurt Leah. Sam imprinted on me the first time he saw me. I'd been interested in him for a while, but never made a move because of Leah."

"Imprinting?" I asked and looked to Jacob.

Sam answered though, "A way of marking a mate, I guess. We should have you up to listen to the whole legend. That would clear up so much, eh Jacob?"

"Yeah, I don't know when Billy and Quil are planning on doing that though."

"Okay, so it's not something you control." I tried to remember the word they had used. "Like the phasing?"

"No, we have no control over it. Not that I don't actually love Emily," he was talking to her now. "I'd love her regardless. It just makes other women, blurry." He was squinting at me.

"I think I get the idea," I rolled my eyes. Apparently that wasn't lost on him, he laughed.

"Jared here, imprinted on one of his classmates too. It's not supposed to be a common thing though."

Jared got a silly grin, no doubt thinking about the girl in question. What other questions did I have? I had to have some. "How do you kill them?" I asked. It was a frightening question for me. It would lead to images of them killing the Cullens, but I had to know.

"Same way they do. Our teeth." Paul curled his lips back, and jokingly snapped at me. "They taste terrible. Like eating flowers. Na-asty!"

The other three wrinkled their noses too. "And they smell almost as bad, all sweet and piercing." Jared rubbed his nose now.

"I thought they smelled nice," I whispered. They laughed.

"They're supposed to smell good to you, Bella," Jacob reminded me. "That's one of their lures."

"Right." I shifted uneasily in my chair. "So, you are more likely to accidentally become a wolf than the other way around, right? So if I wanted to go say hi to Quil, and he was already a wolf, that wouldn't be as dangerous?"

They looked at each other. "Not as dangerous," Sam agreed. "But he can hurt you much more easily as a wolf. Embry's still with him?" he asked Jacob who nodded. "Then it should be fine. I just don't recommend approaching him when he's alone. He's still learning his limits."

"Which are?" I asked hoping to get a little more dirt.

Sam laughed. "That he can't run faster than Jacob. I swear none of us can catch you, man."

Jacob blushed and I smiled at him too. "What else?"

"That he's taller. He still bonks his head. It's hilarious," Paul said with a laugh.

"In your case, that would mean he could bite you without realizing his mouth is so close to your skin," Sam warned.

"Right. Well, I think I'd like to go and say hello. And then I should probably head home before Charlie wonders what happened to me. After all there are some giant bears running around out there."

They all laughed loudly at that. "So, that means the elders aren't trying to find you at all. What are they actually doing with their time?"

"Drinking," Paul said with a laugh.

"Smoking," Jared tossed in.

"Generally being gossipy old men," Sam concluded.

I nodded and rose from my chair. "Thanks for the cookies, Emily. It was nice to meet you."

"It was nice to meet you too, Vampire-girl."

"Didn't Jake tell you about Halloween? I'm a Slayer now." I smiled and got another round of chuckles from the pack.

Jacob followed me outside. "You are being really cool about all this, Bella. You didn't have to take the third degree in there."

"Sure I did. How else would I get to learn about you?" I put my arms around his neck and he took the hint, bending to kiss me. "Now, I want to see your wolf closer up too."

He chuckled in my ear, kissing it too. "Sure. Just head over that way." He nodded towards his left.

"Why?" I asked backing up.

"Because I need to lose my shorts."

I blushed and turned away. "Right." I hadn't thought about the logistics of changing your size and shape. Clothing would be prohibitive. I walked toward Quil and Embry who were chasing each other up and down the tree line.

"Hey Quil! I'm glad you're doing all right."

He skidded to stop right in front of me and Embry came to my right side. They were massive. Both wolf heads were easily as high as either stood in human form, but their backs ran out behind them, making them so much bigger.

"Can I touch you?" I asked, lifting my palm outstretched. Quil licked it and I laughed. "Ew." I touched his nose. It was cold and wet just like any dogs. It was so strange looking into Quil's eyes at the end of his snout.

Another canine head weaseled under my arm and licked my cheek. "Gross, Jake." I backed away, scrubbing my face. There were snickering barks all around me. I patted Embry's shoulder and he butted my head sending me on my butt.

"Thanks," I muttered, getting up and dusting myself off.

Jacob was human again when I stood up. "Let me walk you back to your truck. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Back at his house, Jacob leaned on the frame of the truck while I sat, legs hanging out the door. "So we didn't scare you off?"

"Nah. Sam seems like a good guy, Jared too. The jury is still out for Paul."

"No kidding," he laughed. He leaned forward to put his forehead to mine, his nose lined up with mine. It was close without being intimidating. "And I don't scare you?" he whispered.

"No, just don't lick me anymore," I said with a smile.

He licked my lips then and I backed up laughing. "I should really head home," I said, turning in my seat.

"Bella?" He grabbed my hand from the wheel and put it to his waist. He kissed me again. "Come back soon."

"I will. It's spring break next week. I'm planning on visiting a lot."

"Good." He ran a hand down my hair and gave me a last peck before closing my door. "Good night."

"I'll see you through my window, won't I?"

"Probably. Sweet dreams."

"Good night, Jacob."


	7. Chapter 7

I sat in the Clearwater yard, turning a hot dog over the fire.

"You sure you don't want to chase me off yet?" I asked Leah. "Have something more interesting to do with your spring break?" I'd been at Jacob's yesterday, but I was here just the day before. I didn't want to wear out my welcome.

She snorted. "Like what? Shopping? Please. Oh, I know! I could go shop for Emily and Sam's wedding present."

"Leah." Harry shook his head.

The news of the engagement had come out the previous week. Leah was hurting all over again. The day before we'd hiked to the waterfall again. She'd walked under it in her clothes and hiked home drenched. I worried about her getting sick but didn't want to say anything at all. I completely understood. I had Jacob back and Edward, as far as I knew, still loved me. Neither had dropped me for someone new, but I could imagine. Very easily. I knew there were vampires in Denali that would happily console Edward, and Jacob pretty much had his pick of my classmates. Why they loved me was incomprehensible sometimes.

Of course, knowing, as I did now, that Sam wasn't exactly to blame made me much more sympathetic to the entire scenario. I met Harry's eyes, sharing a knowing look. I wished there was something I could do for Leah. But I was already doing the best I could. I was trying to help her move on, just like she was helping me. This was just back-sliding.

I had to show her, just as seeing her now showed me, that we were more than what any man made us, more than what they thought us to be. We were stronger than they knew, tougher than they expected. We could stand on our own. They didn't define us, we defined ourselves.. I hoped I could make her see that again, and soon.

I heard a howl and dropped my dog in the fire. I stood up, stock-still. In the distance I saw her, looking right at me, running straight for me. At first she was just a puff of red over white. Victoria.

Jacob had told me she was in the area. I figured, like Laurent, when she found the Cullens gone she would leave. After all, Edward was the one she would want revenge on.

Apparently I'd been mistaken. She wanted me. And only a few other humans, my friends and their father, stood in her way. Jacob, I was sure it was him, howled again, closer now. He was behind her probably.

She jumped the fence easily and, even if I had been able, I would only have had time for a few steps backward. Her eyes were black flames, her hair an echo of the fire in the pit. Her pale skin starkly contrasted the fiery color.

I heard a new growl, then a second. I looked across the fire to see a sandy colored wolf where Seth had been sitting earlier. Behind me, Leah jumped forward, sleek and gray.

Victoria's face didn't change, but she broke off to the west.

My knees gave out as Seth and Leah chased after her. That was when I first saw Harry, prone, on the grass.

I crawled to him and put my cheek to his nose and mouth. Panic gripped me. He wasn't breathing. "Harry!" I screamed. I heard another howl. I tipped his head back, the way I'd been taught once, long ago. I breathed into him twice and started pounding on his chest. "Help! Harry! HELP!" I yelled again praying someone heard me. I'd lost count of my compressions, but Jacob suddenly appeared at my side.

"Here." He handed me a phone and took over CPR. I heard ribs snapping and cursing, but I'd already dialed.

"Forks 911, what's your emergency?"

I barely registered the questions or my answers. I kept slurring words, trying to rush them. I heard more howling. Would she come back? Nothing would save Harry if that happened.

Finally, I put the phone down, leaving the speaker on. "Jacob, find Sue." I took over again, waiting for help to arrive.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice came through the speaker of the phone.

"Yeah, Dad." My voice was lifeless, all my energy was going into Harry.

"I'm on my way. We'll be there soon."

I heaved a sigh in relief. With Charlie leading, the ambulance would get here that much faster. Jacob returned with Sue just ahead of Charlie and the ambulance. I'd lost track of how many breaths and how many compressions I'd done. I just knew it was a lot - too many.

I was still kneeling. I hadn't stood for what felt like hours. My arms ached and my legs burned. Charlie came to me and hugged me. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. I'm going to the hospital. Will you be okay here with Jake?"

I nodded. "Go. Tell us when you know." My voice was still dead, raw from effort.

Charlie nodded and kissed my forehead before leaving.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked me with concern.

"That depends on the answer to my question. Did you get her?" I craned my neck to look up at him.

He fell to his knees and pulled me into his lap, holding me tightly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I let her get that close. I'm sorry I didn't find her sooner. But most of all, I'm sorry I didn't kill her for you."

I trembled then and put my arms around his chest, wrapping myself in his warmth. The shock was really setting in now. "She was so close. I was sure I was dead. There was nothing to stop her." I wept into his bare chest while he stroked my hair.

"I'm here now. No one's going to get to you." He stroked me a while longer as I continued to shake and cry, my breath heaving in sobs.

"Can I move you?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

"I'd like to take you to Emily's. There are more of us there; it's safer." I nodded and he shifted his hold on me. He lifted me, cradled in his arms. I was only jostled a little as he jogged to Sam and Emily's house.

I saw Leah in the yard, still a wolf. "Wait, Jacob." I struggled in his grip. I was still weak, but he set me on my feet, an arm at my waist. "Leah," I called to her and started in her direction. She was pacing up and down the yard at the edge of the trees.

Jacob tightened his hold on me, stopping my progress. "It's too soon, Bella. She hasn't even managed to phase back yet."

"Thank you, Leah," I called, reaching for her, still fighting Jake. "She'd have killed me if not for you, and Seth." Suddenly curious, I looked back at Jacob. "Where is Seth?"

"Inside. We're waiting for Leah to phase back so we can take both of them to the hospital."

Leah was looking at me, pacing her way closer.

"Please let me go," I pleaded to Jacob.

His face crumpled. "It's not safe, Bella."

"Please," I begged again. I stretched toward Leah again. I saw pain in her eyes, and I wanted, no, needed to help.

His arm relaxed enough that I stumbled forward. It was only a few staggering steps to wrap my arms around her leg. "I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry it was because of me." I was still hysterical from shock. It was hardly my fault she was a wolf. It wasn't my fault Victoria was after me and not Edward. Still, I was sure Leah understood what I really meant. I was sorry it had to be her. That she had to be in Sam's pack. That had to be hard for her, following the man that had hurt her so much.

I felt claws rip through my shirt and hot hands pulling me backward. I reached forward again immediately, holding the now human, and shaking, Leah.

"Jake, find her some clothes." I didn't even look over my shoulder, but I felt his hands leave me. I pulled Leah closer and stroked her head while I cried with her.

"Dad," she whimpered.

"I did everything I could," I wept. "I hope it was enough."

"Thank you, Bella." She squeezed me tight enough to hurt, but I couldn't ask her to let up.

"Thank you, Leah."

"I can hear them," she said between sobs.

Jacob dropped a pile next to me. "Go," I told him tersely. He obeyed. I pulled out a shirt and draped it over Leah's shoulders. "Who can you hear?" I asked. She pulled her arms through the sleeves and I realized that her warmth had taken some of the edge off my shock. Only some though, my fingers still shook as I tried to button her shirt.

She stilled my fingers and took over. "The pack. I heard Jacob and Seth first. Then the others came. They were all after that bloodsucker. I could see what they saw. But when she got away I heard other things. I heard how Sam loves Emily. He tried to explain..." She shook her head and clung to me again. "I just can't stand it! It's too much!"

I felt her hands shaking and instinctively knew I was in danger. I spoke firmly, with determination. "No, Leah. Fight it. You're better than this, better than him. You are stronger than any of them know."

She met my eyes then and smiled a little. "Yeah. I'll kick all their asses." She chuckled weakly and rose. She pulled on her underwear and pants. "I want to see Dad," she reminded herself. "Wolfing out won't get me that."

"No, it won't," I agreed. "Give him my best."

She chuckled. It didn't sound quite right. "I think you already did, Bella."

I laughed with her and we stumbled together into the house. Leah was pressed into a chair behind a plate of food. She dug in greedily. I was pressed onto the couch and covered in a quilt.

Emily brought me a mug of tea. "Try to drink all of that." The tea was too sweet, but I remembered Edward and Port Angeles. Sugar and water were good for shock. I sipped carefully while the liquid cooled. _Edward...._

* * *

I didn't finish the tea; I fell asleep first. I woke up with my feet elevated. They were in Jake's lap. "How is he?" I asked.

Jacob frowned and looked down. His brow wrinkled and he shook his head. I crawled over to him and curled into his lap. He put his arms around me and we grieved together.

"Charlie?" I asked, wiping my face with my ragged shirt.

"He's with Sue and Leah and Seth right now."

"Is that safe?" I asked anxiously.

"Quil and Sam are there too. He'll be fine. I don't think Leah and Seth are too dangerous right now. More sad than angry."

I nodded weakly. "I'd like to be home when he gets there. Do you think Emily will loan me a shirt?" I smiled and gestured.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind. She's at the Clearwaters' right now too."

"And you're sure Charlie is safe? Leah might get more mad than sad."

"Nah, she and Emily had a talk at the hospital. Sam says they're about as close as they used to be. She still has nothing but hate for him though."

"I'm not surprised. I know-" I stopped Jacob before he can argue. "I don't blame him, but I can understand why she does. She needs someone to blame."

I got up and wobbled a little. "Is there any food left?" I doubted it; the wolves usually finished every crumb set before them.

"Emily saved you some. I'll warm it while you find a shirt."

I found the bedroom and grabbed one of Emily's dirty shirts from the floor. It was a little big on me. Jacob had a plate with a pork chop and potatoes on the table for me. "Thank you. I'm starving."

"Are you going to be all right to drive home? Do you want me to come along?" He was watching me carefully, but I only noticed between heaping forkfuls.

"I think I'm okay. Thank you." I smiled at him before eating another piece of pork. I took my plate to the sink and felt him come up behind me. I turned and hugged him. "Thank you, Jacob. Thank you for coming for me. Thank you for staying with me."

"I'm never going to leave you, Bella." He stroked my hair, pulling my head back. He kissed me. He lifted me to sit on the counter, easing both our necks. I ran my hands through his growing hair. It wasn't as short as it had been. His hands were still on my hips, but now slid along my ribs and back.

A throat cleared behind Jacob and he paused in his kiss. He turned slowly to look over his shoulder. I couldn't see around him. Whoever it was must have left because Jacob started kissing me again.

I giggled. "I really should go home."

"Right, right. Well, Embry wants to talk to me anyway. Do you want me to walk you to your truck?"

"Yes, please. Both of you would be nice. And is someone watching the house?" I was really freaked out now. I never thought for a minute Victoria would be coming after me.

"Yeah, we're setting a rotation on your place. I'm sure Seth and Leah will be eager to take their turns when they come." He put his hands to my hips, helping me down.

"Hey, Bella," Embry said with a stupid grin when we came out.

"What, you want some to?" I asked when he kept looking at me.

He puckered up and Jacob growled. I laughed and took Embry's hand in my free one. "So you two big bad wolves are going to keep me safe tonight?"

"He is," Jacob pointed to Embry. "I've been up twenty hours. I'm going to sleep for a few. I'll be by in the morning though."

"Good."

The walk didn't take long and I turned the heat up in my truck. Walking between Embry and Jake had been nice and toasty; my old Chevy was drafty in comparison.

I did beat Charlie home. That was good. I needed to make a couple of phone calls, ones I'd rather he didn't listen in on. "Hey Alice. I should be back on your radar again."

"You are. Nice day on La Push?" She was less concerned now that I had disappeared and reappeared so many times.

"Exciting to be sure. I need Edward's number."

"You know I can't give you that."

"I know you're going to give me that, just as soon as I tell you why my day was exciting. You know the redhead he's hunting? On the wrong_ continent?_ Well, she's a lot closer than I'd like. I thought I'd like to tell him just how effectively his leaving has made me safe."

"Oh Bella! Are you all right?!" Alice's voice was gaining pitch. It was almost painful.

"I'm fine. Harry Clearwater had a heart attack though." I heard my voice break and took a deep breath. "I tried to help him, but he didn't make it." I heard myself sob and took a deep breath to steady myself. "Just give me the number, Alice. I know he's not going to answer anyway."

"You're sure you're okay?" Alice asked again.

"Yeah, just in shock. Well and scared to death. How could I have guessed she'd come after me?"

"She came after you?!" Her voice was shrill again.

"She looked right at me. She wasn't just after a bite to eat. She wanted me." I shivered at the memory. "Can I have the number, please?"

"Sure. He won't answer; you're right about that. Are you sure you don't want the rest of us to come down. We're not far right now."

"Don't tell me. You haven't broken any _rules_ yet." I rolled my eyes. "Well except this number thing. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"All right, Bella. If you're sure...Call me tomorrow, okay?"

"I will."

I hung up on Alice and dialled Edward's cell phone. "The cellular customer..." I listened to the recording and tried to choose the right words. "Hello...Edward? I know I'm not supposed to have this number. I'm supposed to be safer without it and you, right? So why was I just attacked by a red-headed vampire on La Push? Idiot," I muttered as I hung up. It was a terrible message. I should call and leave another. I started dialing but I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up. I put the phone down and went to the door.

I hugged him as soon as he opened it. "I'm so sorry, Dad." He hugged me tightly in return.

"You did your best, Bells. They say it was too late before you started." I felt him start to pull away and squeezed him tight once more before he did. "I'm going to get some rest. I'm going to help Sue again tomorrow, make some arrangements." His voice was even gruffer than usual.

"Do you want me to come, help?" I asked putting my hands in my pockets.

"You'd be welcome, of course. I'm sure Leah and Seth would like that."

I nodded. "I will then. We'll go out for a hike or something."

"Thanks, Bells. You're a great kid, you know that, right?" Suddenly I was being hugged again, my hands still in my back pockets. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Dad." I wiggled one hand out to wrap around him. I knew exactly what he was thinking, the same thing I was. _I'm glad it wasn't you_.

I watched him head up the stairs and looked back to the phone. I dialled Edward again. "Me again," I said after the annoying message. I took a deep breath. "I love you."

* * *

It was still dark outside, but I didn't feel alone in my room. I opened my eyes and looked around. There he was, lurking in the corner. I couldn't make out more than his shape, but there was only one person it could be. For one thing, the wolves wouldn't have let anyone else through. Technically they couldn't hurt Edward in Forks, it was neutral ground. I'd learned a lot in the last few days.

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella," he said quietly.

"I can't see you over there," I complained.

He stepped into the light from the window and I flinched a little. He looked terrible. Well as terrible as you can look while being perfect. His eyes were coal black with deep dark circles beneath them. His hair, which was usually tousled and wind-blown, seemed heavy and lank. His clothes were a lost cause. Alice would burn them if she saw them. I didn't think he'd changed since he left in September.

"Wow, I thought I had a hard time of it."

He fell on the edge of my bed with his head in my hand. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I should never have left. It was foolish and stupid and..."

"Idiotic?"

He looked up and his face was so morose I felt bad about my quip. "That was almost your new pet name. Idiot. I don't know how many times I called you that that first day."

"You weren't alone," he said quietly. "I think Carlisle is the only member of my family that didn't call me that or worse."

"Hmm who would call you worse? Emmett?" I asked with a slight smile.

"No, Rosalie." I was surprised, but given how angry she was at the possibility of moving on my account before, I supposed it made sense.

"Edward? Why did you come here?"

"Because I couldn't stay away. Because I need to protect you. Did you know there is a very large wolf outside?" he asked looking up at me.

I snickered. "Grey with spots or red-brown?"

His face fell. He spoke hollowly. "You know. You know they're out there."

"I asked them to be out there, Edward. Do you think I want Victoria sneaking up on me in the middle of the night? Why is she after me anyway? I figured she was hunting you."

He put his head down again, shaking it slowly. I was losing patience. "Edward, those wolves saved my life today. I guess I forgot to tell you that part."

"Yes, you did," he mumbled into my blankets. This news didn't cheer him, it seemed to make it worse.

"What's wrong? I'm alive. That's good, isn't it?" I put a hand under his chin, trying to lift his head.

"Of course, that's good!" His whisper was almost a shout. He stood up. "I can't believe I left you in their hands - paws." He put a hand to his face.

"Well, that's something _you_ will have to deal with. I've been dealing with it, thank you very much."

That seemed to hurt him as much as anything before. He fell to his knees again. I sighed, loudly.

"Really, Edward. I thought you'd thought this through. Surely you had a good reason for leaving me. What was it?"

"I wanted to keep you safe," His voice was nearly inaudible.

"Right. But you forgot to take the bad vampires away with the good ones."

"Yes," he whimpered and I felt my blankets being pulled in his fists.

"So..."

"I'm sorry."

"That wasn't what I was looking for. It's pretty obvious you're sorry." I put a hand to his head and stroked his hair. As angry as I was, I did still love him. Very much. "I heard you had a pretty hard time," I tried now.

"You have no idea."

"You're right, I don't. I just kept dreaming of you coming through that window, telling me what a mistake you'd made in leaving. Then I went through the day thinking, maybe tonight will be the night, and if not, I'll do this again tomorrow. I lived, just like you wanted me to. Why didn't you do the same?"

"I tried. I tried to find something. I thought I could hunt Victoria. I knew you weren't safe with her out there."

"I wish I'd known how true that was." He looked up at me questioningly. "I thought she was looking for you. You killed James after all. Well, your family. I was just the prey. Why would she want me?"

"I didn't know. I didn't see her thoughts that clearly. I was paying more attention to James." He was apologizing again I realized.

"It's all right, Edward. You can't know everything in everyone's head." It was strange for me to be comforting him. Wasn't I the one who had been abandoned after all?

"Well, since I think I know all the best parts of your life in the last few months, how would you like to see mine?" I shuffled over and patted the bed. He cautiously slid next to me. I reached over the edge of the bed for my scrapbook. I smiled and opened it to the first page.

"You found them?" he asked.

"Alice told me where they were."

"How long have you been in contact-"

"Since the night you left. She told me where you hid them, what the story was. You might have told me where Carlisle was _supposedly_ moving to." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. The whole time?" he asked after a pause.

I smiled broadly, "Yep. I even said hi to Emmett a few days ago. He tried to suck my blood through the phone, but he wasn't able to."

I snickered but Edward looked completely unamused. "Oh give over," I said nudging him in the ribs. "She never told me where you were, or where they were. Just that they were missing me, and you were a wreck." I smiled again. "Oh, and we discovered that the werewolves block her visions. Did you know that?" I took a look at his face. "Probably not."

"She kept looking in on your future?" He was indignant again. "I asked her not to do that."

"And it was idiotic, so she didn't listen to you. I'm glad she didn't. I would never have known Laurent was around otherwise."

"Laurent?" his voice shook a little.

I shook my head and turned the page. "Forget all that. That's enough of the blame game for now. I'll bother you more with it later. We were talking about me, and my life. The one with my father," I pointed at the picture.

"Ah, you chose the fairer for this one, I see." He put a finger to the bent picture.

I snorted. "The truer." His smile slipped. "And here's the Halloween party. I was still really mad at you then. I wished I were stabbing you instead of Crowley." The picture was Jess staking Conner while I staked Tyler. It was pretty funny. Both were making ridiculous faces with their vampire teeth. The next one was Jacob pushing up his glasses. I chuckled again before turning the page.

"Jacob Black?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I murmured fondly. "And this was his Christmas present to me." It was me in the turquoise suit on his beach. "And a party on First beach." The picture was Jess, Mike, Angela, Ben and I.

"I missed so much," he murmured.

"Yep, including your half of my gift from Carlisle and Esme." I turned the page to reveal Renee, Phil and I on the beach in Florida. "It was kind of silly for Jacob to make me a beach right before I visited one. I liked his better." I turned the page again. Jacob's birthday party. My breath caught, remembering.

"Bella? Am I too late?"

"Hmm?" I asked, blinking away tears and turning to him.

"Have you moved on?" He searched my face.

"I'm moving on. I wouldn't say I've moved on though. Jacob and I have just started to make something. But, no, I wouldn't say you're too late. You cut it pretty close though."

I turned the page one last time. Mike and I after our date. Leah, Quil and I, back from a hike. I hoped Leah was all right. I was glad I was going to see her tomorrow. I kissed my fingers and put it to her lips this time.

"New friend?"

"Yeah. Leah. She got left behind too. Sam left her for someone else though. She's having a harder time than I had."

"You did have a hard time?" He tried to mask some of the hope in his voice.

I almost punched him. Only reminding myself that it would only hurt myself stopped me. "Of course I did! Why do you think I called you an idiot every other minute the first day? It hurt like hell for you to leave me. I did, and still do, love you, Edward. I know you thought it was for the best, but of course it hurt! I just chose not to let it stop me." I turned back to my album and slouched down in the bed, looking at my pictures again.

He sat looking at me. I didn't look at him. I began flipping back through the album in reverse. "It seems you have replaced me."

"Hit play."

"What?"

"On the CD player, hit play."

He complied and his lullaby filled the room. "That was the only way I was able to sleep at all that first week. I still play it every other night. I'm really glad you came back." I rolled into him, putting my arm around him.

"I'm really glad I did too."

"What time is it?" I was oddly awake.

"5:30. Why?"

"That explains why I'm not going back to sleep. I wonder if Jacob's out there now." I climbed out of the bed and walked around it to the window. I looked out, but didn't see any wolves.

"He is." Edward was quiet. "He's thinking about you. He's worried because I'm up here."

"Oh. Charlie?" I asked.

"Fast asleep."

"Wolf-boy," I called in a loud whisper. "Come on up."

Edward started at that.

I backed away from the window. I didn't expect Jacob's entrance would be quite as graceful as Edward's.

I was right. He jumped off the tree, onto the house, onto the tree again and still half-threw himself through the window. "You called?" he asked with a grin.

"You were worried?" I asked, playing coy.

"Yeah, well you do have a bloodsucker in your room." He looked at Edward.

"He's been here before," I reminded Jacob.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," he growled.

"No, it doesn't. I called you up so you wouldn't worry. We're still going to the Clearwaters' today? When the sun really rises?" I added with a smirk.

"Definitely. Should I meet you outside or on the res?"

"On the res. I think you might freak Charlie out if you were waiting on the front steps."

"That's what makes you the smart one." Jacob wrapped his hands around my waist then and pulled me for a kiss. I'd forgotten Edward was in the room until Jacob grinned in the middle of it.

"You're a jerk." I informed him.

"Yeah, I am. I'll see you in a while. Oh, by the way, no sign of the redhead all night. I don't expect she'll try again for a day or two. Sleep easy, Okay?"

"Right, thanks."

I watched Jacob swing out the window and drop lightly to the ground. "Kick him out soon," he yelled up to me.

"Will do." I turned back to Edward. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's the least I deserve." He was sulking. Half of me was annoyed out of my mind, the other half hurt because he was hurt.

"I don't intend to flaunt Jacob and I in front of you. But I also don't plan to just shove him aside because you're back. If that's a problem, we should probably work it out right now." I sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"You aren't going to La Push today."

"So it's going to be a problem. I am going to La Push today. I'm going to meet my friends who just lost their father and try to make them feel better. I'm going to take werewolves with me when I go to comfort the new wolves. And I'm going to do it because I want to. _Because I need to_. And you, Edward Cullen, are not going to stop me."

"I'll stop you."

"I'm going with Charlie. How do you plan to stop me?"

"I'll rig the car."

"We'll take my truck."

"Even easier."

"All right. No stealing, that's the rule. Stop me. I dare you." Little did he know Jacob had taught me how to care of my truck. As long as he didn't actually take any parts away, I was sure I could reconnect anything he dismantled.

"Charlie's waking up. I should go." He got up from the bed.

"Kiss me," I commanded.

"What?" He looked confused.

"You just got back. I want you to kiss me. Unless you don't want to of course." I raised an eyebrow, and turned around. He immediately turned me back.

His breathing was rough. "You smell like a dog," he growled. Then he put his lips to mine. It was exactly as I remembered. Of course I couldn't remember it this clearly. My head was swimming in his scent, his lips were icy and hard, and hungry. He'd never kissed me this passionately before. Maybe the night of my birthday. No, not even then. I felt his tongue on my lips and opened them gladly. He was cold in my mouth and his breath filled me. My hands were in his hair now and his were cold on my back, at the edge of my crappy sleep shirt. One was slipping under. I shivered, and tried to regain my wits.

I broke the kiss. It was the first time that had ever happened either. I was gasping and braced myself on his chest trying not to faint. "Sorry about the smell." I answered when I finally had breath.

He laughed and it was the first time since he'd done that since he came in. I smiled in return, and then I hugged him again. His arms held me tighter than I ever remembered and I breathed him in. He felt like home. Finally, I pushed him toward the window. "Go eat something; you look like crap." I laughed.

He smiled back at me before leaping out the window as graceful as always.

* * *

Thanks again to my two betas: Sharebear and CullenObsession.


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob met Charlie and I on the Clearwaters' porch. "Go ahead, Dad. We'll be in in a minute."

Jacob waited until he was inside before kissing me again. "You stink," he commented, breaking the kiss quickly.

"I've heard that. Well, 'like a dog' is what he actually said, but I took that to mean stinky." I smirked.

"So, he's back? Or is this just a check in?"

"I'm not sure. I think he's back though. None of the others though, unless he calls them." I tightened my arms around his waist. "Can I ask you to play nice?"

"You can ask," he half-growled.

"Jacob," I said in a sly and sweet tone. "Please be nice to my friend Edward. He means a lot to me and so do you. I don't want you two to hurt one another. No more antagonizing, please." I held his eyes the whole time and he seemed to be captivated. I have no idea how I did it, but something in me held his attention completely.

He sighed. "For you." He kissed me again. "Let's go inside."

Billy and Charlie were on either side of Sue at the kitchen table with a pile of papers. Did that really need to be done today? Couldn't someone else do it? I walked up to them and looked over their shoulders.

Charlie looked up and me and shook his head slightly. I took the hint and backed off. Maybe this was giving her something to do. Seth was staring blankly at the television. A Snooker game was on. I looked from the TV to his face. "Good match?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Huh?" he asked.

I sat beside him. "Want to get outside?"

He looked from me to Jake and back again. "I think that would be good. Stretch my legs." They way he said it I got the impression he meant four, not two. That was good too. If the pack shared thoughts the way Leah described it, they could help with his grief. But that wouldn't help Leah.

"Sure. Jake, why don't you go with him?" I looked over my shoulder up to his face. He frowned and crossed his arms. He was going to be difficult.

"I'm not leaving you alone..."

"I won't be alone. I'm going to talk to Leah."

He snorted.

"I know I need to keep a safe distance; I will. Now, go run with Seth. You can do more for him than I can. And I can do more for Leah. Shoo," I made the motion with my hands and he turned very slowly to follow Seth outside. "I'll be fine," I told him. "We'll be outside soon too."

I climbed the stairs to Leah's room and knocked quietly on the door. "I don't want anything," I heard from inside.

"Good, 'cause I got nothin'." I opened the door and stepped in with a smile.

"Hey, Bell." She was face down on her bed with a picture on her pillow.

I laid on the floor on my back looking up at her.

"That looks very uncomfortable," she said with a small smile of her own.

"Not a feather mattress, no. How was the night?"

"I busted out of my PJs. That sucked. They were really cute ones too." I noticed the black satin shredded on the floor.

"That sucks."

"At least Sam wasn't out there when I did. The other guys seem to understand. They all liked Dad." I watched her eyes fill and turned away. I knew she didn't want me seeing her like that.

"I heard you and Emily had a talk." I tried changing the subject instead.

She sniffed. "Yeah. I don't really hold a grudge with her anymore. She'd kinda hinted she had a thing for Sam. Little things. When he asked her out she almost died of shock and confusion. She felt terrible the whole time. She tried to talk to him about me. That was when the accident happened."

I looked back to her now. She was looking at me again. "Did you hear about it?"

"No," I admitted. "I just knew it was Sam. Too close when he phased, and that he was still a new wolf. They use her as an example of why I shouldn't be here with you," I scoffed.

"Well, it _is_ a concern. Just stay down there." She smirked.

"Why would I leave this most comfy of spots?" I said sarcastically.

She chuckled. "Anyways, she tried to talk him into talking to me, explaining about being a wolf and imprinting and the whole sha-bang. Apparently, you're allowed to tell your imprint anything, but everyone else nothing. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but whatever. He got angry when she kept pressing and.... She was in the hospital for two weeks. I went to visit her. I still didn't know much more than that she and Sam were together. I was angry. I said a lot of stupid bitchy things. She doesn't hold them against me, thankfully. Did you know those scars run all the way down her arm? She nearly died of blood loss when they went through her, like razor blades."

I shivered.

"Jared and Paul were close by though and got her to hospital in time. I still feel like such a loser for telling her she got what she deserved. Who really deserves that? I am stupid bitch."

"Don't, Leah. We can all say stupid things in the heat of the moment. She doesn't blame you, so don't blame yourself. And you probably shouldn't blame Sam either, though I understand if you have to do that a while longer."

She sighed. "I know I shouldn't. But I'm still angry. I need to be angry at someone."

"I know," I got up from the floor. "Let's walk to the waterfall. We're going to make that our place today."

She smiled at me. "Thanks, Bella. And then losing Dad on top of it all." She hugged the picture again and I heard glass crunch. "Oops."

"Here." I took the mangled frame from her and picked up the largest bits of glass, wrapping them in a scrap of her night gown. "I'll get you a new one," I promised as I extracted the picture, careful not to scratch it. I propped the picture up on her dresser mirror. "Outside," I said with another smile.

She got up and didn't quite drag herself down the stairs. She certainly wasn't upbeat though. That wouldn't come for a while I was sure.

"We're going for a hike. We'll be back in a couple hours," I informed the parents. Charlie looked at me and smiled. I winked at him and waved.

"Does being a wolf help at all?" I asked Leah now. She looked at me, not following. "With the grief. It seemed like Seth was looking forward to getting outside with Jake."

"Yeah, it helps, when you can share with them. They don't like to hear my anger at Sam, and that is still part of the pain, so they aren't as helpful for me. They did get me calmed down enough to phase back without leaving my room last night. That was good. Embry said Edward came back...?"

I nodded. "We're not here to talk about me." I took her hand. "I'm here for you."

She dropped my hand after a squeeze. "Just to be safe."

"Right." I proceeded to hold her gaze a little too long and tripped over air. "God, why do I have to be such a klutz?" I asked dusting off my pants.

"She was after you, wasn't she, Bella?"

I hadn't stood yet and I paused now, squatting. Would she blame me? She could. "Yes. She was after me. I didn't expect that. I thought she was after Edward. His family killed her mate. I was just his prey." I straightened slowly. "But, for some reason, she singled me out. If I'd known, I wouldn't have been at your place at all, Leah. I never dreamed she would come after me."

"You've had to tell that to other people haven't you?" she asked with an arched brow.

"Sound rehearsed?" I scoffed. "It's not, but I did have to say pretty much the same thing to Jacob and Alice, and I might have said something similar to Edward this morning. I just honestly can't believe it. Who am I? Just some pathetic human. Why would she want to take me out?"

"You really can't guess?"

I looked at her now and she shook her long black hair in disbelief. "Because you're his. She wants to hurt him, not just kill him. I completely get that. If I could hurt Sam by taking Emily from him, I would do it." She looked down at the path for a minute. "No, I wouldn't. I'm not _that_ petty and angry anymore," she muttered.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and we nearly tumbled when I stopped her so suddenly. "I'm glad to hear that."

She snickered. "Big step, eh? Well, it's only the first. I'm strong, right? I'm the first female werewolf. I'm also going to be the first one to drop it. I'll show them." She made a fist.

I let go and stepped away, pretending to be scared. She laughed. We walked in silence for a while. "So, Edward," she started on me again.

"Not talking about me today."

"You totally are, Bella. You're consorting with the enemy. I'm totally getting the scoop." She grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "He's back. He's terribly apologetic that he left, which is everything I'd hoped for. So why does it leave me feeling flat? Half the time I'm so glad he's back, so sad that he's hurting. And the other half of the time I want to tell him everything I've done to get over him, show him just how stupid he was, hurt him like he hurt me. But then we go back to the first half and I'm sad that he's hurting." I cried out in exasperation.

She laughed at me. "Oh boo hoo. You have a boy who wants you back."

I laughed too. "Yeah, poor me. Not only do I have a boy who wants me back, I have a great guy who stepped right into his place while he was gone, and I kinda want to keep him too. Talk about a burden of blessings."

"Yep, you got it rough, Bella." She nodded with fake sympathy.

"Oh just you wait! You'll have two guys fighting for you. It'll come. It'll come." I laughed. We walked quietly a little longer. "Did you want tell me about your Dad?"

"No," she snapped.

"Right. So, when's your birthday? I'm getting you the frame just cuz, but I'm buying you new lingerie for your birthday. Every girl deserves to feel pretty when she wants to."

She chuckled. "You don't have to do that, Bella."

"Forget 'have to'. When is it? Mine is September 13th. Now tell me." I was looking at her now. I promptly tripped and tore the knee out of my pants. "Dammit!"

She laughed and helped me to my feet. "August 20th. But you really don't have to do anything."

"Hmm, too far anyway. Graduation present, maybe."

She laughed again. "Why wait? Let's do some sort of gift exchange. What do I get the girl with two guys? A day-timer?"

I laughed with her. After another quiet period we came to her waterfall. "Okay, Bella. What's your plan now?"

She had me. I hadn't really planned on how to make this place ours. There had to be a way though. I looked to the top of the falls and down below. I looked up again.

"Stumped you, did I?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking." I looked up again and smiled. There was a nice boulder just off to the east. Was there a way for us to climb up there? I started to try and tore the other knee out of my pants, but Leah caught on to my plan and climbed ahead of me, pulling me the last of the way.

"All right," she panted. "Now what?"

"I might need you to – phase." I still hesitated on the word. I wasn't used to it. I walked over to the relatively round rock and put my back to it, trying to roll it toward the fall.

Leah laughed. I didn't look around the boulder, just continued to strain. It was rocking at least. I wished I weighed a little more. Leah, clad in grey fur, put her forepaws on the boulder beside me. It moved suddenly and I fell on my butt. I laughed and she barked. I stood up but I couldn't dust off the mud, so I put my back to the rock again. Leah shoved with me and we rolled it into place. She phased back immediately and I was a little startled.

"That was easier than I expected," she said, popping around to dress again.

"What? The boulder?"

"No, phasing back. It was so hard the last two times. This time – I don't know. I just wanted to be me again. But that's what I wanted before too...."

I pulled myself up to sit on top of the boulder. She climbed up and sat next to me. "Thanks, Bella. This was perfect." We looked down to the now drying stream below. Of course the water behind us was already drifting around the bottom of the barricade, creating new channels, but it would never be the same waterfall again. It probably wouldn't be one either, but two.

Jacob and Seth came up behind us. "You two about done here?" Seth asked. "Mom wants to talk to you, Leah."

"Yeah. I think we're done here."

I walked back holding Jacob's hand.

"Bella," Leah called over her shoulder. "You didn't finish telling me about Edward."

"Screw you," I told her sweetly. She laughed.

"Edward Cullen?" Seth asked.

Aw crap. "Yeah. The vampire. He's come back. To 'protect' me."

"What, we can't do that?" he asked.

"You can't," Jacob said, cuffing him.

Seth tried to take a swipe back and I dropped Jacob's hand while the two of them circled.

"Ten bucks says they have to drop their pants," I told Leah.

She burst out laughing. "Jake's is bigger."

I blushed six shades of red. "That's not what I meant!"

"Yeah. I'll take that bet. Jake will drop his. My brother will just split his."

I laughed.

"And now that Seth has taken Jacob away again... Edward? What is it like kissing one of them? It's gotta be creepy right?"

"Creepy?" It was anything but creepy. It was... I didn't know how to begin to tell her. "No, not creepy. Scary? It's pretty hard to remember being scared when he's kissing me. It's pretty damn hard to think at all. It's cold, but hot at the same time. There's a shock that runs through me, and his smell fills my head. Sometimes I forget to breathe."

"Damn. That's some good kissing."

I snorted. "I don't know. I like Jacob's kisses too. I get to breathe and keep my head, and take the time to enjoy it. Whereas Edward has to push me away before it goes anywhere."

"And you can't really- They're back."

I didn't see them yet, but a moment later they came out of the trees behind us. Seth was still a wolf but Jacob had his shorts back on.

"Looks like you owe me ten bucks, Bella."

"What happened to your pants, Seth?" I asked with a silly grin.

His tongue lolled out of his mouth and he circled us once. I, once more, tripped on nothing. Jacob caught me this time. "So, the super hearing is a wolf-thing?" I verified.

"Yeah," Leah said with another smile. "It's really handy when someone wants to try to eavesdrop." She looked at Jacob out of the corner of her eye. He had the decency to blush.

Seth barked a laugh and ran ahead of us through the trees. Jacob yelled after him. "Don't get spotted you stupid pup!". He then muttered. "Kids."

"Says the voice of maturity," I scoffed.

"I think you've got a grey hair there, Bella," he teased.

I elbowed him and yelped when it banged my funny bone. "Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!" I shook my arm trying to rid myself of the tingling. My hopping led to another near face-plant. Leah saved me this time. "Damn you and your rock hard abs." I glared at both of them while they laughed at me.

Once I had feeling back in my arms I crossed them over my chest. "I do _not_ have grey hair."

Jacob kissed my temple. "I know. I didn't mean to touch a nerve. Especially this one." He flicked my elbow and the tingling started again. I winced and whimpered.

"Oh yeah. I'm a tough girl," I whined as I clutched my arm. Leah was _still_ laughing at me.

Jacob was right in my ear when he whispered, "Good job."

I stopped cursing and glaring, and started smiling instead. He was referring to Leah, of course. She was looking a lot better.

* * *

Edward was in my room when I came in that night. "You're safe."

"Obviously. Did you want to call Alice, or shall I?" I asked snidely.

"I think I'll let you do that. You don't mind if I listen in do you?"

"Not really, no. Are you going to tell Charlie you're back, or would you rather I do that part too?"

"I thought I'd have an 'official' return on Monday. Give both of you a few more days."

"Thanks. I know I appreciate it, and I'm sure he will too. The funeral will be out of the way then." It was scheduled for Saturday.

He came and hugged me then. "I'm sorry for your loss."

I was a little stiff in his arms. He didn't know Harry. It wasn't the same as being comforted by Dad or Jacob. Instead I wrapped my arms loosely around him, "Thank you." Then I stepped away.

He was looking at his feet now. No doubt he had sensed my awkwardness.

"I know this is going to sound a little odd, but I think I'd rather you didn't spend the night here. For a little while at least."

His eyes came up to mine and I winced at the pain in them. At least they had their old gold color back in them.

"It wouldn't be fair to Jacob," I tried to explain. "He doesn't get to sneak into my room and watch me sleep. He watches for me at the window and listens from outside, I'm sure. You're welcome to do that." I paused, the pain was worsening. I steeled myself, reminded myself that he had left me. He had tried to hurt me, make me think he didn't want me. I wasn't hurting him nearly that badly. "I want to give what Jacob and I have a fair chance. You can't deny that it would be healthier for me if I spent my life with him."

He shook his head, no longer meeting my gaze.

"I'm not saying I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. But you left so this could happen. We both have to accept the consequences of that." I stepped closer to him, looking up into his down-turned face. "I still love you," I reminded him. Then I put my lips to his. He didn't answer the kiss right away. After a few seconds he kissed me back chastely. "Should I shower first?" I asked, jokingly.

"That would help. You were with more than one today."

"Yep," I said as I gathered my PJs and shower things. I didn't leave a pair in the bathroom anymore; it had been a long time since I'd needed to. "Leah and her brother Seth phased for the first time yesterday."

I was suddenly seized by the arms and held close to him. "And you were alone with them?" His voice was hard and urgent.

"Edward, you're hurting me." It wasn't painful, but I knew I'd have bruises from where he'd grabbed me.

"I'm sorry." He let go immediately.

"I know it wasn't 'safe' to be alone with Leah, but she needed me. She needed my help. She's hurting so much, Edward." I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to make him understand. "She has to share her mind with the man that hurt her. He knows what she's thinking, and that's bad enough. But she knows what he's thinking too. She has to hear how much he loves the other woman. I can't imagine what that must feel like."

I hugged myself and Edward's arm came around my shoulders, gentle again.

"And then she loses her Dad the same day. I couldn't let her face that alone. And I couldn't leave her to the rest of the pack, either. They've never been left behind like that. They wouldn't understand the hurt." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You do." His voice was cold and near breaking.

"Only a little. You didn't leave me for someone else. But it seems to be enough. Jacob agrees that it's working. She is doing better." I took a breath and took comfort from that reminder.

"Jacob," he whispered now.

"Yes. He was the third wolf I was with today. He's been phasing since his birthday in January though, so he's pretty solidly in control of it now. I love him too, Edward." I met his eyes again. "I don't know if it's the way I love you, but I want to find out. I don't expect you to just stand aside, but I don't want you to just stop it altogether." I paused. "I don't really know what I want anymore." I looked into my lap, feeling tears in my eyes.

It was true. I wanted both of them. I could still feel Jacob filling all the painful spots Edward had left in me. At the same time, I felt the undeniable pull and electricity between Edward and me. I had no idea how I could ever choose between them. I would, some day, but it didn't have to be today.

I tightened my grip on my shower bag. "You'll be here when I get back?"

"As long as you-"

"Stop." I raised my index finger. "You promised me that once and you broke it. Yes or no, please."

His face turned down, frowning and creasing. "Yes."

I kissed his forehead and stood up. "Then I'll be right back."

After my shower, I ran down to say goodnight to Charlie. I hugged him. "How is she?" We hadn't talked much on the drive home.

"As well as can be expected. Everything is ready for Saturday, but she has a lot more to go through."

"Yeah? You're going there again tomorrow?" He nodded. "Well, you should get some sleep. I'm just going to call Alice before heading to bed myself." I watched him climb the stairs before dialling.

"Bella! You survived the day!" Alice's voice was bubbly as usual. I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye. Apparently he wanted to hear Alice's side of the conversation too.

"Yeah. No attacks on my life today. It was almost dull."

She laughed. "And Edward got your message."

"Yeah. I didn't expect him to respond quite so quickly." I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes.

"And you're still sure you don't want us to come? We're just packing up here, it wouldn't be any trouble at all...."

"No, Alice. You should finish whatever you were doing."

"We _were_ living in Forks, Bella."

Edward and I both rolled our eyes at that one. "Where are they?" I asked Edward now.

"They were in Ithaca. I don't know if they still are."

"We're in Denali," Alice corrected him. "Just for spring break though. I think we'll come back to Forks now."

"Do you want to talk to her?" I asked handing him the phone.

"Sure. Alice, I would like it if you came back. I want to start classes again Monday, and it would look better if you were to come with me."

My mouth fell open. He wanted her to come back? So he could go to class? He hated high school.

"Yes, I'll make sure she does. And she is definitely going to La Push tomorrow?...Yes, all right... Good night, Alice." He hung up the phone and turned back to me. "She would like you to call again when you get home tomorrow. Apparently your future is completely black."

"That's not surprising." I turned and climbed the stairs. He still thought he could control my future. I felt cold fingers on my hand and stopped, turning back.

"I think I'll use the door, since you don't really want me in your room."

I nodded and came down another step toward him. The stair made our heights more equal. "You look better," I commented, putting my hand into his hair. I ran my hand around his ear and under his chin. It was so nice to have him back, to see and touch him again. His eyes closed at my touch and I smiled. I put my lips to his. Again, it wasn't like any kiss before. I'd started gentle and he escalated, pushing his lips harder on mine. Usually it was the other way around. I shivered at his cold touch on my damp shirt. He held me more tightly. His hand moved down this time, pulling my hips to his as well. I made an embarrassing moaning sound out of surprise and pleasure. My eyes opened wide. His were open too, intent on my face.

His tongue found my mouth again and his cold, intoxicating breath filled me. My eyes fluttered shut and I tightened my hold on his neck, feeling my brain falter. His hand traced the curve of my buttock and lifted my leg to his hip.

My eyes opened again in shock. Was this really _my_ Edward? My restrained, careful, Edward? I pulled back a little and his eyes were closed again, his breathing ragged, matching mine.

"Sorry about that. Good night, Bella." His hands released me slowly and I leaned heavily on the handrail as he exited through the door. My head was still spinning. I turned and slowly climbed the stairs to my room.

I opened the window, hoping the cool air would clear my head. I saw Jacob on all fours outside and smiled down at him. He ran to the woods and back in moments. I backed away as he made his slightly less graceful way into my room.

"I heard some heavy breathing in here, Bells. You okay? You aren't becoming asthmatic on me or anything." His grin was impish.

"No," I said with a smile. He knew perfectly well who had been in the house a moment ago.

"Well, I figure that just makes it my turn."

I was on my bed with Jacob over me. He pressed his lips to mine hungrily and I was frozen in surprise. A moment later my eyes drifted shut again. His kiss was so warm, so engaging. I didn't have to be careful with Jacob. My tongue explored his mouth even as his explored mine. His hands were on my ribs, my breasts, and mine were drifting up and down his back. He shivered as my nails trailed over ticklish spots. The warmth radiating off him was such a stark contrast to Edward's cold touch.

His leg pressed between mine and I opened my eyes again, breaking our kiss. "Too much?" he asked leaning into me further, nuzzling my ear.

I gasped and clutched his shoulders. "Yes. I think so." I continued to pant. "Maybe."

He chuckled. "Maybe. I like that. Maybe not." He let his lips trail along my cheek until they reached mine once more. He gave one last gentle peck before heading for the window again. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."

I flopped back on my pillows. I was in big trouble.

* * *

And so she was. So hopefully this answers all the 'how could she kiss Jacob in front of Edward' 'But Jacob would know that she was kissing Edward' questions. The answer is yes. She knows, they know, she has a choice to make and they are each going to make their play. Just on much more even footing than in Eclipse. Which makes it SO much more fun, doesn't it? Who will she choose? I'm not going to poll you for it, because I've already written the end of this little tale, sorry.

This is also the perfect place to plug 'Bella's Dream' It's really short and if you haven't read it, go read it and tell me that isn't exactly what she's dreaming tonight. Do it. My name at the top? Click it, Bella's Dream. TRUST ME.

Leah's birthday: I looked but didn't find any birthday for her. I pulled August 20 out of my butt, but on reflection, it is the PERFECT birthday for her. She's a Leo on the cusp of Virgo! She's the leader, lion, aggressive one that has a touch of mild, assertive, feminity to her. Sweet! Go me! Anyway. If you know when Stephenie Meyer meant for Leah's birthday to be, message me! :D

And another TY to my Beta's Sharebear and CullenObsession. As well as all those peeps who have been in WC with me. Thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

It was hard to believe it was Monday again all ready. I had heard at the funeral that the Cullens were back in their house. The wolves were not happy about that. Leah was back-sliding down a different slope now. Now she had shifted all her blame and hatred to vampires in general and the Cullens in particular. As far as blame went, it was probably the most accurate. The Cullens were the reason Sam was a wolf in the first place. And being a wolf made him imprint on Emily. I just wished it didn't make her quite so biased in Jacob's favor.

I was still trying, honestly, to give both of my loves an equal shot. And both were... enthusiastic in their approaches.

I had come down Friday morning after Charlie had left in the cruiser. I called to Seth, who had been watching me in the night, to see if he wanted to ride with me. I heard Edward, out of sight, growling at this suggestion, but I ignored him. Seth happily jumped into my truck, but laughed when it didn't start.

I popped the hood and walked around. The battery was disconnected. I knew that wasn't all Edward had done, but I started there. It was what Charlie had done to try to keep me from sneaking out. Edward couldn't think that would be enough to stop me. So I looked more closely under the hood. I found several other connections severed and had to pull a tool kit out of the back to hook them up.

"Do you need help?" Seth asked out the window.

"Nah, I've got it. Some punk kids must have thought it would be fun to tamper with my truck." I heard another growl at that and laughed quietly. I heard Seth do the same, of course he could hear Edward too. The ignition was hard for me to reach, but I got it hooked back up as well and left the hood up while I put the tools away. I tossed the kit in the cab between Seth and me before turning the key. The truck turned over with it's usual roar. I smiled at Seth and hopped out to drop the hood.

Edward was waiting for me at the front of the truck. "Don't go," he asked, worry in his eyes.

"I'm going, Edward. My friends need me. Just like you do. I'll be back tonight." I kissed him lightly on the cheek before turning back to the truck. When the hood dropped he was gone.

I spent the morning with the Clearwaters' and the afternoon with Jacob.

Leah asked me to cut her hair. It wasn't something I'd ever done before and I was scared to try. She was insistent though. "I'm too shaggy as a wolf. Sam threatened to buzz me so that I wouldn't get tangled so much."

I couldn't let that happen. Just thinking of Leah with that same buzz cut as the boys made me shiver. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I chopped through the thick hair at the nape of her neck. We were both crying when I opened them. Then I evened the bob, made it shorter in the back, giving her a near buzzed look at the nape of her neck. She combed it out, pulling the parts that tapered around her face. "Wow, Bella. That's really good. I was expecting a bowl cut or something."

I smiled weakly. I felt sick looking at her beautiful hair on the floor. I'd cut her hair like Lauren Mallory was wearing hers these days. I don't know where the style was from, but it seemed relatively easy to copy. It was slightly asymmetrical, longer on the right than the left, but it didn't look too bad. I still couldn't speak.

Leah turned and hugged me. "Thank you. Don't feel bad, it could have been much much worse."

She was right and I smiled a little less rigidly while she scooped up the hair. "I wonder if some wig company will pay me for this?"

"I bet they would," I agreed.

"So, did _Edward_ come back last night?" She used his name differently today, with scorn.

"Yes. What's wrong, Leah?"

She shrugged. "Just think you can do a lot better than a bloodsucker."

"Yeah, well, he's a pretty sweet bloodsucker, I have to say."

She rolled her eyes.

Jacob was thrilled to have me alone for a while. We'd been with Seth and Leah almost every day since he'd renewed our relationship. We lay on our backs in his hammock with me on top. His leg draped out to touch the ground from time to time, starting us swaying again.

"It's almost quiet enough I can hear the ocean. If I close my eyes," I mused.

"You're on your beach?" he asked, kissing my head.

"Yeah."

"I like it on your beach," he murmured. His breathing slowed and so did mine. We napped away most of the afternoon, but it wasn't a waste at all.

The funeral was difficult for Charlie and I. We didn't fit in at the native ceremony and stood at the back. Billy was at Sue's side and Leah and Seth held onto one another. I squeezed Charlie's hand through the whole thing, so glad I still had him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bells. And you had better tell me if you're planning on going anywhere too." He whispered quietly.

"I will, Dad. I will."

We both knew a goodbye was coming between us sooner rather than later. I was still waiting for acceptance letters to determine where I would be going. I made a mental note to apply to Seattle. Part of me really didn't want to go, not yet.

Jacob knocked on our door on Sunday. Between Alice and Edward, I had been convinced I didn't _need_ to go to La Push again. "Heya Jake. What's up?"

"Nothing."

I pursed my lips, trying to guess. I couldn't think of anything. "Well come inside," I said opening the door. Charlie was on the couch.

"Charlie," Jacob said as we came in.

"Hey Jake."

"Got a minute?"

I felt my stomach turn. I thought I knew just what Jacob had come for.

"Sure." Charlie muted the game and came over to where we were standing. "What's up?"

"That's what I asked," I muttered.

Jacob put his arm around me and I cringed as I blushed. "I wasn't sure if you knew that Bella and I, we kinda moved past just friendship. I wanted to make sure that was okay with you."

As I had expected, Charlie's face broke into an enormous grin. His eyes glittered with 'I knew it' and 'I told you so.' I wanted to smack him. "Of course I'm okay with it. I'm happy for the two of you." He clapped Jacob on the shoulder.

"Well, I should probably get supper started."

"Don't worry about me Bells. One of Sue's friends fed us at her house."

"Okay, are you hungry, Jacob?" I continued on my way to the kitchen, knowing the answer.

"Of course. Can I help?"

I pulled out the greens, thinking to make myself a salad. "Sure, you can wash, I'll chop. And while you're doing that you can tell me why you thought today was a good day to have this little chat with my Dad." I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

He shrugged. "Seemed as good a time as any."

"Uh-huh. And Edward starting classes again tomorrow was just a coincidence."

"Absolutely," he said straight-faced.

I laughed. He cracked too.

That night, I was alone in my room. But before I laid down I had seen a russet wolf and a pale boy, one in the tree outside, one beneath it. Nothing like an audience. I pulled the covers right over my head.

Now I was sitting in the parking lot looking at the Volvo. This was going to be just as bad as the day after they left as far as questions went. I grabbed my bag and got out. Once again, it was Tyler who was in the lot. "Is that Cullen's Volvo?" he asked.

"Yep. They got back during the break. How was San Diego?" I asked.

"You should have been there, Bella. The beach parties were awesome."

"I had plenty going on here," I assured him.

"All fun, I hope."

I just smiled and nodded. Not hardly, I thought. I walked into Spanish and was happy to see Mike in his usual seat beside me. Edward hadn't finished with Ms Cope yet, then. "Buenos dias," he greeted me.

"You look like you enjoyed your break," I said with a smile. Mike's face was a bright pink from sunburn.

He laughed, "Yeah. I owe Conner big time for not waking me. Damn."

I turned to look in the same direction as Mike, and there was Edward. Mike started to get up but I met his eyes. I knew Edward would know if I so much as moved. _Come on Mike, stay put. Don't let him push either of us around_. He smiled at me, getting the message and opened his books. I did the same and Edward moved to the empty seat at the front. I bit my lip.

"You serious?" Mike had a goofy grin. "You two aren't."

"Shhh. Sort of, but he doesn't get to just walk back in like nothing's changed, right?" He heard that, and I hoped it didn't hurt too much, but it was absolutely true.

"Right. Damn," he said again.

I tried not to make anyone move in any of our other classes either. In all but Spanish there was an empty seat near mine, usually just in front, so he wasn't so far. "Good morning," he said as he came into English.

"Good morning, Edward."

"Hi, Edward," Angela greeted him from his old seat. She started to get up, but he motioned her to sit.

"I'll take this one," he said taking the seat in front of her.

She looked to me with wide eyes too. "Did you go to San Diego too?" I asked her.

"No, Ben and I went to visit my Grandma. Tell you about it at lunch," she whispered as Mr. Berty started class.

Alice joined us at lunch as well. She had a grin on her face. She knew exactly what I'd just put Edward through. I wasn't sure if I should feel ashamed or not. The table was quiet for a few minutes as Edward and Alice settled back into place.

I broke it. "You said you and Ben visited your Grandma, Ang? Where does she live?" That worked. The rest of the table started recounting their trip to San Diego. Apparently the girls and guys hadn't ended up at all the same parties so their stories didn't entirely overlap.

"She's in Eugene. We had a mini-reunion with my aunts and uncles over the break."

"That's nice. Was it really overwhelming, Ben?"

"Nah. I'd met a bunch of her cousins already."

"What did you do for the break, Bella?" Angela asked.

I knew I'd have to answer this at some point. "A friend of mine lost her Dad over the break. I spent most of it with her and her family."

"Oh no," Angela murmured. "Who?"

"Leah Clearwater. I don't think you met her on First Beach, but I've been hiking with her." Angela was nodding, I'd mentioned Leah of course.

"That's terrible, Bella. I'm glad you were here for her."

"I am too."

And the unspoken question hung, like the elephant in the room. It was Lauren who finally asked, of course. "And what brings the Cullen family back to Forks?"

I took another bite of my sandwich; I wasn't giving any help this time. I had clean-up detail once already.

"Esme didn't care for California. She convinced Carlisle to move back in time for us to graduate here instead." Edward's voice didn't betray anything. I marvelled at the fact that I'd seen through his lie months ago, he was very good at it.

"I could have stayed," Alice complained. "I didn't mind it there, but when you're only one of seven, your vote doesn't get as much weight."

I had to bite my lip. Of course Edward's one vote had both moved the family and brought them back.

"Hey, Bella. Whatchya doing tomorrow night?" Mike asked.

"Didn't have plans, why?"

"There's this movie I heard about when we were in San Diego. I was wondering if you'd like to go see it with me. Maybe skip last period again?" He winked at me. I could have kissed him.

"That sounds like a great idea. What kind of movie?"

"Some vampire thing. Vampires that don't eat humans though, should have good mocking potential."

"Sounds like it." I was fighting giggles so badly. "Pick me up tomorrow?"

"You got it."

I finished my sandwich as though I was the cat and it was the canary.

The shoe dropped in Biology of course. We were at the same bench. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he said as he took the seat next to me.

I laughed out loud and several heads turned to look at us. I dropped my voice low. "Is this the part where I hold my breath and look angry?"

He chuckled at that too. "Try not to kill me."

I laughed again. The point was made and taken. The power had shifted in our relationship. I couldn't be sad about that. Not at all.

I got home from work to find the Volvo parked outside. "Hello again, Bella," Alice cheered as she bounced out of the car.

"Hello, Alice. Charlie is going to be thrilled to see you again." I hugged her again. "I'm still so surprised to see you here."

"Well, really, Bella. Where else would I be?"

"Ithaca," I said quickly. "You could still be following your family. Jasper could be finishing classes. He only had a few weeks left, right?" I'd caught up with her some on the phone Sunday.

"Oh psh. We'd much rather be with you."

"Well, thank you. Thank you for coming too, Edward."

He came and put an arm around my waist, kissing my cheek.

"Charlie, we have some guests."

And so did he. Billy and Sue were sitting in the kitchen. Well, that was going to make this extra awkward. I bit my lip and stepped out of the doorway to reveal Alice and Edward.

"Alice?" Charlie asked. "You've come back?"

Alice skipped up to Charlie and kissed his cheek, making him flounder as usual. "Yes. Esme got homesick. We just got back over the break. But I see you have company as well; we'll stay out of your way."

"Chief Swan." Edward said formally.

"Edward." He looked from Edward to me with a raised eyebrow and I felt myself starting to blush. Yeah, Dad, my ex is back the day after you heard I'm together with Jacob, isn't that great? What was I supposed to say?

"We're going to watch some TV, okay, Dad? Do you need me to make supper, or did you already find it?"

"I had left overs," he said.

"Okay. I'll warm some up for me. Alice, Edward, can I get you anything?" It was a rhetorical question, but they answered anyway.

"No thanks, Bella."

"No, thank you."

I took my plate into the living room and sat between Alice and Edward. We didn't bother turning the television on. "So, how long are you going to torment Edward, Bella?" Alice asked me, completely ignoring Edward's presence.

I choked on my tomato. "Torment was never my intention."

"Alice," Edward chided her at the same time.

"Well, I had to ask. I don't blame her for wanting to, not a bit. I'm just wondering if she's decided how long to drag it out."

I shook my head. "I just, didn't want to push my friends aside. They've been there for me while you were gone. They should know they aren't replaced that easily." That wasn't too harsh was it?

Alice smiled and Edward frowned. What did that mean? I took my empty plate back to the kitchen. "How are Seth and Leah?" I asked Sue.

"All right. They went back to school today too. I think they're going to be fine."

"I know they are. And so are you."

"Jacob told me to say hi," Billy said.

"No he didn't," I muttered and Charlie and Billy both laughed. "But tell him _I_ did." I laughed with them as I rejoined my friends.

We chatted for a little while longer, Alice continuing to rub Edward while I tried not to retort too honestly. Torment definitely seemed to be her aim. He was looking very uncomfortable when Alice finally excused them both. "Well, Bella, we have a mountain of make-up assignments to do. We really just stopped to say hello. It's good to see you again, Charlie," Alice called into the kitchen.

"Come over anytime, Alice."

Once again the sentiment wasn't extended to Edward. I walked them both out. "I'm sorry about that. If I'd known Billy and Sue were going to be here I would have suggested doing this another night."

"It's all right. I'll see you in the morning." He ran a hand under my chin and kissed me lightly, making my toes curl. As much fun as the heated kisses had been, this was more reminiscent of our old ones. Of course it might only be because Alice stood beside him.

"Good night."

I came back inside to see Sue and Billy packing up. "I'm heading to bed, Dad." I climbed the stairs and sighed when I opened the door.

"I really did tell him to say Hi." There, sprawled on my bed, his bare feet hanging off the end, was Jacob. Shirtless, of course, one arm slung lazily over his head and a hundred watt grin on his face.

"Why are you in my room, Jacob?" I leaned in the frame.

"Well, I knew there were a couple vampires..."

"No, no, no. You do not get to use the Cullens as an excuse for B&E."

"Hey, there was no breaking, just entering." He grinned wider.

I chuckled and came into the room, closing the door. "Why can't I get mad at you?"

"Because I'm too adorable?"

I snorted. "Yeah, that's it."

"I just wanted to ask if you'd come out with me on Friday night."

"There's a thing called a phone."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm patrolling here tonight anyway. Why bother with a phone? Are you evading the question?"

"Not really." I came and flopped onto the bed next to him. "What did you have in mind?"

"Star gazing."

I laughed out loud. "Did you forget where we live?"

"No. I planned on taking you above the clouds. If you don't mind riding wolf-back."

I remembered the motion sickness from running with Edward. "We might want to do a test-run."

"You scared?" He asked in disbelief. "I didn't think there was a thing on this earth that could scare you."

I smiled. "Well, there are a few things. Can we go slow at first; make sure I'm up for it?"

"We'll go as slow as you like, Bella. I'll walk, trot or run as you like."

"Thanks, Jacob." I kissed him lightly. "Now get out of my room."

"Yes'm." He grinned as he got up from my bed.

"Wait," I stopped him. "What time Friday?"

"Sunset," he said with a grin.

* * *

And that will have to sustain you for the holiday. I'll post another chapter when I return. Enjoy. Review. And check out my other fics. I have a few one shots that are contest entries (just like this one started). They're quick. No investment. No waiting on the next chapter... give them a shot.

Thanks to my betas, as always. Sharebear, CullenObsession. Thank you both! And thanks to all my WC friends. I'm meeting more of you everyday it seems!


	10. Chapter 10

Not like I need to tell you, but the Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyers. This is just how I think it would have gone if Bella had seen through Edward in New Moon and not gone catatonic for four months (wuss)

* * *

Edward was leaning against his Volvo when Mike pulled into an empty space. He headed into the school ahead of us when I took Mike's hand and walked at his side. I talked with Mike about the movie and what to do with our afternoon. I wondered if Edward thought I was bluffing or something. Did he really think I'd do something like that? Was he going to follow us? Oh that was an unpleasant thought. Mind you, considering some of my other trips to Port Angeles, it wasn't the worst idea in the world.

If Edward followed us, he didn't see anything interesting. Mike and I found a playground and sat on the swings, talking until we went to grab something to eat. He wanted to know more about the 'Edward situation' as he put it. As one of the few people who had relatively little bias, I told him everything. Mainly that it wasn't an 'Edward' situation, it was an 'Edward vs. Jacob' situation. He didn't laugh quite as hard as Leah, but close.

"You seriously need to carry a bat or something, Bella. You just can't beat guys off you fast enough."

I punched him, remembering that until very recently he would have been the first I'd tee off on.

"Well, I'm glad you aren't just taking Cullen back. Especially if he didn't try to keep things up while he was gone. I mean, if he had it would be different. You can't really fault a guy because his family moves away. But if he didn't keep in touch at all, and then just shows up on your step, you should definitely make him grovel."

I laughed at that image.

"Well, I'm going to put my money on Jacob. I think he's got the staying power. He's a great guy. Cullen gives me the creeps."

I laughed again. "Fortunately, how they make you feel isn't exactly one of my criteria."

"Really? Why not?" He batted his eyes and I actually fell out of my swing.

* * *

On Wednesday, after work, I made my first visit to the newly reoccupied Cullen residence.

"Bella!!!" Alice cried as she ran to hug me. "I still miss you so much. I still can't believe we let Edward talk us into leaving. Come on inside, everyone is waiting to see you."

I walked in on Alice's hand with almost as much trepidation as I had on Edward's a year ago. I had uprooted them. Could they really be so quick to take me back?

That was a foolish thought, which was dispelled as quickly as I entered. Esme was waiting with a bright smile and arms wide. "Welcome back, Bella. We missed you."

Emmett got me next. I was thankful for the high ceilings as he scooped me up, my head residing at least a foot above his own. "We get Bella back!" he chanted, turning me in a circle.

I saw Rosalie out of the corner of my eye, but she didn't move from behind the stairs. That relationship hadn't improved with absence. I didn't really expect it would. Carlisle pulled me into a hug next. "I'm glad we were able to come back to you."

Their words startled me. They came back to me? They got me back? They weren't just here for Edward? I had been sure they were only returning at his request. I felt tears in my eyes remembering Alice's questions before Edward had returned. Did _I_ want them to come home?

Jasper came up cautiously. "Bella?"

I turned to him and opened my arms. He could take my hand or hug as he chose. He chose the latter and I was surprised again. "I'm so very sorry, Bella."

"It wasn't your fault, Jasper. It wasn't anyone's fault." I felt as though a soft warm blanket was being wrapped around me even though Jasper's arms were still cold as ice and hard as steel. I realized then he was probably manipulating my emotions, making me feel comforted. I kissed his cheek and he flinched very slightly before letting me go.

"So, where's Edward?" I asked, looking around at them.

"Waiting for you in his room," Emmett said with a grin.

"Really," I felt my stomach flip flop. Granted, what had happened the other day hadn't happened in my room, but I was suddenly very anxious about being alone with him in his.

I felt external calm and my stomach righted itself. Jasper's influence without a doubt. "You don't have to go to him," Alice told me, taking my hand again. "Not if you're not ready. He'll come down."

My head was whirling. What did I want? I wanted to see him. I knew that much. I wanted to spend as much time with him today as I could. So I started a slow climb. I paused on the landing, stilling my shaking knees. I heard a chuckle below and that gave me more courage too. I was being silly. This was Edward. If I didn't want what he gave, I'd tell him so. I took the second flight of stairs with surer feet.

I knocked on his door.

"You are always welcome here, Bella." His velvet voice drifted through the wood. I could faintly hear some jazz music playing.

I smiled a little as I opened the door. He had changed his room, and the change scared me. He was reclining on a large bed with a wrought-iron frame holding a canopy of gauzy gold netting. He held a book in his hands as though he wasn't expecting my arrival. Of course Alice would have known the moment I was due and he would have heard us talking downstairs as well. It was all for my benefit. He was trying to put me at ease.

It wasn't working. My legs started wobbling again and I closed the door carefully behind me. I licked my lips and looked around the room for other changes. Other than shoving some items against walls to make space for the giant bed, everything else was the same. My breathing was shallow and rapid. I knew that was bad. Hyperventilation, like not breathing, was a sure way to faint. I took a deep breath and held it for five seconds with my eyes closed. When I opened them he was in my face.

"Gah," I gasped.

"Are you all right, Bella? You look pale." he asked putting a hand to my cheek.

I felt the room spin and wasn't sure I was all right. He lifted me by the waist and sat me on the bed before I fainted.

"You... got... a bed," I managed.

"Yes," he said still looking at me worriedly. "I wanted you to know you had somewhere safe to spend the night, besides La Push."

"Oh." My voice was small and quiet. "Were you planning on inviting Charlie too?" What a stupid question. Was brain completely detached from my mouth? "I mean, it's nice."

He was still examining my face, looking for signs of shock no doubt. And finding them, I was sure. "It's all right, Bella. It's just a bed."

"Yeah, right. Just a bed. No big deal." I continued to focus on breathing. I was leaning back toward hyperventilation. "Do you..." There was no way I could finish that question. I looked at my feet again.

"What is it, Bella?"

I shook my head and the room spun again.

"Let's go downstairs."

I jumped up and my foot caught on the spread, sending me into a bookcase. Edward caught me just before the collision. He didn't say anything else, for which I was grateful, but held my hand as we left the room. I took a deep breath outside the door and found my feet again.

"Is it just bedrooms?" he suggested.

"Maybe," I allowed. "Maybe it's the uses beds are put to." Apparently my brain was still detached from my tongue. Did I really just way that? "I didn't – I mean -"

He grinned and chuckled. "Well now it makes sense. I didn't mean to insinuate anything, Bella. It really was just intended to give you a place in our home."

"Okay." My eyes were still wide and my pulse too fast, but I thought I was starting to come back down.

Then I felt his breath on my ear and the tingling went down my leg. I closed my eyes, trying to get a grip on myself. I was not in his bed; I was not on his bed; I was standing in the stairwell at the bottom of which waited his entire family.

When I opened my eyes again, I felt much more stable. I took the stairs on my own.

"You're back sooner than I expected." Trust Emmett to make a bad situation worse.

Edward growled at him, but I laughed. "Well at least I wasn't the only one thinking it."

I helped Alice unpack. I didn't go back to Edward's bedroom.

"Um, Alice, what do you see?"

"You'll need to be more specific, Bella."

"Not a chance," I muttered, but of course she heard.

"Oh... that." Her laugh was bubbly. "Well, you still have a decision to make there."

I swallowed hard. _Did that mean he already had...._ I put my head in my hands.

"Bella, don't worry about it. It's not like he's going to pressure you. He's still scared to death himself. But he's also afraid he'll miss his chance. He hasn't said that, but it seems pretty obvious to me. He wants to squeeze everything he can into the time he has with you. Just in case..."

"In case I pick Jacob." I groaned. "What do I do Alice? You know what sucks about talking to you about this? I know he can hear me. Can you turn on some music or something?"

"I could, but I won't. I think he needs to hear. Also, he'll just listen in my head. He can be terrible eavesdropper, if you recall."

"Right." I groaned again.

"I am not." It was muffled, but Alice giggled so I was sure I heard correctly.

"How do you all stand living so close when you can hear... everything? I mean I hear Charlie snore, but if I... Oh I'm not even going to think about it. So, I can't talk to you. I can't talk to Leah, because she thinks Edward's the anti-Christ or something. I guess I'm going for coffee with Angela. And Edward is not invited." I said with a smile, knowing he was still listening.

* * *

Thursday I took a quick trip to La Push after work to visit Leah and Seth. She had some serious ranting to do. She'd been on patrol with Sam the night before. I listened attentively and agreed that he should really have better control on his thoughts. He had been doing this longer. Of course she couldn't be blamed for remembering being with him, especially when sharing his head space. I was glad only Paul was out with them. It would have been worse with more of the pack.

By the time she'd wound down I was ready for sleep. I drove back more bleary eyed than I normally would allow myself and changed quickly for bed. It was only when I was done that I noticed my curtains open. Normally, with windows facing into the forest, this wasn't a problem. I could see Edward's back through it now. At least he had turned around. I didn't know if Jacob was down there drooling somewhere, and I didn't want to. I closed my window with a little more force than necessary and crawled into bed.

* * *

I was a little surprised when there was a knock on my door. I had just finished cooking the noodles for a lasagne and the beef was still in the pan. I turned down the heat, wiped my hands and went to the door.

"Edward," I said, surprised. "What brings you here?" I left the door open and backed up to let him in. Once he started pulling off his jacket I went back to the kitchen.

"I came to ask if you'd come over again tonight."

"Oh." I stirred the beef and added some tomato paste to the mix. "Well, I'll need to finish this first. Also, I have other plans for later tonight." It was Friday and Jacob was coming at dusk.

"It doesn't have to be tonight," he said starting to get up.

"No," I insisted turning to stop him. "This won't take long and I don't need to be back until... eight." That should give me time to shower before Jacob arrived.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Not really. Unless..." I laughed. "I need to cool those noodles down enough to make the lasagne. I suppose you _could_ help with that."

He laughed too and ran his hands through the noodles. I watched the steam rise at his touch. This would be perfect. The sauce would be ready soon, but I'd expected to kill some time waiting for the noodles. I pulled out a pan and greased the bottom before shredding cheese.

"I think, that's got it." He put one of his hands to my cheek and it was delightfully warm, very unusual. I giggled at that.

I filled two pans with lasagne. One went in the freezer to be delivered to the Clearwaters, the other I popped in the oven on low heat. I left a note to Charlie to go ahead and turn it up if he got home before me, and eat. Otherwise, I'd finish it when I got back. Then I grabbed myself a quick apple and washed my hands.

"Good to go," I mumbled around the apple I was trying to finish.

Edward laughed. "We're not in that much of a hurry. Finish your snack. I brought in your mail," he added.

"Thanks." I blushed at my utter lack of etiquette. I took the letters in my free hand. A thick one from the University of Alaska caught my eye. Continuing in my rude behaviour, I held the apple in my mouth while I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the contents. I smiled as I read.

"Where is that from?" He of course recognized an acceptance package.

"The University of Alaska," I said with a silly grin.

"You aren't going to Alaska," he scoffed. He knew how much I enjoyed cold weather. Which is to say, I didn't.

"I might. It will depend on whether or not I get accepted anywhere else," I moaned. Then I cursed quietly. "I still need to apply for Seattle."

"You are thinking of staying in Washington?" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah, I'm not sure Charlie and I are ready to go our separate ways just yet," I murmured remembering the funeral.

"You came for your mother and you stay for your father. You really are too selfless, Bella."

"And you are lucky I am," I retorted with a smirk.

His smile slipped briefly and then returned. "Indeed. No one has benefited more from your selflessness than I." He kissed the inside of my wrist, which still held the papers.

I finished my snack and disposed of the core before turning back to him again. "Really ready this time." I folded the letter and left it next to the note where Charlie would see it.

"Good." He brushed my lips with his. "The family have been clamouring to have you back. You'd think they hadn't seen you in months."

I tipped my head back to laugh. How true that was. He chuckled quietly with me. "And I must say, I am craving some time with you myself." His breath tickled in my ear and made me shiver. My heart skipped a beat.

"I'm sorry to have to put a time limit on it then," I replied honestly.

"Well, you do have other friends, as you've pointed out." He didn't say it snidely or sadly. I was glad he understood.

When I sat in the Volvo, emotion washed over me. It had been so long since I had sat here. I thought of all the questions he'd asked me while I sat in this very seat. I remembered watching the scenery fly by at insane speeds. I felt tears in my eyes and cursed myself for being silly and sentimental.

"Bella?"

I wiped my eyes. "I'm fine, just remembering."

"I remember too." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I turned my head so our lips met. Once again the kiss became something more than I expected. He was pressing me into the door with his hands on my shoulders. I felt his weight on me and my hands were on his back pulling him closer. I had missed him so much. I'd made him stay away, and now I was reaping the reward as the absence made his presence sweeter. I ached for him as he did for me.

His hands started moving, covering my ribs, running to my waist. I shivered at his cold touch, at the pleasure it gave me. His hands wrapped around my back, along my ribs again and drifted lower. I gasped as he squeezed my thigh and I felt his thumb run along the inside of it. "Edward," I gasped.

He backed away quickly. I wasn't sure I'd wanted him to stop. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I blinked several times waiting for my brain to find level again, it was still spinning madly. Even before I'd gotten myself sorted, he was pulling away from my house. I grabbed my seat-belt reflexively. I licked my lips still tasting him.

"You don't need to apologize," were the first words I was able to manage. They sounded broken as my breath was still ragged. His smile was glorious.

We sat with the family for a while. I heard more about the house Esme had been renovating, Jasper's classes, Rose and Emmett's trip. Eventually Edward coaxed me up to his room again. He said he had something to show me.

"It's not the bed again, right?" I verified with a goofy smile. Emmett guffawed behind us.

"No," Edward grinned again, "but feel free to make as much use of that as you like."

I blushed and Emmett laughed harder. This time I heard Alice and Jasper choking back giggles as well.

He sat me on the bed and stood in front of me holding my hands. I was a little anxious about what was coming. "I know you hate being given gifts," he began. Yep, I was right to be anxious. "But since Alice rightfully pointed out my fears, I wanted to make sure I gave this to you... in case..." He couldn't finish the sentence, but dropped one of my hands to pull a box from the night table. It was a jewelry box and my heart pounded faster. I was more anxious than ever. What had he gotten me?

"This was my mother's. She wanted me to give it to the woman I loved, the one I married. And I wanted to make sure it went to you."

My breath stopped. That was too much. I never actually saw what was in the box as lack of oxygen set in first. First there were spots, and then sparks of colour, and then nothing.

* * *

"Bella?" Carlisle was standing next to Edward. I was horizontal to them. I looked up and saw the netting. I was on the bed.

"I fainted?" I checked.

"Yes, you seem fine though. I'll go," he smiled and patted my hand before setting it back on the bed. I put the other to my head.

Edward brushed my cheek with cold fingers. I noticed the level of the light outside. How long had I been out? "Edward? What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

I sighed. "I needed to be home at eight." I started to sit up and he pressed me back down.

"I'm not sure you should get up yet."

"It was a fainting spell. I'm fine. It was just the surprise, that's all. I wasn't ready for... that." His declaration. When he brought his human mother into it, it seemed that much weightier a promise.

"You don't have to take it," he told me.

"No, no. Thank you, Edward. I know what this means to you. I hope you know what it means to me too." I reached out to the box. He lifted it and put it in my hands. I still didn't actually know what was inside; it was closed again. "Now, I really need to get home. Jacob is going to be waiting for me."

"I really don't think you should go right now."

I knew he was honestly concerned about my health, but it sounded like he just didn't want me to go to Jacob. "I'm going, Edward. If you won't drive me, I'll ask Alice."

"I'll drive you." Rosalie was standing in the open doorway. I almost fainted again, but apparently I was getting used to having my legs knocked out from under me.

"Thank you, Rosalie." I said getting up slowly. I kissed Edward quickly and moved to his sister's side.

"Be careful, Bella. He's still a young wolf."

"I will, Edward. I'll be fine."

We were in her BMW when Rosalie finally addressed me again. "You're not taking him back?"

"Not right away. I was starting to make something with Jacob, and I want to find out what it might have been."

Rosalie smiled and nodded. "Good for you."

We drove a little further when my curiosity got the better of me. "Why did you offer to give me a ride?"

"Because I want to find out what it will be too." I shook my head; that didn't make a lot of sense. "I was angry that Edward uprooted us, but I was thrilled he was forcing you to have a normal life. I always wanted one."

There was no end to the bombshells that were going to be dropped on me tonight. Next Jacob was going to propose to me on the top of a mountain! "I guess I can understand that. I never learned what happened to you. Edward didn't want to tell me about it. He told me about Esme and Emmett, but not you."

"It's a very disturbing story. Not one I can fit into this drive. Let's just say that death would have been a comfort." I didn't understand, but nodded regardless.

"Make him pay, Bella," she said with a smirk. "He's always been too cocky, that brother of mine."

I laughed at that. "I think I've already started."

"Yes, and thank you for that. Have fun tonight." She pulled away. I thought I'd just become friends with Rosalie. Well maybe not quite that, but she didn't seem to loathe me as much anymore. That was... good. I ran upstairs for a quick shower before Jacob arrived.

Charlie still wasn't home so I turned off the oven and put the covered pan in the fridge, after dishing myself out a piece. I was still scarfing it down, in my bra, when Jacob opened the door. There I was, caught being a pig, again tonight.

"'ant some?" I asked around my mouthful.

Jacob laughed. "Yes please."

I pulled the still mostly warm pan out of the fridge and pulled out another slice. I popped it in the microwave before returning the pan to the fridge. Then I pulled my shirt on. Jacob hadn't been ogling too badly until he realized the show was over. "Eyes front," I commanded and he snapped them up. I giggled. "I just didn't want to get any on the shirt when I was rushing." I brought his portion to the table and stopped using my fork as a shovel.

"This is really good, Bella. I wish I could cook. I mean, I know how to make simple stuff, but something like this?"

"This isn't that tough, just takes time." I finished up and took my plate to the sink. I bent double, shaking out my wet hair, trying to encourage it to dry faster.

I felt a hand on my bottom and threw my hair back, catching Jake in the face. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry," he said, unapologetic, smirk prominent.

I shook my head. Then Charlie came in. "Hey Dad. Did you eat at Sue's?"

"Nope, and I'm starved." He pulled off his boots.

"There's a whole pan of lasagne in the fridge, still warm."

"Great." Jacob finished eating just as Charlie sat down. "You two headed out?" he asked.

"Yeah, Jake says he knows a place we can star gaze. I'm calling his bluff." I warmed another plate for Charlie.

"Have fun. Don't hurry home."

I rolled my eyes. He would never say that if I were out with Edward. "Playing favourites?" I whispered in his ear as I set his plate in front of him.

He didn't answer and I took Jacob's hand on the way out. He led me to the path in the woods by our house. It brought back bad memories. This was where Edward had said good-bye. Where he'd lied; where he'd tried to break my heart; where he'd nearly succeeded. Hopefully those memories would be replaced now.

"What's up, Bells? What's with the scowl?"

I didn't even realize I was scowling. "This is where Edward told me he was leaving," I spat.

"Oh. Well I'm leaving too, but I'm taking you with me," he said with a grin. He pulled off his shirt and my breath caught as it often did. He noticed and flexed.

"Show off," I muttered. He turned away from me and pulled down his shorts. I blushed and looked at my feet. I wasn't expecting that.

"You're gonna want to see this part," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not sure I do, Jacob."

He laughed. "No. I mean you haven't actually watched one of us phase, have you? Don't worry, I'm still turned away. Unless you _want _me to turn around."

"No!" I looked up, startled, and saw him half crouched looking over his shoulder. His shorts were tied to his leg now and his shirt and shoes were on one of the fallen trees. Then I watched him explode. He shook and then his skin seemed to split. I shrieked a little. I'd seen Leah turn back to human, twice actually, but I'd never seen any of them become the wolf. It looked painful.

I stepped forward cautiously and he turned sidelong, his tongue lolling in a dog grin. "Does that - hurt?"

He didn't answer, of course. He dropped to his knees and I remembered that I was supposed to be riding tonight. I grabbed the scruff of his neck, my hands shaking a little. I pulled myself up, worried I was hurting him. The skin seemed to shift easily though and no sound betrayed pain. Then I was up. I tried to figure out how to sit myself on his back. I was just behind his shoulder blades, but my legs couldn't wrap around his sides, he was too big, too wide. I bent my knees and tried to hang on by his neck instead, my knees pressing into him.

As I'd requested, he started slowly, trotting along the path. I adjusted to the rolling movement of his muscles and figured out how to hold on. Then he sped up a little, a jogging run. I was still all right. Somehow the movement wasn't as fluid as Edward's. When Edward ran, we seemed to be flying rather than running. Riding Jacob was more like riding any other animal, I was jostled, the scenery moved accordingly, and it made it easier for my mind to accept. He broke into a full run heading for the peak he planned to take me to. I laughed at the feeling of the wind running through my hair and his, the rushing sound wasn't frightening now, it was exhilarating.

I put my face into the fur behind his ears. "Thank you," I murmured. "This is wonderful."

He put on another turn of speed and I gasped. I didn't think he could go faster. No wonder the other wolves couldn't catch him. Well except Leah. I'd learned she was even faster than Jacob; probably due to her smaller sleeker frame. She was built for running.

Jacob slowed as he climbed. I felt my lungs burn the higher we went. As promised, we broke through a cloud layer and I suddenly felt damp all over. Now the stars were clear pinpricks in the sky. Jacob found a level stretch and I slid off him. "I wish I'd thought to bring a blanket," I complained looking at the rock we were standing on. When I looked up again, Jacob was in his shorts and tying the cord to his leg.

"You can lay on me again." He grinned like that was his plan the whole time.

I started beside him but did eventually shift over to lay on top of him. The ground was cold too, but he was warm. He put one hand on my belly while the other pointed out constellations and told stories. Even in Phoenix I'd never really done any star gazing, so I didn't know the classic constellations anyway. I was happy to learn his instead.

As the night drew on he twisted me to lie face down on him instead. "So, good date?" he asked, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"Good date," I said kissing him.

He folded his arms around my back and sighed. "You have no idea how happy I am to be with you, Bella. I was so scared you'd hate me after the way I treated you. It was terrible, but I knew I had to push you away, at least a little. I never wanted to. I wanted to hold you like this the whole time."

"I have some experience with people pushing me away for my own safety." That made him frown. "And I don't hold it against either of you. That's part of what makes this situation so much more difficult." I put my head down against his throat and he stroked my hair and back.

"I'm sorry it's hard for you, Bella."

"No. Don't be sorry for that." I kissed him again. "You make me feel wonderful. That's not something you apologize for."

"Um... I'm sorry he came back?"

I snorted. "I don't doubt you are. I'm not though. Even if it is confusing and difficult. I feel better knowing he's around. Something is missing when he's gone. Just like it was when you were gone."

I snuggled in closer and he kissed the top of my head. "Have I told you I love you, Bella?"

"Yes. You know I love you too, right?"

"Yeah."

And that was Jacob and I. We didn't need declarations and vows. We just knew. I wondered what that meant, and decided it didn't mean anything. It meant that I loved him and knew him. I loved Edward even if I didn't know him. There was a lot more of Edward to know. Years and years of him. Jacob and I fit so easily together. I molded myself to Edward, but I didn't need to change to match Jacob. They were so different, and I loved them both so very much, just in different ways. I knew, one day, I would have to make a choice. I dreaded that day. I prayed the other wouldn't leave me completely. They were both my friends as much as they were my loves.

Jacob, being Jacob, sensed my thoughts. He pulled me up. "I'm never leaving you, Bella. Even if you do pick him. I'm never going to stop looking out for you, loving you. You know that right?" He held my cheek and put his nose to mine, stroking it.

"I didn't, but I do now. I'll always love you too."

I met his lips then and our kiss was simple, but full. I laid my cheek next to his and breathed with him, feeling our bodies rise and fall together.

"Time to go?" he asked as I sat up again.

"Maybe?"

He sat up then as well, wrapping my legs around his waist before putting his arms back around me. "Maybe not," he whispered. He kissed me again, pulling my chest to his.

I tiptoed through the front door. Charlie should be in bed by now, and I didn't want to wake him. I climbed to my room and found a note next to the jewelry box I'd left on my bed. I hesitated a moment and then lifted it to read.

_A symbol of my desire to be with you forever,_

_Your Edward_

He really didn't need to sign it. Who else would it be from? Still, the possessive made me smile. I opened the box now. It was a necklace, with a heart-shaped diamond pendant. It was far too opulent for me to wear, but I would keep and cherish it always. I hoped I could keep Edward for always too. I turned on his lullaby and opened my scrapbook to Watcher Black. I fell asleep with both of them on my mind.

* * *

So, Jacob got the first date. Don't worry, Edward makes his reply soon.

Thanks as always to my Betas Sharebear and CullenObsession.

In other news, I'm entered in a couple of contests! Please check out www()fanfiction()net/u/2170415/Jekyll_and_Cullen for the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Cullen contest and www()fanfiction()net/u/2263038/A_Very_Sexy_Un-Birthday for the Very Sexy Unbirthday Contest (voting on that one doesn't open until Friday). Also, I don't know if I'll make the cut, but be sure to check the Black Balloon contest too. www()fanfiction()net/u/2247006/


	11. Chapter 11

I spent the weekend with Leah. We went to Port Angeles, and I bought new pyjamas for both of us. I figured, if I've got an audience, I should play the part. They weren't lingerie by any standard, though the ones I got for Leah could definitely be classed that way. Simple satin pants and button down shirt. It would be too warm to wear them soon, but I'd keep them for the fall. That made me wonder where I'd be in the fall.

She also filled me in on the gossip with the pack. I couldn't believe Jacob hadn't told me Quil had imprinted, especially on a two year-old! Of course it was likely only because the last time I'd seen him was our date. Probably not the best time to bring up deep sentimental attachments to children. Leah was there at the time and couldn't believe her own eyes.

"He was so sweet with her, Bella. Like she was his own kid. He's still a kid himself! Emily and Sam were creeped right out; thought he was going molest her or something."

"Quil?!" I was shocked.

"I know! He didn't of course, just held her hand and gave her horsey rides all afternoon. She didn't leave his side for the rest of the day. I think he's been running to Makah at night, just to see her."

"That's so sweet," I cooed.

"I don't know, but I've noticed him when I'm on patrol and he's outside a house, and it's not one I recognize." Her grin was huge. "He's so happy now that he's has her." Her smile slipped. "Do you think I might imprint? No one has imprinted on me, obviously."

"Maybe. No one has imprinted on me either," I reminded her with a grin.

"Yeah, Jake sure wishes he did. Then maybe you'd forget Cullen."

"Does he think that?" I wondered aloud.

"Course he does. He doesn't want you with that leech any more than I do. He's no good for you Bella. Jake can hurt you, but Edward can do it so much more easily, all the time."

I didn't think the difference was as big as she made it out to be. Jacob's ability to hurt me was just as ever-present as Edward's and equally unlikely. Neither of them lost control around me. Still, Leah had given me something to think about. Jacob hadn't imprinted on me, which meant there was always the chance he would imprint on someone. Then where would I be? With Edward? Maybe, if I hadn't pushed him too far away. And how old would I be then? I tried to banish these thoughts from my mind. I wasn't ready to make that decision in any case. And certainly fear of loss should not be the basis of my choice. I was better than that.

Monday Edward absconded with me at lunch, claiming it was too nice not to eat outside. Of course it was still cloudy, but at least it wasn't raining. I let him lead me away, wondering what he was up to.

"I wanted to ask you to go to a concert with me this weekend. Saturday, specifically."

"Oh." I was a little startled. Edward had never really taken me on any 'dates', unless you counted prom, which I certainly didn't. That was an obligation, not a date. "What concert?" I couldn't remember hearing of anyone interesting coming. There was one band playing Tacoma in June that I thought I might get tickets to, but nothing now.

"The Seattle Symphony." My jaw dropped open a little. "They're performing a few of Bach's harpsichord concertos and I thought you might enjoy it."

"I would." I tried to remember what a harpsichord was. Was it that little thing you strummed while pressing down buttons? At any rate, it sounded marvellous. "What would I wear?" I blurted without thinking.

"I believe Alice had plans and a wardrobe for you. Don't worry, it isn't overly formal, but as she reminds me, you only have the one skirt." His smile was full of humour.

I chuckled. "Because I have so many occasions to need one."

"Speaking of occasions, I know it might not be something you _want _to do, but-" My heart began to race as he stammered for words. This was either going to be very good or very bad. "You could wear my mother's necklace with whatever Alice chooses for you."

I let out the breath I had been holding. "That's a great idea. I'll be sure to bring it. I wonder what time Alice will want me to begin the makeover." I groaned at the word.

"She thinks two will be early enough."

"How early is the concert?" I asked.

"It's not until eight. She wants to spend time with you," he whispered and I smiled. Of course she did.

"Very well, I will talk to Charlie and be at your place three o'clock on Saturday." I leaned into his shoulder and he put his arm around me.

That turned out to be easier said than done. "You want to go out with Edward?" Charlie verified. "Even though he didn't call you while he was gone?"

"Yes, Dad. I still want to go out with Edward. He's taking me to the Symphony."

Charlie choked on his beer. "In Seattle? No. Absolutely not."

"What? What's the matter with Seattle?"

"Haven't you heard the news?" he asked, passing me the paper.

I looked at the headline, **Death toll on the rise, police fear gang activity**

"You remember I used to live in Phoenix, right? Gang activity? Death tolls? Weren't a reason for me to stay home."

"I don't want you going to Seattle." He met my eye and I knew our stubbornness was equal. How could I tip it in my favour?

"We wouldn't be anywhere dodgy. We're going to the Symphony! Do you really expect a turf war over Bach's concertos?"

He humphed but wasn't budged. "We'll just go to the concert and straight home. I'll eat at the Cullens. No side trips, no sight-seeing, nothing. I'll call when we leave and you'll know when I get home."

"You'll call?" His eyebrow arched.

"Alice is making me over again," I grumbled, but it made him grin. I thought maybe I'd gained an inch.

"No where else? Just the Symphony?"

"You have my word. You can have Edward's too, if that meant anything to you," I muttered the last part.

"I'll think about it," he muttered. There was a knock on the door and Jacob let himself in.

"Well don't think about it too long. I'd hate for the tickets to be wasted." I went to greet Jacob with a peck on the cheek. "Staying or going?" I asked.

"I thought we'd stay. Unless Charlie wants us to split."

"Nah, have a seat."

I waited for Charlie to bring up the concert again. I could just see Jacob putting Charlie's back up again so he'd make it a firm no. I was surprised when Charlie's attention stayed on the game. I leaned into Jacob and tried to watch the game too.

The week slipped by easily. I got a howl the first time Jacob spotted my new pyjamas. I stuck my tongue out and closed my blinds. Alice never stopped talking about the dress she'd gotten for me. I didn't care so much about the dress, but I prayed she'd gotten me real shoes this time. I planned to pack my dressiest black flats along, just in case.

And so, after spending the morning with Leah, I was being buffed and scrubbed and masked at Alice's cold hands. I'd seen the dress before cucumbers covered my eyes. It looked fine on the hanger; floor length, strapless, and black. Pretty simple actually. I was sure it would look like more when I had it on. Alice didn't know the meaning of simple.

"Really, Bella. What have you been doing with your hands?" she asked as she filed my ragged nails.

"Catching myself from falling?" I tended to do that a lot. It led to many a broken nail.

"Well at least now you have two strong arms to help you with that," she teased.

"Oh please, Alice. I don't have a boy on my arm every hour of the day."

"You could. You should," she mumbled.

I chuckled and tried to enjoy relaxing in her chair. It wasn't easy. I felt antsy.

Rosalie came in after my mask was removed and Alice had started on the makeup. "Big night?" Like she didn't know.

"Yes. Edward is taking me to the Symphony." Alice clucked as my face moved while I spoke. I glared at her.

"Ah. What were you planning to do with her hair?" Rose asked Alice.

"I thought I'd leave it down."

"In that dress?" Rosalie shook her head. "No, let's do it up." She started piling my curls on top of my head and pinning. I winced a couple times when I got jabbed and she smirked at me in the mirror. If Alice hadn't been lining my lips....

Alice brought me up a plate of food a little after four. "Careful not to smudge. I'll reapply when you're finished. She went to work on my pedicure while I ate. I didn't quite understand why. No one would see my feet under that skirt. A little while later I was being zipped in. Sure enough, the dress did look more spectacular when worn. There were subtle layers in the skirt and the bodice had a folded quality to it, as though the left breast tucked under the right. Alice finished it off with a pair of pumps that didn't look like they'd kill me and elbow length black satin gloves.

Rosalie combed a tiara-like hairpiece over the pins on the top of my head. I winced again as it pulled my already strained roots. "Baby," she said with smirk.

"Sadist," I said with the same expression. She laughed. "Oh, Alice, can you pass me the box." She would know which one of course.

"No way. Edward gets that honour." I blushed as she took the box and snapped a camera. She left me with Rosalie then.

I took another look in the mirror. "Not overly formal," I muttered. "I don't want to know what his idea of formal is."

Rose chuckled. "Alice just overdoes everything."

I walked out, careful not to catch my toes in my skirt, and descended the stair case.

I heard Emmett whistle and Rosalie flashed past me. I didn't see either when I got to the bottom of the stairs.

"You look amazing," Edward murmured. That was when I first looked up from my toes and his. He was wearing black. That always looked amazing against his pale skin. His jacket was mandarin cut and suited him very well. I saw he had the box in his hands. "May I?" he asked opening it.

I was glad no one was around as he pulled the gold chain around my neck. I was also glad my hair was up. If I'd had to lift it he would see me trembling. His breath on the back of neck made me shiver, and then his hands, and then his lips. I closed my eyes and sighed, leaning into him.

"Alice overestimates my strength, putting your hair up. I don't know how I will resist your neck all night."

I blushed. "Actually, you will have to blame Rosalie."

"Of course," he said in an odd tone. He kissed my neck once more. "But we should be going or we'll be late."

"Yes, just one minute." I grabbed their phone and called Charlie. I was glad he had no idea when the concert was; he'd be wondering how we were going to get there in time. As it was, he wouldn't know if I were a little delayed getting in the door.

"We're leaving now, Dad. I'll see you when we get home."

"Be careful, Bella."

"We will."

I didn't feel overdressed as we entered Benaroya Hall. Several ladies were more finely dressed than I. Several wore simpler cocktail dresses too. I felt eyes on us and was sure they were for Edward. Until I heard him growl very lightly. I looked more closely and noticed how many _male _heads were turned. I blushed a little and Edward kissed me under the ear. "You are tempting more than just me tonight," he admitted in a whisper.

The concert was wonderful. The music seemed to come from all around us. Edward held my hand and watched my expression. I didn't look at him much, focusing instead on the stage which was right in front of us. I was in awe of the musicians, of the instruments. The harpsichord was a beautiful piece, covered in carving and gold.

Edward kissed my cheek at one point and I felt a dampness. I lifted my gloved hand and noticed for the first time that I was crying. I sniffed once and dabbed the corners of my eyes. I smiled at Edward. "Thank you," I whispered.

"Thank you," he answered and we both joined the applause erupting.

The orchestra started the last piece and I took Edward's hand in both of mine. Watching him this time. He turned to me as well and it felt like the music was playing between us. He leaned closer to me as the piece continued and his lips met mine, gently, carefully. His eyes fell to the pendant at my neck. "I love you, Bella Swan," he whispered in a voice as smooth as silk.

"I love you too." It sounded so lame in my crackly voice.

He smiled though and held my eyes as the piece ended. We didn't linger in the Hall afterward, Edward leading me to the car. He tensed and straightened from my side.

"What is it?" I asked him, the wind blowing my hair. I put a hand to it, hoping it wouldn't pull any more.

"Vampire," he whispered. "Not one I know. Let's get out of here." He opened my door and almost pushed me in.

He closed his door a second later and I hoped no one had noticed how quick he had been. "I knew there was a newborn in Seattle. I shouldn't have brought you here, Bella. It was foolish. Forgive me."

"A newborn?" I didn't understand.

"A new vampire. When we are first transformed we are... volatile. This one is lucky he, or she, hasn't attracted more attention."

I shook my head in confusion and disbelief. "The murders are..."

"Feedings. He, or she, is careless. The Volturi will come for this one soon."

We were flying down the highway at this point and I tried to comprehend this new knowledge. Edward had been so reluctant for me to even learn how new vampires were made. It had taken a lot of coercion to learn much of anything about the process, beyond pain. He was always quick to remind me of that part. Especially since I'd had a taste of it.

Well, he needn't worry about that any longer. I wasn't nearly as frightened of being older than him as I once was. I had lived without him enough months, lived with rumors about him, about me. I didn't care nearly as much what other people thought. Who knew, maybe he would leave me again.

Would I really want to spend eternity without Edward? Certainly not.

Still, a newborn in Seattle. And Victoria out there, somewhere. I was more grateful than ever that I had a vampire and wolf guarding my room each night.

That was silly. Why would a newborn leave a populated place like Seattle to come to Forks? It was ridiculous. Just like the speed Edward was driving at. We were practically home and I hadn't even finished thinking about newborn vampires.

He pulled off the highway, but not at his house. "Edward?"

We didn't go much farther though, along the dirt track. It overlooked Lake Pleasant. The clouds parted enough to show the moon reflected on the rippling water. "Is this a little clichéd?" he asked.

I chuckled. "No, not at all." I leaned over to kiss him, my hand on his cheek.

"My sisters live to torment me," he murmured.

"How so?" I asked, sitting back. He held my hand to him.

"This," he said, trailing his hand up my glove to my elbow. "And this," he put his lips to my neck again. "And this," his kissed down along my collarbone right to edge of my dress, to the center of my chest. My breasts were heaving by that point. "They know all my weaknesses."

His cold nose trailed along the top edge of my dress again as I felt him slowly pulling off my glove. As he pulled he moved my arm to his side, wrapping the glove around himself. He kissed his way back up to my lips, stopping at the pendant. "That looks beautiful on you too."

"Edward Cullen," I murmured when I had breath. "I do believe you are trying to seduce me." My smile was broad as I used the hand on his side to pull him closer to me, kissing him deeply. Although his tongue explored my mouth I was careful mine never passed his lips. I did tangle with his in my mouth. It was oddly dry, not like Jacob's kisses. Then I remembered any moistness in his kiss would be venom, not saliva. Just as well. He still tasted divine.

He was hungry for me and I started to fear just what would come from this. I shouldn't have, Edward would never hurt me. But the unknown was still frightening. I felt my zipper slowly being opened, one pair of teeth at a time. His hands found new skin to explore and my teeth chattered.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"Not really," and it was true. I was chilled but that wasn't why my teeth were vibrating. I thought all of me must be vibrating right now. He turned the engine and the heat back on, regardless. I noticed he didn't move much to manage it. His hands quickly found their place again.

I tiptoed into the house, but I shouldn't have bothered. Charlie was sitting on the couch.

"Kinda late isn't it?" he asked. It was half past one.

"Well we did drive all the way back from Seattle," I reminded him.

"I suppose. Had a good time?" he asked and I noticed him looking at my mouth. I'd been careful to wipe away any smudges before leaving Edward. He seemed to want to wear his home.

"Yes. It was a wonderful concert. But it is late, and it's going to take me an hour to pull all the pins out of my hair. Goodnight, Dad."

He turned off the TV and followed me up.

* * *

The next week I got an acceptance from the University of Jacksonville. I called Renee right away to let her know. Jake was over when I opened it and congratulated me as well. "Sun and surf, eh?" he joked.

"Yeah, well. I used to like the sun."

"It's pretty far though," he murmured looking a little downcast.

"I applied to the University of Washington too," I told him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'm not going anywhere for a few more months," I reminded him.

"Thank goodness for that."

He stayed with me in my room for part of the evening. He sat up from lounging on my bed.

"What is it Jake?"

"Alpha howl. I gotta go," he jumped out the window. I watched him run for the trees and wondered what was going on.

It was only after I showered and changed for bed that I realized I was alone. Neither Edward nor any of the wolves were outside right now. I sat on my bed with my knees pulled up, hoping whoever returned first would let me know they were there. I left my light on so they would know I wasn't asleep. There was no way I could sleep.

What had Sam called Jacob for? Jacob and every other wolf, I was sure. What was keeping Edward? He was usually in the tree outside by now. What were they doing? Were they all right? I turned on my CD player. I'd found some Bach in my library and had swapped out Edward's disc for the first time in months. It didn't soothe me.

It was three am when I heard a knock on my window and opened it. Edward came through. He was followed moments later by Jacob. I hugged each as he came in. "What happened?" I whispered.

"Victoria," Edward hissed.

Jacob growled with him. "She got away."

"Only because one of your pack went after Emmett."

"His butt was over the line. Paul was within his rights."

"Wait. Emmett? Paul?" I asked.

"Both are fine. Jasper and Carlisle calmed things down." Edward tried to calm me. "But not before Victoria escaped. It was like she knew where the line was."

"Yeah, kept slipping from one side to the other. Slimy leech."

"So why did you let her?" I asked.

They both looked at me like I'd suggested ending the world. "We wouldn't break the treaty," Jacob growled.

"And we _didn't_ break the treaty. Emmett was on neutral ground."

"Neutral my ass."

"Your ass..."

"Stop! You're going to wake Charlie," I rasped.

The both looked down, ashamed. "What I meant was, why don't you work together? Edward can read your minds, you could let him know when she's crossing over. And you," I looked to Edward now. "Isn't there some way you could pass them the same message? Or maybe you," I looked to Jacob again, "could let them over for the sake of catching her? Isn't getting rid of an obvious threat more important than a stupid line?"

They continued to look at me like I was suggesting an apocalypse. "Fine. Forget I said anything. She's gone again?" I asked.

They both nodded.

"Good, then I'm going to get some sleep. I was worried sick for both of you. I'm glad you're both okay." I gave each another hug before turning for my blankets.

"I really like the jammers, Bells."

"Shut up, Jacob," I said with a yawn and smile.

I climbed into my bed while they lingered at my window. I closed my eyes and felt a hot kiss followed by a cold one on my cheek. I smiled more broadly.

* * *

If Edward had planned another date, Jacob and Leah beat him to the punch. They had a very good invitation too. The elders were planning to retell the wolf stories Friday night at La Push. I made plans to spend the night at the Clearwater house. I left my new pyjamas at home, knowing Leah tended to heat the room she was in. I'd be better off in my shorts and T-shirt.

Edward was happy to hear I was staying in La Push. He was going to be out of town for the weekend. "Most of us were going hunting this weekend. Alice was going to stay to watch your place, but now she'll probably come with us."

"Well, good. She shouldn't stay just for me."

"We want to do our part to ensure your safety, Bella." His tone was patronizing. No wonder the wolves were so quick to step to my defence, it was also their own. Still, I would never shun an extra protector.

The evening started with a wiener roast. I was truly appalled by the appetites surrounding me. And being someone who twice bled in a room full of vampires, that's saying something. I sat beside Quil for a while. I'd missed him recently. We didn't get to hike like we used to, and I'd spent nearly all of my La Push time with Leah or Jacob. Leah telling me about his imprinting had really brought home just how little time I'd gotten with him.

"So, how's the wolf treating you?" Wow, that was a lame ice breaker. I needed practice.

He laughed at me. "Not bad. Getting the hang of it. Doesn't hurt anymore." I'd finally gotten an answer to that question. It did hurt at first, until the mind and body adjusted to the change. Control over phasing came soon after, and I knew Quil was at that point.

"I hear there's a new woman in your life," I teased.

He laughed louder. "Woman is definitely a stretch. Claire is great, Bella. You have to meet her sometime. Sweet kid. Although Emily tells me she's being a bear to her parents because she wants to see me."

"Does she know you visit?"

"I think so. She looks right at me through her window sometimes. I know we didn't 'explain' that I'm also a wolf, but I'm pretty sure she's on to me." His smile was broad.

"What's that like? Leah said you were acting like she was your own kid. Is that what it feels like?"

"No. But sort of. I definitely want to protect her as much as her own parents. But where her mom and dad can easily say, 'No, Claire', I don't think I could. I think it would hurt me to do that."

"Wow. You better not babysit much. She figures that out and you'll have a spoiled child on your hands...." I laughed and he chuckled with me. Then he shoved an entire hot dog in his mouth. "You guys are so disgusting." I shook my head and went to sit between Jacob and Leah.

Jacob quickly moved me to sit in his lap. I arched an eyebrow, but didn't object. "Who's that?" I asked nodding toward the girl sitting with Jared on the other side of the fire.

"Kim. They've been in class together for ages, and he'd never really thought about her. Then, after he phases the first time, and _pow_, imprint."

"How do you know he _never_ thought about her?"

"Shared mind, remember."

"Oh, right." I watched the two of them more closely now. The way Jared gazed on her was adoring. There really was no one else in the world as far as he was concerned. Just like Quil thought of Claire now. It was almost scary. They didn't really choose at all. My attention was diverted by Billy moving closer to the fire, the center of our ring.

"I've been waiting for this forever," Leah whispered to me. "I haven't heard these stories since I was a kid. And I'm pretty sure there are some I've never heard at all."

"Really?" I started to wonder if I should be here. I was neither wolf nor imprint. Jacob snuggled me tighter into his chest and I knew his opinion.

Everyone seemed to move to the edges of their seats. Emily even pulled out a pen and notebook to take notes. I wondered if I should have done the same. Jacob kissed the top of my head and I looked to Leah who had sat back and closed her eyes, a serene look came over her features and I was sure she was ready to receive anything and everything the elders were about to give her.

Billy's voice was changed. It wasn't the simple husky humor with which he spoke so often. It was heavy with history and magic. He spoke of the Quileute tribe and the magic in their blood. The magic I had seen first-hand. The first story was that of Kaheleha, the first Spirit Chief who led his warriors out of their bodies to defend their land.

Even without bodies the Quileutes found a way to fight. They used the wind and the animals, particularly the domestic animals of their enemies to frighten their enemies from their shores. Finally, they were able to find other small tribes, the Hoh and Makah, with which to ally.

Next came the story of Taha Aki, the last of the Spirit Chiefs. I was still trying to imagine existing without a body when Billy told of Utlapa, who would use their ability to increase the tribe's, but mostly his own power. The idea of killing one's own body to steal another. It was so repulsive, so evil, I reacted with the others the next time Utlapa's name was uttered. I was so engrossed in the story I felt the impotence of Taha Aki as Utlapa did unheard of things; I felt grief with him when he killed one of his fellow warriors; I felt relief when he shared the body of the wolf. I gasped when Taha Aki, still in the wolf's body, became a man. I bounced on Jacob's lap with excitement when he stopped the traitor. Jacob chuckled and kissed my cheek.

It was then that I came back to the circle around me and realized these were descendants of Taha Aki. I also remembered that Sam was counted among the elders now, he was the chief. And Jacob could take his place, his rightful place. I suddenly understood why he hadn't. Only sixteen and chief of a tribe? Of course Sam was only a few years older.

I listened to the boys jab each other about their coats and what they represented. I just remembered how beautiful they all were. Well, the ones I'd seen, Leah, Seth, Jacob, Embry, Quil.

When Billy began the telling again it was of the sons of Taha Aki, the ones who chose to transform and the ones that didn't. The ones that did, didn't age. Jacob wouldn't age either? I was the only one who would grow old. Edward and Jacob would both be young and beautiful years after I was wrinkled and grey. I looked to old Quil who was rising to continue the story. I saw myself as Gran again, surrounded by my young friends and loves. Could I do it? Was I strong enough for that? Would eternal youth be better? Even if it meant shunning everyone in this circle?

Quil was starting the story of the third wife and I shivered at the Makah girls taken and the description of the vampire who killed them. I felt tears in my eyes at Yaha Uta watching his brother torn apart in the vampire's hands. The vampire trying to reassemble himself made my stomach twinge. Even though I knew I relied on this ability to protect the vampires I loved, the image of a hand reaching for an arm made me sick.

Jacob tried to soothe me, especially when I gasped at the bag Billy pulled from around his neck. "I'll never let them touch you, Bella," he whispered. I reminded myself that I had a protector, more than one. I reached out and squeezed Leah's hand. She smiled and chuckled at my reactions.

I curled into Jacob, wanting him to protect me from the Cold Woman old Quil described. My heart ached for the third wife, watching her son die at the hands of this fiend and then her husband fighting alone. I pictured Jacob fighting Victoria, of course he would never fight her alone, but I didn't doubt I would follow the third wife's example to try to save the one I loved.

When the story turned to Ephraim Black, I turned to look into Jacob's eyes and he met my gaze with intent. He would stay true to his grandfather's treaty. He wouldn't risk his pack for the Cullens. When the boys' exchanges broke the magic again Jacob kissed me and I held tightly to him. Wanting him to keep me safe; wanting to be able to keep him safe.

Then I leapt from him to hug Leah. "Thank you."

"Wha?" she had closed her eyes again and not come out of her trance until I startled her.

"You saw her come for me, just like Taha Aki's sons."

"It wasn't quite that conscious, Bella." She laughed at me. "Just something in the blood. Makes us all stupid, I guess." I heard Jacob and Seth chuckle with her.

We lingered around the fire until I was asleep where I sat. Jacob slung me onto his back and I chuckled as I woke enough to notice. "What? Seth can't carry me?" I moaned.

"I totally could."

"Nah, you'd get him too hot and bothered. He wolf on you for sure," Jacob jibed.

I heard Leah snort and Seth's indignant, "I would not!" I fell back to sleep and barely woke enough to pull off my jeans after I was laid down in Leah's room.

* * *

So, a harpsichord is both the lap-sized instrument that you use buttons to choose keys AND the piano-like instrument which uses hammers to choose separate notes. Bach's concertos are written for the latter.

Please check out some of the contests I'm entered in. These are nearly all rated M though (just so's you know)

Jekyll and Cullen: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2170415/Jekyll_and_Cullen

Sexy Unbirthday: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2263038/A_Very_Sexy_Un-Birthday

Black Balloon: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2247006/ (Don't try to vote for me though)

Fun with your Clothes on: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2291087/FunWithYourClothesOn

A big thank you to my betas, Sharebear and CullenObsession. And a thank you to LolaRosa for her wonderous reviews and her thoughtful notes reminding what a good review is.


	12. Chapter 12

When I got home after work Monday, Charlie had a thick envelope for me. "I think this makes three?"

I smiled and took the envelope from him. "Yes, it does. What do you think of this one?" I asked, knowing he'd seen the letter head.

"I think Seattle is a very dangerous place right now. But, as you've told me before, you've lived in bigger cities than Seattle. I'd be thrilled to keep you here, but you should go to Jacksonville. Your mother misses you."

"And the fact that Jacksonville doesn't currently have a crime spree has nothing to do with it."

"Absolutely nothing." He lied as badly as I did.

I took the laundry upstairs and went to pull out my pyjamas for the night. They weren't in the basket. I checked the hamper — nothing. I also noticed my portion of the laundry was lighter than it should have been.

"Dad? Is there another basket down there?"

I heard a rustle before Charlie called up. "No, you got it all."

I put the clothes away carefully, trying to figure out what had happened to several of my shirts. My sleep shirt was not in fabulous shape, part of the reason I'd bought new pyjamas in the first place. Annoyed, I pulled up my blinds and opened my window. Jacob padded out of the forest and Edward was already in the tree outside. "Which of you wise guys took my pyjamas?"

Jacob ducked in the trees before answering, "I didn't. Did you leave them at Leah's?"

"I didn't take them to Leah's." I looked at Edward. "You've taken my stuff before. Hide it somewhere?"

He frowned. "Of course not. May I come in?"

"Yes."

Jacob followed him. Edward's reaction already had me on edge. He'd frozen in place once he landed in my room.

"It's the same one," he murmured.

"That's not you," Jacob complained. "What bloodsucker is that? It's not the redhead either."

"No, it's a newborn. I caught his scent in Seattle."

"When was he here?" Jacob asked Edward. I was getting pissed; had they forgotten I was in the room?

"Not long ago. Must have been when she was on the reservation. Someone's been here any other time."

"Probably that night. Someone's been patrolling every other time of day."

"Hello? I'm still here. Are you saying this new vampire took my clothes?"

Edward's face fell. Jacob and I both stared at him, confused. What was he thinking? "He took your clothes ... Is anything else missing?"

"Yeah, my pillow case is gone."

"Things with your scent. Why would he take your scent?"

"I'm going to phase. Sam needs to know about this." He kissed me quickly. "I'm going to be out here all night, Bella."

"Thanks, Jacob, but you should get some sleep."

"Not likely. Not tonight, anyway. Your friend here has scared any thought of sleep right out of me." He cocked his head to Edward before launching out the window.

"I'm not going anywhere either," he told me. "Why would a newborn come here? What use could he make of your scent?"

"Um, Edward? You are going somewhere."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Bella." He kissed me almost as chastely as Jacob had. "Try to sleep."

"Yeah, that's likely," I muttered.

* * *

Alice informed me of her intention to hold a graduation party. "It's for you, but I've sort of invited the entire class," she admitted to me at lunch.

"Want to rival the Newton Halloween Party, do you?"

"Good luck with that," Mike responded. "We had girls stabbing people. I bet your party doesn't have those."

I laughed with him. "And don't forget the bull whips. It's not a party without bull whips." I made a whipping motion.

We laughed harder until people started staring. I sobered up first. "Ahem. I'm sure a Cullen party will manage to surprise us all. It'll be at your place?" I asked.

"Yes," Alice responded, not put out in the least by our admiration for the party she had missed.

Heads around the table turned. Everyone was interested in seeing where the Cullens lived.

"Really?" Jessica asked.

"Yes, really," Alice said before getting up to go to class.

That night, both Jacob and Edward found reasons to enter my bedroom, on separate occasions. Edward assured me that he only wanted to verify that my visitor hadn't returned. Jacob claimed it was just because he liked my room better than his own.

"It's cozier. Mine's just crowded. Yours is small but comfy," he claimed, snuggling with me on the bed. It was much easier to snuggle with Jacob than Edward. I didn't start shivering, for one thing. He was also softer than Edward. "Have you added any more pictures to this recently?" he asked, opening my scrapbook.

"Not really. I think I'll save the rest for graduation photos. There are only a handful of pages left."

Opening the book anyway, he flipped pages. Then, he whistled. "That one's new. Damn Bella, you look hot. When was this and why wasn't I invited?" It was the picture of me before going to the Symphony. I actually outshone Rosalie who was tucked in the corner of the photo. That was a miracle in itself. It helped that she wore coveralls at the time.

I laughed. "You weren't invited because I was on a date with Edward."

He laughed, too. "Aw. He didn't want me to tag along? Where did he take you anyway? A royal ball?"

"That would have been fun, but no. We went to the Symphony in Seattle."

"You still got those gloves?" he asked.

"You too?" I quirked an eyebrow. He just looked back at me questioning. "Edward liked the gloves."

"Well, if we're on the same page, it's not the gloves, it's taking them off," he whispered in my ear.

I blushed and flipped pages, looking to see how many were left.

"Are you sad?"

"About what?"

"Graduating? Moving on?"

I shrugged. "A little. I'm still not sure where I'm moving to. I really only applied to Alaska to tick Edward off. I wonder if he's outside listening right now." My blinds were closed, so I had no way of knowing.

"Why would that tick him off?"

"Because there is another group of vampires like the Cullens in Denali. He left to _protect_ me from his world. I applied to prove that I could walk back into it."

"But you won't go there now." Jacob frowned slightly.

"No, I don't imagine I will."

He pulled me closer. "Good. I'd much rather you went to Jacksonville if you have to go away. I want to protect you from his world, too."

"Not you, too," I muttered. "Next you'll be taking Charlie's side and wanting me to stay out of Seattle."

"You aren't going to Seattle, are you?" he asked with concern.

"No, why? Because Edward smelled the newborn from my room in Seattle?"

Jacob met my eyes, sharing the worry he felt in a glance. "No, Paul and Jared were there and they said it reeks of vampire. Not one — a whole mess of them."

"Oh." I nestled into him. That was a frightening thought. Not one new vampire with a driving, insatiable thirst, but many? Edward must already know about this. Why hadn't he told me? Or Alice? "Thank you for telling me."

"Of course I'm telling you. Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "No one else has."

"They try to shield you too much. I want you to know what's out there, especially when it's me." I felt his smile against my temple. His warm nose and lips traced my face for a few minutes. "So how long until Charlie comes up here to kick me out?"

I snorted. "Charlie is so biased that I bet he'd let _you_ stay the night."

There was a knock on my window then. I rolled my eyes. "He isn't staying the night, Edward. I just said Charlie would let him."

"Wow, he really is out there?" Jacob asked. "I'm glad I don't listen when the two of you are in here. That's creepy."

"Well, he does have to go further than you to not hear anything."

"I'll change the question then. How long 'til you kick me out?"

"A little longer." I nestled into his chest.

* * *

I cornered Alice and Edward at lunch the next day, pulling away from my human friends. "There is a group of new vampires in Seattle?"

Neither was surprised, of course. "Yes," Edward answered. "We've been trying to do something about that."

"Do something about it?" I asked, a little shocked. "As in ... going there? All of you?"

"Well, Bella, there are more of them than us. We would all need to go," Alice informed me.

My jaw dropped. "And none of you thought I might like to know about that?" My whisper was loud enough that a few heads turned our way. I tried to calm myself. "At least you might have told me there was more than one."

"We thought you knew," Alice said. "The killings have increased."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I haven't been following the news that closely."

"We don't want the threat to spread, but it isn't our place to deal with it, either. That's what the Volturi do," she continued.

I tried to remember what Edward had told me of the Volturi before he left, what I'd learned in Carlisle's study. They were a powerful group of vampires. If they were provoked they could rid threats to themselves. "Why would they care about a bunch of newborns?"

Alice looked to Edward and he looked down in defeat. She spoke softly. "They protect our kind, Bella — from exposure. They protect the secret of our existence. That was how Edward thought to provoke them — by exposing himself for what he is. These newborns are perilously close to doing just that. We're surprised they haven't come yet. Edward wants us to move against the newborns to keep the Volturi from finding out about you. You aren't supposed to know about us. They could ... they could eliminate you."

Edward's teeth ground and I gulped. "Well, that's a good reason to avoid their notice, but if the threat is in Seattle, why ... Carlisle," I concluded. He had been friends with the Volturi for many years, after all.

"They could stop by for a visit," Alice finished. "If I see that, we will make sure you are well hidden, but they might not decide until they're here. They haven't even decided to come yet. I don't know what they're waiting for."

A new thought occurred to me. "I thought it was difficult to make vampires. I thought Carlisle was an exception to be able to do it reliably. If someone has made that many-"

"She needs to talk with Jasper," Alice said.

"No. She doesn't need to know about that," Edward argued.

I closed my eyes and tried not to sigh. "I want to know, Edward. I wasn't happy to learn of these newborns from Jacob instead of you, and I am not happy to learn there is more information you want to keep from me. I believe I've earned the right to know — by my silence, if nothing else."

His eyes were cold on mine. He really didn't want me to know. I met him glare for glare. Alice silently tipped the balance and he looked to her. "Fine." He looked back at me. "Fine. Come to the house tonight."

I arrived in the evening to find Jasper sitting with Alice on the couch. Edward was nowhere in sight. "Hello, Jasper, Alice." I came and sat in a chair near them. "Can _you_ tell me how someone has made a group of new vampires in Seattle?" I asked Jasper.

"Well, you know how.. loosely, at least. The information you really want is why."

My heart sank. I hadn't thought as far as why. Of course, if it was difficult, as it apparently was, someone needed a purpose for such an endeavour. I loosened my grip on the arms of the chair. "Yes. What I really want to know is why."

He looked to Alice before continuing. "I will have to start at my beginnings..." And Jasper wove his own tale. I wasn't drawn in quite as completely as I had been around the fire with the Quileutes, but my reactions were easily as visceral.

He told me of the armies that fought for the feeding grounds in the populated southern states. The Volturi came to eradicate the forces that had grown too obvious, too wild. Jasper's own creator sought to regain control of her territory. He fought other newborns to survive, fought them to teach them, and fought with them in battle. He showed me his crescent scars that matched my own.

He told me of the culling — the destruction of their creations when the blood fever faded after a year. I was sickened at the thought. Of course, he had been, too. That was why he had started looking for a way out. That was why he had taken it when Peter offered it to him.

And still there was no real relief for him. While he no longer had the emotions of the newborns to tear at him, he did have those of his prey. It wasn't until he met Alice that he found any peace.

"When she told me of the family she'd seen, I couldn't believe it was possible. But Alice knew. She loved them all already. She'd just been waiting for me before going to find them. She brought me a new life." He turned to kiss her now.

"I'm glad she did," I agreed. A moment later I asked. "Why would someone make an army in Seattle? For you? Does someone want to remove you?" I shivered at the idea. Why would anyone want to remove the only decent vampires? What threat were they? Carlisle... who could possible want to harm him? He was the most peaceful person I'd ever met.

"There are several theories," Alice went on. "I don't agree with Edward's, though. He thinks they've become jealous of our gifts, the size of our family. I think if that were the case, they would bring their guard and come for us directly."

"That would tarnish their name. They wouldn't do that," Jasper argued. "That's the crux of Edward's argument. Someone less careful is working under their auspices. That would explain the lack of response."

"I still think it's something else," Alice argued. "Maybe someone has learned of the wolves and means to remove them as a threat. That could be any of us; they are a threat to all of our kind."

Not the Quileutes. Not my friends. I put my face in my hands and felt a calming wave pass through the room. "You're safe, Bella," Jasper reminded me.

"It's not me I'm worrying about," I explained to Jasper. "I'm worried about you and the Quileutes. I don't want any of you hurt." I cringed and felt the tears brimming over even as Jasper tried to calm me further. He put a hand on my shoulder and the contact made his effect stronger. I looked up at him. "Even calm, I can't help but wish I could take this threat from all of you." My brain flailed for some way to do just that. I was nothing, no one; what could I do?

"Maybe you should go home," Alice suggested.

"No ... I think ... I think I'd like to lie down actually. Jasper has made me sleepy," I said with a little smile. He smiled back, taking his hand away.

"Well, Edward told you you're always welcome to use his bed."

Suddenly Edward was beside me. Of course he'd heard us. "You are, and it isn't my bed; it's your bed." He took my arm and I leaned on him as he walked with me up the stairs. "I'm sorry I wasn't with you when you found out. I thought it might be easier without me there." He grimaced. "You seemed a little put out with me."

I chuckled. "I was. I'm not anymore. You always have my best interests in mind. I just wish you'd accept that I can decide what is best for me. You can't always do it for me."

"I'm starting to. Now, since this is my room, although it's your bed, I _am_ going to watch you sleep."

I chuckled again, my eyes drooping as he pulled the cover over me. "Absolutely. And if you happened to be lying beside me, I wouldn't argue with that, either." I yawned and rolled onto my side — into his chest. I put an arm around his waist and curled onto him. "Make sure," I yawned again, "that I get home by ten. Don't want Charlie to ..." I didn't finish my sentence.

* * *

I woke in Edward's arms. "I think I'm starting to understand why I asked you not to do this after you came back," I muttered.

"Why is that?" he asked kissing my hair, my ear.

"Because it feels too good. I wouldn't want you to stop."

"I can agree to that."

I chuckled. "What time is it?" I asked, stretching.

"It's only nine. You don't have to run away yet." He pulled me closer again and kissed my lips. "So... do you like the bed?"

I laughed. "Yes. Very comfy. Did Esme pick it out?" I called his bluff.

His mouth twitched into my favorite lop-sided smile. "Yes. Of course. She's been eager for me to need one," he whispered in my ear, his tongue on the curve of it.

My heart skipped a beat and then raced ahead. "You are very good at distracting a girl from her fears." I put my hands in his hair as his mouth traced my throat and found the neckline of my shirt. My hands quickly divested him of his. He continued kissing and nuzzling around my neck and shoulders, slowly moving his hands up under my shirt at the same time. I lifted my arms as he pulled it off. I traced the planes of his chest, his abdomen, thrilled to be touching him, at his touch.

It didn't seem long at all until Alice was knocking Edward's door. "Bella, do you want me to call Charlie and tell him you're staying the night with me?"

I giggled and blushed. "That's a tempting offer, but I should probably sleep in my own bed."

"You are in your bed," Edward reminded me, his lips still moving on my skin, tracing the cups of my bra.

But now that the spell had been broken, I felt my heart tearing. There was a divide in me now. I'd wanted to find out what Jacob and I could be, and now I knew. It was as strong as what I felt for Edward. Jacob had filled the holes Edward left and carved out an entire space of his own. I couldn't dislodge that without doing as much damage as Edward had in the first place, as much damage as he would have if he'd succeeded in breaking my heart months ago.

I wanted to stay here. I wanted to be with Edward forever, but I would miss Jacob, bitterly. Staying here would hurt Jacob. Was I ready to do that? I didn't think so, not yet.

"I love you, Edward. Now, where did you put my shirt?"

He smiled sheepishly and pointed to where it hung on one of the flowers in the wrought-iron frame of the bed. "If you must go, know this place is always here for you. _Always_." He kissed my lips again and my heart fluttered as I wrapped myself around him. When I stopped to breathe, I saw his eyes smouldering on mine and my resolve started to waver. Just as there was no Edward in La Push, there was no Jacob here. It was so easy to forget, so easy to get lost in Edward.

He must have sensed my faltering. "Go," he said suddenly, fiercely.

I shivered and grabbed my shirt, pulling it on quickly. I practically ran to the door. When I looked back, his shoulders were shaking. I wanted so desperately to go comfort and reassure him. He must know how badly I wanted to stay, but he also knew what staying would cost me. He loved me enough to push me away when I needed it. How could I hurt him like this? How could I hurt Jacob by staying? I held my breath and stepped into the hall, closing the door behind me. I leaned against the door and sank to the floor.

Esme came and sat beside me. She put an arm around my shoulders and pulled my head to her breast. She was a natural mother. "We all wish you would stay, but it has to be your choice. He knows that."

"How can I hurt them?" I asked through tears. "Why do I keep hurting them?"

"You aren't hurting them, Bella. Not yet."

_...Esme brought her ability to love, passionately..._

Edward's words came back to me. I thought she might just understand.

"Neither can do wrong in your eyes." She proved her understanding with her words. "Just keep loving them, Bella. When the time comes, you'll know what to do."

I nodded and stood up, wiping my face. "I should go home."

"And I'm going to comfort my son. I think he regrets his actions and he shouldn't."

"No," I agreed. "He shouldn't. Thank him for me."

"He heard you." She stroked my cheek, and I descended the stairs.

At home, Emmett waved to me from the tree he was leaning on in the yard. He was chatting with Seth. I blinked and looked again. No, he was really chatting with Seth. Seth didn't look too put out, either. I rubbed my eyes. I must need more sleep. I was seeing things.

* * *

So, Bella's got herself stuck between a rock and a hard place, no? She's not picking sides any time soon, unless it's _her _side.


	13. Chapter 13

Graduation fever continued to plague the senior class. I was no exception. I had written my caption for the yearbook and placed my order. I'd oohed and ahhed when my classmates showed me their photos and they said mine looked good too. I still thought the screaming yellow the school had for a color was horrendous on me. The casual photo was much better, me with one hand on a stack of books and my chin in the other. I had been looking off, probably daydreaming about how I was going to pick a college or a boy, when the photographer snapped it.

Edward gave me a copy of his and Alice's pictures. Mike, Angela, and a few of my other friends also gave me photos for my scrap book.

"I'm still getting a yearbook," I reminded them.

"Yes," Angela agreed, "but your scrapbook will have us." She looked around at our circle of friends and I had to smile. She was right.

All through the week before grad, Alice had a far-off look in her eye. When I asked she told me she was trying to see when and where the newborns were moving. "But they can't seem to make up their mind. Hardly surprising, really."

"But someone must be leading them. Someone made them. They can't make their mind up either."

Edward snapped up at that. "She's right. One newborn makes it into her room, steals her scent and isn't seen by any of us. Was that a whim too? It couldn't be."

"He's working with someone," I said following his logic.

"Yes, someone who has use for a group of their size."

I shivered. They were eighteen at Alice's last count. Even Jasper was intimidated by a group that large. They would be suffering internal losses now. Control would be even more tenuous. "I still don't understand what they want... my scent."

I watched Edward's face fall and Alice was only a half-second behind. "Victoria?!" she squealed. "She is erratic enough to evade my sight, and think she could control an army. Isn't she, Edward?"

"You ask me? If I knew wouldn't I have I have been able to track her?" He put his head in his hands in defeat.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He would never stop kicking himself for not being able to follow her. He must wish he could have been at my window because he knew she was coming for me, instead of because I'd told him she attacked me. "You can help us now," I reminded him. "You can hear her now; when she does come."

His head flew up. "She is coming for you. We have to get you out of here." He started to stand, lifting me by the arm.

"Hands off, Edward," I demanded. I didn't mind his touch most of the time, but he would not man-handle me. He dropped his hand at my tone. "You don't choose what's best for me, remember?"

"But-"

"Edward," Alice warned. Whatever she told him next was not out loud.

His chin tipped a little and his eyes clouded. "Then what do you propose?"

"I don't have a proposal yet, but I'd like the time to make one before you belt me in a car and drive off." The situation was reminding me of his reaction to James marking me in the baseball clearing. In that case whisking me off hadn't been the best strategy either.

I was having bad thoughts, memories of legends at the fire. The Third Wife. Could I distract Victoria, and take her threat away from my friends and family?

"Oh no you don't, Bella," Alice warned.

I nodded at her and tried to think of something else. Edward growled as he saw my plan in Alice's head. "No, Bella."

"I'm not going to Edward. It was just a thought."

I saw his expression and realized I'd done more damage than I'd intended. I kissed his mouth, his cheek. "I'm not. Really. I went to James to save my mother. The rest of you can defend yourselves; you don't need me to do it for you. I'm sorry I considered it."

My lips were moving against his and he put his hands in my hair kissing me roughly. "Never. Never think of that." He growled.

"Never," I agreed. "But we have to think of something. They are coming for me. I think if I left she would just find a way to follow, don't you?"

"She's right about that," Alice agreed. "I think we should table this until after class." We were starting to draw a crowd. Especially with the way Edward was clutching me.

He let go now, probably listening to the thoughts around us for the first time.

* * *

I called the Cullens before heading over. "Can I ask a treaty dispensation?"

"What?" Edward asked.

"Can I bring Jacob over? I think he might be able to help. He's hunted Victoria..." I remembered that Edward had been hunting Victoria, although unsuccessfully, "as well. He might have some ideas."

"Hold on for a minute, Bella." I heard a little whispering, very little actually. It hadn't been more than twenty seconds. "All right, we'll be expecting you."

I turned to Jacob who was behind me. "You sure you're willing to do this? I mean, it's better than them coming to La Push, but it'll be pretty bad for you, won't it?"

"It'll burn, yeah, but I can handle it. And I want to know what they plan on doing about this." His voice was almost a growl. When I'd revealed our discovery, that Victoria and the newborns were after me, he'd been about ready to storm Seattle alone. He'd come down from that a little, but now he wanted to see the vampires cleaning up after themselves.

I felt Jacob tense when we left the highway and turned onto their lane. I took one hand from the wheel and squeezed his.

"I'm fine. Just stinks. It's going to get worse."

"I know." I squeezed again before parking the truck.

He pulled me across the seat, closer to him. He inhaled my hair. "Stay close, all right. Give me something good to smell," he said with a chuckle.

"Promise."

Rosalie was on the porch. "Well, Bella, what a nice pet you've brought along. He doesn't shed does he?"

I groaned. What a great welcome. "Hey, blondie, that was pretty witty. Eddie write that for you?"

I bit back a chuckle as Rosalie growled. I took Jacob's hand and dragged him through the door. I didn't want to leave those two alone for _any_ length of time. Carlisle and Jasper were waiting inside the door. "You must be Ephraim's grandson. It is an honor. He was a good man."

Jacob squeezed my hand and then extended his own. "Nice to meet you too, doc." His voice was a bit strained.

"This is my son Jasper."

"Whoa," Jacob murmured eyes tracing Jasper's scars.

Jasper smiled and I wondered what Jacob was feeling right now. Jasper nodded to Jacob and moved to the couch. I took Jacob to the loveseat furthest from them.

Alice swept in next. "Jacob!" she trilled. "I have heard so much about you. It is great to finally meet you." She waved and sat next to Jasper.

Edward came in last and took the chair. "We'll spare you the rest of the family. I'm sure you are edgy enough with us."

Jasper's expression reflected that assessment. "Yeah. I don't know how Gramps did it," Jacob muttered.

Carlisle chuckled, "There were actually the same number of us with him then. Of course he had two others with him."

Jacob nodded. "So, the redhead. She's coming for Bella?"

"That's what we think," Alice answered. "Bella's told you I can't see because she won't decide?"

"Yeah, she mentioned that. I'm not surprised. That fox can change her track six ways from Sunday."

I saw a smile cross Edward's face and hoped he took a little confidence from that.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "I thought, until she makes concrete plans that Alice can see clearly, we would wave our line in order to close any gaps. We trust your pack will not attack us on our own land and you can come across when Victoria comes our way."

Jasper tensed at that. Jacob was uneasy too. "Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea, doc. We have a couple of bad eggs that would probably take a chance like that. If I were Alpha I could be sure it wouldn't happen, but, I'm not." He looked down at his feet.

"You aren't?" Carlisle asked.

"He didn't take it," Edward explained. "Sam was the first wolf, so he is Alpha. You could change that, Jacob. Sam has told you this, hasn't he?"

"Yeah," he grunted.

Edward nodded but didn't answer.

"Get outta my head," Jacob hissed in Edward's direction. I stroked his hand, trying to sooth.

"He isn't prying, Jacob," I tried to assure him.

"Yeah, right." He kissed my head and breathed deep again. Everyone but Alice and I tensed at that.

"Anyways," I said, trying to bring us back to the topic. Jacob shuffled a little closer to me, releasing my hand to wrap an arm around me. I needed to stop this train before it wrecked. "Victoria. If she's coming for me, is there any way to use that information? Lead her in some way?"

That worked. Eyes met all around the room. Edward was the first to speak. "The newborns will follow your scent. We can lay a trail for them. But that will only be effective when we know they are coming. At least we can keep them out of Forks that way."

Jacob started to rebut, but Edward interrupted him. "We wouldn't let her anywhere near them, Jacob. Just take her for a walk to leave her scent."

Silence settled again. "That's it?" I asked. "We can't do anything until she decides? Why does she choose our fate? There must be something _we_ can do. Can I lead them out of Seattle? Some strange Pied Piper of vampires?"

I'd expected a chuckle but got nothing. I sighed. "Something. Provoke them, lure them. Edward, could you go to Seattle and try to find Victoria? Hear her plan from her?"

That drew attention. "No," Carlisle argued even as Edward said, "I could."

"No," Alice emphasized. Edward winced. "Not alone anyway." She looked at Jacob meaningfully. "You make seeing anything nearly impossible, but that still came through. The newborns will destroy Edward if he goes alone."

Jasper opened his mouth but Alice glared at him. "They are too many." Her tone held doom.

"Okay, so provoking is bad. What about the lure?" I suggested again. "I'm sure there are enough of them that if I took a quick trip to town, stayed on the outskirts, they'd find me. And all of you." I looked around the room.

"No," Edward and Jacob growled together.

"Be reasonable!" I shouted at them. "It's me they want. It's either this or wait for them to choose to come for me. Is that really better?"

"Offence is the best defence."

"Get lost, Emmett," Edward growled. He had just come down the stairs and was headed for the back door.

"He's right though," Jasper said aloud. "Much better to choose the field and time."

I didn't know squat about football or war, but even I knew that much.

"I can't see anything," Alice complained, glaring at Jacob. He smirked at her. She rose and walked away.

"Hmm," Edward mused. "Now that Alice can see again," he smiled at Jacob, "she's found that Bella can successfully lead them out of Seattle."

Alice came back in and stuck her tongue out at Jacob. He grinned back. "You'll have to be careful, of course, Bella. I saw you do it alone, but you should really take someone with you."

"Wouldn't that mask my scent, make them less likely to follow?"

I heard dual growls again and ground my teeth.

"Yes," Jasper agreed, meeting Edward's eye. Jasper knew his brother was about to argue with him and made his point non-verbal.

Edward leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Okay." I sat up straighter, smiling. "We're getting somewhere. So where do I lead them?"

"Can we split them?"

"Will you show us strategy?"

"When?"

The questions erupted from all sides and I listened while they discussed. Jasper agreed to demonstrate some fighting techniques for Carlisle and the wolves. Edward suggested that the lure should happen after graduation, and no one found a good argument against that. We couldn't wait too long or they'd come for us. That was only another week.

"If there's nothing else?" Jacob asked looking around the circle. "Then I'll talk to Sam and the pack will meet you north of the Hoh station tomorrow night. When?"

"Two?" Jasper suggested.

"Got it. I'm gonna get out of here before I can't smell anything for a week." He smiled though and I knew he wasn't terribly bothered anymore. "It'll be better meeting outside. Say, that clearing... Bella mentioned something about baseball?"

Carlisle chuckled. "Yes, you play?"

"Jared was interested in getting a game on."

"We'll have to see how well we get along tomorrow night. But two teams would certainly make the game more interesting."

That was something I wanted to see. Quil sliding into home and phasing mid-slide to get there safe... I could see it.

The next night Edward helped me out of my room and I rode on Jacob's back to the clearing.

"I'm sorry," I told Edward. "I don't know why running with him doesn't make me sick."

He chuckled. "It's all right, for now." I had the impression he had some sort of plan to improve runs with him in the future. Which meant there would be running with him in the future. I groaned quietly.

I sat between Jacob and Leah on the outskirts while Jasper led the Cullens in a loud and deadly-looking game. Jasper made a point of showing me how fast and cunning Alice was, that she had no trouble anticipating her opponent, even when it was Jasper. A newborn would be no challenge for her.

I cringed most when I watched Edward and Jasper _play_. I knew Edward's ability gave him the advantage, but seeing them crashing at one another was still frightening. Jacob snuffled my hair and brought me out of it when I clutched too hard to my legs. Rosalie seemed a better fighter than I expected, not beating Jasper, but giving him more of a run than Emmett had. Carlisle and Esme definitely needed the most instruction. I was sure neither had even considered attacking another vampire before.

The other interesting thing came from the arrangement of the wolves. Sam sat on Jacob's other side, but he was a little behind him. Edward came over to us after his bout with Jasper.

"Anything else you want to know, Jacob?"

Wait, Edward was asking Jacob and not Sam?

"Carlisle, the wolves would like to confirm our scents. Can you gather everyone over here?" His tone was conversational even though the Cullens were spread over the clearing and Emmett and Alice were still practising.

"Jacob?" I turned to him. "Are you Alpha?"

He met my eye and looked almost sad.

"Thank you," I whispered.

I stood close by Jacob as the wolves filed by the Cullens. He growled a little and Edward whispered to me, "Back up." Of course, there could be bad reactions. I took two steps back. Most of the pack merely whined at the smell. Paul bared his teeth at Emmett, who returned the gesture. Leah growled at Edward and I pulled her tail. Jacob went down the line last, he only needed a couple of the scents, Esme's notably.

"So you're Jacob," she said when he approached her. She looked up into his face. "Nope, I don't know what she sees in you." Jacob barked a laugh.

Jacob stopped next to Edward although the rest of the pack headed off, Leah giving me a shove in the dirt for pulling her tail. Once I'd dusted off I heard Edward talking.

"It would depend on where we make the stand. I thought I would carry her; I can keep her out of the fray. Well, she is fast, but I'm faster."

"Who is she?" I asked arms crossed.

Jacob stepped behind Edward and phased. "We're trying to figure out where you'll be safest after you lead them out of Seattle." His voice was quiet. He was bent over. I noticed Rosalie eyeing him from the other side or the clearing. Edward frowned and wrinkled his nose. I decided I didn't want to know.

"I see. And the possibilities are?"

"I can carry you. I can take you far enough to be safe. Jacob thinks you might be better off with Leah, but I think that's just bias."

"Yeah, it's bias, but she is damn fast. And I figured there are fewer of you, better we take the hit."

I was really not liking where this was going. "So someone is going to be babysitting me, leaving you one short for the fight."

"Pretty much, yeah," Jacob said staring me down.

"Well, I like the idea of keeping Edward with me. He can at least let me know what's happening so I'm not going out of my mind."

"I don't think we'd be close enough for that, love." His eyes were filled with regret.

"Unless, we send one of us with you. You'd have the pack with you then. I could..."

Edward met his eyes and something exchanged silently between them.

"Seth or Leah. They're still the newest. If we have to give up someone, it should be one of them. I'll let them fight for it." He was practically growling as he spoke.

"If that's your logic, send me with Esme or Carlisle. They're the weakest fighters. I wouldn't mind seeing Esme sitting this out." I said honestly.

Edward's eyes whipped back to me. "Are you sure? You wouldn't have any contact with us if it came to that."

I was silent for a while, really considering what I was suggesting. I wouldn't have either of them. They'd both be in this fight. I could lose both of them. That would hurt. A lot. On the other hand, they should both be there. Jake had to be there for the pack and Edward was an excellent fighter, his gift giving him the edge.

My chest felt tight and my stomach sour, but I said it anyway. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Did I hear her right?" Esme asked. "Emmett and Alice are making such a ruckus, surely I didn't."

"You did," Edward confirmed. "She would like you to take her out of the fray."

"But I can't run as fast as Edward, especially not while carrying you. The newborns will be _very_ fast. I don't know if this is a good idea. Edward is much faster, and if any of them did follow, he could defend you better."

She was trying to talk me out of it. She didn't realize how hard it had been to make this choice in the first place. "And he could tail anyone following us just as easily. Right, Edward?"

He closed his eyes and a look of pain crossed his features. Jacob had his mouth hanging open. "Are you nuts?" he asked.

I crossed my arms and glared at him. "No, I am not nuts. I am trying to put all of our fighters in one place. Obviously I'm not one of those, so I should take someone equally non-combatant with me."

"Take Leah," he insisted. "She's like a bat out of hell. She can carry you all the way to La Push."

"Who's going to be in La Push? She should take me somewhere desolate. No one else at risk."

"You'd be at risk." Edward put his hands on my arms and shook me gently.

"I'm going to be at risk." I met his gold eyes flatly. "There's no way around that. That's what comes from Victoria wanting _me_."

"She has a point," Esme said but that just got her two pairs of angry eyes. "I'm going to go see what else Jasper can show me."

"Leah?" Jacob asked me.

"I'd be all right with that. I trust Leah."

"All right. I'll talk with her tonight. It's not a big loss on our side, she's the smallest and newest. Not that I'd say that to her."

"She'd kick your ass," I pointed out.

Edward chuckled too. "Oh, Jacob. We'll be here again tomorrow if any of your pack wants to come again."

"I'll be here. I'll see who else wants to come. Embry won't. His mom is riding him hard for sneaking out nights. I bet he's grounded again after this."

I frowned thinking of Embry. He couldn't tell his mom what was going on, and he'd found out the man he thought was his dad actually wasn't. Jacob perked up. "That's new."

Edward raised his nose too. "What is that?"

"I'm not... I'll be back." He bent and phased quickly. Then he took off like a shot.

"He says not to wait for him." Edward smiled at me. "He has some new pack members to meet."

"What? Why would there be more?"

"He doesn't know, he's not even sure who these new wolves are. Can I take you home?"

"That would be good. Charlie will wonder if I'm not in my bed in the morning."

Edward laughed and swung me onto his back. "I'm taking Bella home. I'll be back," he called to his family.

"No you won't!" Emmett shouted, which meant he intended for me to hear.

"Sad part is, he's right." Edward started loping. I noticed he added more bounce to his stride. I was shaken with it.

"Wait, Edward." My teeth banged together.

"I thought the motion would help," he explained.

"I think it will, but there's too much. You run so fast, if I bounce on every stride it's like I'm riding a jackhammer."

He laughed at that. "Hmm." He started off again. I don't know how he paced it, but he did crouch and rise at intervals, giving me some sense of regular motion. It was still disconcerting. My brain was still fighting matching the motion to the image.

I tucked my head into his shoulder and he laughed again. "You can look up now," he whispered and I peeked to find he'd stopped.

"Okay. No more experiments."

"You might want to close your eyes for this part," he warned. I obeyed and heard my window open. I looked and saw Edward was hanging from the eave by one hand. I tightened my grip on him. He chuckled again and swung in, landing lightly. I let go and slid to my floor with a louder thud than he had made. "Thanks." I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Can I come tomorrow too?"

"You have finals," he reminded me. I hated it when he was right.

"Right." I hesitated, rocking back and forth on my feet. "I wanted to thank you for working so well with Jacob. I know that can't be easy. I pretty much begged him to be nice to you, but I never even asked you."

"I know what he means to you." His voice was a little shaky at the end.

I hugged him tightly and inhaled his scent. "I knew it was a bad idea," I muttered.

"What was?"

"Will you stay?"

His smile was brilliant. "Of course I'll stay."

* * *

Thanks as always to my Betas: Sharebear and CullenObsession. Hold on to your hats for the next chapter, it's going to be a wild ride. (Can you wait till Monday? If not, tell me so!)


	14. Chapter 14

Please bear with Bella and I. I have posted two chapters at once in the hopes that people will give us the benefit of the doubt.

* * *

The Sunday before graduation I was helping Alice choose music for the party. "Why am I doing this? Edward has much better taste than I do."

"Because Jacob said you danced at Halloween."

"He lies. I got pushed around at Halloween."

"So pick music that's good to get pushed around to," she argued.

I grumbled and continued to make my way through a mountain of CDs. "Thanks again for the party. I will probably grouse the whole time, so it's best I thank you now."

"Of course, Bella. And make sure you take that box with you when you go." She nodded to a flat white box in the corner.

"What is it?"

"A top for tomorrow. You need something to wear under your gown and to the party." She smiled at me.

"Thank you, Alice. While we're exchanging gifts..." I pulled out an envelope with hers and Edward's names on it.

"Thank you, Bella. He's going to love it."

"And you?"

"Of course I love it too." She knew it contained tickets for the concert in Tacoma next weekend.

It was getting late and I yawned moving one more disc into the party pile. Edward came into the room in a blur. "What?" I asked. It was the first I noticed Alice sitting rigid before me.

"So much for a lure," she whispered.

I closed my eyes. "They're coming," I said.

"Tomorrow," Edward said.

"Of course tomorrow. She would know when we're graduating. She was in the school records after all. Not hard to figure out. Please kill her." My voice was clipped with anger.

"That's the plan," Edward said through his teeth.

"Plan..." I whispered. "The plan is shot. What are we going to do now? I can't let them come into Forks. Can I lure them out somewhere? The baseball field?"

"Yes, but you should go now. They'll be here just after noon," Alice said.

I grabbed Edward's arm to pull myself up and he tossed me onto his back. I tucked my head while he ran. "You'll take me to the boundary after?"

"What?"

"We need to tell Jacob."

"Right. I will."

Edward stopped. "We're here."

I jumped down and fell. I shook my head. "Well, this spot is marked." I stood up and noticed Edward's grin. "Yeah, yeah, I'm funny. Which way?" We weren't in the clearing, rather on the route they were taking to Forks.

"Here," Edward pointed and I could barely make out the clearing through a break in the trees.

"Do I need to do anything special?" I asked him.

"Just touch as much as you can. I'll meet you in the clearing. I don't want my scent mixed with yours." And he was gone. I walked a few steps and remembered how they'd gotten my scent before. I sat down and pulled off my shoes and socks. I put the shoes back on but dropped the socks along my path. My hair snagged on a few shrubs and I figured that was good too. I got to the edge of the clearing and saw Edward on the far side. I was halfway across when another article of clothing occurred to me. I pulled my arms into my shirt.

"What are you doing?" he shouted to me.

I shook my head and slid my bra down one arm, dropping it right in the middle of the clearing. "Prize to the newborn who gets this far," I joked quietly.

"You didn't have to do that." Edward was chuckling when I reached him. "I'll make sure you get it back."

I laughed suddenly. I got the mental image of a couple of the wolves tug-of-warring with Edward over my underwear.

"What?" he asked.

I kept laughing and couldn't quite pull it together. "Nope, I'll keep that one to myself, thank you."

"All right." He looked miffed. "La Push then?"

I nodded and jumped onto his back. I kissed his neck before tucking into it. "You have no idea how good you feel do you?" he whispered as he ran. I looked up and immediately regretted it. I gulped loudly. "I'm sorry, Bella." I felt his hand in my hair, his fingers tracing my scalp. "We're at the line. I don't know if you'll be able to find your way from here."

I didn't let go of him, my stomach still heaving. "I figured whoever is patrolling will find us."

He nodded. "Are you all right?" he asked dropping his shoulder to spin me around his waist. My eyes were still squeezed tightly. I opened one a crack to see his face. Then I smiled and opened both.

"Better," I said.

His lips lightly brushed mine. "Good."

I slid to the ground. "Should I go home tonight?" The thought had just occurred to me. Was Charlie safer with me there? Probably not.

Edward agreed with my thought. "It would be better if you were somewhere safe. You could -"

He didn't finish as Leah flashed into sight, running the line. "Leah, we need to speak with Jacob. Will you tell him?"

She ducked out of sight and came out dressed. "Hey, Bella. You still hangin' with this leech?"

"Be nice, Leah. Can I crash at your place tonight?"

"Why?"

"He's nearly here, Bella. We might as well tell them both," Edward suggested.

Jacob came bounding through the green and emerged to tower over all of us. "They're coming," I said simply.

"Tomorrow," Edward finished for me.

"So soon," Leah said. "Well, that pretty much writes off your Grad, eh, Bella?"

"I'm hoping not, but probably. I've laid a trail that should lead them to the clearing."

"They will be there just after noon."

Jacob backed into the trees again and came out on two legs. "You were going to stay on La Push, Bells?"

"I was thinking so. If Leah is still staying with me... I don't know what the plan is now. I laid the trail. There isn't anything else for me to do." I started shaking. The fear and shock setting in. Edward reached for me, but Jacob had me first. That was probably for the best, I needed to be warmed up.

"What's the plan then?" he asked Edward.

"We'll be in the clearing, you wait outside. They'll probably try to flank us, and you'll have them."

"Sounds good." Jacob's eyes kept shifting from me to Edward and back.

I finally looked over my shoulder and saw pain in Edward's eyes too. "What?"

"It's hard to leave you." Edward said.

"I'll be safe on La Push though, right? You'll leave someone with me."

"Yeah," Jacob croaked. "Collin and Brady aren't coming. But I won't leave them in a room with you either. Way too new." Leah snorted her agreement. "You going to sit out?" he asked her.

"Only if you make me," she said snidely.

He shook his head. "Maybe I can-" Jacob started again.

"Maybe I should just give Victoria what she wants, save us all-"

Edward's cold hand was in my hair. Jacob tightened his hold on me, his lips finding my forehead. I couldn't recall the two of them ever being willing to be so near one another. "I told you never to think that." Edward's tone frightened me.

"Ugh, I'm out of here." Leah took off, dropping her clothes as she phased on the fly.

"Guess I'm not staying at her place." She probably wouldn't want to see me again soon. "Why do you two want to protect me so much? Haven't I hurt you both enough yet? You," I turned to Edward. "You hear us in my room. You know what he thinks about me. And you," I turned back to Jacob. "He has a bed for me. Did you know? In his room. It's not his, it's for me. I've nearly spent the night in it. I'm in love with both of you. Why do either of you waste your time on some fickle-"

A warm hand clamped over my mouth. "You taking her tonight or am I?" Jacob asked Edward.

"If she's going to be on La Push, I guess it should be you."

I felt angry tears leaking my eyes, but I didn't bother fighting Jacob's grip. If I couldn't hurt them with words, there was nothing I could do.

"We'll be there. Noon."

"Noon."

Jacob didn't release my mouth, he just lifted me by the waist and turned to walk away. That was when I started struggling. "Let me go," I shouted against his hand.

"Are you going to spout more garbage?" he asked, pulling his hand from my mouth.

"No," I admitted. "I want to say goodbye to Edward."

He set me down, but didn't turn back. I walked around him.

"You'll be careful. You'll come back to me," I checked.

"Of course I will."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. "I love you, Edward."

"Sleep well, Bella. Everything is going to be fine."

I backed up and he kissed me. His cold lips were gentle on mine. I savoured his scent, praying nothing happened to him tomorrow. Tears continued to run down my cheeks and he wiped them carefully with cold fingers. "Trust us," he whispered at last and turned. He was gone before I blinked.

I walked back to Jacob. "So, Collin and Brady. Guess I should at least meet them. From a distance."

"Bella. You love us despite what we are. What makes you think we won't love you despite each other?"

I froze. I couldn't answer that. It made no sense.

"Why did you tell me all that? I mean, I knew, but I didn't. I have to imagine that now. I could have done without that."

His words hurt. Just as I'd intended mine too. "I'm sorry, Jacob. I wanted to push you away. Maybe I did." I hung my head.

A warm hand cupped and lifted my chin. His smile was absent but his eyes were warm as always. "Maybe not." He took my hand and walked me to his house.

Billy was already in bed by the time we got there at my pace. He led me to his room. I yawned. "You take the bed, Bells, I'll sleep on the couch." I didn't let go of his hand.

He snorted. "I don't have that kind of restraint."

I met his eyes with my wet ones. I was not sleeping alone tonight. That might mean I wasn't sleeping tonight. It was up to him.

* * *

I woke with the sun streaming in the window. What had I done? What were they doing? Jacob was gone, which meant hell would break loose any time now. I cringed and dressed.

I sat on Jacob's porch. I hugged my knees to my chest and waited. Someone would come. I stared off into the reservation, trying not to think. When I did horrible images came to my mind.

I watched people walk up and down the res. Everything was normal for them, nothing had changed. For me, nothing would be the same. Billy wheeled past me at one point. "What are you doing here?"

I just shook my head. I couldn't speak past the lump in my throat.

"Are you all right, Bella?" he asked again. I still didn't answer. I didn't even move. "Should I call Charlie?"

"No!" I snapped, finally turning to him. I didn't want to be anywhere near Charlie today, not until this was over. "No, thank you, Billy. He's better where he is." He would be at the station, not at home. Nothing to lead anyone to the station.

"Something going on?"

"They came. Today. Probably right now."

Billy sat with me in silence for a while. Then I heard a howl and jumped up running toward it. I fell twice before I was close enough to see the pair of wolves chasing a woman with a flare of red hair, Victoria. Collin and Brady had found her before she got anywhere near me. She was leading them somewhere, away.

"Gotchya."

I screamed as cold arms closed on me from behind. A hand covered my mouth again. Not Jacob's this time. I didn't know who this was, but I knew what he meant to do with me.

"As soon as she's done with the dogs, we'll have some fun."

At least I knew Jacob and Edward would be safe. The greatest threats weren't in the clearing, they were right here. I shuddered and wept.

"Riley?" Victoria's voice wasn't what I'd remembered. It was high and soft, a little girl's voice. "Do you have a gift for me?"

Her smile frightened me more than anything. She was so glad to have me at last. "I was so sure Edward would be with you. I almost didn't pick your scent out with that awful reek entangled- "

Her words were cut off as a streak of white collided with her. The arms on me tightened painfully and I was sure he was breaking my ribs. There was another howl and I was sent crashing into a tree. The familiar feeling of breaking bones accompanied the collision. But now I could see Jacob tearing Riley's arm off. The white blurs were still tangling. One topped in red, the other bronze.

"Edward," I wheezed. I felt blood oozing down my back and knew if it was possible to distract either of these vampires, I was doing it.

Riley's pale face was in mine for a moment and then the head was gone. Jacob's furry body stood between me and the remains. I heard more metallic grinding and Jacob turned to reveal the pieces that were all that was left. He ran to Edward's side and I watched in horror as Riley started to try to reconstruct himself. I crawled slowly to where the head was and picked it up by the hair. I threw it as far away from the other remains as I could. The effort sent a new wave of pain and nausea through me.

I heard more of the horrible crunching and tried to see where the fight was now. They were too far from me. I closed my eyes and waited for them to return, or Victoria to finish me. There was nothing more I could do. There never had been anything I could do.

I opened my eyes at the smell of burning incense. I saw purple smoke billowing through the trees from somewhere behind me. Jacob came and picked me up. "I'm taking you to Carlisle. He's going to finish clean up."

"He's all right?" I wheezed.

"Yeah, Bella. You, Collin and Brady were the only ones hurt at all."

"Wait, Jacob." Edward was beside us. I watched his jaw tighten. My blood. "We'll come to you. Your house?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll take her there. It's okay, Bella, honey. You can sleep. We'll take care of you."

"What?" but talking was too painful.

"We'll tell you everything." He kissed my head and I shivered despite his warmth.

Jacob sat on the doorstep with me on his lap. I wanted to cling to him, but it hurt to move my arms and I couldn't squeeze anyway. Breathing hurt. "What is taking them so long?" Jacob growled. Was something wrong? Someone hurt?

When I flinched he kissed my head again. "Sorry, Bells. Everyone was fine. Some group of vamps was in the area though and they all needed to be there for them."

"Vol - turi?" I croaked.

"Yeah, that's them. If they take much longer though I'm going to send the pack to bring them by their necks. The newborns were nothing, Bella. We should have been here with you. They didn't need us at all. Which is why, when I didn't see Victoria in our group and Edward didn't see her in theirs, he gave me the heads up. That was just about when she laid into Collin and Brady too."

"Are they?"

"They'll should be fine. They're worse off than you, but we heal fast. Where are they?" He fell quiet again, just holding me close to him while I trembled.

I didn't know how long we sat before Edward and Carlisle appeared in front of us. "I think we might need to take you for x-rays, Bella."

I groaned at the thought of being moved.

"I can give you something for the pain," Carlisle offered pulling a vial from his bag.

"No. I'll take the ache over needles, thank you."

"Really?" he asked. He ran his hands over my arms and legs, raising goosebumps. "All in your chest?"

I nodded.

"Can you stand or walk for me?" he asked.

Jacob was reluctant to let go, but I managed to get to my feet. I walked the few steps to Edward, wincing. He lifted me gently by the hips and set me back with Jacob. He knew. That was stupid of me, of course he knew.

"Well, in that case I don't need x-rays right away. Can you lift your shirt for me Bella?"

I winced. I was pretty sure I knew how bad I was going to look. "I'm not sure _I_ can." I heard a snort and chuckle and Jacob's warm hands lifted my shirt to just below my breasts. I looked down. Yep, red and blue marks covered my torso.

Carlisle put his cold hand to my abdomen, pressing lightly. Other than the twinge of bruises, nothing felt unbearable. "No internal injury, that's good. I think all you'll need is a brace to support your ribs while they heal. We can get you one in town. I'll prescribe you some codeine as well. If you feel up to it, I don't see why you couldn't still make the graduation ceremony."

I looked up at him then. I'd been mapping my bruises to Riley's arms and fingers. "Really?" I'd forgotten graduation was today all together.

"No mosh pit at the party though," Edward said with a smirk.

I chuckled and winced at the resulting pain. "Point taken. Everyone is really all right?" I couldn't quite believe that.

"I'd like to send you back with Edward. I'm going to see to the wolves that were injured. Would you accompany me, Jacob?"

"Yeah, of course, doc." Jacob gave me a kiss on the cheek before standing me up and squeezing around me.

"Are we – running?" I asked with a note of terror.

"I am. Let's see how far you can walk first." He wrapped an arm around my waist and led me to the woods behind the Black house. I tried to keep myself upright, hunching seemed to make the ache worse. Every step sent a jolt through my torso.

"How much do you hate me?" I asked Edward, thinking my pain was only fair.

"What makes you think I hate you?"

"Well, you know what I did last night."

He didn't answer but continued to support me. "Yes. Jacob didn't linger on it at any point, thankfully. Remarkable, really. At first it was just the fight, but later - I think he really wanted to spare my feelings. I don't hate you, Bella." He moved to stand before me. "I could never hate you. Disappointed? Yes. But as much with myself as you. You would have given yourself to me if I had let you."

He was right. "I still would," I told him. "How terrible does that make me?"

He chuckled. "It makes you conflicted but not terrible. In the meadow, you told me that these feelings aren't separate for you. I can see how much you love Jacob, and you've shown me how much you love me. Why would I hate you for that?" I still couldn't answer. "You told me when I came back that we both had to accept the consequences of me leaving. I love you, Bella. Now, let's get you home so Alice can give you your brace and painkillers." He wrapped his arms under my bottom and lifted me by it. I wrapped my legs around his hips to hold on as my arms weren't going to be able to. I tucked my face into his chest and sniffed back the tears I hadn't let fall. "I love you, Bella," he whispered into my hair.

"I don't deserve you," I told him honestly.

"You keep getting that backward," he reminded me.

Alice was in my room when Edward carried me up the stairs. "You'll be all right?" he asked both of us.

"We'll be fine, Edward," Alice answered. He kissed the top of my head before leaving. "What's up with him?" Alice asked.

"I slept with Jacob last night." I took off my pants and started to lift my shirt. I only got halfway before I couldn't move my arms any higher, whimpering.

Cold hands swept my sides and pulled the shirt over my head. "You did," she said. "And why did you do that?"

"Because I'm human and stupid." I walked to the shower. "Because I needed comfort and he gave it." I turned on the shower and stepped in. "Because I wanted to know what it would be like. Because I love him. I love both of them." I cried as the water washed the dried blood off my back, the dirt out of my hair, but it would never wash the stain off my soul. I'd hurt Edward. No matter that he forgave me. I hurt him. And I would hurt him again. Just like I would hurt Jacob again. "They should have let Victoria have me." I sobbed.

"Bella," Alice's voice came from the other side of the curtain. She sounded exasperated. "It's not as though he couldn't see this coming. I couldn't, Jacob's a werewolf, but I'm not surprised. He left you; he wanted you to find someone; he brought this on himself."

"Then why don't I just cut him off, cut him out? Why don't I push him away?"

"Because you do still love him. Terrible as that is for both of you, it is precious too. Also, you'll never be able to push him away. He'll just watch from a distance. He's never leaving you again, Bella. You didn't see what leaving you did to him."

"That makes me feel better," I muttered. I stuck my head out of the shower. "Does my hair need washing?" I asked tipping my head down.

"Not today. I'll wash it for you tomorrow if you still aren't able to. Or maybe Jacob will," she teased.

"Not funny, Alice." I turned the water off. "So what's my story? I slept over at your place and fell down the stairs?"

"Stairs are really getting old, but yes, I suppose that would work. Charlie already knows you slept over at my place. I called last night for you. 'Dad, I'm going to crash here with Alice'," she said in a very good imitation of my voice.

"You're too good to me Alice," I said, watching as she wrapped the brace around my ribs. It was simple Velcro. I'd be able to do it myself when my arms worked properly. I swallowed two Tylenol 3 tablets while she trussed me up.

I opened the white box to reveal the blue sweater she had bought for me. My bra was on top of it. I chuckled and winced. "Who got it?" I asked, setting it aside. With the brace on I didn't need it.

Alice laughed too. "Emmett. He refused to let Jacob or Edward have it either. He gave it to me after we finished the newborns.

"Did he have to fight anyone for it?"

"Leah, actually. Those are her teeth marks."

I laughed again, carefully. I hugged Alice lightly, still unable to squeeze. "Thank you."

"I love you too, Bella. We all only want what's best for you."

"I wish I knew what that was. Will you brush my hair? I'm not sure I can lift my arm that far."

Alice went to work on my tangles while I pulled on my skirt.

"Who would have thought surviving to graduation would be such an accomplishment?" I asked rhetorically.

Alice laughed again.

* * *

So, hopefully her answers to Alice answer some of your questions too. In the next chap she has to answer a lot more, so please keep going before judging too harshly.

Thanks to my betas: Sharebear and CullenObsession.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for sticking it out! I will do my best to make it worth the pill you've swallowed (if that's what it was like for you).

* * *

Charlie didn't notice my injuries when I first came downstairs after he got home. "Congratulations, Bella, sweetie!" He hugged me and I winced. "What happened?"

"I took a tumble at Alice's. I cracked a rib. Just hug gently, okay?" I said with a smile. The codeine had taken the edge off and now it was just a dull ache in my chest. Unless I did something foolish like lift my arm over my shoulder or twist.

"You need to be more careful, honey," he said kissing my forehead.

"I know, Dad. I try."

"Ready to go?" he asked me.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Nervous?" he asked.

"A little," I admitted. "Big step," I lied. The big step was taken last night, and I prayed my dad never learned of that. The fact that it had been Jacob instead of Edward wouldn't make a difference in his reaction, I was sure.

"Yeah," He hugged my shoulders, careful of my ribs. "You're not my little girl anymore." His voice broke a little at the end.

"Dad," I said with a smile. "Let's go before we're late."

Edward met the cruiser in the parking lot. "Chief Swan, Bella." He smiled at each of us.

Charlie went so far as to shake Edward's hand. "Congratulations, Edward. Is Alice around?"

"Here!" she sang and skipped up to us, already in her yellow cap and gown. It was ridiculous that it looked _good_ on her.

Charlie opened his arms to her. She got a hug. "Graduation, already. You aren't going too far away, are you, Alice?" he asked.

"Dad, I haven't nailed down where I'm going and you're grilling Alice?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'll definitely be staying in touch with Bella," Alice assured Charlie.

I was separated from them as soon as we entered the gym. They were sent up with the other C names and I was next to Jessica. "Jess, can you help me get this on? I hurt my side and can't lift my arms."

She helped me slip the large neck of the gown over without messing my hair too badly. "What did you do this time?"

"Same old, same old." _Vampire attack, hit a tree...._ "Stairs."

"Really Bella. We want to sign your yearbook, not your cast."

I laughed at that.

I tried to listen to Eric's address, but had trouble focusing. I thought that might just be the painkillers though. _The end was just the beginning._ But what was ending? High school? That wasn't much. The threats? I supposed they were ending, but that just left a much larger crisis, a much more personal one. I'd taken one large step into a new situation and I was going to have discover what was waiting for me in it. Edward? Jacob? Both? Neither? Was I strong enough for any of those options? Which ones wasn't I able to abide? At first I thought it would be neither. But the longer I contemplated that, the more I thought that might be easier than one without the other. All or nothing, was that how it was?

Edward, inconceivably, had forgiven me. Could Jacob if the situation was reversed? Could the situation be reversed? Edward was certainly granting himself more freedom with me than he had before he left. It was starting to look less and less impossible. What would come of that? What would happen when it was time for me to leave? Even if it was only to go as far as Seattle?

I could go to Seattle. In a few days the papers would report an end to the killing spree. Charlie would have no reason to urge me elsewhere. I could be only a short drive from Edward and Jacob. And Edward might just come with me. That would be - hard. Edward without Jacob. Jacob without Edward. I had trouble even considering it. I needed to start considering it. I couldn't walk this line indefinitely.

Speaking of walking a line. "Bella, they called us! Get up!" Jessica whispered, pulling on my arm. At least she didn't try nudging me - that would have hurt.

I walked, slightly dazed, up to Mr. Greene who handed me my diploma. "Congratulations, Miss Swan."

"Thank you," I said hoarsely. I looked out to the assembly then and saw Jacob wave and holler from beside Charlie who snapped a picture with my camera. As I circled back to my seat I also saw Edward smile at me from beside Alice.

I cheered with my classmates. I was hugged and winced, many times. Mike noticed. "What did you do to yourself, Bella?"

"Just another injury. It wouldn't be an occasion without a broken bone or flesh wound, would it?"

He chortled. "Absolutely not. See you at the party."

Party. I groaned. I was definitely disappearing into Edward's bed at some point in the night. I snagged Alice's arm, "Was Jacob invited to the party?" I asked her.

"Not the original list, but yes, he has been invited. I invited Leah too, it is her graduation as well this year."

"Thanks, Alice. And will you forgive me when I beg off for an hour in the middle?"

"I don't know about that, but I might," she teased.

"Congrats, Bella." Jacob was careful to squeeze my shoulders rather than swing me as usual. He handed my camera to Alice who started snapping indiscriminately. He kissed me quickly. "Charlie's wondering what's keeping you back here."

"Nothing really, why?"

"He wants to take us for dinner. He's inviting the Cullens too," he said smiling at Alice.

"You'll pass our condolences? I'm going to set up for the party." She tossed the camera back to him.

Edward approached, and Jacob took his hand from my shoulders and stepped back a little. Edward came and stroked my cheek. "Congratulations."

"It's not that big a deal," I muttered.

"It's enough." He kissed me then and my toes curled first. Then my ribs ached as I tried to gasp for breath.

"Back it down, leech," Jacob growled.

Edward broke the kiss. "He's right. Sorry."

"No, don't apologize," I murmured, taking his hand and putting it to the side that throbbed worst. I took slow deep breaths, wincing from time to time.

"Now you have an idea what I'm feeling, dog," Edward hissed at Jacob.

I whined quietly.

"Shh, Bella," Jacob stroked my hair. "He's right, turnabout is fair play." His voice was gruff.

"Let's go, Jacob. Before Charlie wonders if I fell again. I'll see you later?" I asked Edward, brushing a hand down his arm.

"Of course, the party is at my house." He smiled and I kissed him again, lightly. Then I took Jacob's hand.

Charlie whistled as he navigated the Cullens' drive. "Alice knows how to make an impression."

"That she does," Jacob murmured. He sat beside Charlie while I was behind the divider. Jacob needed the leg space, I didn't.

The trees along the mile stretch of winding lane were draped in sparkling lights. There were a multitude of vehicles littering the lawn in front of the white house.

"Did you want to come in?" I asked Charlie. "I'm sure Carlisle would be happy to see you."

"Thanks, Bells, but this is your party. You have a great night."

During our exchange Jacob had come around to open my door and help me out of the car. Twisting and leaning was still difficult. I'd taken another dose of painkillers at supper. Now Charlie leaned out the window to take my hand for a last squeeze. "You're staying the night?" he asked.

"I'm sure I can catch a ride with someone." I waved my hand to take in the cars.

"Right, right. Goodnight, Bell. Keep her safe, Jacob."

"I'll try. This _is _Bella we're talking about." I elbowed him and winced as I bruised myself. At least I didn't hit my funny bone this time.

Charlie laughed. "Well at least keep it to bruises rather than breaks." I scowled and Jacob laughed. Then the cruiser was gone and Jacob led me inside.

We had lingered at dinner, in part because I knew I needed the rest, and in part because Jacob wouldn't stop eating. Charlie had been both impressed and disgusted. As a result, the party was well underway. Edward was idling by the door and came up to us as we entered.

"I was starting to worry," he said directly into my ear. It was still a little hard to hear over the thrumming bass. The furniture had been pulled out of the main room and it was now one giant dance floor. Red, blue and purple lights strobed, revealing the antics of my classmates.

"Jacob just couldn't stop stuffing his face," I teased. Although I didn't raise my voice Edward chuckled and Jacob grinned.

"BELLA!" Someone yelled from the mash of bodies. Angela came out. "I was starting to wonder if you were going to sit this out." She spoke loudly over the music.

"I considered it," I said with equal volume. "I didn't want to miss it altogether though."

She nodded and tried to pull me away from Jacob and Edward. I smiled at both and followed her around a corner to the dining room where the thumping was a little quieter and a food table was set up. She started to fill a plate. "So, who did you choose?"

I spluttered. "What?"

"Well, something has tipped in that balance," she said looking meaningfully around the corner. "I figured you must have made some sort of choice."

I groaned. "I haven't, not really. I did something stupid, but I wouldn't say that I made a 'choice'."

"You know you can tell me, right? I'm not going to blab to anyone."

"I know, Ang. It's... I can't talk about it yet."

"All right. But I'm here when you can. Are you coming to Seattle with Ben and I next year?" she asked with a brighter smile.

"Another choice I haven't completely made yet," I admitted filling a cup with punch. "I think so."

"That's great." She hugged me then. "Sorry, rib, right. Maybe we can be roommates or something."

"Maybe. You're not moving in with Ben?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow. "Oooh, that's an idea." She had flushed and I proceeded hoping to put her at ease. "We could get a three bedroom place." I smiled at her over my cup. "Three's company? No parents needing to freak out."

She shook her head. "I don't know. That's asking a lot of you, Bella."

"What? I might have... house guests," I teased and she laughed.

"We've started talking about getting married."

My jaw fell open. "What?!" My eyes boggled.

"Shhh," she waved her hand at me. "He hasn't proposed or anything. Just talking about what it would be like to be married, living together - stuff like that."

My eyes dewed up. How wonderful for her. I couldn't pick a guy to spend the rest of my life with. I was so envious of her. I opened my arms, hoping she'd come hug me. She did and we giggled together a little.

"You hiding the Bell of the ball?" I heard Mike ask from behind me.

I groaned loudly. "That was _awful_, Mike."

"Yeah, well, I was hoping to drag you out to dance."

"No moshing for me tonight." I kept an arm around Angela as I turned.

Mike grabbed my free hand pulling me away. Ben passed him and he took my place at Angela's side. She bent to kiss him.

"No moshing," Mike agreed. "Next slow one?"

I groaned again. "I doubt there will be any. I helped pick the music, you know." I grinned.

Of course just then Alice betrayed me and a ballad came on. "Ha!" Mike cried in triumph and pulled me into the other room. We were followed by Ben and Angela.

"So, what did you do to yourself?" he asked as he swayed gently with me. We didn't move much which kept me from stepping on his toes, breathing too hard, or otherwise injuring one or the other of us.

"I fell. Here actually. That nice curving staircase back there?" I nodded toward it. "Did a good slide."

He chuckled. "So, did Angela tell you about our bet?"

"Bet?!"

He shushed me. "Well, I assumed that was why she cornered you right away. Something happened over the weekend. It's not obvious, but you're different, Bella. The way you hold yourself, a look in your eyes."

"It's pain, Mike."

"No, it's not. Well," he brushed a curl out of my face, "maybe a little, but that's not all of it. We're your friends, Bella. We notice. So Angela figures it's Edward, that he proposed to you. My money's on Jacob. I'm guessing he took a swing at Cullen. Which of us is right?"

Those were both good guesses. I could definitely picture either of those happening. "Neither actually. Can I trust you? I know Angela won't tell anyone."

"Yes, you can trust me, Bella. I'm hurt." He feigned a chest pain.

I chuckled. "Well you were right that it was Jacob. He didn't go for Edward though. He... I spent the night at his place." I felt the blush heat my cheeks.

"Holy crap!" he shouted.

"Shhhh!" I cried grabbing his shoulders and wincing.

"Sorry," he said more quietly. "No wonder they look like they might kill each other. Why did you tell Edward?"

"I didn't," I said through clenched teeth.

"Sweet. That's close enough; Ang will pay up. Whoa. I would have never guessed that one. You are a constant surprise, you know that?"

"I've been told."

I excused myself after that song. I watched from the sidelines as various couples got their party on. Alice brought Jasper out and really went to town. I cheered them on. Finally, I needed to get away from the speakers and crowd. Leah followed me as I approached the back door.

"I wanted to thank you for inviting me Bella, but the reek is just too much. I'm going to split. Also, I wanted to let you know, the pack says, 'go girl.'"

I whimpered.

"Nah, I'm teasing. They know - guys are terrible for keeping that stuff out of their heads. The boys didn't say anything though, just me." Her grin was huge. "You made the right choice," she said. "And congratulations." She hugged me around the shoulders.

"You too," I murmured. I didn't want to try to explain to her that I hadn't chosen so much as reacted. I was such an idiot.

"Now I'm going to drag that Crowley guy out and take him home. That cool with you?"

I laughed until it hurt. "Yeah, yeah, that's cool with me. Have a good night, Leah."

I stayed outside a few more minutes. Rosalie came over. "What did she mean? What does the pack know; what choice?"

This night was just getting worse and worse. "I was with Jacob last night."

"Yes? Oh." She came to my side now. "That's good." Her smile was just as broad as Leah's.

I scrunched my face. "What?"

"Well, he's better for you than Edward. He can give you a life, a human life."

She was right of course. "Will you tell me what happened to you, Rosalie?"

"I will. Tonight isn't a good night either. It's not a happy story, and you should have a happy night. Let's just say, I'd give everything to be where you are right now."

"Which part? The two men tearing my heart apart, because I'll give you that if you'll take it."

"Quit whining, Bella, or you'll lose all respect I've gained in you." I smiled and nodded for her to continue. "The part where you can marry a good man and make a family. And that's not my brother, I'm sorry to say. But you can still have it. I thought you were a fool to give that up. Especially to give it up so completely by becoming one of us."

"I think I understand. You never married?"

Her eyes hardened. "No. My friend was. She was married to a man who adored her and gave her a beautiful baby boy, with dimples. I was only engaged. I was engaged to the most prestigious man of the town. Only it turned out that he was a monster, the human kind. What nearly happened to you in Port Angeles, was done to me, by a man I thought I loved. Him and his drunken friends. And rather than the peace of death, I was condemned to this existence.

"I destroyed those who hurt me. One at a time. My vengeance was brutal and glorious. But it didn't appease me. I blamed Carlisle and Edward for a long time. Carlisle because his venom damned me. Edward, because Carlisle did it for him. Then Edward more for rejecting me. No one had ever rejected me. "

"But, Emmett..."

"Emmett," her eyes softened but still weren't meeting mine. "Emmett is the only good thing I've ever done. I found him being mauled and saw in him the heart of the child I could never have, the face of the child of my friend. I had to save him. And then I found I loved him more than I could have loved that child.

"But you can have both, Bella. You can have the man and the child. Edward will understand. And if he doesn't, you will still have the man and the child."

"But I'll also have the heartache. I can't just turn away from Edward. It hurts to be away from him."

Rosalie snorted and shook her head. "Lovesick fools."

I noticed the plural and turned to see Edward behind me. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Fine. Well, achy, but all right. Leah just wanted to say goodbye and I took advantage of the fresh air."

"I saw Newton got a dance. I won the next one."

"Won?" I arched an eyebrow, taking the hand he extended.

He chuckled. "Jacob is terrible at rock, paper, scissors."

I rolled my eyes. "He didn't call you out for cheating?"

"Nope. Which makes me think he wanted me to win." His cold arm caressed my back, my hip. I leaned into him, waiting for the next ballad.

Alice must have seen us, because we didn't wait long. "Are you sure you're all right Bella?" he asked directly into my ear, pulling me onto his feet as he had at prom.

"No. Not really." I looked up into his golden eyes. "I wanted it to be you."

His lips met mine and then slid along my jaw to my ear again. "I did too."

"Can we? Somehow?"

He shuddered. "I don't think I can. I would hurt you. I could kill you. I can't do that."

"Right." I sniffed, stupid tears, stupid ribs.

At the end of that song, I moved off to the side again. Jacob took me into his arms, wrapping them gently around me from behind, crossing over my chest. I was surrounded by his warmth and breathing was easier for some reason. Maybe heat was better than cold for the bruises?

"Having a good time?" he asked looking down to me while I bent my head back.

"Yes. A very good time." I yawned. "I might need another break soon though."

"Just lead the way," he said.

I took a quick look around. The party was thinning slowly, but the people still there were dancing. No one would notice us slip out. I led Jacob up the stairs.

"What is that?" Jacob asked at the landing. He was dumbstruck by Carlisle's crucifix.

"What does it look like?" I snorted. A few moments later I explained a little. "Carlisle's human father was a pastor. He carved that."

"Oh," Jacob murmured and let me pull him up the second flight.

I knocked on Edward's door even though I was fairly sure he wasn't inside. There was no answer and I opened the door.

"The crypt," Jacob joked.

I chuckled. "Be nice. Be really nice and bring me up something to take this with," I shook the bottle of pills as I pulled it from my purse.

"Be right back." He closed the door behind him.

I sat on the bed and closed my eyes, weary.

Lips on mine made me open them again. "Hello, Edward."

"Jacob asked me to bring this to you instead. He doesn't seem to like my room much. Something about the smell."

I chuckled before swallowing the pair of tablets. "Thank you." I kicked off my shoes. "Should I leave this on or take it off?" I asked, pulling the neck of my sweater down enough to show the brace beneath.

"On, definitely. You'll need the support while you recline."

I nodded and smiled. I closed my eyes again and shifted myself over on the bed. I felt cold hands remove my skirt and lift the blankets over my legs. I was asleep in moments.

I woke with Edward's arms around me. "How long?"

"The party is over," he whispered.

I groaned. "Oh well. I said my goodbyes at the school anyway. Everyone have a good time?"

"Yes. Alice is a very good hostess."

"She is," I agreed. "I told Charlie I'd be home tonight." I started to rise.

"And Alice called to tell him you'd changed your mind. At around midnight, so I don't think he was surprised to hear it at all. It's three now, so he wouldn't know if you did come home at this hour."

"In that case." I nuzzled into his chest.

"I was hoping that was what you'd say." He kissed the top of my head.

The next morning more guilt wracked me. "Jacob?" I asked in the morning as I rose.

"He went home soon after you came up. He hopes you are feeling better." Edward ran fingers lightly down my cheek, trying to sooth me. I smiled at him.

"I don't understand you. I don't know how the two of you can let me do this. It's... inhumane or something."

He snorted. "Well, I don't think I'll call the SPCA for myself. You might want to worry about Jacob though. This could definitely constitute cruelty to animals."

That made me laugh and I clutched my ribs again. "Water?" I asked. I hadn't taken anything since last night.

Edward was gone and back in a second. I gratefully downed another Tylenol. I was feeling better overall though. I pulled off the brace to see how the bruising looked.

Edward winced at the purple and green blotches over my torso. He knelt before me and kissed several, running light fingers over others.

"They're fading," I said. It was true. Instead of one large red blotch that covered my entire abdomen, I had several smaller defined patches now. The larger overall bruise was gone.

Edward continued to kiss my injuries. I put my hand in his hair.

There was a knock at the door. "Just me," Alice called. "There's breakfast for you downstairs, Bella."

"Thank you, Alice." I held my shirt to my chest as I made my way to the bathroom to wash up a little. I glanced over my shoulder to see if he would follow. He did.

I warmed a cloth and winced as I tried to lift my arm to wash it. Edward took the cloth and gently sponged me down. His breathing was a little rough when he finished.

"Thank you," I said quietly, trying to wrap the brace around myself again.

Cold lips crushed mine and I got lost in his scent and taste. His hands roamed over me and although my bruises and aches twinged at the chill, the rest of my skin thrilled at his touch. "Edward," I murmured.

I needed to stop speaking when he got like this. Somehow it always snapped him out of whatever trance he had gotten into. "I'm sorry, Bella. And after you were so..."

I put a hand to his face. "No apologies. I was trying to encourage, not stop you." I smirked at him.

He looked away awkwardly. "You probably shouldn't do that either." He pulled the brace up under my arms. Once it was fixed in place he helped me with my shirt.

"Breakfast," I said with a smile. I stepped close to him and tipped my head to expose my neck

He growled at me, but kissed the exposed skin. "Go eat, you tease."

I chuckled and made my way down the stairs.

That night, there was no wolf outside my window. Jacob happened to be in my room with me, but I no longer needed a 'guard dog'. I smiled feeling at ease in my bed for the first time in a long time.

"It's really over," I whispered.

"What is?" Jacob asked, suddenly wary. He'd been helping me put more graduation photos in my scrapbook.

"Victoria, the fear, the watchfulness, the worry. It's over. Just like high school." I smiled at him and put another picture in my book.

"For you," he said with a snort. "I have a couple years to go. Assuming I pass this year. I've skipped a LOT of class."

"I'll help you," I offered. "I can get you caught back up." I smiled at him.

"Thanks, Bella. I'd appreciate that. Come to my place tomorrow?"

"I work," I moaned. "I'll see if I can trade my shift. Otherwise, come by the store. I can help between customers."

He grinned back. "All right."

There was strange new chemistry between Jacob and I. I had almost expected us to be awkward with one another. Somehow, the intimacy between us hadn't changed that. He was still my friend first and foremost. I appreciated that.

"If I'm going to make class tomorrow, I'd better get some shut eye. I'll see you tomorrow, Bells." He kissed me.

"Night, Jake." He closed my door behind him.

Charlie came in a little while later. "Everything all right?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" I asked. "Here, take a look." I smiled and gestured with the book. Charlie sat on the bed next to me and flipped through my latest editions.

He pointed to a candid in which Jacob and Edward were on either side of me. "How long, Bells? You can't string them on forever."

Of course Charlie noticed too. Who hadn't noticed? "I don't know."

He kissed my forehead then. "Get some rest, sweetie."

"Thanks, Dad." I wrapped my arms around his chest. "Thanks for everything."

"I love you, Bella. You coming here was one of the happiest days of my life. It's going to be hard to say goodbye."

"I know." I looked down for moment. Then I smiled up at him. "We have a few weeks yet. And I haven't even started looking for a place."

"Does that mean you've settled on a college? And not Jacksonville, or you wouldn't need a place."

"Nope. I'm staying here. I love you, Dad."

He shook his head. "Good night, Bella."

I changed slowly for bed. I'd taken to button down shirts so I could get them on and off. The one I pulled on now was one of Charlie's I'd abducted for sleeping purposes. I peeped out my window to see a familiar face.

"I don't think I'm expecting any visitors anymore," I teased.

"That was never my sole reason for being here."

"Come in, please."

Edward landed quietly inside my window. I'd never accept how graceful he was. It seemed impossible. We stood looking at one another for a while. "You aren't stringing us along. We know exactly what we're getting into."

I cringed and looked down. "It's not fair to either of you," I complained, turning.

"No, it's not fair. But I recall a certain saucy brunette informing me that life wasn't fair."

I chuckled and slid under my covers. I shuffled over enough to make room for Edward. "When I asked you not to stay in my room, I think I amended it with, for now."

"Something like that." Edward laid down on top of my comforter.

"Well, I'd like to change my mind." I kissed him.

* * *

All right, let the flaming begin. So I hope after all of that it is clear that Bella hasn't 'chosen' Jacob and both boys know that. So does... pretty much everyone. And for those of you troubled by that, well another chapter will push this situation another step toward resolution, so hold on to your hats and hope I have the beta'd copy for you on Friday (I'm going to try!)

Thanks to Sharebear and CullenObsession for their beta help

Please check out some of the awesome contests and stories that myself and my WC pals have been entering.

Fun with your clothes on: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2291087/FunWithYourClothesOn

Canon Fodder: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2277143/TwiCanonFodder

Silence of the Wolves: http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2269000/

And some story recommendations: Alverdine's On Our Way, Cerulean Blue's Once Bitten, Twice Shy, SunKing's On the Fly, and Venis Envy's Pisces Reverie and Dear Alice


	16. Chapter 16

Somehow I managed to walk that line for another month. Each knew I was still close with the other, and neither condemned me for it. Jacob and I were never as physical a second time, though we had some nights in the back of my truck that came close. He seemed as reluctant as I did.

"Jacob? Do you think we made a mistake?" I asked him one night, laying on a blanket in the bed of my truck.

He looked over at me. "No. That wasn't a mistake. But... I worry that we could 'make' a mistake."

I chuckled a little. "There are ways to prevent that," I reminded him.

He rolled his head with a sigh. "I know that. But, I don't know. I guess, I want all of you the next time."

It hurt. He hadn't meant it to, but it felt like a punch in my gut all the same. Of course he wanted all of my heart. He deserved all of it. I couldn't let him know it had hurt though. "Yeah, that's fair." I rolled and hooked my leg over him. "But you're still gonna make out with me, right?" I teased.

He laughed. "God, yes."

While Jacob was pulling himself back, Edward was pressing himself forward. I spent more and more nights in my bed at his house. Even when I didn't, every other night he seemed to be trying to trust himself to move one more step, one inch closer to me. I knew I couldn't rush him, but he was driving me crazy. I almost wanted Jacob to give me some relief. The sexual frustration was going to kill me. Of course, if it did I would have dutifully earned it.

"Bella," Edward murmured as he touched me in new ways, found new responses from me. His voice alone was enough to cloud my mind with him for hours. His restraint amazed and daunted me. I didn't know how he restrained himself so consistently. I could feel him yearning for me. I knew how badly he wanted the same thing I did, but he just couldn't let go. I knew that as well as he did. I tried not to push, not to rush, but it was hard for me too. There were many nights I was fully prepared to just jump on top of him and to hell with consequences, but I couldn't, so I didn't.

"It'll come, Bella," Alice told me one day when she was over for a visit. "It's not far off anymore."

I sighed with relief. "Thanks, Alice. I was starting to think we were in some sort of paradox. You know, you keep halving the distance, but that just guarantees you never reach the goal?"

She looked at me oddly. "That's... not an analogy I would expect from you." She patted my hand. "You aren't." She smiled slyly. "You are definitely going to get there."

I cringed now. "Don't look so closely." I blushed.

She laughed at me. "Only for safety's sake," she assured me.

"Yeah, right," I said with a chuckle.

The day came at the end of July. It wasn't even a particularly special day. It was just the day he decided he was strong enough, he wouldn't hurt me. It was tentative and gentle. It was perfect.

I curled against him, panting, allowing his chilly body to cool my overheated one. "That was incredible," I told him honestly. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_," he insisted. "Thank you for trusting me, for loving me, for believing in me. Bella, there is only one thing I've wanted more than what you just gave me."

"And what is that?" I asked, curious now.

"For you to be my wife."

I held my breath for a moment. "By some definitions..."

He stopped me with a kiss. "I meant the contractual, name changing, life changing way. If I thought for a moment you'd accept I would have proposed ages ago. Sadly, my ego is a bit too fragile to risk such certain rejection."

And just as Jacob had, he hurt me without intending to, without knowing. I wanted to accept. I wanted to be his forever. But I was too divided. I couldn't give myself wholly to either one of them.

It was only a week later that the name changing, life changing, consequences of that night were revealed to me.

*

Jacob woke me, which was odd in itself. He didn't often let himself in anymore. "Bella? Are you all right?"

"Hmm?" I was groggy and starving.

"It's one in the afternoon," he informed me.

"What?" I bolted upright. I went to bed at a reasonable time after sleeping in yesterday. Now I'd slept fourteen hours? No wonder I was so hungry. "Thanks for waking me," I muttered. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I stood up, but sat again quickly. The room began to spin. "Whoa. I need food."

"Maybe you're sick. Can I bring you something?" He looked me over, worried.

"Maybe I am. I threw up yesterday, but I thought that was just sour milk." Just then, at the memory, my stomach flopped. I made for the bathroom. Jacob half carried me and then held my hair while I bent over the toilet.

I rinsed my mouth after. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Do you...." His words stopped and his eyes fell on my bathroom bag which had toppled when we came in. An unused pregnancy test had fallen out. "But-"

My stomach turned again, but this time it wasn't nausea, it was fear. I was two weeks late. I'd bought the test yesterday and hidden it in my bag. I still hadn't really considered the possibility. I really should have. After all, I was the one having sex. But once? I knew it was possible, but was it likely? Was this just something else?

"Yeah, this," I pointed to the toilet, "has to be something else. It's too early for morning sickness. But Jacob, I am late. I was going to use that test this morning. Do you want to step out and I'll-" I opened the box with shaking hands.

"Yeah. Let me know when I can come back in." He closed the door behind him.

I'd read the instructions last night. First urine of the day, well that was now. I was scared to death. I pulled my shorts back up. "Done," I whispered and washed my hands. My voice wasn't working properly, but he still heard me.

Jacob wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, Bella. I will always, always be here for you."

"I know, Jacob." Then the impossible happened. Something inside me moved. "Please tell me that was gas," I murmured. Tears were leaking from the corners of my eyes.

"But, it can't be. It's only been a little over a month."

I knew he suspected. Why not spend the longest five minutes of my life breaking Jacob's heart, scarring his mind?

"Edward and I..." I couldn't finish.

"You... with him." I felt him tremble and he took his hands from me, stepping back. He was going to phase. Maybe he'd kill me. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe not.

"Yes. It was after.... I love him too, Jacob. I wanted to be with him the way I was with you. I wanted to share everything with him. I'm so sorry. There is nothing I can say that will make it right, that will make it better."

"How?" he asked.

I stared at him. He wasn't asking that, was he?

"He's dead, Bella. How could he..." he gestured generally at my abdomen.

He was right of course. The movement in my belly couldn't be a baby. Edward couldn't be a father. "This must be something else." My voice sounded horrid.

We both looked at the plastic stick resting on the edge of the sink. I felt movement inside me again. The test was positive.

"So," Jacob began.

"I think I should see Carlisle. He can check me and I'll be sure Charlie doesn't find out, yet. I'll have to tell him at some point. Maybe he can also tell me what, this, is." I rubbed a hand over my slightly protruding belly.

"Yeah. Why don't I make you something to eat while you call?"

"Will you come with me?" My voice shook.

"Of course I'm coming with you." He almost sounded angry. He lurched forward and kissed my forehead. "That is, unless you don't want me to."

"Thanks, Jacob." I was amazed at how quickly he had calmed down.

"Eggs?" he asked.

"That'd be great." I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby. I spent another five minutes with that thought. I was going to be a mother. This was finally going to make my decision for me, I was certain. They certainly wouldn't be willing to raise the other's child.

I picked up the phone and called the Cullen house. "Hello, Bella," Esme answered cheerfully.

"Hello, Esme. Is Carlisle at home or the hospital? I really need to talk to him."

"He's at the hospital. Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine, Esme. The hospital is best; I need Dr. Cullen. Is Edward at home?"

"Yes," she said brightly. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"Not yet. Just checking, for the sake of... patient confidentiality."

"Are you sure everything is okay, Bella?"

I almost laughed. "No, Esme, I'm not sure at all. But I'm not hurt or anything. It's something I don't understand."

"I'm sure Carlisle can sort it out for you, dear."

"I'm hoping so. Thank you, Esme."

I all but ran down the stairs at the smell of frying eggs. I noticed Jacob already had a half dozen on a plate and I started eating. He brought the other half and was surprised to find the first six gone. "Whoa. You want these too?" he asked.

"Nope. That was great, thanks, Jake."

I got up while he ate to call the hospital this time. "Hello, may I speak with Doctor Carlisle Cullen, please?" I waited while the receptionist found him.

"Dr. Cullen here. How may I help you?"

"Hello, Carlisle. It's Bella. Do you think you could see me today?"

"Of course, Bella. What's the matter?"

"It's... a little unusual. Do you have time? I can be there in about ten minutes."

"Yes, come in. I can see you now."

"I'll see you soon." I hung up and went to dress. When I came down Jacob was washing up our dishes. I took a deep calming breath. "Ready?" I asked him.

"Not even a little bit, but I'm coming with you."

I couldn't agree more. I drove my old Chevy into the hospital parking lot. Carlisle was waiting for us.

"Jacob?" he asked when he saw him.

"I'm moral support."

Carlisle nodded and led us into his office. "Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"There may be two." I pulled out a sandwich bag with my test inside. Carlisle's eyes widened a little. "Jacob and I had sex six weeks ago, but I felt something, move, today." I stood up and put Carlisle's hand to the developing bump. It wasn't immediate, but a few moments later another nudge came from inside me.

His gold eyes widened, met mine and then blurred. I was crying again, dammit. I wiped my face.

"Tell him, Bella," Jacob urged.

"I also slept with Edward. That was only one week ago."

"Come with me," Carlisle said. He led us to another part of the hospital. He handed me a bottle of water when we passed a cart. "Drink all of that. Hop up Bella." The table was next to a large monitor. It was an ultrasound, I realized. I lifted my shirt and opened my pants without being asked.

Carlisle squirted gel on my belly and I reached for Jacob's hand, more afraid than ever.

The display was white.

"That's odd," Carlisle mused, moving the wand he held closer to my hip. Still white. He moved to the other side, all white. He moved up, under my ribs and the screen darkened. He cocked his head a little and moved more slowly. He paused at one point. Half the screen was black with white flecks and lines, the other half was solid white.

"Well, I don't know what is behind that, but I wouldn't doubt it _is _a fetus."

I squeezed Jacob's hand again.

"And you say it's only been a week?" he moved the wand again and paused at one point sighing.

"Yes. What is it, Carlisle? What do you see?"

"I'm afraid you have more than one embryo, Bella, but at the rate this one is growing, I don't expect the second will survive."

I tightened my grip on Jacob's hand and looked to him. I could feel my face stretch as my eyebrows tried to climb into my hair. His jaw fell open, then closed and hardened. He dropped my hand and put his fists to his eyes. He was shaking visibly now.

"There's not enough room for that in here, Jacob. The next room should be empty."

Jacob kicked the door open and left.

"Have you told Edward?" Carlisle asked as he wiped the gel from my abdomen.

"I only found out now. I had no idea before today."

"Do you mind if I call him?"

"No, please do."

While he called home, and Jacob did whatever Jacob had to do, I thought. I thought that if things were moving this quickly, I needed to get out of my house. I'd be showing in days. Charlie couldn't know about this at all. I couldn't worry him, not knowing what was wrong with me. If it were Jacob's baby, that would be one thing; I'd take the lectures, the condemnation, and the eventual forgiveness. I had no doubt Charlie would accept me and my baby.

But I had no idea what Edward and I had created. What I did know was that it wasn't going to be nine months in the making. I didn't know if it was going to be safe for Charlie to meet, but I knew I needed to meet him or her. I looked back to the monitor, wishing I could have both, just as I always did. I was just greedy, selfish. I wanted both babies, even though, just hours ago, I hadn't thought about having any babies.

"He's on his way," Carlisle told me, which meant he'd be here any minute.

"Will you check on Jacob?" I asked him.

"If you wish." He squeezed my hand.

I didn't let go immediately. "Does Edward know?"

"He just knows you need him."

I felt the warmth from Carlisle's eyes. I'd be the one to tell him. "Thank you."

I took the time alone to talk with the life inside me. "Well, you are an impatient one, aren't you? Can't wait to be born with your brother? Take nine months like other babies? Well, I'm glad I won't have to wait nine months to see you. I'm sure you will be just as beautiful as your father." I rubbed my belly lovingly.

Edward was in the room before either Carlisle or Jacob returned. "Bella? Are you all right, Bella? Last I saw you, you were sleeping. You seemed fine."

"I am fine. I've just been really tired lately, and occasionally ill. I've just found out why." I looked at him. Was he ready to hear this? "I'm pregnant, Edward."

"You are - " There was a pause. "Congratulations, Bella." His voice was a little distant.

I shook my head. "I'm pregnant with your baby, Edward."

The pause was longer this time. "You... are?"

"Yes, she is." Carlisle came back in the room. Jacob was behind him. He looked more calm, but still terrible.

"How?"

"That's what I want to know," Jacob spat.

Carlisle shook his head. "I have no idea. I don't know how long the gestation will be. I don't know what the fetus' genetic make-up is. I have no idea." He looked up at the boys. I looked at the blank monitor.

"Is this safe for her?" Edward asked. My eyes flew to him now and Jacob's landed on me. It had never occurred to me. "Will this, _thing_, hurt her?"

"Thing?" I whispered. I felt tears again. That wasn't the voice of a loving father. That was the voice of my protector, the one who intended to remove anything that might cause me harm.

"I don't know, Edward. Like I said, I have no idea."

"I need to go home," I said getting up.

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked, coming around his desk.

"If I'm going to have a story for Charlie explaining why I'm leaving early for Seattle, I should probably be there to give it."

I took Jacob's hand. "I'm sorry," I told him sincerely. If there was any way to have both, I would. In a heartbeat.

"I'll always be here for you Bella. My kid or his. I don't care." He hugged me and the baby kicked us both again.

I turned to Edward now. "I don't know if you should do this, Bella. What if it hurts you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not giving up our baby Edward. I am an example of a baby that was not meant to be, and my parents were thrilled to have me. I'm not condemning any child of my own. I'm just really sorry to hear that Jacob's baby can't make it too."

"I don't know that, Bella. It's just unlikely."

"Jacob's baby?" Edward whispered. No doubt Jacob's or Carlisle's thoughts were answering him.

"Thanks, Carlisle."

I took Edward's hand and put it on my belly, it was larger than even this morning. I was going to get big, fast. I needed to work quickly to get out of the house. The baby kicked again and Edward looked a little frightened. "That doesn't hurt?"

"No." I giggled and kissed him. "Don't worry so much about me. I'm not a masochist, but I've had to learn to bear a certain amount of pain just by being me." I smiled at the joke at my own expense. "If it's too much, we'll deal with that. Now, I'm going home before Charlie gets there."

By the time I'd gotten supper made, I thought I'd put together enough ads for apartments in Seattle to make a case for leaving a week early. Two? Well, maybe I'd just claim I needed time to settle in. I figured I could stay until the weekend. That gave me three days. I'd let Charlie know tonight and he'd have two days of goodbyes. I hoped it would be enough. I called Angela and let her know I wouldn't be moving in with her and Ben. She said they'd already found something for just the two of them. I was glad to hear it.

"Dad," I said quickly biting into my pork chop. I'd barely seared it, it was pink inside. It tasted delicious. "I've been thinking. I'm going to need some time to pick a place in Seattle." I nudged the pile of print-outs and classified ads toward him. "I was thinking of leaving this weekend and staying until class starts."

I held my breath waiting for his reaction. "This weekend? Will you be packed up by then?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "It only took me two days to pack enough to move here. I'm pretty sure I can manage."

"Well, did you want me to come with you? Help you pick?"

"Nah. Jacob offered to come with me. He'll catch the bus back."

He ate silently. I tried to guess what he was thinking. He was disappointed, I was sure of that. But not upset. I don't think he was entirely surprised. "If that's what you want to do."

"It is. Thank you, Dad."

I visited Carlisle at the hospital the next day as well. He wanted to try amniocentesis. I winced watching him put the needle into my belly. It didn't hurt, not really, but I watched Carlisle's brow crease when the needle stopped. Jacob and Edward were both with me again.

"It won't penetrate. The sac... impervious to ultrasound, and apparently anything else." He dropped the syringe on a tray and turned away. "I wish we had some precedence. Some way of knowing what to expect." He sighed loudly. "Well, I can do regular monitoring anyway." Carlisle weighed me, took my blood pressure and recorded my pulse. "Can I take a blood sample, Bella?" he asked

"Of course," I said not pulling my arm back after he removed the cuff.

"And a urine sample?" He handed me a plastic cup and I wrinkled my nose.

"Sure." I muttered reluctantly, and hopped down. I winced a little as my weight jostled.

Edward was holding my arm. "Are you all right?"

I chuckled quietly. "I'm fine, just not used to weighing more than I used to."

That night I packed and continued to talk with Charlie about my housing options in Seattle. He shouldn't have any reason to think I wasn't going to start my classes as planned. Most of my books and music were boxed and I had washed everything I owned, ready to be packed up as well.

The next day I went to the Cullen house instead of the hospital. Jacob didn't come with me today. Edward held my hand while I talked to Carlisle. Well, listened to him. "You seem to be in perfect health Bella. By your weight and size, I would have put you in your second trimester of a normal pregnancy. No abnormalities at all. I'm still tending to agree with Edward though. This probably isn't going to be safe for you. If we were to abort, I wouldn't want to wait longer."

"_Abort?_" my voice cracked. "No, you can't." I wrapped my arms protectively around myself.

"Bella, you can't. You can't think that this thing isn't going to kill you," Edward plead with me. "It's one of us. That's our nature."

I refused to listen. "No. We are not going to abort." I told Carlisle, not looking back at Edward. "I think I'll go home and pack the rest of my things. I'll be back tomorrow."

Edward followed me out. "Bella." I didn't stop. He was in front of me now. I moved around him. He put cold hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I only want what's best for you."

"Again! Why do you get to decide that?! This baby isn't just yours, Edward!" I dropped to a whisper, "It's mine too."

"Think about the other one, Bella. It might be possible to take this one and let that one live. I know how much you want Jacob's baby." His face betrayed nothing. Did he actually want me to have Jacob's baby instead of his?

"No. I'm not giving up either one without a fight." I opened the door of my truck. "I'm sorry, Edward. I know this will be hard for you too. Even a normal pregnancy is not without risk and discomfort. This one will be worse, I'm sure. But I'm not giving up without a fight. And this is the one time I can be the one to fight for us."

Charlie gave me a big hug after tossing my last bag in the back of my truck. I begged the baby not to kick right now. I was wearing baggy sweats hoping he wouldn't notice my quickly developing paunch. "You look after yourself, Bella. And you come back to visit, promise?"

"I promise, Dad. I love you. And I'll miss you." I kissed him and climbed into the truck beside Jacob. I waved to him as I drove away.

"Well, if this isn't sorted in three weeks, I'm going to have to come up with something else." Charlie would expect me to at least stop in by then.

"Yeah." Jacob squeezed my hand. "It'll be fine, Bella."

"Thanks, Jake." He leaned across the seat to kiss my temple as I pulled onto the Cullen drive.

I grabbed two bags before Emmett ran out and snatched them from me. "Don't you know you're supposed to take it easy, in your _condition_." He smiled broadly, flashing teeth and dimples. I shook my head; it was going to be like that the whole time here.

Rosalie was at my side next. "I'm so happy for you, Bella."

I looked at her in amazement. "Thanks."

"Can I get you anything? Help you in any way?"

Was this really Rosalie? "No, I'm fine. Thanks."

Esme was waiting at the front entrance. "Welcome, Bella. You'll let us know if you need anything, won't you?"

"Yes. I'm fine just now, thank you."

Jasper was hovering nearby too. I started to feel a little smothered. "Where are Edward and Alice?"

"Edward is hunting," Jasper told me. "He doesn't want to have to leave you again after today. Alice... you're giving her a headache it seems."

"I am? How am I doing that?"

She came down the stairs then and she did look off, tired, if that were possible. "Not you, Bella, the... fetus. I can't see it and it makes you – difficult to look for. And the fact that everyone wants me to see as much of you as I can isn't helping."

"Well I don't, Alice. Don't look if it hurts. I'll take it as it comes."

"Thanks, Bella." She came and hugged me. "You're sure you want to do this? I can see the other baby, if you give this one up."

That stopped me short. I didn't know it was that real a possibility. She saw me consider it. She smiled at the vision. This was the time to choose. One would kill the other, unless I killed one first. I couldn't give up Edward's baby. I loved it too much, it was too much a part of me, even now. "I'm sure, Alice. I want this baby." I rubbed my belly and the baby kicked again. Her face fell a little. I shifted uncomfortably. "I also want a bathroom."

* * *

So. That was wild. What do 'you' think is going to happen to Bella and the baby?

Voting is open on the Fun with Your Clothes On Contest. Lots of totally awesome dry humping. All rated M. I have an entry, Are You Ready? that is canon. Read, vote, enjoy! http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2291087/FunWithYourClothesOn

This might be a good time to plug the Twiku KungFu contest too. http://www()fanfiction()net/u/2303304/TwikuKungFuContest I have an entry posted on my profile for your perusal and am more than willing to collaborate with someone on a Ping Pong entry. Just message me!

Thanks as always to my Betas Sharebear and CullenObsession. Also hugs for my WC mates.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up lying on a table. It had to be a table, because it was too hard and flat to be a bed. I could hear shouting around me. I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn't respond. I tried to lift my hand, but got no response there either. I listened to the shouting.

"You can't do this! You, you, _men_! You think you can do anything you want with a woman, against her will and wishes! You are no better than Royce!" Rosalie's shriek was filled with hate. I wondered who she could be yelling at, who was Royce? A moment later I knew. There was only one man she could hate that much, her would-be husband.

"It's going to kill her, Rose. Look at the bruises. It's getting stronger. It's going to tear her apart." That was Edward. I'd never heard his voice like this before. It was so raw, so empty. The man I loved didn't seem to be in that voice at all.

"She doesn't want this! And you! How can you agree to this? Doesn't her consent mean anything to you?"

"Rosalie, please, calm down." That was Carlisle. Where was I? What were they doing to me? I started to struggle against the weight in my limbs, on my eyes. I had to get up. I had to get out of here.

"You are going to kill the baby." My pulse stuttered.

_Not my baby..._

"We should kill it! It is an abomination! It's evil, just like we are. We are going to save her, Rose."_ No, Edward!_

In the week I'd been in the house I saw the pain in his eyes every time I winced or cringed. He'd tried once more to talk me into aborting the fetus. I overreacted, a little.

"I'm having this baby, Edward. If you can't handle seeing me like this, I'll just go to La Push and come back when it's over." I'd even started out the door.

"No!" He'd grabbed my arm. "Don't leave. Please. Stay with me. I can't live without you. I tried it once and it was terrible. I can't do that again. Don't take yourself somewhere I can't follow. Please."

His pleading had undone me and I stayed. He never mentioned abortion again, but his attention was always on me, never on the baby. Alice had agreed with him.

"The other baby, he isn't going to make it, Bella. You are running out of time to change your mind."

"How can you see it at all anymore? I made my choice. I'm not giving up Edward's baby. I can't give it up anymore than I could give him up, Alice. It would be... terrible." The babies had made my choice. I had chosen Edward's, and not just because I couldn't kill either.

Now I knew why Alice could still see it. Because she could see them doing this.

_Help me, Rosalie,_ I begged with my thoughts as my body continued to refuse to obey me. I tried to move my fingers. This time they twitched.

"And her decisions mean nothing." Rosalie was fighting for me again. "She should be with Jacob, Edward. He respects her wishes; you only care for your own." That wasn't true; not entirely. He wanted what was best for me. Edward really did believe that this baby was nothing but a monster that would kill me. I'd tried to make him understand. I loved the baby the way I loved him.

Jacob understood, which was the strangest part. He had been so understanding, staying by my side even though the smell made his eyes water and his nose burn. Even though Rosalie never stopped antagonizing him. Even though the baby was Edward's and not his; I thought he loved this baby too. I couldn't understand how he did it, but I loved him more for it.

"Hey Bells, hey bump." He had stroked my belly and laughed when it kicked him. I had winced at the kick. "Getting worse?" he had asked, sobering up.

I had lifted my shirt to show the bruising. "Yeah. Carlisle keeps checking for internal injuries, but other than the bruises, nothing."

"Good. You, bump, keep it down." He had wagged his finger at my belly as though the baby could see him. That made me laugh too.

Edward still couldn't love our baby. Would he ever? Even after it was born? How was it that they each wanted the others' baby? It made no sense.

In that moment or two of quiet, I'd managed to ball my hand into a fist and open my eyes a crack. "She's conscious," Carlisle murmured. "The anaesthetic is wearing off. I thought I'd given her enough for hours." I felt cold hands on my abdomen and opened my mouth, trying to scream. He was going to hurt my baby. He was going to kill it. My lips barely parted and no sound came out.

"Get your hands off her," Rosalie spat and the cold was gone. There was the sound of scuffling, but no more shouting.

"Rosalie, be reasonable. This...fetus...will injure her. Severely. That much is certain. Let me extract-"

"Can you be sure the baby will survive?"

"No."

"Then, no. I will stop you. You will have to kill me to touch her."

"I can accept that," Edward's voice was colder than I'd ever heard it. I tried to work my voice again, but nothing came out.

There was a snarl and crash. "You keep your hands off my wife." I'd never heard Emmett roar in that fashion either.

"Let me go, Emmett. She is not going to touch my mate either." Edward's voice was deathly calm, but there was an ice cold steel edge to it.

"That's right, Edward," Rosalie replied. "No one is touching her. Especially not _you_ or _Carlisle_." She said the name with such derision. I had never had a bad thought about Carlisle, but he was the one who had drugged me. He was the one who would cut my baby out of me. Suddenly I hated him as much as she did. They were all working against me. All but Rose.

My eyes flew open, finally. "No," burst from my lips at last. It was very quiet, little more than a whisper, for all that I tried to shout. Even so the room fell silent. I saw Carlisle leaning on his desk as Rosalie held her arms wide in front of him. Emmett held Edward's arms tight to his sides, a shoulder pressing him into a bookcase.

"Rose?" I called to her.

"I'm not going to let them touch you, Bella." she assured me, looking over her shoulder.

"Bella, you can't do this. It's going to kill you." I heard more struggling, but Emmett was stronger than Edward.

"Jacob?" I asked. He didn't usually stay at night, sleeping at home or running with the pack.

"He's not here. They wouldn't have tried this if he were." Rosalie's tone reflected all the hate she held. She had her own reasons to hate Carlisle and Edward. She'd described them to me. I knew her hatred of this life they had chosen for her. They had been the reason she was here, against her wishes, and now they had me here against mine. I couldn't have asked for a better ally.

"Take me to him?" I begged, my voice still quiet.

"Of course," she agreed quickly. She left Carlisle and swung me onto her back, the baby pressing into my spine. Whatever Carlisle had dosed me with had also kept the baby from kicking all this time. I was grateful for that. Although I loved the baby, I couldn't deny that it was hurting me badly.

"No," Edward moaned. "Please. Bella. You can't do this."

"I can, Edward. My body, my life." The words were slurred as my lips were still less than responsive. I closed my eyes and tucked my head into Rosalie's hair. "Go, Rose," I murmured, fighting the sleep that wanted to reclaim me.

"No!" Edward's scream followed us as Rosalie ran from the house. It tore my heart. It held all the pleading he'd used when he convinced me to stay before. But that had been a lie. He'd wanted me to stay so he could do this to me. He wanted me nearby so he could protect me from our baby, the baby I desperately wanted to live. He protected me, but I was protecting it. I had to prove I was stronger.

"I'm sorry, Bella. If I'd been watching more closely they wouldn't have gotten even that needle into you. I never dreamed they would do this. If I'd guessed I would have been guarding you. I could kill them both."

"Thank you, Rose." It was also mumbled and incoherent.

"Men!" she shouted over everything. "I swear they think we're nothing more than wisps of flesh that cannot live without their help. Our strengths and drives mean nothing to them."

"Not true," I murmured, but I didn't really want to stop her rant.

"Even Emmett, and I have very little bad to say about Emmett, tries to protect me. Granted, in that instance, I needed it. Not from Edward," she scoffed. "I could have handled myself against him. But who knows what Carlisle might have done while I was engaged? I am so appalled at my father right now. Medicine has progressed, old fool. You don't get to just experiment willy nilly." She was mad. I rarely heard Rosalie speak in her older cadence. Who said 'willy nilly'?

"We're at the line, Bella. I can't take you further. Are you able to walk?" She held my hands and unwound them from her neck. She kept me vertical until my feet touched the ground. I started to sag immediately.

"No, not walk." I leaned on Rosalie and she held my waist. "Thank you."

"Like I said, I'm just sorry I didn't stop them sooner."

Quil ran up then. "Quil, will you carry me to Jacob? Or bring him here?" My eyes drooped. He whined a little but crouched down. "Rose, help me up?"

She lifted me onto Quil's back and helped center me. I tangled my fingers in his fur, hoping I was strong enough to hold on.

"Take care of yourself, Bella. Let me know when or if I can see the baby."

"Of course you can and will. Thank you." Quil rose and I clung to his scruff. I was still sliding toward his tail. I wouldn't stay on, I was sure. He gave a little kick with his back legs and nudged me forward again. My face crashed into his head. "Thanks," I mumbled. The baby kicked and I yelled. Quil's even stride broke and momentum sent me into his ears again. He loped a few more strides into Jacob's yard.

Quil stood on his hind legs, sliding me down his back into a heap. Once I was off, he phased back. "What happened to you, Bella? You smell wrong. Are you all right?" He turned from me to yell to the house, "Jacob!" His warm hands were on my arm, helping me stay upright.

A light came on, but I barely noticed, my eyes drifting shut again. "Drugged," I said lazily. "Tried to take...." I put a hand to my belly and the baby kicked again. My eyes flew open with the pain and I groaned loudly. "Easy, baby. Take it easy on Mommy, please."

Jacob's warm arms cradled me. "Drugged?" he asked.

I nodded feebly as Quil answered aloud. "That's what she said. The blonde brought her to the border. She said something about stopping them. But I don't know who she meant, or what they were doing."

"The baby," I murmured. The baby kicked again and I moaned.

"Shhh, sleep, Bella. I'm going to take her inside. Let the pack know that I want double watch. No Cullens past the line. Not until I know what happened. I'll be back as soon as she's asleep."

"You got it, Jake."

He carried me into his room and laid me on his bed. "Sleep easy, Bella. No one is going to hurt you, except yourself," he said with snicker and put a hand on my belly. The baby stretched toward his hand, but didn't kick. It still hurt, but not in the same way. It was like a shove instead of a punch.

"Thank you for letting me hurt myself," I mumbled, eyes closed again.

He chuckled. "Don't think I like it, but I'm not going to try to stand in your way. You'll kick my ass."

I tried to laugh, but it was just a huff. I let the darkness take me again.

* * *

I woke feeling weak, but not drugged. I could move easily enough, it just seemed to take all my energy to do so. I'd been noticing that creeping up on me. I was getting heavier and that made walking more difficult. This fatigue seemed worse though. Like I needed energy and couldn't find it.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and used the toilet. I looked in the mirror and groaned loudly. I looked like crap. No wonder Edward and Carlisle were so worried about my safety. I looked like a walking corpse. My cheeks were sunken, my usually pale complexion was almost green-blue, like all the blush had been taken out of me. My hair was a nest from sleep, but it was also brittle and dry. I sighed and, rather than try to do anything about any of it, walked out to the kitchen. I should try to eat something.

I saw brown paper wrapping a cut of meat in the sink. It was still taped up, I had no idea what kind of meat it was, but that wasn't what held my interest. The red juice oozing out of the corner of the package was calling me. It looked like melted chocolate. What was wrong with me? I mean, pregnancy cravings, sure, but blood?

I wrinkled my nose and turned on the tap, washing the stream away. Then I made myself some eggs. Jacob came in and I cracked three more in the still warm pan. "Hi, Jacob. Thanks for taking me in."

"How are you feeling?" He kissed my forehead. "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay, I think. I just had my first pregnancy craving and it was too disgusting for words."

He laughed. "Did you indulge?"

I stuck out my tongue. "No."

"Aw, you're supposed to. What am I going to tease you with afterward if you don't have wacky cravings?"

I snorted and flipped his eggs onto a plate. "Here."

"Thanks, Bells." He ate one of the eggs before looking back to me. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was only awake for part of it. Carlisle and Edward were going to-" My voice broke and I curled around the baby, who proceeded to kick my spine. I winced.

"No, they didn't!" Jacob roared and jumped to his feet. "Those lying, evil, bloodsuckers!" His eyes were filled with fury. Why was he so willing to protect me and Edward's baby? Especially when Edward wouldn't even acknowledge it as being anything worth protecting? I was so in awe of this man, this boy. It was so hard to remember Jacob was only sixteen. He looked closer to twenty now. And the way he held himself, he had an air of command and leadership about him. I hadn't stopped to look at it before.

"Jake, stop. I don't want to hate them. Rose stopped them." I continued to stroke the baby in my belly. "I'm not going to give them the chance to do it again. You'll let me stay here, right?" I looked up at him.

He turned to me and softened. He was my Jacob again, the loving boy, the friend who would never leave me. "Of course I will, Bella. But I don't know anything about babies or pregnant women or any of it. I'm not going to be much help." He squatted beside my chair and hugged me.

I smiled and kissed him. "I don't need a lot of help right now, Jake. Other than a regular supply of Tylenol, I think I can fend for myself."

"Are you sure, Bella? You know you don't look good, right?"

I snorted. "Yeah. I nearly scared myself looking in the mirror this morning. I don't understand why though. I'm eating well; I'm eating as much as I can, but I don't seem to be gaining any weight, not really." I was certainly heavier, but it all seemed to go into the baby, none into my face, or my limbs. They were thinning and hollowing. "And I'm so tired."

"You can sleep," he urged.

"I'm not sleepy, I'm... exhausted. It takes all my effort just to stand up sometimes." I did just that, carrying my plate to the sink. There was the meat again. The stream was weak and pink but still looked so tempting. I stuck my finger in it and licked it. It tasted good too. How sick was I?

"Bella?" Jacob was standing behind me. "Are you craving... blood?"

I shivered at the thought. "I think I might be."

"Eww. Well, let me put that on a plate. Venison drippings are better than real blood, I suppose."

"Thanks, Jake. I got it." I put my rinsed plate under the brown paper and watched the red-pink liquid pool. I stuck my finger in again. "This is so gross."

"Well, it is half-leech. I suppose you shouldn't be too surprised it likes blood."

I shuddered. "Yeah, I guess not." I turned to face him now, trying not to think about the blood oozing out of the meat. "What are you doing today?"

"Going to the Cullen house and taking a strip out of Edward's lily white ass."

"No, you aren't," I argued.

"And why aren't I? He tried to mutilate you. I'm just going to return the favour." He came closer and the baby kicked toward him again.

I doubled up at the pain. "This kid really likes you, Jake. I swear it never kicks as much as when you're around."

He chuckled. "Well that's good. I'm starting to be kinda partial to him too." He scooped me up and moved me to the couch. "Lay back, take it easy. I'll go kick some vampire butt and be home by suppertime."

I laughed. "Please don't hurt anyone, and don't get hurt." I finally said.

"No promises," he growled. "You want me to send anyone over to sit with you? Leah?"

"Leah," I said with a smile. "I haven't seen her since graduation. That'd be great."

"You got it." He kissed my forehead and then my belly. He got another kick for that, but it was gentler and only made me cringe.

"Jacob, don't go. I don't want you to go." I clutched at his hand.

"Bella, sweetie, they need to know you're here and you're all right. They also need to know that if they touch you again I'm going to rip every one of their heads off, treaty or no." He said it in the same soft tone he'd said the first.

"Jacob," I chided, closing my eyes.

"Rest. I'll try not to stir up too much shit today."

I obeyed, closing my eyes and let my weight sink into the couch. The baby stilled inside me and I could almost forget it was there. I wasn't asleep, but I was utterly relaxed. I started a little when the door opened.

Leah let herself in. "Hey, preggers." she said with a smile. She was wearing shorts and a tank, showing off her gorgeous skin. I felt cold looking at her. I should be warm, it was certainly nice outside, but I felt chilly all the same.

I snorted. "Hey, Leah. How have you been?"

"Good." She nudged me down the couch so that my back rested on her arm and shoulder. I sighed at the warmth radiating from her. It was nice. "I heard you were nearly cut open last night."

"Blabbermouth," I complained quietly.

She laughed. "Are you sure you're all right? You look like crap." She started finger-combing my hair. I watched her shake her fingers as strands came out. There were far too many. I wasn't doing well at all.

"Apparently not so well. I can't seem to put on weight. I'm perpetually exhausted, and sooner or later this kid is going to break something." The baby had been blessedly still since Jacob had left. "And I'm cold. Why am I cold?" I huddled into her a little more and she wrapped one of her arms over me, cradling me a little.

She put one arm just above the bulge and rubbed my arm with the other, leaving my hair on my head. "Are you sure it's worth it? You couldn't keep the other one instead?" Of course Jake would have told the pack about that.

I felt my heart fracture. I had chosen Edward over Jacob. And the worst part, Edward had betrayed me, trying to kill the baby I had chosen. I felt my eyes water. "It's too late for that. I'm starting to wish I had chosen the other." I was sobbing now. "How could he do that? To his own baby? To me? How can he hate it so much? I love it and him. I chose them. I've been fighting making that choice, for so long, so hard, Leah. And then he rejects it. It feels like he's trying to get rid of me. I know he's not, but-"

"Shh, shh, relax Bella. This isn't good for you," she tried to sooth me. "You need to stay calm."

"Calm?! The father of my baby is trying to kill it!" I was hysterical now. I could feel the baby kicking violently inside me. My lower ribs were cracking, my pelvis was bruising, my bladder was a punching bag. I only half-noticed. The pain in my chest was at least as mighty. "How could he do that to me, Leah? He didn't even ask, he just drugged me. They were going to let me sleep through the whole thing, like some sort of doll."

"Bella, calm down. He didn't get to. He isn't going to get to. We have you. You're safe. Breathe, please."

The tears continued to course my cheeks and the child in me continued to flail. I was screaming now, in pain. Every breath burned, every twitch sent fire through my torso.

"What can I get you? What do you need?" She let my head flop to the couch and ran out of the room. I continued to wail, letting my emotional and physical pain entwine. I wept and sobbed and screamed. Leah tried to calm me, tried to get me swallow pills, tried covering my mouth. She even slapped me at one point. That stopped my sobs for the time it took to draw breath again.

Slowly, very very slowly, the baby stilled and the physical pain subsided. I was on the floor now having thrown myself from the couch in my agony. I gasped for breath and the pain in my ribs throbbed.

Leah's head hovered over mine. "Bella, Bella. You are all right. I'm not leaving you. I'm not letting them take it from you. I'm here. Bella." She continued to murmur and I realized she'd been talking to me the whole time I'd screamed.

I closed my eyes as my breath evened and Leah sobbed into my hair. "You scared me, Bella. I thought you were dying in my arms. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do to help you."

"Thank you." I could barely speak, but she heard me.

She snorted. "I didn't do anything. Are you going to be all right, Bella? Don't get that upset again, all right? I think it will kill you next time."

I agreed with her assessment. I tried not to remember what had set me and the baby off. I tried not to remember the pain. The pain I was experiencing was enough for now. I started to sit up, but that brought unbearable pain to my ribs and my head thumped on the carpet.

Leah seemed to grasp my intention and lifted me in her arms. She moved me back to the couch, laying me flat again. "I'm going to go get Jacob." She left me then with the door slamming behind her.

I shifted my legs off the edge of the couch. I didn't get to tell Leah what I really wanted and needed. It was in the sink. I put my hands down on either side of my hips and tried to push myself up fluidly. I nearly made it before flopping back on the couch. Now I was sitting properly at least.

I panted and sweated from the exertion. My chest ached. I sat for several more minutes before managing to push myself up again. I made it to my feet this time and stumbled two steps to stay upright. I clutched furniture as I lumbered into the kitchen, the chairs, the table, the counter top. Finally, I reached the sink. I braced myself against it and took the plate in my hands.

I tipped the red liquid down my throat. I swallowed and sighed. I felt the nourishment spread through me. I felt the baby turn, not kick, just turn over. It still woke the pain in my pelvis and ribs. I dropped the plate and heard it shatter as I collapsed to the floor.

I was still lying there when Jacob came in. "Bella!" he shouted and raced to my side, lifting me. "I'm taking you to the doctor. Leah, Rose and I are going to make sure they don't hurt you. But you need a doctor."

He lifted me in his arms and the pain flared again as the baby kicked toward him. I screamed. "No, Jacob! No. Please. Just lay me down here. I'll be fine. I just needed the blood. I shouldn't have tried to get it myself. Please."

"Can I bring the doctor to you? Will you let him look at you?" Jacob quirked a brow.

"If you bring Rose with him? Yes."

"Eh, I have to bring the blonde? What's she gonna tell you? You need a dye job? Yeah, she can come too. All, right. Let's get you into bed."

"And Jake?" I whispered.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"More blood?"

He snorted. "I think Dr. Fang is planning on bringing some with him. I told him about your craving. He perked right up at that."

"But that will be - human blood." I wrinkled my nose. "Can't you just, thaw some more meat for me?" I was laying with my back on the pillows now.

"I'll do that too, all right? Heh, maybe I'll go pull you down your own elk, you can drain it dry, you freak."

I chuckled and it hurt. I punched him and that hurt too.

I slept for a while, recovering from my episode. When I woke, I ached. And I burned. I had kicked off all the covers, but I was still sweating. "Hello? Jacob?" I called.

Billy rolled into the doorway. "He's not back yet. Anything I can get you?"

"Painkillers?" I asked with a smile.

"Heh, yeah, I can do that."

By the time he came back with the pills I'd gotten a pillow propped behind my back, but I wasn't able to do much more. The pain in my ribs was too much.

"Thank you, Billy. I'm sorry for dropping in on you like this."

"Don't you worry about it. Rachel will be glad to see you."

Rachel, one of Jacob's sisters, had come home for the summer. I hadn't seen either of them since the last summer I'd spent in Forks with Charlie, years ago. Jacob told me Paul had imprinted on her. I was a little appalled at the idea, but that was probably just because I'd only ever seen Paul with the 'boys'. One could hope there was more to him than the temperamental, perpetually hungry wolf.

"I'd like to see her too. Will she be in later?"

"Yeah, she's at the beach with Paul. I think she's finally cutting him a break."

I looked at Billy questioningly. Every other imprint, all three of them, I'd known had been instantly attracted to one another. Emily had a thing for Sam even before the imprint. Kim had had a year long crush on Jared. Claire obviously hadn't met Quil before, but she clung to him now. I smirked remembering the pictures Jacob had shown me from Claire's third birthday party. Quil made a very pretty princess. "She isn't interested in him?"

"Oh, she's interested. He just made a bad impression the first day." Billy chuckled. "Rachel likes to take a strip out of Jake herself. She wasn't thrilled when Paul did it for her."

I laughed and groaned when it hurt. "I'll bet."

We heard the door open and close. "I'll see who it is." He wheeled away. "Dr. Cullen." Billy's voice, although I only heard it through the thin walls, was still cold. He didn't appreciate having one of them in his house. I didn't really blame him.

"Mr. Black. As your son requested, we won't stay long. I just want to take Bella's vitals." Carlisle's voice was soft and gentle. It made me shiver.

"This way," Jacob said and I saw him in the doorway. "Hey, Bells. How you doing?"

"Just doped up. Waiting for it kick in. Rose?" I asked looking around him.

"Right here, Bella." She slipped past Jacob and put a cold hand to my head. It was still covered in sweat. I sighed at her cool touch.

"Are you feverish, Bella?" she asked.

"Just warm," I murmured. Rosalie moved her hands to my neck, then my knees. I could have kissed her. "Thank you. That's much better."

"How long have you been flushed, Bella?" Carlisle asked, slipping a cuff around my arm.

"Just since I woke. Ten minutes?" I looked up at him. I tried to see him as I once did, but all I saw was the man who tried to take my baby. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I don't think you can survive to term. In most instances, where that is the case, the mother's life is paramount. After all, if you die, the child dies too."

I could see his logic. But my life wasn't in danger, not yet.

"Now what else has happened since you left us?"

"The baby cracked a couple of my ribs. And I have a pain here," I put a hand to my pubic bone. "I think it might be cracked too."

His face fell. "It's killing you already."

"This was my fault. I was – distraught. I aggravated things. It won't happen again. I'm fine." I looked up at him again. My anger, I hoped, was plain on my face.

"You don't look well, Bella. You should probably be on some sort of IV for nutrients."

"No needles." I insisted. "I think I might have found what I'm missing. Jacob told you."

"Blood, yes. And you think this will make a difference?"

I looked to Rosalie now who was smiling at me. "I do. I think the baby and I are going to be just fine. I'll come back to the house when I'm ready for the – extraction." I used the word he has. I wanted him to be sure I knew exactly what he had planned to do to me.

"You insist on staying here? We can care for you around the clock. Edward would-"

"Be happy to seize the next chance to protect me from myself. No. Thank you. Please go now." I was getting riled and that wouldn't do.

"Bella-" he continued.

"Now, _Dr. Cullen__,_" I said again.

He didn't move and I looked to Jacob. He smiled at me and grabbed Carlisle's collar, dragging him from the room.

"I should go too," Rosalie rose from the floor.

"I wish you could stay. Thank you so much, Rosalie. I hate to think what would have happened if not for you. I owe you everything."

"Shhh. Just pull through this so I can tell them all 'I told you so'. That would be the best thank you of all."

Jacob came in and stood right next to Rosalie putting his ear to hers. "What are you doing, dog?" she cried.

"Listening for the sound of the ocean." She shoved him into the wall and he laughed. I laughed too.

"Careful, mutt. I have a choker chain with your name on it," she spat.

I laughed harder and winced.

"I'm going to take out the trash, Bell. You'll be okay a little while longer?"

I chuckled more quietly now. "Yeah, thanks, Jacob."

I rested quietly until he returned. He brought me a raw steak on a plate full of it's own juices. "This is so gross, Bella. But eat up."

I wrinkled my nose and slurped the drippings first. I felt the baby tur again and sighed.

Jacob came to sit on the edge of the bed and the baby kicked toward him. Thankfully it wasn't my painful side so it just twinged.

"Bump, take it easy on Mom. You gave her a rough enough time today."

The baby turned again. "I think she really likes you, Jacob."

"It's a she now?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. She today, he tomorrow?"

He chuckled. "Sure, why not. What would you name her?"

"I had been thinking of Renesmee. Renee and Esme. Now, I don't know."

"Esme didn't have anything to do with that scene, did she?"

"She didn't try to stop it," I huffed.

"Was she even home?"

He was right. Some of the family had gone hunting that night. Esme, Jasper and Alice. Alice. She'd tried to get Rose to come with her, but Rosalie opted out. I shivered. Alice had been trying to help them. She knew Rose would try to stop them. She knew Rose _would _stop them. I felt sick.

"Bella?"

Jacob's voice broke my reverie. "No, she wasn't home. Alice took her hunting. She tried to take Rose too. She knew and tried to help. Alice wanted them to take my baby, Jacob."

"Shhh. Don't work yourself up, Bella. Rest."

"You're the only one I can trust, Jacob. You and Rosalie." I slid down on my pillow and turned a little to my side. I let tears fall quietly now. I felt more alone than I had in a long time. The family I was counting on to help me through this had turned on me. Where could I go? What could I do?

Jacob stroked my hair. "Why don't I run you a bath? Hot or cold?" he asked, rising.

"Hot." I had become chilled again suddenly. I slurped the new juice in the plate and sucked on the steak after he had left. It looked a bit mashed when he came back.

He frowned looking at the plate. "What did you do to it? Tenderize it?"

I blushed. But I did feel better, stronger. He helped me undress and get into the tub. The baby kicked him often, sending me groaning. "Renes... I can't do it, Bells. That name is too long. Can I call her something else?"

I laughed. "I don't even know she's a she. You can call her anything you like. Bump was cute." I smiled at him.

"Bump, you have got to stop trying to kick your way out of Mom. I know I'm hot stuff, but you're just going to have to wait to see me."

I laughed harder and kicked a little at the pain it caused, splashing water. "Hot stuff." I snorted. "He is hot, baby. Maybe you shouldn't take your time." I chuckled some more, wheezing a bit, clutching my side.

"Shh, sorry Bella."

"No, no. Don't apologize." I sighed. "Feels like I haven't really laughed in days. Thank you, Jacob."

The door to the house opened again. "That'll be Rachel. Want to come out and say hi?"

"Yeah! Help me out."

Rachel was nothing like I remembered. Which is probably because I still pictured her as a tween. Her hair was long and straight, but not quite as black as Jacob's, more a very dark brown. She was only a little taller than me, for which I was grateful. It seemed all Quileutes were huge. As evidenced by Paul towering over her.

"Bella! You're... very pregnant."

"Yeah, it's not Jacob's." Jacob laughed and slapped his knee. Paul snorted.

"Oh," Rachel said, confused.

"He's keeping me safe from the father. He's - a little over-wrought."

More laughter from the wolves.

"Do you two want to take it outside?" Rachel asked, glaring at the pair of them.

Paul immediately sobered up. "Nope. I'm good."

"Wow, she whipped you fast, Paul," I said snidely.

Rachel winked at me and I chuckled quietly.

"Paul, I could use a drink. Grab me a beer from the fridge?" she asked him.

"Of course, Rachel."

Once he'd left the room she leaned into my ear. "You just have to train them properly. Dogs need to know who's the master."

I laughed until I cried, again in pain.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Rachel asked as I collapsed into the couch.

"Yeah, the baby kicked a rib. It's still sore." I explained, hand on my side. Jacob sat next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him.

"Not Jacob's?" she confirmed looking at the pair of us.

"Nope," he said staring her down, daring her to say something. She shrugged.

"Let's sit outside Paul. It's too stuffy in here."

"What about you?" Jacob asked. "Hot? Cold?"

"Just right for once. I think the drippings help. You got a butcher on the res that can fix me up?" I asked with a grin.

He laughed. "No, but I'll see what I can get for you." He kissed my temple.

"Thank you, Jacob. Thanks for sticking this out with me."

"Any time, Bella. I'll always be here for you."

I snuggled into his side and closed my eyes wishing the baby's father could be this understanding.

* * *

If you read Stolen Dawn, the opening scene probably seems familiar to you. I wrote this first. It seemed obvious to me, in Breaking Dawn, that Edward and Carlisle had every intention of removing the baby if Bella hadn't gotten Rosalie to back her up. With Rosalie on her side she also got Emmett and Esme, in the books. Why didn't she get Rosalie to help her this time? Because the question had come up. She trusted the men to respect her wishes. Should they have? Absolutely. Would they have? Well we each have our own answer to that. You now know mine.

Thanks again to my Betas Sharebear and CullenObsession. Todays recommendations: Detochkina's Sinnerman http://www()fanfiction()net/s/5816837/1/Sinnerman and BurdenedThunder's May It Be http://www()fanfiction()net/s/5393259/1/May_It_Be

Also we're coming down the wire on the Fun With Your Clothes On Contest. If you haven't yet, head over there and vote, will ya? .net/u/2291087/FunWithYourClothesOn

And finally, shameless self-promotion. I have a new scenario I'm playing with. Check out Twisted Fate to see a Twilight without Edward, Esme, Emmett or Rosalie. Who does that leave? You can probably figure that out.


	18. Chapter 18

"Breakfast," Jacob declared, waking me. The sun was already high in the sky. I'd slept in. As a result. I was feeling better. Jacob balanced a tray on my belly only to have to lift it when the baby kicked.

"Bump, you are going to spoil the mood." He set the tray over my chest now. "We have eggs, sunny side up, nice and runny." I never used to like my eggs that way. "Toast. And our special today, fresh squeezed rabbit."

I snorted. "You're kidding me."

"I am not. You think we can afford to keep you in steak? There is enough for two more cups like that, and Rachel's making stew for supper."

I chuckled. "She doesn't have to do that." I took a long swallow of the thick red liquid. It was absolutely disgusting. It burned my nose with its iron tang, but my tongue and belly treated it like fine cocoa. So I drank it, and I felt better. "I can at least help her."

Jacob shrugged. "Let's make sure you're walking first."

"Deal." I scarfed the eggs and chugged the blood. Jake found that just as disgusting as I did. Tray empty, I slid my legs off the bed. Jacob took my hands, pulling me to my feet. "Am I big enough?" I asked trying to see my toes. But I was standing on my own. Much better than yesterday. My pubic bone still hurt, but apparently that was a bruise, not a fracture. My ribs? Fractured. Those still burned. "I'm going to use the toilet," I declared like I was going into battle. I even punched a fist toward the door.

"And all by yourself." Jacob wiped a non-existent tear. "They grow up so fast."

I chuckled. "Shut up."

I still spent most of the day on my butt. I did peel potatoes, de-bone a rabbit, something I'd never done before, and caught up with Rachel. She was headed to Portland. She had a lead on a job there. Paul was planning to follow when winter ended the construction season. She still wasn't sold on the whole marriage idea.

"Rebekah seems happy enough, but I like being a Black. I like being independent."

"I understand. My mom is strongly in favor of living in sin. Well, no she's not, but she thinks you should have your first grey hair before you get married."

Rachel laughed. "I doubt I'll wait that long."

I ate as much stew as I could and drank another mug of blood. Yuck. I did that before dinner so no one had to watch.

We said goodbye to Rachel. Billy, Jacob and I gave Paul a private moment with her, returning to the house. Jacob could still hear them, but he was probably going to get a first person view later anyway. Jacob let me in on the pack's betting pool. "We figure Paul isn't going to make it until winter. I'm down for a month before he's in Portland."

"I'll get in on that. Twenty bucks says two days," I said. Billy laughed. I thought he agreed with me. Sadly Quil won the pool. Three days later there was no sign of Paul.

"I was so close too," I complained when I found Quil to congratulate him.

"You're looking pretty good, Bella. Baby behaving?"

"Don't look under my shirt," I warned. "It looks like I've been in a fight. But other than bruising and a perpetually broken rib, yeah, I'm fine. I'm starting to think these two will never heal properly after this." I rubbed along my sides, not quite touching the skin. "Still, it's nice to be outside. I don't walk enough anymore."

"Sleeping?"

I nodded. "All the time. Only for a couple hours at a time though. Then it's back to the bathroom." I sighed.

"Sounds great," Quil said with no enthusiasm. "Why are you doing this again?"

I punched him lightly. "Because this is a baby and I want to meet him." It was a 'he' today.

"Yeah? Well, with a mom like you, he'll have to be pretty cool."

"Thanks, Quil. So, what are you going to do with your winnings? Ow!" The baby kicked and I doubled over. "Bump! How many times do I have to tell you that hurts before you figure it out?" My voice was strained through my clenched teeth.

"Heh. I'm using the cash to get a car. Or a shell of one that Jake and I can rebuild. I need a way to get to and from Makah."

"Yeah? Missing Claire, eh?"

"All the time. That's why I won the bet. No way Paul was going to last longer than I could."

I smiled and straightened finally. The twinging tapering off.

"I got used to running there during the evening, but with homework, I'm running out of hours in the day."

"Homework? Jacob told me class didn't start until next week."

"Um, yeah, next week. Need help getting home?"

"Yes. And on the way you can tell me when class actually did start so I know how many days worth of beatings he needs." I grabbed his arm and leaned on it heavily. He couldn't shake me without making me fall.

"Tuesday. He hasn't missed much though, mostly review. Just a couple of assignments. He's just worried about you."

"He should be. I didn't bust my ass getting him through finals so he can flunk out this year." I squeezed Quil's arm more tightly, trying to purge my rage. The baby really didn't like me getting upset.

"I didn't mean worried about you getting angry with him. I meant -"

"I know what you meant." The words were clipped. He wisely zipped it the rest of the way to the house.

Once inside, I swallowed a Tylenol with blood. Mmm... that was good. Ick. Then I laid down on Jacob's bed for a nap. He was on patrol, but I wanted to be awake when he got home. After using the bathroom I paced the living room, glad to be able to. Walking generally seemed to lull the baby too. He kicked less then.

I saw Jacob through the window when he approached. I was glad I was awake; he wasn't alone. He had brought Jasper with him. I met them on the porch.

"You." I pointed to Jacob. "Doghouse." He frowned and looked at his feet.

"You." I pointed to Jasper. "What do you want?" I made it clear I wasn't in the mood to chat. Immediately my mood shifted and I narrowed my eyes as a warm blanket seemed to cover my shoulders. He was trying to comfort me? Well, that wasn't a bad way to start, I suppose..

"Alice asked me to come. She wants to know that you're okay. She can't see you here. She hasn't left the house since we got back that night." The warm blanket disappeared and was replaced by anxiety, sadness and fear. What was he doing now? Then they were gone. He hadn't meant to do it. That's what he was feeling. "I would have come sooner, before she asked, but I didn't want to leave her. She and Edward might have -" he wasn't able to finish. The anxiety came over me again.

"Why did she do it Jasper? Why did she let them do that to me?" I crossed my arms and rubbed them, feeling cold. Jacob came and put his around me. I leaned into one of his arms, tears in my eyes. Hormones or Jasper, something was getting to me. The baby turned at Jacob's touch. He didn't kick though, thankfully.

"She was so scared you wouldn't survive this, Bella. Edward and Alice both. She couldn't see you after the birth. She understood that she couldn't see the baby, but why shouldn't she be able to see you after? Unless it did kill you. She didn't support what they were doing, but she saw that if they succeeded, you would live. I could tell from both their faces that you didn't survive well." He stopped and I was flooded with depression this time.

I sucked in a breath and the baby kicked. I vomited blood onto the porch. "Thanks Bump, now Jacob has to fetch me another cup."

Jasper was at my side with a hand on my arm. Jacob was already heading into the house. I shook my head at Jasper and held up a hand. "I'm fine. He kicked my stomach, and it was kinda full still. Not the first time." I blinked away tears of pain as my body continued to recover. I sank onto one of the steps, carefully avoiding my puddle.

"What are you drinking?" he asked.

"Um, elk? Is that right, Jake?" I asked over my shoulder as he passed me the mug.

"Yep. That's the last of it though. I'm going to have to pull you down another tonight."

I shivered. I hated that Jacob had to drain animals for me. At least he was able to sell or use the meat. I think Charlie actually bought some of the last one.

"Bella. Will you come with me? Let Alice apologize? She knew that if they succeeded it wouldn't be good, but you'd be alive. She didn't try to help them, only invited the rest of us to hunt with her. When Rosalie chose to stay, she knew they wouldn't. She never wanted to hurt you, Bella."

"She did hurt me though, Jasper. She facilitated." I put my head down and the baby nudged me. I smiled a little. Then I took a breath. "How is he?"

"Awful. That's why I didn't want to come. I was afraid he might talk Alice into -" he still didn't finish his sentence.

I groaned. "He's going to kill himself just because I won't let him run my life?! Maybe he should then!" I yelled and rose to my feet. The baby kicked again and I spewed a second time. Tears were running down my cheeks again. I threw my mug at Jasper. "Maybe I should toss the match!"

Jacob put his arms gently around me and pulled me to him. "Maybe not," he whispered. "Don't do this to yourself, Bella. Not again."

He was right. I'd kill myself getting angry enough to kill him. "Well, I don't think I can see him. But I will come to see Alice. This is the first time she's betrayed me." I turned to Jacob and held his hand as I stumbled up the step. He scooped me up. "Thanks," I whispered. I turned back to Jasper. "I'll be over in the morning."

He nodded. "Thank you, Bella." The warm blanket was back and the baby stilled as I did.

Jacob carried me inside and laid me on the bed. He was about to leave when I grabbed the waist of his shorts. "You aren't out of the doghouse." I muttered.

He turned back to me, eyes wide.

"School started Tuesday?"

He blanched. "You heard about that, did you?"

"I think I can look after myself for a few hours. You can go to class, Jacob. Why did we study so hard for your finals if you aren't going to attend this year anyway?"

"I will. I just want to see you through this first." He was sheepish and blinked often.

"I appreciate that, Jacob. I'm just about through it now. Come with me tomorrow and then go to class on Monday, please?"

"All right." He kissed my head. "But you have to promise to rest. Don't worry about me, all right? And don't worry about him either. If he really wants to die, I'll do the honours." Jacob's smile was wide but slightly predatory.

"And I still get to toss the match? Deal." I sighed. "I still love him. How sick is that? I actually feel bad that he feels bad. It's unhealthy. He could do something just as awful the next time he thinks it's what's best for me." I groaned and the baby shifted roughly.

"Bump," Jacob said quietly. He ran a finger down my side and the baby stilled. The baby had been more responsive than ever to him.

"Thank you, Jake. Good night."

"Sleep well, Bella." He pecked my lips. Then he kissed me again and I was almost surprised when he didn't pull away. He hadn't really kissed me since that day at the hospital. I figured it was just a result of me carrying Edward's baby. He'd never been cold, just gone back to being my friend. I hadn't really questioned it. I did now. His kiss was making my pulse race, his hands were on my shoulders and then my sides. He was careful to avoid my broken ribs and stroked the sides of my protruding belly. His nose caressed mine as he kissed me gently again. "I will always love you."

"I know, Jacob." My hands stroked his cheeks, his jaw. "You have no idea how much you mean to me. How much I appreciate everything you've done for me." I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. I shifted over on the bed to try to make room for him. Eventually he just laid me atop him as we had so often before. I slept more that night than the three before combined.

I woke with a desperate need to pee. I thought I was going to burst. I ran, stumbling to the bathroom. I made it though. No 'pregnant woman – my water is breaking - oh no it's actually pee,' for me. Thank you. As I was brushing my teeth, Jacob came in behind me. "You going to be okay without your morning cup? I can hunt something while you're at the Cullens, or Dr. Fang might give you some O negative?"

I stuck my tongue out. Human blood? That was even more disgusting. "I'll be okay. Meet you outside?" I asked as I squeezed past him in the too narrow hallway.

"Are we driving or running? I can just use a tree." His smirked.

I shook my head. "Gross. Drive me, please. I want you to stay with me. If you can."

"All right. I'll be right out then."

I went to change. I didn't have much of a wardrobe anymore. Jacob had found me a dress that was large and shapeless. I went with that. It was a nice change from the perpetual sweats and XXL T-shirt. I brushed my hair and walked slowly to the Rabbit. Jacob was already outside. He didn't mind wearing sweats all the time, obviously. I eased myself into the seat and belted in.

"You're sure you want to do this?" he asked once he was in the car too.

"I'm going to have to go there sometime. After all, Carlisle is going to have to cut through whatever the baby is encased in. Why not today?"

"If you're sure."

When we pulled into the Cullen drive, Alice was on the steps waiting for me. Her face had been downcast, but a smile brightened it for a moment before fading again. She was troubled.

"I couldn't see," she whispered as I came up and hugged her. "You brought him, so I couldn't see. I thought maybe you'd changed your mind."

"Shhh. Alice." Her voice was ragged and I knew that if she could she would be weeping. "It's all right, Alice. I'm here, and I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have stopped them. I should have done something. I just wanted to see you. I was so scared for you." She was still shaking. It was so strange to see Alice this distraught. No wonder Jasper was on a hair trigger. It was only now that I saw him behind Alice. It was then that I realized I was even calmer than I expected to be. She was this upset when he was calming her?

"Alice. I forgive you. Don't beat yourself up anymore, okay? I just wish you'd told me." I still had my arms around her and rocked her now. The baby nudged her from inside me.

"I wish I had too, Bella. I wish I'd seen more clearly. I'm sorry." She was calming down now.

"It's okay, Alice." I gave her another squeeze before standing. She rose with me.

"Will you forgive Edward too?" she asked.

I tightened my lips. "Not as easily. I can't trust him, Alice. This isn't the first time he's hurt me because he thinks he knows what is best for me. How do I know he won't do it again?"

She nodded and her frown returned. "You'll see him though."

I tried to look at my feet. I couldn't see them, of course. "I think I need a little more time."

I didn't get it though. Edward was at the door of the house. He was looking at me with a wrinkled brow. His eyes were dead black. He looked easily as bad as he had when he came into my room in March. He had deteriorated quickly this time. "Bella?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?"

Oh, he wanted to know that did he? Well, I'd be happy to let him know. "I'm thinking I can never sleep in your presence again. I'm thinking that even though I love you and hate to see you hurting, I can't trust you with my life. I'm thinking that the sooner your baby is born the sooner I can get out of here."

"You weren't thinking about Jacob?" he asked.

I looked to Alice who shrugged. Jasper was staring at Edward too. "He hasn't left his room in over a week," he told me.

"Who is thinking about Jacob?" he asked looking around.

"I think we're all thinking about you right now, Edward." I said. "And we're all thinking the same thing. Have you lost your mind?"

"No, now you're all thinking about me."

"Dude," Jacob whispered, coming up to Edward. "Are you all right? Do you want to go out and find something to eat?"

"Eat? Yes, thirsty. Who's thirsty?" he asked.

"I am," I whispered. But it wasn't really me. I put my hand to the baby. She nudged me. "I need to see Carlisle. And Rose. Where's Rosalie?" I asked pushing past Edward into the house.

"Right here, Bella." Rose practically sang as she came down the stairs and swept me into a hug. "Are you feeling well? Need anything?"

"Just Carlisle. Well, and then something to drink," I said with a little smile.

"Of course. He's in his office. I'll bring you up something." I really didn't want donated blood, but right now, I was craving it badly.

Jacob grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up the stairs beside him. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward, Alice and Jasper following. Esme and Emmett came down the stairs to meet us on the landing. "Hi." I said to them.

"Welcome back, Bella." Esme said as she hugged me.

"Thanks. And thank you, Emmett." I hugged him.

"Hey, anytime."

I entered the office then. Carlisle was waiting for us of course. Rosalie handed me a snifter full of blood. I looked at her with a raised brow. "Really?"

"Well, we enjoy the bouquet."

I took a short breath and tossed the lot back. I sighed as the nourishment filled me and the baby. I immediately felt better, more stable. I looked down the stairs and saw Edward muttering to himself.

"What is he saying?" I asked Rosalie.

"Something about needing out soon. Can't hurt mom. Where's Jacob." Rosalie shook her head. "I don't know what he's going on about."

"I think your son may need your attention more than me soon," I warned Carlisle. "I think she's ready." I rubbed my tummy and the baby rolled again.

"Mom, love mom. Need out." I could hear Edward muttering now. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Jacob holding him behind me. Edward was reaching for me. "Jacob? Who are they? Need out. Can't hurt mom."

I felt tears sting my eyes, but I didn't turn from Carlisle. His mouth was open slightly as he gaped at Edward. "Carlisle." I brought his attention back to me. "Do you need to collect anything for this?"

"Yes, just the epidural. I'll be back within an hour."

I nodded and he left. Esme was at Edward's side now. Holding his head and stroking his hair. He was still mumbling. "Love mom. Where are we? Howls, crying, screaming."

"Ow!" I screamed as the baby kicked violently against my already broken rib.

"Mom, hurt mom. Don't want to hurt mom. Love mom. Jacob?"

"Edward, what's the matter? What are you talking about?" Esme asked.

I moved to stand before Edward. "Can you all leave us for a minute?" I met Jacob's eye and nodded to him. He kissed my head before turning to go. The family followed.

"Edward?"

"Mom, who is that? I hear a voice. Jacob? Where did Jacob go? He was here. Jacob?"

I felt the tears again. The first had fallen and new ones came now. "Edward. It's the baby." I lifted his eyes to look at mine. He was still staring vacantly and mumbling. "How could you do this to me?" I asked him, knowing he couldn't answer. "How could you try to kill our baby? And now..." The guilt of his state was wracking me. I continued to weep. I grabbed onto his shirt and sobbed into it. The baby twitched between us, but didn't kick. "Why?" I begged him. "Why? Why couldn't you trust me? Why didn't you let me decide?"

I felt a tearing at my neck. I screamed and the door opened. "Edward!" Alice screamed. "Bella!" She knocked him away from me, but I was already bleeding heavily. And the burning had begun.

"Edward!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Edward!"

"The baby," I heard Rosalie say. "She won't need drugs now, nothing could make it hurt more."

"She's right."

I heard a snarling roar and could barely see Jacob through my fogged eyes. "Jacob, no. Please. Don't. Don't let them. Don't." I screamed again in agony. The burning spreading quickly to my chest now.

I felt more burning at my belly. I opened my eyes enough to see Rosalie biting into my womb. I tried to stop screaming, but my throat refused. I heard crashing as vampires fled the room. My blood was everywhere. Rosalie was holding the baby and looking at me like she might drain what little I had left.

Jacob left Edward to snap at her and she ran out the door with the baby, ripping the placenta from me. I screamed at the new pain. The burning continued as I lay on the floor. I writhed as I screamed. I was still bleeding out. If I wanted to meet my baby I was going to have to stop that. I was surprised I was able to think at all. I pulled my dress over my head and balled it to my belly. I hoped the wound at my neck had started to close.

"Bella. Bella, honey. Stay with me." Jacob pleaded with me.

Carlisle burst through the door. I screamed anew when I saw him. He looked like the devil himself come to finish me. But he didn't bite. He pulled the dress from my clotting wound and put his mouth to it.

"What are you doing to her, doc?" Jacob demanded.

"Sealing the wound. I also need to extract the sac." I felt tearing inside me. It was nothing next to the burn. The fire was consuming me.

"Is she going to be all right?" Jacob asked, his voice shook.

"Not by your definition." Carlisle looked to my open eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Edward was suddenly at my side too. For a second I thought Jacob was going to phase and take him apart again. "Mom?" he asked me.

I cried as I screamed. I was going to be damned and I wouldn't even have Edward to share it with. What had I done to piss off fate? Why had she decided to turn my love into my horror?

"Don't want to hurt mom," he whispered and kissed my forehead.

Tears streaked my eyes, and I could feel them. More keenly than I should. I could hear my heart now. I could hear it chugging. It was changing. I was changing. "NO!" I screamed again. "Where's Rose? Where's my baby?"

"I'm here, Bella. The blood was too much, but I'm here now. She's beautiful, Bella. She has your eyes."

"Rose. Jacob. You have to take care of her." I stopped speaking to scream in pain again. "Rosemarie. Take care of her."

"We will, Bella. I love you." Jacob kissed my forehead now. "Good bye."

I was glad he was gone with the baby. I was thrilled that he wouldn't have to listen to me scream. And scream I did. I screamed when Alice washed and dressed me. I screamed when Emmett moved me to Edward's bed. I screamed when Carlisle checked me. I screamed when Jasper took a turn watching. I screamed when Esme brushed my hair. I screamed for two days.

Then my voice finally cracked and the pain shifted. It was still a burning, but it was so all consuming I breathed it in and exhaled it. I was fire. And then it started to recede. My toes slowly cooled. Then my fingers. The rest of my body was still burning but it was as though I lay on a fire with my hands and feet dangling outside. The fire burned hotter, but closer. Now my calves and forearms were cool. Then my thighs, my arms, my nose. I tried to weep but tears no longer came. Everything was clear though. I could feel every fraction of skin that cooled as the fire burned toward my heart. My heart, which beat so slowly, so strongly. _Dum_, seemed to echo in my ears. _Dum._ My groin and womb, now sealed again, cooled along with my face. The fire only in my chest. And then further. _Dum._ My throat was cold, my ribs, unbroken for the first time in weeks._ Dum. _My nipples, my breasts, my shoulders. _Dum_. I felt the fire rage, all the heat that had once spread over my entire being was now concentrated on that single point. My heart. _DUM._

And it was over. I blinked. I had noticed my perception improve, but the pain had blinded me somewhat. Without it, I could see every thread in the mesh over my head. I could see the snag and measure how long it was, how many cells were marred. I could feel the air shifting around me as someone exhaled. I could smell... I didn't have words for the smells. So many, so varied. This smell, the breath, was bluebells, lily, and clover. I sat up. It was Alice. Edward sat next to her, not breathing.

"Bella?" she asked. "How do you feel?"

"Thirsty." The flame that had burned me before wasn't entirely in my throat, but I was reminded of it. My voice was different. It was still mine. It was still my low, strong tone, but instead of being simple, it seemed to tremor, making it ring.

"Of course. Come with me."

Alice opened the window. I looked down three stories and jumped. I didn't really think about it. I just knew that she'd opened it because the blood I needed was out here. I bent my knees and landed softly. Alice was beside me. She ran for the river and I followed. My mind registered how fast I was moving. I saw all the details as we passed. My reflection in the glass. I only saw it for an eighth of a second before we were past the house, but my mind held it perfectly, and I reviewed it while I recorded the blades of grass under the ludicrous stilettos, the needles on the spruce and pine and larch.

I was dressed now in a midnight blue, inky and almost black, dress. My skin seemed iridescent, so pale, beside it. I saw a face that wasn't mine. It was perfect. There was no life in that face. It was a carving. And the red eyes. They blazed like the fire that had consumed me. At least my hair was the same. Just sleeker and less wild.

Alice bent and launched herself into the air at the river bank. She tucked and rolled in the air before landing in the trees. I had measured my strides. I ran one more pace and kicked harder off my left foot. I didn't jump so much as stride across the river. My right foot landed just past the other bank and I continued to run. I smelled it then. Life. Musky. It wasn't quite right, but I remembered it was good. I turned from Alice's path and followed it. As I neared I heard the heart thumping. Then another. A pair of Elk were passing through the trees to my left. I ran straight up to the first and bit into the neck. The tangy liquid filled my mouth and I dragged on the artery, pulling more blood into me. When the flow stopped I chased the second female and caught her easily. I ran past and then spun stopping to catch the elk as she tried to turn, too late.

"Well, you hardly seem to need my help." Alice's voice came from a tree. I finished the elk and looked up to her. I squatted and launched myself upward. I caught the branch above the one she sat on and it snapped from my momentum. It did stop me though and I sat beside her.

"What did I miss?" I asked.

"Rosemarie. She's on La Push with Jacob. He's forgiven us for Edward, though he still wants his ashes when you're ready to deliver them." She said it sadly and I watched her face fall. Edward. I really couldn't care less about Edward right now. I just wanted more to drink. "When you're ready, he'll bring her to visit."

Rosemarie. "What does she look like?"

"Edward. She has his face, his hair. But she has your human eyes. She is beautiful. Jacob imprinted on her."

"So that's why he wanted to protect Edward's baby. That never made any sense to me. Can we go find something else?"

Alice laughed. "Newborns. Yes. Let's go hunt up something else."

* * *

So CullenObsession convinced me this twist isn't so drastic that you need another chapter immediately. It spun me when I wrote it. I actually stopped when Alice came in and fired and email off to Sharebear begging me to stop. Edward bit her?! Really?! Really. When I wrote this I started with the premise that 'what happened, happened.' That being, Victoria attacked with an army, so she still would. Bella had Edward's baby, so she still would. And Bella turned into a vampire, so she still would. I didn't expect it to be quite like this though!!

Thanks to both my betas (named above) and my friends in WC. And thank FortheloveofEdward for the early post. I got messed up and spoiled this chapter on her, so rather than make her wait, I'm posting it. This might mean no update Friday... it will depend on my schedule this week. I'll do my best.


	19. Chapter 19

Warning: Newborn Bella is a Bad Bad Girl. If you don't want to read that you can skip this chapter and not be missing much. That said, I LOVE this chapter and think you should read it. ;)

* * *

By the time I came back to the house I had sampled deer, cougar and even bear in addition to the elk I had begun with. I also sampled human. Along our path we happened upon the scent of a pair of hikers. They smelled of rose and sage. I came on them quickly and had my teeth in one before Alice could catch up. His cap fell from his bald head and his blue eyes were wide on my face. Even so, he had a small smile on his lips.

The iron tang was warm and delicious. I felt myself, strong and powerful. And it was over. I thought a person would have more blood, but it was less than even the deer. I started to chase the second but Alice caught up to me then. She landed in my way.

"Bella. He's a person. He has a wife and children. You can't kill him." I lunged for her and she dodged me easily, kicking me in the back. I lunged for her again and she knocked me into the mud. I roared and rose to attack again, but the smell of the human was gone now.

I stood, blinking, and looked at Alice. She was crouched. She had seen that I wasn't planning to lunge again, but knew how quickly I might change my mind. Her gold eyes searched my face, trying to read my intent.

I spread my hands. "I'm sorry." I hadn't wanted to attack her. I liked Alice, she was wonderful to hunt with. She knew where the large prey was even before we smelled them; I didn't want to offend her.

"It's all right, Bella. Accidents will happen. Try not to do it again."

I followed her to our original trail and from there to the house. This time I joined her in leaping high over the river and laughed as I landed, snapping my heels. She frowned at that, but I couldn't care.

As we entered the house, I really appreciated the meticulous care taken to keep this place for the first time. It was possible for me to see individual specks of dust but almost none existed here. Every surface was spotless, smooth, as perfect as we were.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked and I heard his voice more clearly, examined the exact shade of gold in his eyes. I thought I could calculate exactly how many days had passed since he hunted. "How are you feeling?"

"Less thirsty." I looked around the room and stepped past him. There were Emmett and Rosalie. I took a second to regard each of them with my new eyes, take in their more complete scents. Rosalie was holding a photograph. I looked at it with her. It was the baby. "Rosemarie?" I asked.

"Yes." She handed me the picture. "Jacob has given me permission to visit often. Esme is fixing a cabin in the woods and I'm trying to convince him to move her there. Then I don't have to go onto La Push." I logged her words but didn't really listen. The baby had bronze curls, brown eyes and a full smile. I couldn't recognize her. She looked more like a baby and less like an infant. I gave the photo back to Rosalie.

I turned to Alice. "What now?"

"What do you want to do?" she asked me.

I looked at myself. I hated these shoes. And I felt half naked in the skirt. "Different clothes. Something... more versatile." I followed her up the stairs. She led me to the third floor and opened the door to Edward's room, where I had woken. She opened a closet door and I saw things that would fit me.

"Pick whatever you like." She smiled at me.

I shrugged and looked through. There was little here that was better than what I had on. At least I found some sneakers. They looked better for running than these heels. I also found a pair of leather pants and pulled those out with a sweater.

Alice nodded at my choices. "Excellent. Your fashion sense has definitely improved." I didn't agree with that. The leather looked like it wouldn't snag in the bush and the sweater was tight as well, for the same reason. I started to undress when I smelled him.

I snarled and launched myself at Edward. Tearing his shirt from his body.

"Bella, no," Alice cried, coming to my side.

I crushed my lips to Edward's pulling off more of his clothing. This hunger was new to me, but no less driving than the thirst that burnt my throat. It was only noticeable because that hunger was sated somewhat. I wrapped my legs around him and heard Alice close the door behind herself.

Edward was unresponsive. Well, in all but the one way I cared about. I used him. I didn't need his hands; I didn't need his words; I didn't even need his kiss. I slaked my thirst for sex. Then I rose again. He still didn't move. I looked to the window. I had been using him for hours and now my first thirst was back. I dressed and jumped from the window again. No one followed right away.

My human memories were fuzzy, but pictures came to me. The first was of Edward. I had taken care of that one. The next was a girl with brown hair, me. I ran south, looking for a city.

The first was Forks, of course. I found a girl with long brown hair outside a library. She held a book in her hands and sat under an oak. Her hair drifted lightly in the breeze. It carried her scent to me, apple blossom. She would do. I came and sat beside her. "What are you reading?"

"Jane Eyre." It was even something I would read. She was perfect. I leaned into her and put my mouth to her neck. She didn't even get a chance to scream. She tasted divine, much better than the hiker. This was what I thirsted for, not elk or bear, human. I ran off before anyone had time to notice me.

The next picture was Charlie. In Hoquiam I found a man in a sheriff uniform with curly brown hair. He was on his break at the local coffee shop. The sun had set and I was free to walk through town. When he came out, I was sitting on his cruiser. "Hey, you. What do you think you're doing?"

"Waiting for you, Chief."

He snorted. "I ain't a Chief."

I rose and tossed my chestnut locks seductively. "Really? Want to be my chief?" I asked. I leaned in as though to kiss his cheek, but bit him instead. He didn't taste as good. The blood was older, thicker, like his age was actually carried in the iron of the blood cells. It wasn't possible, of course, but it tasted that way, tainted.

Pictures of my school friends returned to me next. I had chosen photos which focused on individuals for my scrap book. I made my way south, taking a new victim in each town or city I passed, matching faces to my high school friends. I enjoyed the taste of the young; they were sweet and clean. Their blood made me feel light. I knew I needed to keep evidence to a minimum, and I tried, but I wasn't experienced, and I was easily distracted. As it was, I only took one victim in each town. One odd finding wasn't likely linked to the next several miles away.

I caught Alice's scent from time to time, but never saw her. I tried to avoid her when I detected her presence. She didn't eat people; she would stop me and I wanted more.

I needed a group of four now, two girls and two boys. That would be harder. I spent many nights in different towns looking, waiting. In Eureka I found them, a double date. They didn't have vampire teeth or stakes, but I could only ask for so much in my recreations. I followed at a distance, watching their evening progress. The boys decided to take the girls to a park. They even obliged me by splitting up into pairs. I couldn't help but smile at my fortune in Fortuna. I took the dirty blonde girl and her boy first. The girl died silently as I savoured her flavor. I had gone without for days and was very thirsty now. The boy screamed at me.

"No, Jan! What have you done to Jan?" He made to fight me. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. I let his fist connect with my face before clutching it. He screamed again as his fingers snapped. I bit into his wrist and drew his blood from there.

Of course now the second couple were alert. They were running for their car. I tripped the girl, kicking her legs out before jumping on the boy's back. "Gotchya. What do you think of my costume now?" I sunk my teeth in his neck and dispatched him quickly.

The girl who looked like me had risen and was limping to the car, whimpering. I stalked her slowly. My thirst was less, and for some reason I liked playing with myself, toying with the girls who looked like me. Maybe because vampires had toyed with me before?

"Please. Don't hurt me. Let me go," she cried as I approached. She fell and sat whimpering.

"Why would I let you go? We always hurt the ones we love." Her scream was as good as her scent, lilac.

My next target also proved difficult to find. I needed a tall man with dark hair, in a suit jacket. I checked several towns and the burn in my throat was returning before I found him in Fort Bragg. He was also outside a library, under a beautiful red maple tree. He sat at a picnic bench with a notebook before him. I sat across from him in the dying sunlight. The clouds muted the light enough to make me unremarkable. "Hello, professor?"

He looked up and smiled at me. "I think you have the wrong man," he said in a delightful accent. I wondered idly where he was from, Spain perhaps?

I rose and moved around to his side of the table sitting with my elbow on his notebook, facing him. "I don't think I do."

"Senora?" he asked.

I ran a hand down his cheek and he shivered. I looked around and saw enough witnesses that I couldn't take him here. "Come with me," I said, leaning into him, breathing onto him.

His eyes fluttered and he immediately stood, allowing me to lead him by the hand. I took him around the maple, where no eyes lingered, and put my back to the tree. I pulled him by his lapels for a kiss. He obligingly put one hand on the tree and one on my arm. "But," he breathed, as I kissed his jaw and ear. "I don't even know your name."

"Have faith," I told him before biting into his neck.

Now I needed a beach. I ran south, trying to find the end of the cliffs and the beginning of sand. There had to be sand somewhere. At Jenner I found a young woman with brown hair in a blue swimsuit. It was great luck. The days had gotten shorter and colder. I saw fewer and fewer people on the beaches. She dipped her toes in the water just as I had. I walked onto the beach where she walked with her friend, another girl. My skin sparkled in the sun and drew their attention. I didn't take my time. I killed the one quickly before taking the other in my arms. I pulled her with me into the water.

I let her scream. Without her friend, there was no one to hear her. "No! Let me go! Let me go! Don't!" But that was her last word as I drained the blood from her body. I let her float away as I walked along on the ocean's floor.

I popped out of the water in the evenings to watch for fires on the beach. The burn in my throat intensified as I walked, always south. During the day I walked, submerged. With colder weather I had farther to walk, longer to wait. It was worse because I wasn't looking for one particular person. I needed five. I was starting to go mad with the thirst. I contemplated swimming out and trying to find a dolphin or shark to feed on, but then I might miss my chance.

Finally, I found a group of teens having a party on the beach, complete with bonfire. Their music was loud and oppressive to my sensitive ears. I watched from the water and chose the five that best matched the picture in my head. I ran from the water, snapping necks as I passed. Screams started to fill the air, but it was nearly over by then. I ran down my prey. The short boy with glasses fell to my bite first. Next came the boy with blonde hair. He screamed and tried to run, but had no hope. The girls screamed often and loudly as they had more time both to run, and to build their fear. It had been a full twenty seconds since I left the water. I chased down the round one with light brown hair. She tasted like ginger. The girl with long brown hair was next. She had fallen in her flight and I congratulated myself again on finding someone so very much like me. She even tasted like me. Well, like Edward said I tasted, Lavender and Freesia. I took my time enjoying that feed and was slow in catching the last, the tall girl. She was at her vehicle. I ripped the passenger door from it and jumped in beside her.

"Don't run, Angela. It won't hurt." I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me, drinking greedily.

She screamed and I heard an answer over her phone. "Jamie? Jamie! Are you all right?"

I picked up the phone she had dropped. I laughed loudly. I hit the end call button. Whoever she had tried to call would probably think the party was still going on. I carried her body and put the others with it next to the fire. It should spread to them in no time. I swapped clothes with the one who looked like me. Mine were now crusted with salt.

I found a family on the beach. Mother, father and brown haired teenager, perfection. I took the parents first, mother and then father. The woman was quick and her taste was pleasing. The man, like the sheriff, did not taste as wonderful, but I knew the best was coming. The girl had run down the beach, hoping to find some sort of rescue. I had chosen this beach and this family because there were no others around. I cleaned my palette with the sweet strawberry flavour of the girl.

I made it all the way into Mexico. I needed a tall dark man in a sombrero. I hadn't expected to go so far, but here I was in Mexicali. The tall man was sleeping under his hat in the early morning sun. I glittered very slightly as I came upon him. "Feliz cumpleanos," I greeted him.

He quirked an eyebrow at me as he looked up. "Senorita?"

"My mistake. It isn't your birthday, is it? Have a gift anyway." I leaned over to kiss him and swung low catching his neck instead. I wasn't quite finished when I heard hissing and yelling behind me.

"Get out! This is my city! You will bring the Volturi on us." I looked up to see a dark haired woman with pale skin. Another vampire. "This is my land. Get out!" I considered killing her. I did not like being told what to do. I was strong and new. She looked weak.

But I remembered the Volturi from my human days. I knew they were bad. I decided not to linger and deal with her. "I was done here anyway."

I ran north through Arizona. I needed a blond boy and another girl like me. I was lucky long dark hair was so common. I found them in Phoenix. I felt no connection to the city that was once my home. I watched from the alley as the boy who resembled Mike took a mousy girl with brown hair to a movie.

When the movie ended I followed them home. Her home, I thought. They were on the front step. Mike was about to go in for the kiss. I appeared behind him. "Sweetheart," I murmured, sinking my teeth into his neck. The girl began screaming. "Was the second kiss better?" I asked Mike's corpse as I dropped it and grabbed the hysterical girl. "I'm sorry he found you so appealing. If he'd gone for a blonde I wouldn't be here tonight."

The girl sobbed, her brown eyes puffing red. "Then don't. Don't do this."

"It's what I am. And I love what I am." I traded clothing with the girl before breaking the bodies and leaving them in the gutter. The the authorities could make of it what they would.

I found a pair of Mexicans with another girl who looked like I did - Quil, Leah and I. That took longer to come upon. In a field in Mohave Valley, the Latinos were working, pulling out the dead and dying plants after the harvest, the girl was supervising. Except for a few other workers, there was no one in the area. I took my time and relished the screams, the blood, the fight they gave as I slowly pulled all the life out of them. I filled myself with it. I deserved it. I was mighty; I was deadly.

Now I needed a fancy dress. The weather was turning cold and I expected I could find someone celebrating the new year. I continued north into Nevada. I wandered into a group of women on their way to a party. The girl with her hair on her head didn't even notice me. I put a hand over her mouth and lifted her by the waist. Her friends continued around the corner.

"Becky? Where's Becky? Do you see her?"

But Becky was already dead, and I was running for the next photo, the next kill - yellow robes, graduation. That was going to take time. Where would I wait? Which school should I haunt? I continued north and found myself back in Oregon.

I was met by Alice there. "Bella. Where have you been? We tried to follow you, but you were too erratic. I couldn't see you clearly."

I cocked my head at her. "I was remembering. I found many girls like me. Girls with brown hair. Shy girls, quiet girls."

"Oh no." She put her hands to my cheeks. "Come back with me, Bella. We'll take care of you. I know this year is hard, but it's been a few months, surely you're more stable now."

Stable? I was stable the whole time. I'd been sating my thirst. I was only unstable when I waited too long to do that. It was the wrong time of year for graduation, but I could wait. Forks had yellow robes. "I will go with you."

Alice led me back to the big house. It hadn't changed. "Bella," Esme greeted me. "Welcome home."

"Home?" I didn't have a home anymore.

"Yes, Bella. We're going to take care of you. You are still part of our family."

I nodded. My other thirst called to me. "Edward?"

"Yes, he's in his room." Alice said quietly. "But Bella, can't you spend some time with us?"

I looked at them. "Yes." What did they want to do? Hunt?

Silence stretched. After ten minutes I was more than impatient. "All right. I'm going upstairs."

I found Edward sitting on the floor, eyes still black. "Mom?" he asked when I came in.

I shrugged. "If you want it that way." I picked him up and threw him on the bed. It creaked dangerously. I pulled off his pants, not bothering with his shirt this time. He responded to my manipulations as before and I gladly used him. Something changed this time though. His hands held me instead of lying to his sides. He still didn't look at me or acknowledge my abuse in any way. I used him longer this time, my first thirst held even further at bay, my second thirst gaining strength.

When I came down everyone eyed me oddly. "What?" I asked.

"You've changed, Bella." Emmett said in a sad voice.

I snorted. "Yes. I'm a vampire now."

"Do you want to be a Cullen, Bella? Or are you going to continue as you have been?" Carlisle asked me.

"I'm not marrying that thing." I pointed above me to where Edward was probably still lying on the bed. He hurt me, he killed me and he existed now only for my pleasure. When I was done with him, he would cease to exist, just as Jacob wished.

"That wasn't what I meant." Carlisle looked upset. Because I'd called Edward a thing? Well he was hardly a person anymore. He was barely a shell. "I meant being a part of our family. Respecting human life."

"Eating animals," I said and looked around the room. I tried to remember them. My human memories were so faint now. All but those pictures. I held those very tightly. Still, there was a home for me here, as Esme had said. I wouldn't have to run, to scrounge for clothing. I could be with Alice and Rosalie. And Jacob was here. I remembered Jacob too. He had been good to me. "Yes. I would like to be part of your family."

"You won't make any more mistakes?" Jasper asked.

Did he mean my poor attempts at clean up? It was true I was constantly making mistakes there. So I agreed quickly. "No, of course not."

They all eyed one another and I began losing interest again. "Where's Rosalie?" I asked now.

"Visiting Jacob and Rosemarie."

"May I see them?" I asked skipping to Emmett's side.

"Um." He looked to Alice who shrugged, then Carlisle who shook his head. "I'm not sure you should, Bella."

"I'm not going to hurt any of them. I'll eat something on the way if that makes you feel better. Please. I want to see Jacob and Rosalie."

"And Rosemarie?" he asked.

I thought about that for a fraction of a second. I didn't really remember my daughter. I thought of the photo Rosalie had held. There was nothing of me in that baby. I shrugged.

Emmett pulled me into a hug. "You'll find yourself again too, Bella. Maybe Edward will come back to us at the same time."

That bothered me and I pushed him away. He flew into a wall. "I am myself. I love myself. I love who I am, what I am. I don't need to 'find' myself."

"That's not what he meant, Bella," Esme tried to stop me from running. I shoved her from my way and burst out the door. I stood on the lawn looking at the river.

Alice found me there. "We're all worried about you, Bella. You, are very different from the way we remember you."

"Yes. I am a vampire now. I have new desires."

"Do you still care about others? Charlie? Jacob?"

Charlie. I hadn't thought about Charlie since Hoquiam. "How is Charlie?" I asked now.

"Not good. When you disappeared, he was devastated. There are still posters up all over Forks, looking for you."

I giggled. "They wouldn't know me if they found me."

Alice smiled, but it wasn't happy. "No, they wouldn't."

"I wish Charlie knew that I was all right." That statement made Alice smile. I hadn't stopped caring altogether, my cares were just much more limited and focused than before.

"Bella. You and Edward -"

"Yes. He satisfies my hunger quite well. I'm surprised how well. I didn't even try to find another while I was gone." The burn that came from my center instead of my throat burned equally hot, but no human male stood a chance of sating me.

"How can you do it?" I looked at her. I didn't understand her question. She shook her short spiky hair and closed her golden eyes. "He, he doesn't even know you're doing it. Doesn't it feel wrong?"

I frowned contemplating that. "No. It feels very good. Can we go to the cottage now?"

Alice nodded. "Yes. Emmett will be out in a moment."

* * *

Bella has gone to the dark side. Sorry for the clipped tone to the writing, I was trying to convey the flight of her thought, her easy distraction. It will slowly return to normal as she does. Yes she does return to 'normal.' I know this chapter is bleak. I had intended to post 19 and 20 together, allowing readers to skim and skip if they chose. Due to personal time and jumping the gun with 18 I probably won't do that. But I'll post them as close together as I can.

Thanks for continuing to read.


	20. Chapter 20

I followed Alice and Emmett to a small stone building in the middle of the wood. It had a walled garden and a chimney that puffed smoke now. Emmett knocked on the door before opening it. "I've brought a guest," he announced.

"Aunt Alice!" a little voice sang. I saw a girl with bronze ringlets run to Alice and jump into her arms. She had brown eyes like mine used to be. Her face was as beautiful as my own now. She looked to be three or four years old. The girl put her hand to Alice's cheek.

I listened and heard the girl's heart thrum. It was very fast. Her breathing was even and slow though. She smelled, different. Like a strange mix of cherry blossom and rain. It wasn't very appetizing, but pleasant.

"That's your Mom," Alice said. She turned so she and the girl faced me.

This was Rosemarie? No. I had left a baby. Also, there was nothing of me in this child. Maybe Charlie, her curls and eyes, definitely Edward, but not me.

"No it isn't," she agreed with me. The girl shook her head and her curls bounced.

"Bella?" I recognized Jacob's voice though. He came to the door now. He hadn't changed since the day I died. His hair was short still, and he actually wore a shirt. I smiled, so happy to see him again. I remembered all the care and attention he had given me in my last days. I remembered his kiss. I remembered sleeping in his arms. I remembered his smile. Where was his smile? "Your eyes," he said in horror.

"I've just come back." I tried to explain myself. I didn't want Jacob's condemnation, I wanted his love. "I'm learning my new diet."

"But you -" His face was so sad. I had already disappointed him. There had been so little I had wanted in the weeks before. Now the one thing I wanted was denied me.

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I didn't mean to let you down."

He shook his head. "I shouldn't have expected otherwise. You are one of them after all. Is there any of my Bella left in there?" He tried to look into my eyes and had to look away. I looked down too, overcome with shame.

"I think so. All of me." I took a step closer. I reached a hand to him.

He took it and pulled me closer. "Welcome home, Bella." he said as he hugged me. I remembered being human. I remembered how his touch had healed me then too. But soon the sound of his heart, the smell of his blood, even though more tainted than the man, the sheriff, tempted me.

I pushed myself away. "Thank you. It is good to have a home. It's been a while." I smiled to Alice and Emmett. They seemed to relax.

"Rosemarie. Would you like to meet your mother now?" Alice asked, coming to my side.

"It's nice to meet you, Rosemarie," I said reaching a hand to her.

She reached past it to my cheek. Her hand seemed to burn me; it was scalding hot, as hot as Jacob. I saw Edward. It was as though I were sitting in his lap looking up at him, but he didn't hold me. She blamed me for this.

"He did that to himself, Rosemarie. He tried to kill you and I left him. He has to live with the consequences. We both do." My words sparked a human memory. I told Edward that when he came back to me. The consequences. My new self. I closed my eyes and tried not to lose my temper. I could be very violent if I did. If this was my baby, I didn't want to hurt her. "Where is Rosalie?" I asked instead.

"I'm here." She came outside as well. "Why did you go, Bella? We would have helped you."

"I – I was thirsty, and I needed to fill my album." I tapped my temple.

Rosalie shook her head in confusion. I heard Alice's quiet cry of, "oh no."

"I'm better now. I will stay. I won't make any more - mistakes." I used Jasper's words. That was what he had meant of course. He had meant eating humans was a mistake. Certainly Jacob would think so. I wanted to keep Jacob's love. I wouldn't do that again while I waited. But in June...

"Bella." Alice groaned.

Right, she would see my choice. I had to decide not to do that. I took a deep breath and resigned myself to this life. Never to taste another sweet child. But I would always remember. And one day, I would fill my album and taste again. Just not this year.

Alice nodded to me. "That's right. You can do this, Bella. You can be a Cullen like us."

Rosalie smiled at me now too.

I looked to Jacob. "You still want Edward?"

"Yes. He broke the treaty, even if he wasn't in his right mind. In fact, I'm more frightened about having an insane vampire on our border. Carlisle has assured me he is under constant guard though. Someone is always in the house with him."

I nodded. "He wouldn't go anywhere if there weren't. He's not insane, he's - empty." Now this bothered me. It hadn't just minutes before when I was talking with Alice, but now... I shook the thought from me. I thirsted; it had to be quenched. Jacob?

I looked to him now. I stepped into another hug. He closed his arms around me. The burn in my center throbbed. "Damn you stink, Bella," he said with a chuckle. I moved to kiss him and he backed away. "No offence, but even if you didn't stink, I wouldn't want to do that. I sorta imprinted on Rose." He nodded to the child.

I turned to her now. Her brown eyes were the colour of warm chocolate, but the way she held them made them seem hard as stone. She hated me. She hated me with Jacob. She hated me trying to kiss Jacob. I could read all of it in her face.

It took deliberate focus but I stepped from the warmth and comfort in Jacob's arms. "I see. That's good. It's – nice to have an imprint."

"Nice," he mused. "I guess that's as good a word as any. She makes me feel whole." There was his smile, the smile I longed for. The smile I had missed. His smile was all for her. I was very jealous. But I wanted to keep Jacob's favour, so I didn't let it show.

"That's very good. And you live here now?" I asked looking through the door.

"Yes. Geez, come in, come in." He led me into the house and the others followed us. The sitting room held a piano. I moved to it, plucking a single key. "Rose plays. Blondie here does too. She showed her how."

I remembered Edward playing for me. I remembered his hands. I put mine to the keys again. I played a little of his lullaby, correcting when I made mistakes. "It's a very nice piano. Will you play for me, Rosemarie?"

She shot me one more look of hatred before she left the room.

"That would be a no."

"I'm sorry, Bella," Rosalie murmured. "She's just-"

"She doesn't know me. It's all right. I imagine I'm pretty scary." I put my hands to the piano again, plucking the notes once more. "Maybe I should go." I started to turn.

"No, Bella. Don't go yet." Jacob stood in front of me, but I didn't look up to him. I looked down at my feet.

"You don't really want me here. It's all right." I did look up and meet his eyes now. They were soft although the smile I remembered was still absent. "I'll come back, when I'm more like I used to be."

He hugged me again and this time I wasn't tempted at all. My thirsts were gone and I was whole for a moment. Then they came back, the second stronger than the first again. "I've missed you, Jacob." I rubbed my cheek on his chest, wishing I could be closer to him.

"I missed you too, Bella. Charlie's been a wreck."

I stepped back. "Really?"

"Yeah. Took some talking to explain that you'd been fine when I left you. He still figures I should have been able to stop whatever happened to you."

"Of course. I'm sorry for that, Jacob. I told Alice that I wished there was a way to tell him I was all right." My family was smiling at me now. "I wish I could have said goodbye." I felt pricking in my eyes. I hadn't tried to cry since the fire of my rebirth. "I need to go." I ran out the door and was at the river before Alice came to my side.

She wrapped her arms around me. "It's going to be okay, Bella. I know it's hard."

"I-" I searched my human memory. Someone had to be able to help me. "I need to talk to Jasper."

"Oh, of course. Let's go." She giggled and led me into the house.

I stopped inside, looking at Carlisle and Esme. I hadn't been kind to them when I returned. "I'm sorry - for my behaviour. Thank you - for letting me - be part of your family." My words were stilted. None of them felt quite right. Probably because I wasn't part of the family yet.

"Of course, Bella." Esme came and hugged me. I was able to hug her back. "We're so glad you came back. We are hoping you are what Edward needs."

I pushed her away, gently though. "I don't think I'm what Edward needs."

"Don't give up so quickly, Bella." Carlisle came and put a hand on my shoulder. "It might just take a little time. You left so quickly, and you just got back."

"Jacob hasn't forgiven him. Won't it be easier to lose him like this, than to get him back only to lose him again?"

They looked at each other and then back to me. The pain in their eyes was clear. "I need to see Jasper." I turned and sprinted up the stairs before I lost control.

I slammed the door to Alice's room behind me. A sense of calm hit me immediately. "Thank you, Jasper."

"You were doing well, considering." He came out of the closet, buttoning up a shirt.

"How did you do it?" I asked him.

"Give up humans? It was hard. It is hard. You'll be able to do it, Bella. You're strong." His words soothed me more than his gift. He was right. I was strong. If I chose not to want them, I wouldn't.

"What about the other?" I looked into his golden eyes.

He looked down and shifted his weight. I wondered why. "That is more difficult." He met my eyes again. "Usually, once we find our mate, that is dealt with simply."

"But my mate is practically a vegetable." I smiled suddenly. "Good thing I'm a vegetarian."

Jasper let out a single "Ha!" and then sobered. "Carlisle has been trying everything to revive Edward. He won't feed. Emmett carried him out and put prey right under his nose, nothing."

"So, it's him or... what?"

Jasper shrugged. "Make do with what you can."

I slumped on the door. That wasn't helpful. I heard Emmett come in downstairs with Rosalie. "Thank you, Jasper. I'm sure I'll need your help again."

Downstairs I grabbed Emmett's arm and pulled.

"Bella? What?"

"Just, come on." I continued to drag until I had him in the middle of the backyard. "I need to work off some frustration." I ran at him.

He laughed and dodged me, knocking me on my ass. I laughed too and pushed myself into the air, landing behind him. He was still faster than me and he caught my arm throwing me to the ground. I held onto his and threw him over me to crash into a tree on the other side of the river.

I jumped up and ran to tackle him again. He ran deeper into the woods and I chased after him, trying to increase my speed. I knew how to pump harder, but not faster. I spread my stride instead, flying over the ground. I found him in a clearing.

"You coming, Bella? Or are you all done already?" he taunted me.

I walked around the clearing until I was in the tree closest to Emmett. He turned to follow me; he could hear me. I grabbed a branch and put my feet to the trunk of a maple. I kicked hard and heard the tree crack, but I was already hurtling into Emmett. I grabbed him around the chest and we tumbled one over the other. He struggled to throw me off, but I was stronger than he was. I was stronger than Emmett. I laughed as I pinned him to the ground. "I win!"

He growled at me and something in my head snapped. That second hunger got the better of me and I put my lips to his. It was an empty kiss. It felt no different than my hands on his biceps. He turned his head from me and I let him up. "I'm sorry, Emmett. I didn't mean to do that."

He pushed me back and stood up quickly. "No sweat, Bella. I can't help you with those frustrations though."

"Yeah, I know." I pulled my knees up to my chest. Even if he'd been willing, I could tell from the kiss that it wouldn't satiate me. I needed Edward. I didn't want to need Edward. Emmett headed back to the house when I didn't make another move.

Alice found me still sitting there an hour later. "That bad?" she asked.

"Yeah. You know how I said it felt good when I did that to Edward? I know that it shouldn't. But he's the only one can fill that need. So now I don't know what to do."

"Anything you want, Bella. You have all the time in the world now. You can do anything. What do you want to do?" she asked.

"See Charlie. Hug Jacob. Two things I can't do." I put my forehead on my knees. "It was better when I had a goal. I don't have a goal anymore."

"The photo album?" she asked. I nodded. "And talking to Jasper didn't help?"

"I didn't tell him about that part," I admitted.

"Why don't you? He's just the person to talk to about that sort of thing. The rest of us have only had occasional slip ups. He fed for a century before I found him. He'll have a better idea of what you're going through."

I nodded again. "I'm going to sit here a little longer."

"All right." She didn't move but sat silently with me for the next hour as well. Having endless time was nice.

I found Jasper in the sitting room with Emmett, playing a video game. I sat and watched for a while. "Want to jump in?" Emmett asked. "Just try not to break the controller."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll watch, thanks." I let my far too vast mind take in my surroundings. I noticed the exact shade of Jasper's pants, the thread count of the upholstery, the number of petals on each of the roses in the vase, the brush strokes of one of the paintings.

"I'm going to find Rose," Emmett declared after losing to Jasper again.

Jasper turned to me. "You want to tell me something."

"That obvious?" I asked.

"You're still new at this. You haven't moved since you sat down. Which meant you were waiting. If you were waiting for Emmett you would have stopped him. Which means you want me. And if you want me, it's probably to talk because your emotions are surprisingly neutral. Good work on that by the way."

"Thanks, I think."

"I'm being honest, Bella. I'm amazed you've only snapped once today. Emmett says you had a close call at the cottage though."

I remembered in perfect clarity the feeling of remorse and loss. The regret for not saying goodbye to Charlie. I hated knowing he was hurting for me, because of me. I shoved those aside as they resurfaced.

Jasper's eyes widened. "Very good."

I narrowed mine.

"Again, honestly, Bella. Most newborns are nearly a year before they can control their emotions as well as you just did. Now. What did you want to talk about? Not whatever you were just thinking about."

"No. I'll have to deal with my 'daddy issues' later." I smirked at my joke and Jasper smiled too. "Alice thought I should tell you what I did while I was away."

"If you want. You haven't told her?"

I shook my head. "I mean you all know, what I did, obviously." I pointed to my eyes. "But I didn't tell any of you how, or why. I thirsted, but it was more than that. I remembered my scrapbook. I remembered being human. And I remembered it was taken from me. I wanted it back. So I started to recreate it. After Edward," I rushed past, not wanting to try to explain my actions there. At the time they were entirely feral. "I wanted to find me. I was the next picture in the album. There was a girl who looked like me outside the library in Forks."

He nodded. "We cleaned up after you."

I flinched. "Thank you. The next pictures were all individuals: Charlie, Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Eric, Conner, Lauren. I found people who looked like them in different cities." Jasper just held my eyes and I kept talking. "Then I needed a group. The next pictures were from Halloween. It was Tyler and me and Jessica and Conner. I didn't find them right away. I must have hunted for days until I found the four on a double date."

"Wait. You didn't drink in between?"

I shook my head. "I needed to find them." He opened his mouth again, but didn't speak so I continued. "After I...you know, I went another four or five days before finding someone who looked like Watcher Black. Basically Jacob in a suit. Then I needed a girl on a beach, and because it was getting cold that took longer again. Two weeks, I think."

"And were you still near cities?" Jasper stopped me.

I nodded. "Near enough. I was sticking to the coast looking for beaches, but yeah, towns anyway." I waited to see if he would ask anything else. He didn't. "So I found her and then needed five people at a fire. I stayed in the water for several weeks that time. I thought about trying to get a dolphin or a shark, but-"

"Wait. You thought about animals? Were there no people on the beach?"

"Some, the odd surfer. No groups though, no bonfires."

"And you – that doesn't make sense, Bella. If you knew animals were an option, why were hunting the humans?"

"For my album." I thought I'd made that part clear.

He shook his head a few times. "All right, continue."

"Eventually I found a party on the beach and killed many, though I only drank the five that fit my picture. I burned the bodies that time. I was careful."

He closed his eyes and I stopped again. "You - killed them. How?"

"I snapped necks. All but the two boys and three girls. The one that was me there, was really me. She smelled like Edward said I smelled and she fell when she ran. I took a lot of time with her. Angela almost got away."

Jasper's eyes were boggling again. I was starting to feel self-conscious. Maybe I shouldn't continue my tale. "Go on," he said after a minute.

"So then I was in Mexico."

"Mexico!" he cried grabbing my shoulders. "That's territory. They could have killed you."

"They didn't. A woman warned me off and I came north after that."

Jasper closed his eyes and looked away. He took a deep breath and let me go. "The woman, she was alone?"

"Yes, she said I was on her land and that I would bring the Volturi. I only needed one man in a sombrero, so I left after that."

"You were lucky. She was right." He crossed his arms over his chest and sat back to listen again.

"So then I came north again, through Phoenix. I added a few more pictures to my album. All the way up to my date with Edward, the symphony. I found a woman on her way to a New Years party with her hair up. She looked just like me. Even had gloves on. There are several pictures left, Jasper, but they're all from my graduation. I didn't know where to find yellow robes, so I kept coming north. That's when Alice found me again. I - I think I'm going to do something terrible in June. Alice saw it, and I made a point of changing my mind, but I don't know if I can control it."

Jasper exhaled. "I think you can control it." His voice was quiet and cold. "You have an amazing amount of control, Bella. Especially for a newborn." He shook his head. "You passed-" He shook his head again. "You are in control, Bella. You just have to choose to be."

I took a breath and waited for him to tell me more. How to choose, how to be in control. He didn't answer. I tried to find it in me, but all I found were yellow robes.

"Bella?" Carlisle was calling me. I left Jasper to meet him in his office. "Bella. Have you noticed any change in Edward between when you left and when you returned. I'm wondering if the change has come too slowly for me to have seen it."

I only knew of two things that had changed between the husk I used before leaving and the shell I found when I came back. I wasn't about to tell Carlisle that he'd held me while I used him. "He called me 'Mom'. He didn't say anything to me after I woke."

"He called you mom. He hasn't said anything to Esme since Marie was born. Will you bring him here for me? I want to observe the two of you together."

"I can't do that." I wouldn't be able to touch Edward without succumbing to that second thirst.

"You can't be with Edward?" he asked, incredulous.

"I can't - bring him here. I – would be distracted." I met his golden eyes and felt shame.

"Of course, it's all right, Bella." He patted my arm. "Esme and Emmett were the same in their first year. Will you come with me to Edward's room, then?"

I nodded and tried to smile a little. We climbed the stairs at a human pace and he opened the door. Edward was dressed and sitting on the couch. I held my breath as I followed Carlisle through the door.

"Edward? How are you, Edward? Can you look at me?" Carlisle asked. Edward didn't move. He came to sit beside Edward and touched his shoulder, smoothed his hair. "Oh, son. We all miss you." He hugged Edward to him. I felt the pricking in my eyes again. Carlisle did not deserve this pain. I should give Edward to Jacob. Then they would mourn and move on. Just like I wished I could give Charlie a body so he could move on. I could never be his daughter again, and I couldn't even give him a corpse to say farewell.

I took a step closer, planning to try to comfort Carlisle. "Love mom. Can't hurt mom."

"You hurt me plenty." I spat. I closed off my remaining air.

"Edward? It's Bella. You remember Bella." Carlisle tried to talk him out.

"Love mom." He lifted a hand to me now and I stepped back. "Mom, need mom."

"Stay away from me," I shouted when Edward started to rise. I ran from the room and slammed the door closed behind me. It cracked a little.

Rosalie waited for me in the hall. "I can't Rosalie. I can't let him touch me."

"But you already-"

I shook my head. "It's all right when I was the one using him. I can't let him turn it back around. He'll kill me again."

"Bella," she whispered, hugging me. "I know. I know that hate. I remember. You have to let it take its course. It will only make your life harder."

I shook my head. "He tried to steal my baby. He did steal my baby. There is no baby." I shoved Rosalie from me and she slammed into the opposite wall. I sprinted down the stairs and into the yard.

"Round two?" Emmett asked from the river bank.

I smiled and ran to collide with him.

* * *

Carlisle brought Edward down to the sitting room, hoping seeing me, even only in passing, would help. I hated it. I came in from a workout with Emmett to smell him. I was almost on top of him before I realized what I was doing. I ran up the stairs and closed the door of Carlisle's office. I heard the gasps that followed me.

"Bella?" Esme asked. "Can I come in?"

I took another deep breath. "Yes. Of course you can." I stepped away from the door as she opened it.

"Everything all right, sweetie?" She asked. Her face was full of concern.

"Carlisle said you and Emmett were like this the first year too." I looked into her eyes, hoping she understood what I was talking about. I really didn't want to say it.

"The hunger. Yes. It is quite powerful. But you gave in to it before. Why did you stop this time?"

I blinked. I shook my head, sure I hadn't heard her right. "You think I should use Edward like that?"

She shrugged. "Maybe not _should_. Carlisle said he was responding to you. Maybe it was helping."

"But it was sick. I was a monster the way I used him. I didn't care then, I was enjoying being a monster. I didn't think any more of that than I did drinking blood. I had to so I did. But, I'm not supposed to, am I? I'm supposed to care that he doesn't participate, that he doesn't do more than mumble. It's wrong to do that to him. I know that now."

Esme looked abashed now. "It is wrong. But if it helps him... I'm willing to do a lot of wrong things to keep my family together. Things like leaving you behind. And then it didn't work." She scoffed. "Edward still broke the family up."

I snickered too. "Yeah, he's an idiot."

She nodded. "A complete fool. Instead of bringing you into our family, as he should have from the start, he pushed you away." She shook her head now. "He hurt himself, Alice and all the rest of us because he couldn't bear for you to be anything other than human."

"And then he changes me anyway," I finished for her. "Fate is a cruel, cruel bitch."

"Language," Esme murmured. But her smirk belied her scorn. "It seems you were always meant to be part of the family, just as Alice told us from the start."

"Never bet against Alice." I smiled. "I'm thinking about heading into Forks. I want to see Charlie." Esme opened her mouth, but I didn't let her get a word in. "Not up close. Just, to see for myself."

"And you're sure you're ready for that?" she asked.

"Do you mean, am I sure I won't kill Charlie?" Esme nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. For one thing, I'm barely thirsty. For another, I don't drink every human I pass. And finally, I would have to be burning with thirst to even consider killing my father. So yes, I'm sure."

Esme nodded. "I imagine Alice will go with you anyway."

"Yes, I expect she will." I smiled.

Charlie was at the station. As I'd been warned, my posters were plastered all over town and the station itself. I remembered the odd grey hair among my father's curls. Now wings of white were over his ears and were sprinkled liberally over his head. He had dark circles under his eyes. He wasn't sleeping.

I watched him rise as a woman brought him his lunch. Sue Clearwater didn't look much different from when I had last seen her, at her husband's funeral. Maybe another line or two around her mouth. The mouth that now touched my father's. Charlie and Sue?

"Come on, Charlie. Walk with me. The spring air will do you good." She tugged on Charlie's arm, keeping her hold on his lunch. I turned with Alice to leave, but they came out of the station before we'd reached the corner.

"Alice?" Charlie called. "Bella?"

Busted. He wouldn't recognize me and Alice was supposed to have gone away for school. "Keep walking," Alice whispered to me, but I didn't listen. I knew my Dad would keep looking for me if he thought he saw me. I knew it would just make giving up the search harder for him.

I stopped and turned to look at Charlie and Sue. He was almost jogging up to us. "I think you have the wrong person. I'm neither Alice nor Bella." I tried to sing my voice into a slightly different tone, hoping he wouldn't recognize it.

"I see that. I'm sorry."

"No problem, Chief Swan." I turned back to Alice and we walked around the corner while Sue pulled Charlie away behind us.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have told you this was a bad idea."

I shook my head. "No, it was a great idea, Alice. He's coping. Not well, but better than Edward at least. He'll survive."

Alice patted my shoulder.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Four chapters to go (if you want a countdown). If you like poetry, the entries are going up over at the Twiku Kung Fu Challenge: http://www()fanfiction()net/community/Twiku_Kung_Fu_Contest_Entries/79990/99/0/1/


	21. Chapter 21

I continued to try to avoid Edward in the house. It was harder as Carlisle and Esme kept moving him around, trying to include him in the family.

"Mom?" I heard as I came down the stairs. Hunting and fist-fighting had somehow increased my resistance to that second hunger so I wasn't caught off-guard by his scent. I was by the words though.

Esme was at his side in less than a second. "Yes, Edward? What is it?" She had a huge smile on her face. She hadn't heard or seen me.

I tried addressing him this time. "Yes, baby?" I asked.

"Love Mom," he murmured.

"I know you do, baby." I turned and walked away from Esme's crestfallen face. Once outside I was able to breathe more easily.

She came to me again on the lawn. "Why does he call you mom?" she asked me.

"Because he's stuck in Rosemarie's mind." I hadn't told any of them. I took a moment to dredge what I could from those shadowy human memories. "When I came he asked who was thinking about Jacob. Of course we were all thinking about Edward, except the baby. She had always responded to Jacob. And then when he asked who was thirsty, I was certain. I was craving because she was. Rosalie told me he was muttering about needing out and loving mom. It was all Rosemarie. And somehow, when he bit me, he got stuck there. He called me mom as I lay burning too."

Esme didn't answer but stared at me agape. "I need to tell Carlisle about this. Why doesn't he respond to Rosemarie then? He's met her. We don't see her anymore. She was too upset after the last couple of visits and Jacob stopped bringing her here. I couldn't blame him. Sometimes Carlisle or I will visit at the cottage, but usually it's just Rosalie. She's there almost everyday."

"I'm glad. That's why I named her Rose, after all." The little girl that wasn't mine. She belonged to Rosalie and Jacob now. "I miss Jacob."

"Why don't you go visit them?" Esme suggested.

I shook my head. "Rosemarie gets upset around me too."

"You're her mother, Bella. You should see her." Esme put an arm around me.

I continued to shake my head. "I was her mother. I'm not anymore." I shrugged off Esme's arm and went to hunt.

* * *

Emmett got tired of fighting with me. Truth be told, he got tired of losing to me. I'd gotten faster with practice. But more importantly, I'd gotten more clever. It was less and less of a challenge and we spent more time straight-up wrestling, which I always won.

"It's not my fault I'm a newborn," I complained when he whined that I'd ripped his arm off. I had, but it wasn't like it didn't fix easily enough.

"Try me," Rosalie said with a smirk.

"All right!" I cheered jumping off the ground to launch myself at her. She was much faster than Emmett. She ran up a tree and rather than follow I kicked the base to knock it down. Emmett laughed as Rose had to jump to catch another trunk. I was half way up that one when she jumped again.

I chased her through boughs, jumping from one tree to the next. It was so close to flying. But I wasn't gaining on her at all. I needed to be smarter. I climbed as I ran, trying to get above her. She climbed too when she noticed what I was doing. When she was swinging on the tender tops I jumped ahead and kicked the tree she was in, breaking the tip off. I tangled with her on our way to the ground. We both laughed at the needles and branches flying in our wake.

Rosalie wasn't around to spar with often, but we were well matched when she did. I was stronger, when I managed to catch her, but that wasn't often.

The weather was warming and my second thirst was getting stronger. I started to snap when I found Carlisle or Esme with Edward in the family room.

"Why can't you keep him in his room? Why do you taunt me?"

"Mom? Don't hurt mom."

"Shut up!" I screamed at him and ran from the room.

Carlisle came to Edward's room where I had holed myself. I was in the process of destroying the netting by separating each individual thread. I was a good three inches in when Carlisle knocked. "Go away."

"Please?"

"Oh fine, come in. It's your house." I pulled three more threads from the net.

"Can't you help us, Bella?"

I tore the net in half, so much for my careful work. "What do you want me to do? Bring him up here and have my way with him again? I can't sit and talk with him, Carlisle. You've seen how effective that is. He's a child. He's trapped himself in a child's mind."

"Marie doesn't have a child's mind," he told me.

"What?"

"Her thoughts were simple because she didn't have experience. She has an adult mind. She has shown it many times to Rosalie and Jacob. She reads and writes. She understands musical theory and writes her own compositions. She is extremely intelligent. But before she was born she would only know you and Jacob."

"So, why don't you get Rosemarie to help him? Let him back into her mind so he can think again?"

"She's tried." Carlisle sighed heavily. "She held his head for hours, trying to reach into his mind. She said that he was empty."

"He is. I don't know where he went, Carlisle, but he isn't in there anymore."

Carlisle hung his head. "I know. Don't you still love him, Bella? Doesn't that make you want to help him?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "I told you how he hurt me. He killed me Carlisle. He took my baby from me. Not tried to,_ did_. She isn't my baby even if she were a baby, which she isn't. She hates me. I don't even know her and she hates me. I don't blame her. She thinks I did this to Edward."

"But, don't you want him to get better?" Carlisle continued to plead with me.

"No. I want him to burn. I want to take everything from him just like he took it from me." The words were empty though, because they weren't true. There was enough of my human self left to love Edward. I screamed my frustration. I couldn't let him hurt me again.

"I see. I'm sorry, Bella." He got up and walked away.

"Bring him here," I muttered.

He turned to me, surprised.

"Bring him here. I've resisted just about as long as I can anyway. Don't hold me responsible for what you get on the other side though."

"Of course not. He would probably follow you up. It might be better that way."

My lip curled at that thought. I followed him downstairs anyway. I walked up to Edward. He raised his black eyes to my face but seemed to look right through me. Like he was looking at some ghost of me. Maybe it was my ghost, my human soul. "Mom?" he asked.

"Come with me." I said and turned. He rose from the couch and I heard a couple of gasps. I climbed the stairs quickly, but I didn't run. He didn't seem capable of speed and I was sure that if I got too far he'd go comatose again. His smell already had me burning to take him. I felt sick with myself. I needed to find a way to shut my brain away.

I opened the door to his room and walked to the netting I had destroyed. I rolled it quickly and wrapped it over his eyes. Maybe it would be easier when I couldn't see them.

"Love mom." His hands found me now and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't have any trouble shutting my brain down as it turned out.

* * *

I came downstairs feeling like the monster I was.

"Any change?" Carlisle asked.

I shrugged. "He was... more engaged this time. But he still doesn't say anything of interest. And he didn't move when I got up." I closed my eyes and breathed in the smells around me. My head had been full of sex so long that it was a relief to smell something else. I'd been indulging myself for a solid week. I imagined the family was starting to worry for Edward's safety with me. "What is the date?" I asked.

"June 12." Alice answered. "You made it Bella. Graduation was yesterday."

I looked up and silently thanked Edward for distracting me through the most dangerous day of the year. "Thank you, Alice."

"Come, Jasper wants a chance to spar with you too."

I laughed. "Everyone wants their turn to kick the newborn. Is that it?"

She laughed too. "I don't think so."

I met Jasper in the clearing near the Hoh forest station. "You were looking for me?" Alice sat high in one of the trees, watching us.

"Yes. Rosalie tells me you've been improving. I wanted to see for myself."

I sighed and prepared for an ass-kicking. I crouched and watched for Jasper's move.

It didn't come. We stood opposite each other for two hours. I refused to make the first move and apparently he did too. "Just take her, Jas," Alice called from the tree top.

He lunged then and I whirled. I evaded his teeth and grabbed his waist from behind spinning him away from me. Then I crouched and waited for his return.

He circled the clearing and I turned to follow him. He tried the same trick I had with Emmett, flying at me. I ducked him and jumped landing atop him. I put my lips to his neck as I knelt on his back. "Wow, got ya."

"Yay! Go Bella!" Alice cheered.

"You are very patient," Jasper mused. "Too patient."

"You got me on a good day for patience," I told him as I released my hold. "I have just been sated. I can wait a very long time right now."

"A year?" he asked.

I felt a pang. I had missed graduation. I still wanted to fill my album. The monster in me still wanted those kills. "Yes, a year."

"You can wait longer," he assured me. "You can wait forever."

I closed my eyes and tried to let the idea go. It wouldn't dissipate. "No, not forever."

He nodded. "Well, I have nothing to show you today. You don't fight like a newborn, that's for sure."

I laughed. "Good. Maybe I'll have to find some wolves to take me on instead."

He laughed with me.

* * *

Alice took me shopping with her. I got to drive. It was the first time I'd been behind the wheel since my conversion. I started at my normal highway pace. "Are you kidding me, Bella?"

I looked at her and put my foot down a little further. We gained more speed, then more, and more. We were flying soon and my grin was as wide as hers. It was fun to go fast. My reactions were so quick that everything seemed slow in comparison. At this speed it was actually possible to keep up with myself. I would see something and it would be gone. Instead of seeing it and having time to size up everything about it. It was exhilarating, like running. I loved to run. The wind in my hair was missing in the car. I mentioned this to Alice.

"That's no problem. We'll get you a convertible."

I laughed and pulled in to a shopping center in Olympia. Alice took me through all manner of shops, as she loved to do. I was bored to tears. Then she let me loose in a giant Barnes and Noble. I went ape and brought home enough to fill a bookcase.

"You're sure no one will mind?" I had replaced all my Austen, and picked up several new series as well. Lucy Maud Montgomery took a noted place in my collection. The bill had been rather horrendous to my mind.

"No! If anything they should be embarrassed we didn't have some of these before." She picked up a book of Shakespeare sonnets. "You're sure Edward doesn't have this one?" she asked.

"I couldn't find it. He has some of his other works, but not the complete sonnets." I was flying toward home.

"Hmm, well, if you need a new shelf or bookcase, let Esme know."

I laughed. I would never think to deny Esme the chance to decorate.

"I do wish I'd had the chance to do your wedding," she complained picking up one of my newer novels. A woman in a wedding dress graced the cover.

I snorted. "Yeah, well, with parents like mine, marriage wasn't exactly high on the to-do list."

"I saw you marrying Edward more than once."

I focused on the road as my thoughts raced. She had? When? Was I human? Why was she telling me this? "You did?"

"Yes. Before we left. He has a ring for you. His mother's. I saw him try to propose to you several times. He must have seen it too. That's probably why he never did."

"Why?" I asked with a smile now. "How did I react? Badly, I'm sure." I laughed.

She laughed too. "Yes. In most you fainted. Then slapped him when you woke up. Sometimes you just said flat out, no. He hated those ones the most. Especially when you followed up with 'are you nuts?'"

I laughed loudly. "Yep, sounds about right. Renee would be appalled if I married before I turned thirty."

"Well, then I guess you never will."

We both laughed at that.

* * *

After sating my sexual hunger, I was much more capable of enduring Edward's endless presence in the house. I still had the undeniable urge to rip every piece of clothing from him, but I could resist it. I even addressed him from time to time.

He sat between Emmett and Jasper as they played another video game. "Is that actually fun?" I had to ask.

"Is reading girly books?" Emmett asked.

I stuck out my tongue at him. "Well, make sure you give Edward a turn too, Jasper. Emmett should get to win sometimes."

"You are going to pay newbie." Emmett dropped his controller and jumped up.

Edward stepped between us. "Don't hurt Mom," he told Emmett.

"Edward?" Emmett asked. Jasper rose to stand with them too.

"He wasn't going to hurt me, Edward. Now be a good boy and let him kick your butt at his little game." I teased.

Edward sat back down.

"He spoke to me," Emmett said. "He hasn't spoken to anyone but you before."

I shrugged. "Maybe I'll abuse him more later." I ruffled Edward's hair and a smile came to his face.

I turned to Carlisle who had come to stand behind me. "He spoke to Emmett?" he verified.

"Yes. Told him not to hurt me. Just like a good boy." I gave Edward a mocking smile.

"You are having an effect on him, Bella. Will you continue to work with him?"

I snickered. Then I chuckled. I looked to Emmett. "He means what I think he means, doesn't he?"

"You are sick, Bella. Sick." But his smile wasn't condemning.

"Yes, Carlisle. I will 'work' with Edward again. Anything else you want me to try?"

"Take him hunting?"

My mouth fell open. "Are you serious? You want to let him out of the house? With me? Where's Alice?"

"Here!" she called and appeared. "You can do it Bella. He will feed, but not right away. You'll have to, encourage him. Lead the horse to water so to speak."

"Lovely. All right. Edward, come with Mommy. We're going to find you something to eat." I rolled my eyes at Alice and Carlisle. The first giggled, the second smiled. I was pretty sure the humour was lost on Carlisle who was simply smiling because Edward was following me.

I took Edward's arms and wrapped them around my shoulders. "Hold on, Baby. I'm going to jump."

His arms tightened and I leaped the river bank. "Love Mom," he said when I landed.

"Does that mean you liked that?" I didn't look over my shoulder and he didn't answer. I kept him latched on to me as I ran now. He couldn't run properly any more, having gone so long without feeding.

I diverted from my path when I picked up a familiar scent. "Jacob?" I asked.

"Jacob?" Edward answered.

I rolled my eyes and groaned, following the wolf scent. I tracked for several miles before losing the scent at a river. The wolf must have swam. I sighed and followed the river's bank, hoping to find something drinking.

I was in luck. I found several deer on the shore. I put Edward down and turned to face him. "Baby. Mommy knows you're thirsty. Go drink, okay?" I turned him to the deer.

"Thirsty," he murmured and ran for the deer. He caught the slowest. He wasn't very fast at all. He fell on the deer rather than lifting it. The injured animal managed to shake him off once but was too hurt to get far. Edward finished it off. It was the most ungainly kill I had seen. But he finished it. It was probably the first blood he'd had since he found out I was pregnant. That was almost a year ago now. I couldn't imagine what that did to him.

I approached slowly, not wanting to startle him. Who knew what having blood in his system would do? He looked at me, not past me. His eyes had a shade of brown to them. "Edward?"

"Mom?" He wasn't himself. I hadn't expected that much after one deer.

"Still thirsty? Should we find another?"

"Thirsty." He stood up and came behind me, putting his arms around my shoulders. "Love Mom."

"I love you too, Edward."

I ran on looking for something equally easy for his second kill.

* * *

After a few failed attempts I was sitting with Edward, watching a woodpecker slowly extracting termites from a fir tree.

"Love Mom."

I ignored Edward, watching the bird. It had a red streak on the back of its head. I smelled Alice approaching. I wasn't surprised. She'd know I was getting discouraged.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey, Alice."

"You got him to eat something," she said with a bright smile and ruffled Edward's hair. He leaned into her at the affectionate touch. "Are you still thirsty, Edward?" she asked.

"Yes, thirsty," he said. He didn't use baby-speak, where a person intentionally pitches their voice higher. It was his normal voice, just simpler. It was the same voice that would have said, "Bella, you really don't see yourself clearly, do you?" Only now he said "thirsty." It was hardly surprising I was discouraged.

He also didn't act like a baby. When he leaned into Alice it was just as I would have looked for support from a friend. When he was with me, he was anything but a baby, he wasn't even a boy. I couldn't even call what we did the last time 'using' him. His mind may have been gone, but some instinct had obviously survived the trauma.

It was very disconcerting to have so much of Edward sitting here next to me, but that vital piece - his mind - missing. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. I was abruptly being mounted. I pushed him off and he flew a little way before landing gracefully on his feet.

"Sorry, Mom."

"Another time, alright, baby?" I told him while still convulsing. That was revolting. One thing hadn't changed, I wanted to be the initiator. My hate had definitely waned, but my need to be in charge had only intensified. I was still afraid of Edward. Obviously, in his current state, I could have dismembered him before he managed to say "mom." And yet I was still sure the day would come that he would hurt me again.

"Bella?" Alice asked, her face full of concern.

"I'm all right. Just. Don't want that right now."

"I see. Well, would you like me to try for a while? Edward? Would you like to hunt with me?" She looked to him where he stood a short distance from us.

"Mom."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." I finally rose. "Come on, Edward. Let's find something lamed."

"Lamed?" Alice asked.

"He's had three deer escape him. He's as slow as a human, Alice. I'm hoping that's just the lack of blood in his system, but he's not having any luck catching anything. I thought I'd try to lame them first."

"Yes. That will work." She spoke with certainty. "Did you want me to tag along for a while?"

"Yes." Relief flooded the word. I was desperate for better company than Edward. We'd been at this for days.

She giggled. "Carlisle was thrilled that you did this. He has tried to feed Edward before but it has never been very successful."

"Feed him? Donated blood?"

Alice shook her head. "No, Jacob told us how he drained meat for you. We did that. It still didn't do any good. He wouldn't drink it. He has really only responded to you, Bella. The rest of us could be furniture as far as he's concerned."

Edward followed us at a human pace. I didn't bother running; I wanted the time with Alice. "Well, that seems to be improving at least."

"Only because you're around. If you ran off right now, he'd just stop and stand. I would be nothing to him." Her voice was so sad, pained.

"He's getting better, Alice. Though I wonder why I bother. Jacob is still going to want his ashes at the other end."

"Carlisle plans to move when he's better. He's really only staying for Rosemarie."

"Rosemarie? I thought they never saw her?"

"Not much, no. But she's growing too fast. He wants to know when or if it will stop. He's very curious about her. Rosalie is reluctant to move for the same reason. Of course, Carlisle has told her she could just stay behind and visit us wherever we go."

"He's really good at busting up the family isn't he?" I commented.

Alice laughed. "He has a knack." We walked a little farther. "Keep leading him toward that group of deer. I'm going to lame one." The scent had just reached us.

I nodded and stopped to let Edward catch up. "Edward. There are some deer ahead. Do you smell them?"

He nodded and smiled.

"Can you run to them?"

He pumped his legs and jogged like a human toward the smell. I closed my eyes and wished I could cry. I ran ahead of him to where Alice had lamed one of the deer, the largest doe. She was trying to limp away, but Edward wasn't far anymore. "Faster, Edward," I encouraged. "She's getting away." He managed an extra turn of speed. It was still a human sprint but I was impressed he'd managed that much. He still didn't lift his kill, but he didn't fall on her either. Bending over the animal he drained her quickly and let her fall.

Alice and I stood nearby, waiting to see the result.

"Good." His voice was warmer. His eyes were a little lighter, a little more focused on us. "More."

"We'll find you some more, Edward." I assured him. "Run with me?" I didn't actually run, but jogged at my pace. He was able to keep up. I sighed with relief. Each consecutive kill would be easier now.

Alice turned us back in the direction of the house. We'd ranged out pretty far. She lamed an elk this time, and Edward had been able to catch that as well. "I need to go, Bella. You'll be all right?"

"I'll be fine Alice. We'll be back at the house tomorrow, probably." I didn't know if this would work as well when I had to lame the kill. I didn't want to leave Edward out of my sight.

"Of course. You are going to stop for some reason, I can't understand why, but you'll be home tomorrow."

I tried two more groups of deer, but they'd both spooked before I got close enough to lame them without losing Edward. It was while I was looking for a third attempt that I came across the strange but familiar smell of cherry and rain. I followed it and found Rosemarie stripping meat from an elk carcass.

"Hello?" I said, trying not to startle her.

"Hello. Oh, Edward." She approached us then.

"Mom?" Edward asked.

"Edward, this is Rosemarie. You've met her before."

"He's better," she mused coming toward us.

"A little. He's eaten something. I see you have too. Is this your normal diet?"

Rosemarie appeared six or seven. She was actually just over a year. I didn't even think of her as my daughter. My baby was taken from me. This girl was Jacob's. Her bronze curls fell to her waist but were tied back. She was dressed simply in jeans and a tee.

She looked over her shoulder. "Yes. Jacob likes me to eat human food, but I prefer blood."

"Human?" I asked.

She wrinkled her nose. "Yes. That tastes the best, but I know I'm not supposed to hurt people. I've never actually had any. I've had wolf a number of times." She blushed as she said it.

"Jacob?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes."

"Jacob?" Edward mimicked.

Rosemarie came up to him cautiously. "He still isn't in there, is he?"

I shook my head. "He still thinks he's you. Well, something like that. He got stuck in your infant mind." I looked at Edward and smiled, making him smile back. "He only really responds to me. Watch." I ran from his sight, hiding in the trees behind him.

Rosemarie stepped up to him cautiously. He didn't seem to see her. She jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist so she could touch his face. I wondered what she was showing him. Regardless, he didn't answer. At first.

"Mom!" he said happily, stretching a hand past Rosemarie. She jumped down. I came out of the trees, but was still behind him. He turned, probably at my scent. "Mom." He hugged me and his hands started to roam my back as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck. "Mom," he murmured.

"Sit, Edward. I'm going to talk with Rosemarie some more."

He obeyed and I took Marie a little distance from him. Enough that I felt more comfortable. I sat on what remained of her elk. She climbed into my lap. "It's nice to have you back, Mom."

I froze. "What do you mean?"

She put her hand to my cheek and I couldn't see anything, but I could hear. I could hear me laughing with Jacob. Talking with Quil. Comforting Alice. Loving my bump. She was telling me that I was like I used to be.

"Hmm, maybe I can visit Jacob again."

She hissed.

"Not like that. Not that I wouldn't like to," I admitted, "but he's yours. I understand that. He wouldn't want me, for all that I want him. But he can be my friend again. I miss him so much."

Rosemarie touched my face and I felt Jacob hugging her, kissing her forehead and cheek as he tucked her into bed.

"Thank you." I felt pricking in my eyes and realized I was trying to cry. "I'm so sorry you never met your father." I looked to Edward now. He was sitting staring blankly. "I'm bringing more of him out. Hopefully one day you can."

Her hand was on my cheek again, replaying Jacob._ "That filthy bloodsucker. I swear, if it weren't for the fact that Bella has every right to be the one to torch his ass, I'd take him apart right now."_

_"Please, Jacob. We'll keep him contained. He isn't a threat to anyone right now." Carlisle was trying to reason with him._

_The perspective turned and I remembered I was seeing through Marie's eyes. She was looking up at Rosalie now. "Don't worry, Marie. We're going to make sure you get to meet your Daddy."_

_"He was a threat to Bella. He killed her! I'm going to kill him!" And Jacob was gone from sight. I heard the familiar sound of metal grinding as Rosalie kissed my cheek and urged me not to worry._

_Jacob came back down the stairs. "Keep him here. If I see him outside this house, I'll burn the pieces."_

_Jacob took me from Rosalie and carried us away._

I blinked as my own vision cleared. I nodded. "I understand. I wanted him dead so badly too. I don't anymore. I love him, Rosemarie. I always have. Alice is talking about us leaving when and if I can bring him back. Would you like that? Would you like knowing that your father is in his right mind out there somewhere, even if you never saw him?"

"Yes," she said with tears in her eyes, the tears I was trying to shed but no longer had. I kissed them and felt my lips burn on her cheek.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry I lost myself. I love you." And I did. She was suddenly mine again. And I wasn't going to keep her this time either. She was going to go back to Jacob, my Jacob.

"I love you, Mom," she whispered as she hugged me.

Larger arms held both of us. "Love you," Edward whispered.

I looked into Rosemarie's eyes. She looked shaken. I punched Edward, knocking him on his butt. I smiled at her, never looking to him. "Sorry about that."

She laughed. "I better go. Jacob will wonder where I am, and he can't see Edward."

I nodded. "I'll come visit you, if you don't mind."

She shook her head. "I won't mind at all." She jumped down and ran away from us. She was as graceful as Edward too. Well, as graceful as Edward was.

"Should we find you something to drink, baby?" I asked him.

"Love you," he said again, approaching carefully.

"Oh, did I hurt you? You were making Rosemarie uncomfortable."

"Love you," he repeated, coming closer.

I smiled at him. "I suppose this is as good a time as any."

"Love you," he said again, his hands finding me as I smiled tenderly at him.

* * *

I have an entry in the Canon Fodder challenge. Voting at .net/forum/Twilight_Canon_Fodder_Forum/74762/ stories at .net/u/2277143/

Thanks to my betas CullenObsession and Sharebear. Thanks to all the great people who have been writing with me on Gchat. Apologies for writing too damn much to read it all. Hehe. I say this as I went on a posting spree and launched 10 chapters of Twisted Fate in the last few days. I'll go back to regular posting now.

November 10/10: I don't usually mention stories, but rereading the first chapter and the Bif lyric, I thought I'd also mention Rise Against, Savior. This part of the story (right to the end) always springs to my mind when I hear it:

_if this ain't love then how do we get out?_  
_ because I don't know_  
_ that's when she said I don't hate you boy_  
_ I just want to save you while there's still something left to save_  
_ that's when I told her I love you girl_  
_ but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have_


	22. Chapter 22

I brought Edward to the riverbank. He looked at the water. "You can do it, baby. Just like Mommy. Watch." I jumped and leaped the river, then I turned and jumped back to his side. "Your turn."

He smiled and jumped. He fell short, but jumped again from in the river to the grass.

"Good boy!" I told him, hugging him. He was faster and stronger again now. I'd managed to get another deer into him on the way home. His eyes actually had some color. They weren't yellow gold, still brown and dark, but definitely gold tinged. I brought him into the house and he actually looked into the faces of his family.

"Edward!" Esme cried running to hug him. He hugged her back.

"Thank you, Bella." She was hugging me now. "You're bringing him back. I knew you could do it."

I shrugged. "I'm going to leave him with you for a while. I want to visit Rosemarie and Jacob."

"Of course, dear. Edward, why don't you come into the other room?" Esme asked and led him by the hand. He followed with little urging and I could feel the excitement of the others. He wasn't himself, but there was something there at least.

Rosalie met me at the door. "I'll come with you."

"Thanks. I met Marie on the hunt. She seems to have forgiven me, somewhat."

"Forgiven you?" Rosalie asked. "She's always loved you, Bella. She's missed you terribly."

I shook my head. "She missed the human me. There's just finally enough of me back that she can forgive the parts that aren't."

Rosalie nodded, understanding now.

"Thank you, Rose. Thank you for watching over her while I couldn't. I knew you and Jacob would be good for her. I have a daughter again." I smiled at her.

"You had a daughter the whole time!"

"No. She wasn't mine for a long while. She still isn't really. She's Jacob's. I wish I was Jacob's." I felt the pricking in my eyes and shook my head. "They'll be happy together; that's the important part."

Rosalie put her arm around me. "So you got the baby not the man. Not a bad trade I suppose."

I laughed. "No, no. He took both from me too." I wanted to weep, instead I was in hysterics. Laughing at fate's cruelty. I could laugh forever. "Good thing we have each other," I managed keeping an arm around Rose's waist.

"Yeah." She squeezed me back.

Jacob was surprised to see me with Rosalie. "Bella? How are you? It's been months." He smiled and I thought I would cry again. I had missed that smile so much. And it was for me this time. I covered my face in embarrassment.

"Bella, honey, what's wrong?" Jacob asked putting an arm around my shoulders. I wrapped mine around him quickly and squeezed. "Not quite so hard, Bells," he huffed.

I eased up. "I missed you so much, Jacob." I buried my face in his chest, drinking in the terrible wet dog smell. It was Jacob. I didn't care what he smelled like.

"I've been here the whole time," he said with a laugh.

"But I wasn't," I shook my head.

"Yeah, I missed you too." He stroked my hair and I wished more than ever that I were capable of crying.

"Mom?" It was so strange to hear that in a child's voice.

"Yes, Rosemarie. I told you I'd come to visit." I turned to her and smiled. She jumped into the middle of my hug with Jacob.

She laughed. "Hot and cold."

I laughed too. I remembered Edward and Jacob taking turns kissing my cheek. I put my lips to her cheek now. Jacob did the same and we all laughed.

"Well, now I feel awkward," Rosalie muttered. I shuffled with Jacob and we wrapped Rosalie in the hug too. Rosemarie put her arms around Rosalie's neck.

"How do you make a blonde sigh?" Jacob asked.

"Shut up, Jacob." I muttered.

Rosalie and Rosemarie laughed.

"Mom, will you play that melody for me. The one you played the last time you were here. I don't know it."

I looked to Rosalie now. She shook her head. "I can. That's the lullaby your father wrote for me. I only really know the melody though."

"That's all right. I can figure out the chords." She jumped down and moved to the bench.

Jacob took a seat in the chair that was beside the piano. I could tell he listened to Marie from that spot often.

I played the melody a few times until she replaced my fingers with her own. I smiled listening to her play. "So much easier now," she murmured when she finished. She held her hands up. "They're finally the right size!" She wiggled her fingers and I laughed.

Rosemarie showed me her room and Jacob's. She took me into their walled garden and showed me the minnows in their pond. I also discovered what happened to my Austen collection. Apparently my books and music had found their way here.

"You like these?" I asked.

She shrugged. "They're okay." She left me then and grabbed Jacob by the hand, leading him to his room.

"Aw, class already?" he moaned.

Rosalie chuckled. "Rosemarie is helping Jacob finish high school. Like mother, like daughter."

I snickered too and followed to the doorway so I could watch. Sure enough, both their heads were over the textbook and Marie was correcting him when he answered a question wrong.

"How does she know all that?" I asked.

"She read the books. She's off-the-charts smart, Bella. He fell behind last year because she couldn't help him at first, but she met Quil and Claire after Christmas and saw Quil doing a project. She recognized the books from Jacob's room and snagged them. He's still not 'in' classes, but he's going to take the equivalency tests when they're done. He's borrowed a copy of the texts he needs for this year from the school. She read them last week." Rosalie shook her head. "She already speaks three languages."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Quil and Claire. I haven't even met Claire."

"She's a sweetie, Bella. And she was three at the time so just about the same size as Marie. They spent time together on the beach this summer, or so I heard."

"Are you two done gossiping? I'm trying to work here," Jacob complained.

I laughed. "No, not at all. Send your tutor out here and she can tell us about it herself."

Marie bounced out to us. She jumped into my arms and, although I was caught completely by surprise, I was more than fast enough to catch her. She put a hand to my cheek and I saw a small red-skinned girl in a yellow swimsuit sitting on Quil's shoulders in the water. He fell backward and they both went out in a splash. Then I was sitting next to the same girl in a red sundress while we swung back and forth. I looked over my shoulder to see Quil and Jacob pushing us. Finally I saw the same girl tag me and run. I tore after her and ran her right over. Jacob scolded me for that, but Claire was fine, just a little scared.

"Thank you, Rosemarie. I hope I get to meet Claire one day too. She seems to be a nice friend."

"She doesn't see her anymore," Rosalie explained. "She's back in Makah for one thing, but she's also still three years old, well four now. Marie, here, looks like she's seven."

"I'm sorry you've lost your friend, Marie. I'm sure you two will be friends again later."

Rosemarie still looked sad. She touched my cheek again. I saw her growing, very quickly. I heard Carlisle's voice, "If she continues at this pace, she'll be mature in another couple years. And old in a decade."

"Oh," I murmured. I hugged her more tightly and looked to Rosalie. "Carlisle is working on this too, I hope."

Rosalie nodded. "Especially now that you've been able to make progress with Edward. He was focusing on that until you got back."

I shook my head. "Why did he waste his time on that? Edward is a dead man anyway. He should have been focusing on the one who has a chance to live. Who should have a chance to live."

Rosemarie hugged me. "It's slowing."

"That's good. I think I'm going to have a talk with your grandfather now. A talk that may lead to some dismembering if I don't like the answers I get."

I heard Jacob laugh in the other room. "You're supposed to be working," I complained.

"Read," Marie demanded at the same time and we laughed at each other. I did still have a daughter. And I might lose her again in a few years. I felt prickling in my eyes again.

I carried Rosemarie into Jacob's room. He was still bent over his desk. We both looked over his shoulder. "That's wrong," we said pointing together. We giggled at each other.

"Smarty-pants," Jacob grumbled.

I stayed until he put Rosemarie to bed. I listened to him tell her a Quileute legend as she lay under her covers. "And you can still see the boulder trail left when Thunderbird carried him away."

Rosemarie fixed heavy eyes on Jacob and touched his cheek. "I love you too, Rose. Sweet dreams." He kissed her forehead and came out to where I lurked. "She's such a great kid, Bella."

"I can see that. You're a pretty good Dad."

He scowled. "I'm no dad."

"No, I suppose not. But you are the closest thing she has to one."

He shook his head. "It's not like that. We're – partners. She doesn't need a father like normal kids do. I help her with the things she is too small for, but there are fewer and fewer of those. She's helping me more than the other way around these days." His eyes fell on her door, filled with adoration. A pang of jealousy hit me again.

I shoved it away. "So, you and Rosalie are still cat and dog?" I asked with a smile.

He snorted. "Yeah. Is she still around?" He checked over his shoulder and sniffed. "She's been a big help with Rose. It's good to know someone's watching her when I'm with the pack. And I can't teach her...girl things. Alice and Blondie have covered all of that." He blushed.

"And Carlisle doesn't have any guesses on her growth?"

Jacob growled. "I don't let the doc near her any more than I have to. After what he almost did to you, and then he tried to keep Rose when her growth didn't slow right away. I just about ripped his head off. He wanted to 'run tests'. I wasn't about to let him play with her. Especially not when it was obvious his attention was really on that madman they're keeping. Dead madman."

I flinched a little at that part. He noticed, not surprisingly.

"Oh no, you aren't going to kill him, Bells? You're actually going to forgive that bastard? After all he did to you?" He started to walk away, shaking.

"I should have remembered my own advice," I murmured.

He turned back to me then. "What was that? Don't eat yellow snow?"

"You are so gross. No, I told Carlisle it would be better to lose him before getting him back. Why find a way to return his mind when he's marked for death anyway? I should have remembered that."

"Yeah. What made you forget?"

"Heh, I should tell you. You'd probably get a kick out of knowing what I did to Edward." I thought a little more and knew it wasn't true. "No, actually you wouldn't. Let's just say blood isn't all vampires crave."

"You're right, I don't want to know. So... you want to keep, part of him?"

"Ewww. Shut up." I had spasms as I grossed out. "No. At one time, yes, but no. He's - he's getting better, Jacob. That's the problem. He's waking up. And it reminds me of the man I loved. He's still in there somewhere and I do want to help him."

"You always were too much of a softie. What's your plan on that? Being you know I'm going to kill him if I see him again."

"I know. Carlisle's plan was to move him away. We know we'd never be able to come back here, but well, for me anyway, that's no real loss. I see Charlie's with Sue. As soon as he gives up looking for me, he'll be happy again. Leah wouldn't want anything to do with me now anyway-"

"Where'd you get that idea?" he asked. "Leah asks about you all the time. She's pissed I don't know anything. At least now I'll have something to tell her."

"But, I'm a vampire. She hates vampires. They made Sam-"

"She loves you, Bella. And like me, we both hoped that you'd still be in there. And I'm happy to know we were right. Sadly you kept the cracked head that'll forgive that piece of -"

"Yeah. I kinda wish I'd lost that part too. Wait, if you're staying here, where's Billy? Alone?"

"Nah, Leah's staying with him. But he figures he'll move to Portland soon. Live off Paul for a while."

I laughed with him. "And Leah's at your old place? I'll give her a call."

"She'd like that. I'm going to hit the sack though. Rose doesn't sleep in and she'll be jumping on me as soon as she's up."

I chuckled. "Sleep well, Jacob." I hugged him before leaving. I needed to go anyway. I needed to have a few words with Doctor Cullen.

When I got back to the Cullen house, Carlisle was trying to have a conversation with Edward. It was going about as well as I would have expected.

"Edward, can you tell me what my name is?" Carlisle asked him patiently.

"Where's Mom?"

"Esme is right here."

"Where's Mom?"

Carlisle blew out a large breath, "Edward, what did you hunt today? Did you get a mountain lion? I know they're your favorite."

"Where's Mom?"

As I came into the room he jumped up and tackled me. "Yeah, I missed you too, Edward. Can you wait for me in your room?"

He obediently climbed the stairs and I turned to Carlisle. "What have you learned about Rosemarie?"

"Very little. Only rumors, stories. I don't even know how vampiric she is, if she can survive without blood, or is just capable of digesting human food. I wanted to see how impervious her skin is-"

"Oh my god. Was that when Jacob snapped on you? Because that's when I would have snapped on you. You tried to cut that little girl?"

He looked sheepish. "No. I tried to sample her blood. The needle didn't penetrate at first. I tried more force."

"Stop! I don't want to hear this. What rumors? What do you know?"

"There is a tribe in Brazil that has stories of a white demon impregnating their daughters. The rapid gestation and brutal consequences to the mothers fit. But I can't be sure they aren't just stories."

"And when were you planning on finding out?" I asked coolly.

"After Edward-"

"No. You don't wait for Edward. Edward has had over a hundred years to live his life. You find a hundred for my daughter now, Carlisle. You owe me that much for what your son has done to me. And in return, I'll try to give Edward another hundred as well."

Carlisle's eyes went from cold hardness to anger then morphed into shame. "Yes. You're right of course. She does have less time than Edward. I will track these myths to their source. Thank you, Bella."

"Don't thank me. You haven't saved your granddaughter yet." I was still hard. I wanted to spur him on. I thought it was working.

"Yes. I'll make arrangements."

I took a moment with the rest of my family after Carlisle had left. "Sorry if that was too much. I wanted you all to know just how seriously I'm taking this. I just got my daughter back. I'm not losing her again."

"We understand, Bella," Emmett assured me. "We've been helping Carlisle look too, but there really isn't much to find. Rosemarie is one of a kind."

"I know. I know I shouldn't blame him. But he was wasting time. Carlisle should have been focused on Rosemarie the whole time. Edward," my voice caught. "He's had his chance. She is innocent. She needs her chance too."

"Bella," Alice cooed and hugged me. "He's behind you," she whispered.

I turned and found Edward there. "Oh, did you hear me?"

"Mom?"

"Bella." I tried to will him to remember me.

"Mom." He came and hugged me. I put my head on his shoulder. Our baby. She wasn't going to get a chance to be a baby, or even a child. She was going to be an adult from the start. Raising Jacob as he raised her. I felt terrible for missing so much of her life. The one time she would need me, and I wasn't here. Tearless sobs ripped from my throat. "Don't hurt, Mom." He murmured while stroking my back.

"Edward. Come back to me. I need you." I squeezed him more tightly.

"Love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Edward made slow improvements over the next couple of weeks. I imposed on the family so that I could visit Marie and Jacob often. They were always welcoming. I even had the opportunity to meet Leah at their cottage. I didn't want to go to La Push and she didn't want to come to our house, so the cottage was perfect.

"Bella," she said hugging me. "Why did you go? I worried for you."

"I shouldn't have. I wish I hadn't." It was true.

She caught me up on pack gossip. Jacob had been very quiet on the topic and nearly kicked us out when we started talking about Embry's latest girlfriend.

"There is a one year-old in the house."

Even Rosemarie rolled her eyes at that.

Of course, I had little to tell Leah. She wasn't any warmer to Edward so his improvement meant little to her. I wasn't about to tell her anything that I'd done while I was away. Which just left Carlisle and his rumor chasing in Brazil.

"He thinks he has something?"

"He doesn't really know, but it's the best lead he has. He has some friends in the Amazon too. He's hoping they might be able to help him out. Apparently they aren't very tech minded, so he needs to see them. Otherwise he might have had them look into this without going there. The fact that he hasn't come back yet bodes well, I think."

"That would be great. I know not knowing really troubles Jake. He doesn't say anything, but he can't not think anything."

"Right."

Rosemarie came and jumped on my lap at that point. "Rumors?"

"Yes. He found a tribe that has a story of a white demon that got some of their daughters pregnant. Carlisle thinks they might mean vampires. So, there might be other people like you, if any of the babies survived."

"Like me," she murmured in thought. "Why would a woman let him do that?"

I hugged her. "That is a very good question, Rosemarie. It's hard to answer. But I love your father. I definitely wanted to do what led to you. Even if it killed me. I'm glad it didn't."

"It did, Bella."

"Oh, right." I laughed with Leah.

"But, I didn't kill you," Rosemarie insisted.

"That's true. But you could have. You would have, I imagine. If you'd tried to come before I went to Carlisle, I'm sure you would have hurt me very badly. Probably bad enough to kill me. Even when you were trying not to, you hurt me pretty bad. Leah remembers." I snuggled and rocked Rosemarie as I remembered with Leah.

"Do I ever. God you scared the crap right out of me, Bella. The way you screamed, and flailed. I thought you being torn in two."

"I remember," Rosemarie mused. Then she touched my cheek. I couldn't see anything, but I could hear myself yelling.

"_How could he do that? To his own baby? To me? How can he hate it so much? I love it and him. I chose them._"

I felt squeezing.

"_Calm?! The father of my baby is trying to kill it!" _

The squeezing intensified. I heard my own bones break. It all went away as Rosemarie removed her hand. "I squeezed you?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you understand why I was so upset though."

She nodded again. "But, you love him?"

Leah was eyeing me oddly now.

"Yes. I still love him, Rosemarie. Think of Jacob. Think if he did something terrible. Would you still love him?"

She got a faraway look in her eyes as she considered that. "Yes. I would still love Jacob, even if he hurt me."

"Then you understand that it doesn't matter how badly he hurt me. And now I'm strong enough that he can never hurt me again. I dearly hope," I muttered the last and Leah laughed at me.

"He can always hurt you, Bella. But now it's not your life, it's just your heart. He's still a man after all."

She was right of course. Even if I succeeded in getting Edward back to normal there was no guarantee he would accept me. Or forgive himself.

I didn't think about it, hugging Rosemarie instead.

* * *

Two nights later Carlisle called. "We have a lead," he announced to Rosalie who had answered the phone. "I'd like Alice to come help us follow it further. And perhaps Rosemarie should come. I imagine she would like to meet someone else like herself?"

"Um. I'll talk to Jacob, Carlisle, but no promises. I mean, you know how protective he is of her."

"Bring him along," Carlisle insisted. "He should know what she will grow into. If we do find this pair, a vampire and hybrid, then I believe he is older than we expected Marie to ever get. The stories of him go back decades."

I got excited when I heard that through the line. "Tell him I'm coming too," I whispered to Rosalie.

"I think we're all coming Carlisle. I want to come along and so does Bella."

"But Edward-" he began.

"Crap," I swore. "Think we can talk the boys into staying?" I asked cocking my head to Jasper and Emmett.

"What about Tanya?" Rosalie suggested to both of us.

I knew very little about the Denali vampires beyond their location, so I shrugged.

"That's a great idea, Rose. She'd be happy to see him."

"I wouldn't go that far," Rosalie muttered. "But I'm sure she'd do it anyway."

I left Rosalie to finish sharing information with Carlisle and then call Denali. I went to talk with Jacob and Rosemarie. I knew which one I would approach first.

"Hello?" I called as I opened the door of the cottage.

"Mom!" Rosemarie called as she ran out and jumped up to hug me. It still caught me by surprise. How and when did I actually accept being a mother?

"Heya, Rosemarie. I have some news. Carlisle thinks he's found someone like you in Brazil. He wants Alice to help him find that person. Would you like to come meet him too?"

Jacob charged out of his room with a pencil behind his ear. "What? Brazil?!"

"Yes, Jacob. Brazil. That's where the rumors were; that's where this person will be. He thought Rosemarie might like to see what she could grow up to be. Also," I smiled broadly sharing this part, "he believes this person is decades old. So..."

"I can grow up!" she squealed and leaned from my arms into Jacob's. She squeezed his neck and put a hand to his cheek. I wondered what she was showing him.

"I still don't know, Rose. It's a big trip."

"Oh, come on, Jacob. We're all going. She'll be perfectly safe, especially with you along."

"You're all going?" he asked narrowing his eyes.

"Yes. Edward is going to Denali." I watched his reaction. His eyes stayed hard. Rosemarie put a hand to his cheek again.

"Not you too," he moaned. "Fine. As long as I don't have to see him." He growled as he went back to his room and slammed the door.

"When do we go?" Marie asked me with a brilliant smile.

I chuckled.

* * *

Thanks as ever to Sharebear and CullenObsession for their beta skills.

Last night I joined in a #readalong (http://theficbridge()blogspot()com/) and read My Yes, My No by Lola's Shoes. It was awesome and you should read it too. http://www()fanfiction()net/s/5366705/1/

Only two more chapters, Brazil and after. Next week you'll have it all. Thanks for reading.


	23. Chapter 23

I drove with Edward, Alice and Jasper to Denali. Rosalie, Emmett, Jacob and Rosemarie were flying straight out from Seattle. We'd fly from Anchorage. I kept eyeing Edward in the seat next to me. He was doing better, but we hadn't been able to hunt much in the last week.

"Alice. Do we have time to hunt something up for him before we go? Make it easier on them?" I looked over my shoulder but she wasn't focused on anything in the present.

"Sorry, Bella. I was looking for Carlisle. Yes. We'll have time. I'll lead you to something easy for him." Jasper had a question on his face. "He's – still very slow. He's getting better though, right, Bella?"

"Yes, he caught that last deer on his own. We'll get him back up to speed." I ruffled Edward's hair and he smiled at me. The crooked smile broke my heart all over again. "And you're sure they won't mind?"

"Yes. I'm positive, Bella. They're going to... well you'll see."

She was being cryptic. This was going to be great. I sighed heavily. That was a bad idea. Edward caught my scent and started pawing at me. "Jasper?" I asked over my shoulder. He grabbed Edward's arms and pulled them to his sides. "Thanks."

We arrived in the night. A woman with red-blonde hair stood outside the house. "Alice? Jasper? Is this Bella?"

I stepped out of the car and walked up to the woman. "I am. It's nice to meet you."

"A pleasure to meet you, Bella. I have heard about you, but not your transformation. I haven't spoken to anyone since last year."

I looked to the other two wide eyed. They didn't know anything? We had a lot of ground to cover, quickly. "Did Rosalie tell you anything?"

"Just that Edward was coming to visit."

My mouth hung open.

"Speaking of Edward, where is he?"

Two more women came out of the house now, both with light colored hair. "Alice!" one called and ran forward to hug Alice. The other ran to Jasper, but Tanya was still eyeing me.

"Where is Edward?" Tanya asked now.

"I should tell you. He's – not himself." I walked around the car and opened Edward's door. "Come on out, Edward."

He stepped out and stood calmly, but made no move to greet his friend.

"Edward?" Tanya asked. "Are you all right?"

"Thirsty," he answered, looking at me.

"I know, Edward. Alice and I are going to find you something soon, all right?" I met his now dark eyes again. Why hadn't I done this earlier in the week? Oh right, because I was getting to know my daughter. I still should have done it one night when she was asleep.

Alice came to my rescue. "Perhaps Tanya will join us as well. It might be best for her to see for herself."

The other two sisters came down and met us as well. "Edward?" the one with shorter, paler hair asked.

He didn't answer either of them. He started to frown and grabbed for my arm. "It's all right, Edward." I assured him. "These are your friends. Tanya," I motioned toward her and she came into his line of sight. Then I looked to the others.

"Irina," the closest one said. "I'm Irina."

"Kate." Her voice was clipped. "What happened to him?"

"He – he got lost. He's finding his way back. Aren't you, Edward?" I stroked his head. It was a bad idea. He tried to grab at me again. "Not here, Edward. Not now." I held his hands tightly in mine. "He'll be better after he feeds again. We can talk on the way."

Alice took off. Edward started to chase after her right away. "Good!" I yelled after him.

Tanya glided at my side while Irina was on my other. "I had a baby." I told them. It seemed the best place to start.

"Oh," Tanya said. "And he didn't respond well?" She looked to Edward who was just ahead of us.

"Yes. But not for the reason you think. I had Edward's baby." There were a pair of gasps at that. "The fetus was very hard on my human body. Edward, he could hear the baby, and he hadn't fed in weeks. Then he bit me, and – he got stuck, in the baby."

Tanya stopped. I kept walking, not wanting Edward to get too far ahead. I thought he'd still take whatever Alice had lamed, but I wanted to be sure. Irina was still at my side. "So, he's like a baby?"

"Sort of," I tried to explain. "He has a very limited vocabulary. Rosemarie had few concepts in her mind at the time. He is still regaining his strength. He didn't feed for months while I was gone. He's really only started to recover since I came back to the family. He," I took a deep breath. This part was hard to tell family, let alone a stranger. "He seems to be recovering the more - intimate we are."

"Oh. How interesting."

I raised an eyebrow at her. We came upon the caribou and Edward was soon after one. Alice was nowhere to be seen. She must have gone after another.

Edward turned back to us as he finished. Tanya had returned by then. "Mom?"

"Yes, Edward. Alice is leading us to more. Are you still thirsty?" I asked.

"Yes. Thirsty." He agreed. "Love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Edward. Soon, all right?" I knew what he was asking for. I should have made time for that during the last week too. I hoped I didn't make us too late getting to Brazil. I led him on Alice's trail. "Will you follow Irina, Edward?" I asked. He smiled at the blonde and I fell back to chat with Tanya. "I'm sorry all of this just got dropped on you. I really thought you knew some of it."

"Really, no. I knew he left because he worried for your safety. I agreed with the others. Why didn't he just change you? That would make you safe."

"Because he's an idiot," I muttered, knowing she'd hear me. "Because he worried for my soul."

"Then why did he bite you?"

"I don't think he knew what he was doing. He was in Rosemarie's mind, as I said. And she was thirsty. So was he. I think he just reacted." I remembered that day, the burning, the baby being torn from me, Carlisle bursting through the door. Jacob tearing Edward apart. I closed my eyes for a minute forcing the images and pain away. "At any rate, he was not in his right mind then or now. And what is done is done. I'm trying to work with what we have left." We came upon the second carcass. Alice and Irina were trying to coax Edward to follow them.

"He's going to be quite the handful for you I'm afraid. He seems to really only take instructions from me. Lead him by the hand, Irina," I told her.

She tried that. He pulled back on her. I'd never seen him do that. "Soon?" he asked me now. Ah. He was learning.

"I suppose it is soon. Would you ladies excuse us?" I smiled at Alice and she winked at me. "You suck." I whispered at her.

"No, he's going to."

"Gah. Don't watch that close."

* * *

When we had finished, I led Edward back to the house as the sun rose. I hoped it would tide him over till I got back. I really didn't want to spend more than the day here. "Mom is going away for a little while, Edward. I need to go and find someone who can help Rosemarie. Do you remember Rosemarie?" I asked.

He nodded.

I closed my eyes and dared to hope. "Well, there is someone like her in Brazil. We're going to find him. So I need you to stay here. With Tanya, Kate and Irina. You'll listen to them? Follow them?"

He touched my cheek. I trembled thinking of the way he used to do that. I was sure I could get him back. I came into the house and found a new pair of vampires waiting to greet us. "Bella," Alice introduced us. "This is Eleazar and Carmen."

"It's nice to meet you." I said with a smile.

"Hello, Edward," Carmen greeted him.

He looked to me and I nodded. "Hello," he said. I thought I would fall right over with joy. It was a new word. He must have sensed my pleasure because he positively beamed. "Hello!" he said to Eleazar. "Hello!" he said to Alice.

I started to giggle. "That's right. That's great, Edward." I hugged him and pushed him away when his hands wandered again. I really did regret not having more time right now. But Rosemarie came first.

"Bella. You have a most interesting gift of your own. Jasper was just telling us about your daughter's. Does your shield impede her at all?"

I looked to Alice. What was he talking about? She just smiled at me and nodded. That was helpful. "My shield?" I asked. "No, she is able to use her gift on me."

"I see, and Edward. He could read your thoughts, before...?"

Who was this person? "No, he never could."

"Interesting. Well, it does seem to be quite effective against me." He chuckled.

I looked again at Alice. "Help?" I whispered.

"Eleazar has a gift of seeing gifts," she explained. "He used to be part of the Volturi guard."

The Volturi. I still knew so little of them, though I had learned more. "So what is a shield?"

"A defensive ability. Yours is blocking my ability to properly define it," Eleazar explained. "So it seems to be effective against some gifts but not others. Alice can see your future, as I understand it."

I nodded. "And Jasper affects my emotions just like anyone else's, but Edward was never able to hear my thoughts."

"Would you be willing to test something?" he asked me now. Alice hissed.

"I suppose."

"Kate, could you come here a minute?" Kate didn't seem to be in a much better mood than before. She scowled at me now. "Bella here has a shield. I would like to know if it is effective against your gift. Would you test it?"

"Happily." Her smile let me know that whatever her gift was, it would not be pleasant. I hunched slightly, defensive. She came closer. Edward stepped between her and I.

"You won't hurt Mom." He stared her down. It was a complete sentence. Alice gasped. He also read her intent, probably from her mind. He really was coming back to us.

"Don't stop, Kate," I hissed at her. "Hurt me. Badly."

"What?" she asked suddenly confused.

"Do it," I snarled.

She reached for me and Edward lunged at her. He was still slow though and I slipped around him. Kate's hand met my back, but Edward's teeth were in my neck.

He stepped back in horror. I'd made a big mistake. Kate's touch had done nothing, but biting me had probably set Edward back instead of forward as biting Kate might have. I shouldn't have tried to protect either of them. "Dammit."

"Bella," Alice shook her head. I was right. I'd made the wrong choice.

"Can we do it again?" I asked her.

"You can try."

"Kate, try for me again," I asked.

"But-" she argued.

"I don't know that he knows. Think really awful things about me. Think about how much you want to make me hurt for how Edward is now." I curled my lip back to bare teeth, hoping to antagonize her. It worked.

She narrowed her eyes on me and Edward reacted again. "No. You can't hurt Mom." He moved to block Kate again, but she pulled her punch.

I sighed. Which got me a face full of Edward again. His kiss was wonderful. I had to pull away from him though. "Mom has to go, remember. You're going to listen to Kate and Tanya and Irina. All right? You treat them like Mom now."

He looked to Kate then back at me. "No."

Alice chuckled. "I think he means what you just did."

"Oh crap. I mean you'll follow them like you do Mom."

He nodded this time.

"You're doing so well, Edward. I'm coming back to help you. I promise. But first I have to help Rosemarie. All right?" I hugged him tightly.

He hugged me back. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Alice and Jasper followed me out of the room. Edward started to follow as well, but Kate put a hand on his arm and he stopped to look at her. Then he went and sat in one of the chairs. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he was still sitting there when I got back.

"Let's go, and bring back good news," I muttered.

"Let's," Alice agreed.

* * *

I had visited Renee in Florida in the past. I thought I knew what humidity was. It turns out I didn't. At least the heat didn't bother me, but I still felt the water condense on me as I stepped off the plane. I shrugged it off and followed Alice. She led us to a cab and directed the cab to a park. I was so glad she knew where we were going. I had no clue.

When the cab stopped I followed her and Jasper through the park. Once past the people, we ran. The trees were less groomed, the path was merely worn. The insects and animals became more prolific. It wasn't far before we met Carlisle and Esme. Emmett, Rosalie, Rosemarie and Jacob were with them as well as three dark skinned vampires dressed in leather and fur. They looked feral. They looked feline. They looked like they could rip me in half even though I was still fairly new.

"Alice, Jasper and Bella, let me introduce Zafrina, Kachiri and Senna." He indicated each of us in turn. I nodded to the three women. "Alice, I know we're looking for something you can't see, but we are counting on you to help us narrow our search. He travels with a vampire, as we understand, so you will be able to see her." He pulled out a map. "The rumors are all concentrated in this area, but it will take weeks to cover it."

I looked to Rosemarie and she smiled and waved at me. I waved back.

Alice sighed loudly. She had just been handed a headache and a half. "Get Jacob away from here and let me see," she complained.

"Come on, Jacob. Let's walk." I took Rosemarie's free hand and led them away from the clearing. "How long ago did you get here?" I pushed a vine out of our way.

"A day." Jacob shrugged.

"I like the Amazons," Marie chimed with a smile. "They're – one."

I wrinkled my brow. What did that mean?

"How's Daddy?" she asked me now. Jacob growled and she glared at him. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. Six foot seven Jacob was being stared down by three foot four inch Rosemarie. And he was backing down. It was so endearing.

"I am not forgiving him," Jacob muttered.

"He's doing better, Rosemarie. He used a new word and read a mind. I'm hoping we'll get the rest of him back when we return." I squeezed her hand affectionately. "I want to make sure we get all of you for a while first."

She smiled at me now. "I know. I want to know too."

Of course she did. My heart hurt thinking of my daughter bearing the weight of her future already. She was only a year old.

"I'm not forgiving him," Jacob repeated. He slapped a palm frond out of his way with more force than necessary.

"No one is asking you to, Jacob," I reminded him. "But that doesn't mean we can't." I met his eyes now and I was sure the only difference between my stare and Marie's was color. He scowled again and looked away.

I stopped looking at a particularly colourful bromeliad bloom. Rosemarie came around to look as well. Jacob grumbled a little way from us. "He'll get over it," I whispered to her.

"I know." Her voice was just as quiet.

"I'm not getting over anything." Jacob crossed his arms and pouted. We both laughed at him.

I heard Emmett call us and we returned to where the others were still gathered.

"We have a direction if not a destination," Alice announced. "Something is going to cause a stir in Belem, but we're going to get there too late. I'm hoping we can at least pick up a trail."

"So, how are we travelling?" I asked. Would we rent a car? Bus? Fly?

"By boat," one of the tall, leonine women said in a strange accent. "I would like if you rode with me, young one." She was looking right at me. She was Zafrina, I believed. I gritted my teeth.

"If you like." I followed her into a canoe.

"You have a gift," she announced. "Your friend told me of it. She thinks you should learn to use it."

I picked up the oar as she pushed the vessel off the riverbank. "I think I already use it."

"Yes, yes. That's why you can't see the illusions I create for you. But you can do more with it. Alice would like you to learn to not use it."

I shook my head. "I only just learned I have a gift at all, and now I'm being asked to – turn it off?" I was confused. I paddled along waiting for her answer.

"I do not claim to read her mind, only tell you what she told me. She would like you to learn the extent of your gift. She says the simple block was in place when you were human. This means you must be able to do more. Now, I would like you to try to picture your shield in some way."

I had no idea what to think of. A knight's shiny metal shield? But it was shielding my mind. A metal skull cap? I giggled. Well, a skull cap, but not metal. I thought of how Edward couldn't hear me, how Alice couldn't see Jacob. It was black like night. I pictured a black cloth.

"All right," I told Zafrina, continuing to paddle.

I saw Marie with her paddle. She was having more luck than Jacob, but she stopped rowing to giggle as he sent the canoe spiralling. I shook my head at the pair of them. Sometimes he really was the kid of the two, and that made no sense whatsoever.

"Now, I want you to stretch it. Try to cover someone else. Your daughter," she suggested, also noticing the antics of the nearby canoe.

"Okay." My voice was tense. This was going to be a mental exercise, of course. So I took that pictured cloth and pulled it until it covered Rosemarie as well.

Rosemarie gave a gasp.

"It was only me, Rosemarie. I will try again in a few minutes when your mother is ready. Don't be afraid."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I showed her a python curled on a rock. That she could see it tells me your shield didn't cover her. Try again, Bella. You can do this."

I sighed and tried again.

By the time the sun was setting, Jacob and Marie needed to rest. I had tried and succeeded twice, but tried and failed what felt like thousands of times. It was actually only forty. Zafrina had been berating me, annoying me, and generally pushing me to the end of my already short patience. I finally lost it when we were out of the confining canoe.

"Look, I can't stretch my shield. It's one-size-fits-me. It's fine the way it is."

Zafrina narrowed her eyes at me and I heard Marie start to cry.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"No, Jacob," Marie whimpered.

I growled, knowing Zafrina was showing her something terrible.

"I'm right here, Rose. Right here," Jacob assured her, taking her hands. That made her scream.

"You are a sadistic bitch," I growled. I pulled the fabric of my shield to blanket Rosemarie. Instead of tight, the cloth seemed loose now. Her screams cut off and she hugged Jacob.

"Very good. I knew-" She didn't finish her sentence before I'd thrown her through three trees.

"If you ever do that to my daughter again, I'll take a piece of your head to give her as a souvenir." I turned and walked to where Rosemarie and Jacob sat. "I'm sorry, sweetie. It wasn't real. She just made you see something that wasn't there. Same as before. Jacob is safe."

Jacob glared at me. What had I done? I was the one that had made her stop. His eyes glazed and his teeth clenched. I worked to remember what I had just done and pulled my shield over him. As an afterthought I put it over Rosemarie too. I didn't want Zafrina to change targets.

"How many can you shield, Bella?" she asked. I heard Alice gasp next and tried to pull my cloth. Surely it couldn't stretch so far. It seemed to unfold, however, and I could tell there was more I could do, farther I could reach. I covered Jasper, Carlisle and Esme at the same time. Emmett's growl was next and I looked to see where he was. I pulled on my cloth reaching out farther again. I made it to him and Rosalie. I felt like I was pulled long and thin.

"Very good, Bella. Relax. We will test your limits later. That was very good."

I sighed, realizing that just meant I'd be doing this again.

Zafrina's next lesson wasn't stretching though, it was lifting. She wanted me to see her illusion instead of blocking it.

"I see it as a cloth, but I can't pull it off; I'm trying," I tried to explain to her.

"Keep trying. Maybe don't pull it off. Try folding it up."

It was worth a try. It was odd, knowing I had an ability and being able to use it. I folded my shield once, twice. I saw a little bit of a tree frog, red.

"A red frog?" I asked.

"Wonderful, Bella. Did you see anything else?"

"No, and very little of the frog," I admitted.

"That is good," Zafrina congratulated me.

When we reached Belem I had managed to shield a canoe over sixty feet from mine. I was impressed at my own self. I gloated to the family while Jacob and Rosemarie slept.

"You are the bomb, Bella," Emmett said hugging me.

"I knew you could do it," Alice congratulated me.

"You were always meant to be one of us," Esme agreed.

Jasper just smirked and I could tell he was sharing my arrogance and self-pride.

In Belem, a bloodless corpse had been found two days before. Alice went to the crime scene after learning the location in the newspaper. I waited with the Amazon's outside the city. They were not vegetarian and didn't want to offend us by feeding around us. So they kept out of the populated areas.

"Got it!" Alice chimed when she returned to us. "This way!" she skipped and jumped, grabbing and swinging on branches and vines.

I chuckled. Rosemarie followed Alice's lead, jumping ten feed to grab a branch. That was the end of Jacob as a man. He followed Marie on four legs. I laughed and ran after my family.

We followed the trail all of that day. Rosemarie was getting very sleepy. I pulled her into my arms so she could sleep while I ran. Having her nestled so close to me, so warm, her heart thrumming away - it reminded me of having her inside me. It reminded me of being pregnant, that I was a Mom. This was what being a Mom was.

I kissed her head. Jasper fell back to run beside me, I was a little slower now that I was carrying Marie, and trying not to jostle her.

"You are wonderfully content. I had to come back and share." He smiled and put a hand on my shoulder, doubling the warm, full feeling in my chest. I sighed deeply.

"You should always be so happy, Bella," he told me, brushing a hand in my hair before sprinting back to Alice's side.

Jacob was slowing too and I lagged back with him. "Maybe we should stop," I suggested. "I can follow their trail and we'll meet them when you wake."

He gave a howling whine, but turned off the trail and found a clearing big enough for him. Rosemarie shivered in my arms as the night started to cool. I waited for Jacob to lay himself down and then put Marie under his chin. He let out a growling purr and whiffed into her hair. She sighed and turned over.

I watched the pair of them sleep for a while. Curious, I lifted Marie's hand to my cheek.

I gasped. I hadn't expected it, but I could see her dreams. She was taller, more mature. She looked a lot like I did, actually, just with long bronze hair instead of brown. She was making breakfast for Jacob. She carried the eggs and toast into the room where he was sleeping and set it down on the bedside table. Then she laid down on the bed and spooned behind him, putting a hand to his chest.

I dropped her hand. I was disturbed. First, that my one-year old was having that kind of dream, although I had the sense that it wasn't going farther than idle touching, a child playing house. Second, that I was jealous of it. I gave myself a shake and went to find something to eat.

After catching a spider monkey, I came back to see if anyone was awake. Finding they weren't I stalked another monkey, a capuchin this time. He looked a little old man. I watched him for a while. He was pulling fruit from a tree. His delicate fingers raking off berries. He looked very human. I raced up the tree, killing him quickly and neatly. He tasted – sweet. Not child sweet, but fruit sweet. It was a nice change from the ungulates I tended to have at home.

This time when I returned, Rosemarie was crawling out of Jacob's paws. She kicked at one of them to make him let go. I chuckled quietly and came to give her a hand. His paws receded quickly at my cold touch, setting her free.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"No problem. I was hoping to talk to you while he was out," I admitted. "I kinda eavesdropped on one of your dreams last night. You really love Jacob don't you? Not just as a father or brother, I mean." I found a snag to sit on and she joined me.

"Yes. I'm going to marry him, like Emmett and Rosalie." Her eyes got a glittery far away look.

I sighed. She still saw marriage as that fairy tale happily ever after. "My parents used to be married."

"Used to be?" she asked. "How do you stop being married?"

"By getting divorced. My mother discovered she didn't love my father as much as she first thought. She wanted more from him than he was able to give. So she took me and moved away."

Rosemarie's jaw hung open. "I didn't know people could do that."

I smiled a small smile. "And, of course, I'm not married to your father. I'm not saying you aren't going to marry Jacob, or that if you do it won't be like Rose and Emmett; they've been married for decades. I just want you to know that, just because you love someone, that doesn't make everything perfect."

She nodded slowly, trying to digest the information I'd just dumped on her. "Take me and your father for example."

She nodded more vigorously now, understanding. "You love him, but it isn't easy; it isn't perfect."

"Exactly. And it might not be that easy for you and Jacob either. I hope it is. I really do. But I want you to know, Rosemarie, that even if it doesn't, even if Jacob were to leave you, you are still everything you are with him. You have all the good parts in you. He doesn't take them when he goes. You love yourself and be the best you can be, with him or without him. Got it?" I was still becoming acquainted with being a mother, but this was the one lesson from my life I knew I had to give my daughter. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes. No wonder Edward had liked them so much. Obviously I hadn't had much opportunity to look into my own eyes, and I hadn't gazed into Charlie's all that often either.

"Yes, Mom." She put a hand to my cheek and replayed part of what I'd just said, over that she put a picture of herself, alone, on the edge of a cliff, glowing slightly in the sun. Yep, she got the message.

"Let's wake up Jacob and find the others," I suggested.

"Wait," she stopped me. "Tell me more about Edward? I never ask Rosalie, but I want to know."

I took a deep breath. "That's hard for me to talk about. What do you want to know? What kind of man he was? How I met him?"

She nodded. Great, she wanted all of it. "I don't think I can tell you everything, but I'll give you something.

"The first time I really met your father, he wanted to eat me." Rosemarie gasped. "I know. He was so cold and angry. His black eyes looked murderous, which, they were." I chuckled. "It happens to some vampires, that a particular human smells exceptionally tasty. I'm that for Edward. He held his breath most of that class. He ran away to Alaska after that."

"He ran away?" she asked.

"Yes. He didn't actually want to kill me. He isn't a monster. I still don't really understand why he bit me when you were born. Hopefully when we get his mind back he can tell us."

Rosemarie put her hand to my cheek and I relived the day she was born in the dark. I heard myself weep on Edward, asking him why he had tried to hurt me, why he didn't trust me. I felt a squeeze, and then an emptiness. It was very strange, like the lifeline I had relied on was being slowly closed off without anything taking it's place. Then I heard Rosalie saying that I didn't need anaesthetic any longer. Then I saw light; I saw Rosalie; I saw blood. I saw fur among pieces of white marble.

The images fled when she took her hand away. "That was a strange day," I murmured.

She nodded. "Tell me how he fell in love with you."

I laughed. "If I knew that- no, Marie, I can't tell you that. I can tell you how I fell in love with him when he came back. He sat next to me in Biology and made a point of introducing himself . He was still very awkward with me, occasionally catching my scent and having to get a hold on his craving. But that just made me curious, and then obsessive. Then he saved my life. That just confused me more. Especially since it was after saving me that he stopped talking to me."

Marie's brow furrowed. "He stopped talking to you?" she asked.

"Yep. Wouldn't even look at me, even though we shared a lab table in Biology. That just drove me crazy. I was angry, but I was still so damn curious. Now I knew he was also stronger and faster than a normal person. This coupled with his eyes changing color drove me mad. I had to know what he was, who he was. And that was when I fell in love."

"I don't get it."

"I don't blame you. You will someday. But we should go find this person like you. That way we can be sure you'll get to someday."

She grinned and jumped down. Then she ran and flopped onto Jacob's back. I ran to stop Jacob from hurting her when he woke with a start, but she was fine. He just bucked her high into the air and she squealed with delight as she came back down on his back. I laughed too. "I want a turn at that later."

Jacob shook himself out and Marie giggled harder as she clung to his scruff, getting whipped from side to side. That looked like fun too. I also got the impression this wasn't the first time she'd gotten this ride.

"Let's go," I said with smile. We followed Alice's scent until we found the group heading toward us.

"Here they are," Carlisle said. He stood beside a man with skin the colour of Jacob's and long dark hair braided down his back. He was dressed in shorts and a tee. His eyes were brown-black. I listened and heard the thrum of his heart. This was him. He looked about twenty._ How old was he__ really__?_ I wondered.

"Rosemarie, I'd like to introduce you to Nahuel," Carlisle indicated the man standing next to him.

"Hello," Marie said tentatively. He was eyeing her closely. She looked to me. I shrugged. "Jacob? Put me down?" she asked. He crouched and she slid down his back.

She walked up to Nahuel, only a little more than half his height and put out her hand. "It is nice to meet someone like me."

"It is amazing to meet one of us so young," he said putting a hand to hers. It enveloped it completely.

"I am sixteen months old," she declared with indignation.

He laughed. "Yes, but you see, I am over one hundred years old, so being sixteen months seems very young indeed."

"One – one hundred?" I stammered.

"Closer to one hundred and fifty." The voice came from the back. A female vampire with dark skin came forward. "I am Huilen, his aunt."

"Who is over one hundred and fifty," he said with a smirk. She glared at him.

"His aunt?" I asked.

"Yes. Are you Rosemarie's aunt as well?" Huilen asked me.

"No, I'm her mother." That brought both heads whipping to my face from Marie's.

"You're- you survived?" Nahuel asked.

"Yes. I probably would have survived human if my idiot mate hadn't bit me," I grumbled crossing my arms.

"Hu-" He couldn't finish the word. "How? How did you survive?"

"What happened to your mother?" Marie asked at the same time.

Nahuel looked back to her now. "I killed her. I chewed my way out of her," he said sadly. Huilen put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I stayed with my sister when she left to bear the monster's child. I watched her feed on the blood and meat of animals. I watched her scream as the baby came. She wanted me to stay with her, to keep her baby. I couldn't deny her. When Nahuel, as she named him, was born, he bit me. This way I have been able to stay with him." She looked fondly on her nephew.

"He is venomous?" I verified. She nodded. "Ah, well Rosemarie was cut from me once the transformation was begun. So that's how I survived. Her aunt Rosalie did the...surgery?" I said the word with a smirk and Rosalie laughed aloud.

"Surgery! Ha! I ate through her. Almost finished her myself, but didn't thanks to the cur." She nodded to the wolf. "Kicked my butt right out of the room."

"And you were able to finish the transformation?" Huilen asked.

I nodded.

"The father? He isn't here? My father was very interested in me. Is he in Rosemarie?" Nahuel asked.

"Um... he's not himself. I think he would be if he were." Edward would be a father if he could be. He would love this little girl just as much as I did. I knew it. She was so like him. I stroked her hair and she smiled at me.

"And you were his only mate?" Nahuel asked.

"Yes." I quirked an eyebrow. "Why... you aren't the only hybrid of your father's? He – he did this to other women?!" I was digusted.

Nahuel nodded. "I have two sisters. I may have others I don't know about, but Potira and Edeli both killed their mothers when they were born. My father, he has dreams of creating a superior race." His voice held derision and disgust. He was not on good terms with his father.

"I see." I didn't like the man who would condemn women to death after a month of pain either.

"It is amazing to find a living mother though. Well, living in a new form, but surviving nonetheless."

I smiled at his distinction. He looked back to Marie. "Your family told me you have a gift. Neither Huilen nor I do. Would you show me?" He stretched out a hand.

Marie jumped into his arm and touched his cheek. "Amazing," he murmured.

She jumped back down. "When did you stop growing?" she asked.

"When I was seven, approximately. I grew a little more after that, but very little and very slowly. You will continue to grow quickly over the next two years and then you will slow too." He smiled at her and stroked her hair. "I imagine you will be a beautiful woman."

Jacob growled and I kicked him in the leg. There was nothing untoward in what Nahuel was saying or doing. He didn't need to be rude. He turned his huge wolf head to me and bared teeth. I bared my own. He barked a laugh and stepped closer to Rosemarie.

"This is my Jacob," she told Nahuel, wrapping her arms around his forelimb. "We are partners."

Nahuel's smile slipped a little. "I see. Well, I look forward to getting to know you and your family, Rosemarie."

We stayed in Brazil for the week. Rosemarie divided her time between Zafrina and Nahuel. She was learning to expand her gift as well. She was able to show me things by simply taking my hand. I was proud of her and told her so. When she slept, I worked with Zafrina, practising stretching my shield farther, shaping it more closely. I was able to shield Alice but not Jasper when they were standing side by side. I also leaned to fold my shield more tightly, seeing more of what Zafrina tried to show me.

"You are doing very well, Bella." She congratulated me. "Usually this type of extension takes years to master. You are very gifted."

"It gets easier the more I practise," I admitted, folding my shield again. When I didn't focus on it, my shield reverted back to covering me, and only me.

On the flight home I asked Alice why she wanted me to be able to remove my shield.

"Can you?" she asked, curious.

"Yes, sort of. I don't remove it, just make it smaller so it doesn't shield as much. But why did you want me to do that at all?"

She smiled and looked at me as though I were simple. "Because there is one thing Edward has always wanted more than anything else."

I shook my head at my own density. "To read my mind. You think hearing my mind will really snap him back?"

Alice shrugged. "Something is going to do it."

I smiled and sat back in my chair. I loved it when Alice gave me good news.

* * *

Alice can really bring the good news. Yes, you will get Edward back next chapter. Which is good, because as many of you guessed, his trip to Denali was not unfraught. The conclusion comes to you on Friday. (And yes it is nearly as long as this chapter. It was either 4 really short chapters or 2 long.)

So I have banners. They are currently on my family's website which is also the home of my blog. www . relto . org For the banners add: /taxonomy/term/12

The first one is for my Canon Fodder Judge's pick! Woo! I won something! Well, of course I was the judge's pick in the contest that sparked this baby, so it isn't the _first_ but it certainly isn't a common occurance for me. Let me dance some more...

Okay, dancing done. The Canon Fodder C2 will have all the entries. My two will be posted on my profile soon. http://www . fanfiction . net/community/Canon_Fodder_Challenge/79719/

Also, the Twiku KungFu Contest has closed. When I write this voting isn't open, but hopefully when you READ this it will be up http://www . fanfiction . net/u/2303304/TwikuKungFuContest

Another wicked anonymous contest that hasn't closed is Silence of the Wolves: http://www . fanfiction . net/u/2269000/

And lastly, authors are posting the Twilight 25 blurbs and one shots. All the ones I've read have been excellent. This: http://community . livejournal . com/thetwilight25/13616 . html#cutid1 will take you to the list of participants. The prompt is likely to be on the top of the recently updated stories :D I'm playing along even though I didn't sign up. There are reasons... They suck... Forget it. Anyway, the link to my Twi25 is on my profile page.


	24. Chapter 24

Alice and Jasper had elected to go with the others back to Forks, so after connecting to Anchorage, I drove alone up to the house near the Denali park boundary. The Cullens were packing up for the move. Carlisle was pressing his luck at the hospital, and we knew Edward and Jacob were bound to have a run in one day soon. The family was going to wait for me to return and then we would move east. I didn't know where, but I didn't really care much either. I'd take classes at whatever post-secondary was nearby.

I was going to miss Jacob and Rosemarie. Especially now that I'd gotten to spend more time with both of them. Rosemarie would come visit us wherever we ended up, I was certain, but Jacob would never forgive Edward. It was going to strain their relationship over the years. I hoped not too badly. Jacob could hold a grudge. I thought it might be a Quileute thing. Leah had never really forgiven Sam, even after shifting the blame to the Cullens.

I parked the Volvo and got out. Edward tackled me at once and half-hid behind me, shaking. What had happened to him? He seemed worse than before. "Shhh, baby. It's all right. Mom's here now." I stroked his face and hair, soothing him.

The other vampires stepped out of the house. "What did you do to him?" I asked.

Tanya came forward first. "You're physical interaction seemed to help. I thought I'd try the same."

I groaned. "And how did that work for you?" I asked, slamming the car door and shattering the window. Edward continued to cower behind me. "Oh, I'm sorry, baby." I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Which of you is he not afraid of?" I asked the assembly.

"Me," Irina answered, coming down the porch. "I managed to get him to hunt the other day with me."

I turned to Edward now. "Is that right? Did you find something to eat?" I asked him, looking at the shade of his eyes. They were as golden as when I'd left, he'd definitely eaten something.

He nodded and grinned at me. "I'm a good boy?" he asked.

I hugged him and his hands roamed. I let them. "A very good boy. Will you go with Irina again? I'm going to talk to the others, all right?" I held his eyes, trying to calm him. His hands slowly stopped. He seemed to realize I was sending him away. His lips turned down. "Just for a little while, sweetie. Then you'll have me all to yourself, okay?" I kissed him gently.

"Love Mom," he told me and then walked to Irina and took her hand.

"That's a good boy, Edward. Mom loves you too." I called after him. I waited another minute after the pair were out of sight to turn on Tanya. "What were you thinking? Never mind, I know what you were thinking." I put a hand over my face. "What. Happened."

"He – he was unresponsive. But cooperative. He didn't fight me at all, just didn't seem to understand what I wanted, until I..." she made a motion with her hands that I tried desperately not to notice. Damn perfect recall.

I growled. "And what did he do then?" I asked.

"He ran out of the room." She ducked her head in shame, as well she should. I nodded. Probably not a lot of damage done there.

"So why is he acting like this then?" I asked.

"That would be my fault," Kate said quietly, stepping forward to Tanya's side. "You were upset that you'd stopped me shocking him."

"Oh no," I murmured. "You didn't!" I shouted now. "I wasn't upset because you didn't shock him, I was upset because- oh never mind." I trailed off. "Just the once I'm guessing? He's been hiding from you ever since?" I asked.

"Just the once. He runs from me, but has been out walking with Irina from time to time. I think they caught another caribou together."

"How long ago was that?" I asked, knowing Carlisle would want a full record. "And yours too, Tanya," I grumbled.

"I snuck up on him the day after you left," Kate told me, looking at her feet. "It was a light shock, I just thought, mental patients..."

"Stop, stop. I'm not going to hold a grudge or anything, but, please, don't rationalize it for me." I gritted my teeth. "Tanya?" I asked, really not wanting to know.

"Three days ago," she said quietly.

"Tell her all of it, Tanya," Carmen said from behind them.

I took a deep breath and focused on keeping my temper. I knew I was not going to like what I was about to hear. "I – I kissed him the day after you left. First to try to calm him after Kate – and then again, longer. He - he didn't respond. So I let it go a few days. Then I tried kissing him again. This time I touched him too."

I closed my eyes and exhaled in a huff. "That was three days ago?" I asked.

She shook her head, and I ground my teeth. "What happened three days ago, then?" I was growling again.

"I washed him."

"He can do that himself now," I reminded her.

"Yes, well, he was back from the hunt and I thought he might be more willing after feeding, so I got in with him-"

"Well, thank you for – not nothing, not helping either. For keeping an eye on him." I decided finally. "I'm going to find him and Irina now."

"Bella," Tanya had the nerve to touch me. I growled openly. "I'm really sorry, Bella. Would you be as angry if it had helped?" She looked into my eyes and begged me to accept her lunatic logic.

"Yes." I turned to go find Irina and Edward and found him right behind me. "Oh, what are you doing back already?"

"I missed Mom," Edward told me, wrapping me in a gentle hug. I kissed his cheek and he returned it.

"It's just as well, it is time for us to go. Edward, say goodbye to Tanya, Kate and Irina."

"Good bye!" he said cheerfully.

"Oh, and thank you, Eleazar, for telling us about my shield. I have learned how to extend and retract it." I trapped my lower lip in my teeth, concentrating on folding up my shield. Maybe he could get a better read on it that way.

I folded it once and saw Eleazar's eyes widen. "Yes, you have learned." He stepped forward, in front of Kate and Tanya, within reach of us. Edward had frozen behind me, not shaking any longer. "It is mental only? Can you retract it further?" he asked.

"Yes." My voice was a bit strained as I fought with the black fabric. It resisted what I was doing much more than stretching. I folded it a second time.

"Fascinating. It is completely impervious to mental attack. You don't need to strengthen it once it is in place." He was muttering and lost in thought. "Can you contract it further? Or are you completely unshielded now?"

"I think I can go one more. The third is the hardest." I groaned as I worked to double the fabric into an even smaller square.

"Bella."

I gasped and my hold on my shield was broken. Edward had used my name. I turned to face him now. "Edward?"

"Bella?" he asked. "Was that – you?" He put a hand to his head and shook it.

"Edward?" I asked putting my arms around him. "Did you hear me, baby?"

"It was a whisper and then..." He looked into my eyes. "You, you aren't... Who bit you?" he asked, grabbing my arms roughly.

"You did, Edward. You don't remember?" I put a hand to his face. I hadn't dreamed this day would come so quickly, so easily.

"The baby?" he asked now. "Did it?"

"She's beautiful, Edward. And waiting to meet you. Come with me; we'll go home and do just that."

"Wait," he said, shaking me by the arms. "I bit you?" His face was filled with remorse. "How can I not remember that?" He bowed his head, resting it on mine. "How could I do that?" he whispered.

"Shhh. Don't worry about that now. We have the whole drive home to talk about it, okay?" I stroked his cheek, so glad to have him back.

"All right. Tanya? Kate? I'm not sure how I got here, but it is nice to see you both."

They looked at each other in a bit of shock and then back at us. "We enjoyed your visit, Edward. Please come back with Bella later, all right?" Tanya said.

"We will," I assured them. "Thank you again, Eleazar."

"I'm glad I could help," he murmured, hugging me now.

Edward climbed into the driver's seat, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him out. "I don't drive like a grandma anymore. Get over there," I nodded to the passenger's seat. I still held the keys, after all.

He chuckled and I thought I was dying all over again.

"Good luck," Eleazar whispered. I smiled at him. I was going to need it. This was going to be the longest breakneck drive from Alaska to Washington in history.

"This feels weird," Edward said as I sat down and turned the key.

"No kidding," I murmured.

"I always drive."

I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. I draped my elbow out the now permanently open window. "You haven't driven in over a year, Edward."

His brow creased. "What do you mean?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked as I found the highway.

"You leaving with Rosalie." His voice broke.

"You don't remember anything after that?" I verified. "You don't remember talking to Alice or Jasper? You don't remember me coming to see Carlisle?"

"You came to see Carlisle?" he asked.

"Yes. I came to see Alice and Carlisle. I knew I couldn't birth the baby, Edward. I wasn't a complete idiot." I rolled my eyes and took the exit for British Columbia. "When you met me downstairs and I realized you could hear the baby, I knew it was time for her to be born."

"I came downstairs?" he asked.

"Don't go crazy-boy on me again," I warned. "Here, there's a faster way." I made sure we were on a straight away and slowed my speed to human velocities. Then I folded up my shield, remembering my pregnancy, Jacob giving me blood to drink, Jasper coming to ask me to see Alice. Alice greeting me on the steps.

"Stop," he begged.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I looked to him now. He held his head in his hands.

"It hurt you," he whimpered, putting a hand to my belly. I slapped it away forcefully.

"Yes, she did. And I handled it, Edward. I survived. You're the one who didn't. You're the one who couldn't handle it." My voice was a musical growl. He flinched. "You never did figure out that you can't decide how I'm going to live my life." I faced forward and folded my shield. It got easier with practice. Now I remembered using him, killing humans, enjoying it.

"No, no..." he moaned, gripping his hair.

I dropped my shield quickly. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to do that. I was angry. I'm still somewhat newborn." I chuckled. "I passed the year mark though, I should be better than this," I grumbled to myself.

"A whole year? How is it I don't remember a whole year?" He looked at me, baffled.

"Well, you saw yourself there, briefly. You were completely out of it. Something in you snapped and we've been trying to bring you back since. If you don't remember anything from when I left..." I pondered. I considered folding up my shield again to let him see my musings. I decided against it. Apparently my mind was not a safe place for Edward.

"I didn't think we could forget," he mused.

"Maybe the memories are still there, just blocked. You seemed to be blocked. Like pieces of you kept slipping out." I continued my ruminations as I whipped down the highway.

"Slow down, cop ahead," he told me.

"Thanks," I smiled at him as I let off the gas. "How are you feeling?" I asked, running a hand through his hair. "Any better yet?"

"No. I still feel discombobulated. Like I'm here and I'm not."

I chuckled. "That's a really apt description of how you've been for the past year. But I'd say that now, you're definitely here." I squeezed his hand as I tapped the gas again. We'd passed the cop on the shoulder.

He smiled his crooked smile and I had to focus to not veer off the road. It was so good to have him back. At the same time I was scared shitless. This was the Edward that could hurt me. This was the Edward that had hurt me. I took a deep breath. I was strong enough that he wouldn't hurt me easily again. The forest blew by at our ridiculous pace and he continued to look at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked now. "You – you are happy?"

I smiled wryly. "Happy is relative. I am thrilled to have you back. Babysitting 'baby Edward' was not the most enjoyable time of my life."

His brow crinkled. I hadn't shown him much what he'd been like, but surely he'd seen some of it from the vampires in Denali.

"But I just found out that our daughter is probably going to live forever, so that thrills me." I smiled broadly at that. She would stop aging in a few years and she and Jacob would be together as long as they wanted to be. "You don't remember meeting her do you?" I started to fold up my shield again, looking forward to sharing these thoughts with him. I remembered the little girl who shunned me, who wanted me anywhere but in the arms of her Jacob. Her hard brown eyes that were my eyes. I remembered the larger girl I'd met on the hunt a few months later. She appeared years older. I remembered our discussions of Edward, Edward coming to hug the pair of us. I remembered going to Brazil, meeting Nahuel and learning that he was over a century old. I let my shield go and it snapped back into place.

Edward exhaled heavily. "I always wanted to know what you were thinking, and now that I can, I almost wish I couldn't."

I laughed loudly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "You have so much pain that you carry. Looking at you, not hearing you, I would never guess at it."

I smiled at him. "I don't hurt so much anymore. I did, certainly. The memories tell the tale, but I'm happy to be here with you." I squeezed his hand again.

"She's really only a year old?" he asked now.

"Yes!" I said excitedly. "It's hard to believe how fast she's grown, how smart she is. She is a wonderful girl, Edward. She hasn't been held back at all by not having us for parents. Rosalie made a perfect surrogate mother."

"And Jacob," he moaned.

"As Jacob told me, he's not a dad. He's certainly not her dad. Their relationship can't be defined that way. Do you want to see it?" I asked looking at him, eyebrow raised.

"Yes," he said with a crooked smile.

I folded my shield away and remembered Jacob telling me that he wasn't her dad. I remembered Marie's projections. I remembered watching them curl up to sleep together. They were two halves of a whole. They were as perfect for each other as any two beings could be. It made me happy to see them. It made me sad to know that Edward and I couldn't be that perfect for each other.

He sucked in a breath and I dropped my shield quickly. "I'm sorry..." I blurted. I hadn't meant to think that, but I couldn't deny that I had obviously.

"It's true though, isn't it?" The pain in his voice seared my soul. I had come to believe we each had one again. "I ruined that the day I left."

I looked back to the road, not daring to meet his eye. "Maybe not that long ago."

"No," his voice was filled with mourning. "It was. That was the first time I chose for you; the first time I decided that I knew better than you did. The first time I broke your heart."

"The first time you betrayed my trust," I whispered. "But you mended that, Edward."

"Only to do it again! God, why are you here, Bella? Why are you with me? Why haven't you run to the farthest corner of the Earth? You should be as far from me as you possibly can."

I ripped the wheel to the right and ditched the car. I threw on the parking brake and jumped into his lap, straddling him. "You listen to me, Edward Cullen. If that was I wanted, that is exactly where I would be." I kissed him, violently, crashing his head into the rest. "I want to be with you." I kissed him again more gently. My hunger was returning. I wasn't going to get a lot more out. "I still love you, even if I don't trust you." I ripped open his shirt and rained kisses down his chest.

"Bella," he whispered. I stopped in my feeding on his skin. It was so different to have him call me by name. I whimpered now, wanting to cry. It felt so good.

"I've missed you," I whispered brokenly before crushing my lips to his again.

We didn't say anything else for a long while.

"I take it we do that often?" he gave me that crooked smile as he pulled his shirt back over his shoulders. The buttons were gone, but the fabric still hung beautifully on either side of his chest.

I settled myself back in behind the wheel. "As often as I allow." I smirked.

"As you allow?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"You were hardly the one in charge for the past year, Edward." I rolled my eyes and started the engine again.

"I suppose not," he said sadly.

"Suck it up," I demanded. "It's done." I didn't want to watch him mope for the next decade.

"Jacob doesn't think so," he muttered.

"True," I agreed. "That's why we're moving. I hope I'm not holding the family up." I kicked the pedal a little nearer the floor of the car. I shouldn't have dallied with Edward, but well, there wasn't much help for that. Alice would know when we'd arrive. I hoped it was in time for a quick visit to Marie and Jacob. I had to say goodbye to them.

I pulled up to the Cullen house to see boxes coming out. We hadn't held them up obviously. "Great news!" I said, jumping out and tackle-hugging Emmett, making him drop the box in his hands.

"Whoa. Must be. What-" He stopped mid-sentence when Edward got out of the car.

Alice came out next and ran straight to Edward. "Welcome home," she cooed.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" I complained with a smirk.

She came and hugged me. "I knew you could do it, Bella. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I snorted. "Because I got nothing out of the deal," I muttered.

"Is it true?" Carlisle asked from the porch.

"Yep," I answered. "He just snapped right out of it. Like whatever wall he'd built up was suddenly gone."

"A wall..." Carlisle mused.

"Actually," I thought aloud as well. "I think that's exactly what it was. He says he doesn't remember anything from the night I left. That would be when he started building it. The night he bit me, it went up fully. We've been wearing it down since then." I was gazing over at Edward who was being hugged by Esme now. "He also says he doesn't remember anything from the time between."

"We're so glad you're back, honey," Esme was murmuring to him, stroking his cheek.

"I'm sorry I worried you all," Edward told Esme and looked to Alice who was still at my side and the rest of the family on the lawn.

"Do you think he's just blocking the memories?" I asked Carlisle.

"I don't know if that's even possible. Of course, I didn't know it was possible for one of us to get as lost in our mind as Edward did. I didn't know it was possible for us to father children. There is a lot I don't know." He chuckled.

I chuckled too.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked from behind me.

"About as well as you. It sucks that we have to leave Rosemarie, but we get to take Edward with us."

"I meant about Edward being back."

I stepped away from the family circling Edward and toward Rosalie. "I think so. I'm a little scared, but much more happy and relieved."

She nodded. "I can understand that. I take it by the state of his shirt-"

"Shut up."

She laughed at me and then went to hug Edward too.

* * *

"You're sure you want to go alone?" Edward asked me.

"I'm sure I don't want you anywhere near that cottage," I told him flatly. I played with his hair as we sat next to each other on the step. Everything was packed and we were off to Ithaca as soon as I had said goodbye to Marie and Jacob. I listened as vehicle after vehicle pulled out of the garage.

He twined his fingers in mine. "It's still so confusing, seeing myself in their memories, but not remembering any of it."

"It'll get better." I kissed him and felt the hunger rise. I had really thought I was getting that under control.

He laughed at me. "You are still so eager."

I grumbled and stood up, stalking away.

"I didn't mean for you to leave," he said remorsefully.

I laughed and turned back to him, putting my hands on my hips. "Well, then I guess you shouldn't have laughed at me. I don't want us to be late and if we start that, we're going to be a while."

His eyes flamed and I turned before the hunger got the better of me. I ran for the cottage.

"Hello? Anyone home?" I asked poking my head in.

"Mom!" Rosemarie ran out and jumped into my arms. She was getting big enough that it was more of a hop than a jump. "You're leaving." She smiled, but I could see sadness in her eyes.

"Yes. We can't have Jacob and Edward meeting by accident after all."

"I don't see why not," Jake shouted from another room.

"Because your wife might take offence to you killing her father."

"She's not my wife!" He rounded the corner in a storm.

"She will be," I said, sticking my tongue out.

Marie laughed at me, covering her face as she giggled.

"How do you know?" he asked scowling.

"Puh-lease, Jacob. I'm glad you came out though." I carried Marie to him and hugged them both. "I'm going to miss both of you so much."

"Ewww, back off, Bells. Phew." He waved his hand in front of his nose and I rubbed my head on his chest, making sure the smell would stick for a while. "Gah, no." He pouted and Marie laughed harder.

"Would you like to come to the house and say goodbye?" I asked her now.

"No," Jacob growled.

"You can't stop her. Especially not with me helping her. But you can't stop her regardless. If you did, you would be no better than Edward." I told him coldly, smirking.

He scowled at me. "Fine. But if I cross paths with that oath breaker, he's ashes."

"So you've said," I agreed coldly. I smiled then. "Come on, Marie. I'll race you."

She giggled and sent me an image of her sailing into the house ahead of me.

"We'll see," I said. "I'm going to give you a head start. I'll count to twenty. One." She was out the door in a flash. I turned back to Jacob. "You need to know. Edward doesn't remember anything that happened between me leaving the Cullens' house that night and me picking him up in Denali today."

"He's back," Jacob spat. "Then I'm not waiting." He started for the door but I held his arms and stopped him.

"You are waiting until Rosemarie gets to talk to him. If I have to sit on you, you're waiting that long," I threatened.

"You think you can take me?" he huffed.

"You, yes. You and the pack, no. But it's not going to come down to that, is it, Jacob?"

"It is when we come for Cullen," he growled.

"Yes," I sighed in defeat. "I suppose it is. We were leaving, you remember. You couldn't just let us go? Not forgive, just forget?" I was pleading now. I dropped my hold on his arms. "I know you can't forgive him, Jacob. I would never ask you for that. Just let us go. You'll never see any of us again, I promise."

He stopped and looked at me. "That's a hell of a promise. You make it sound like I never want to see you again, Bells." He hugged me and I was startled. "You stink, and you're a bloodsucker, but I still love you."

"I love you too, Jacob. I don't want to go. Not really. I want to be sure Charlie's all right. I want to see Rosemarie grow over the next few years, but I want to be with Edward too. I can't let you kill him, Jacob. Whatever possessed him is gone. The creature that bit me isn't there anymore. He doesn't even remember doing it. He was astonished when he saw me. Isn't there any way? I mean, you've been turning a blind eye for a while now. Can't you keep that up a little while longer? At least until we go? I can come back. I will – to visit. Just don't take him from me, Jacob. I just got him back." I could hear my voice cracking and saw in Jacob's eyes that my pain was shared.

"Damn, Bella. I don't want to hurt you. But I'm not about to let him do it again either." Jacob ran out the door past me.

I was faster. I arrived at the house to find Edward still on the step with Rosemarie in his lap. Their heads were joined and I knew she was sharing everything with him. That was good, she might not have another chance.

"I love you, Rosemarie. I know I just met you, but I do." I could hear Edward even though I was still half a mile away. I could see him kissing her forehead before I came to a stop in front of them, crouching.

"Jacob," Edward hissed. "Let's go, Bella."

"No," Rosemarie said. She stood in front of Edward and I held her hand. I had an idea of what she was thinking. She sent me an image through my palm. The two of us, standing up to Jacob.

I squeezed her hand. "I just hope he doesn't bring the pack," I told her before I let her hand go.

"He won't," she said in her high and tiny voice. She was confident. I let that calm me.

Edward stood up behind us. "Are you two crazy? Let's go. If we aren't here, he has nothing to fight."

"No, Daddy." Rosemarie said with authority. "He isn't going to make you go away." Her eyes met mine and I smiled at her.

And that was all the time we had. Jacob came snarling up to us. I met his rush and his teeth closed on my left arm, ripping it from the socket. It was the oddest sensation. It hurt when he bit, it hurt when he tore, but as soon as it was free, nothing. There was no phantom pain, no pain where it had been removed; it was just gone. After spending a millisecond digesting the sensation I brought my right hand down hard on his snout. I heard crunching at the blow.

I raced to my dropped arm and ran back to Jacob, passing him. It was nice to be fast. I cuffed him with my disconnected hand before turning to stand next to Rosemarie.

"Stop!" she shouted, holding out her hand. "You can't hurt him Jacob. I won't let you."

He snorted, making her bronze curls fly back.

I held my arm to my shoulder and waited, not knowing what would happen. There was a burning at the joint, almost as searing as the fires that made me, but it was so fast I didn't have time to scream. Then I could move my fingers again. Very odd.

"We won't, Jacob. You'll have to bring the pack to kill me," I told him flatly.

He growled.

"Jacob, I just met him," Rosemarie tried to explain. "He isn't the man who killed Bella. He is my father, and I want to get to know him. I won't let you kill him, and I won't let you run him off."

Jacob's snout dipped lower so that his angry eyes met Rosemarie's. He held them for a minute and she put a hand to his nose. I wondered if Zafrina's exercises would let her project to him in wolf form too. She smiled and stood tiptoe to kiss his nose. Then he lifted his eyes to mine.

"He says, you knew this would happen," Edward translated.

"I suspected," I said with a smirk. "I wasn't about to let you kill Edward, Jacob. I'm ready to lose more limbs if necessary."

He bared his teeth and growled. The hair on the back of his neck stood up.

"Jacob!" Rosemarie's rebuff was high pitched and Jacob's ears flicked back at it. "If you promise not to kill my father, I will let you take me home. Otherwise, I'm going with them."

My jaw fell open now. "No, Rosemarie. Don't make him choose like that."

"It wasn't me," Edward was saying to Jacob. "I don't know what it was. I would never hurt Bella. I will never hurt her again." He paused. "You thought I gave her whatever she wanted before," he snorted.

Jacob barked a laugh and I was utterly flabbergasted.

"We will still be moving, but I would appreciate being allowed to visit my daughter. Or have her visit me?" Edward asked.

Jacob phased back in front of us. "Fine. Visits. Come on, Rose. Let's go home," he grumbled.

"You don't wear pants around her?" Edward hissed.

I laughed aloud. "You haven't been here, Edward! You can't be the indignant father now." I shook my head.

"Why would he wear pants?" Rosemarie asked. She shook her head as well and ran beside Jacob.

"He doesn't wear pants?" he asked me now.

I continued to chuckle. "He usually does. But he phased on the fly, trying to beat her to you. I stalled him long enough it seems. Even if it still cost me an arm. That is the weirdest thing," I mused, rubbing my left shoulder.

"Yeah, you never really get used to it," he agreed.

I walked with him to the garage which was now nearly empty. Only two remained, the silver Volvo and Edward's Vanquish. I rested my back on the latter. "So, was she everything I said she was?"

"More," he sighed. "I can't believe I almost killed her."

I snorted. "Neither can I. What were you thinking?" I asked shaking my head again.

"I was thinking about someone else," he stepped closer, putting his hands to my cheeks. "I was thinking about her mother."

"Who was doing just fine." I rolled my eyes. "Let's never have this conversation again. You worried, you were wrong. Case closed. I'm taking this one." I said sliding my hand along the sleek side of the Aston Martin. "You can drive the Volvo."

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"Because you give me whatever I want," I teased. I reached into his pockets and pulled him to me. I kissed him until my breathing was ragged, but I had my finger through the key ring, regardless.

I jumped over the door, into the drivers' seat, and started the engine. That led to an epic wrestling match. My still significant youth and his shabby diet allowed me to win it. "Give up, Edward." I sat on him with his arm behind his back. "I'm taking that car."

"Fine," he said, rolling under me. "Just meet me on the other side."

"Always," I said, leaning over and kissing him.

"Marry me."

I jumped back from him and crashed into one of Rosalie's toolboxes. "What?"

Edward rose slowly, dusting himself off. He approached me slowly, reaching into his pocket. "This didn't get packed." He pulled out a velvet ring box. "Bella," he stopped halfway to me and looked at the black box in his hand. He sighed loudly. "Time didn't mean anything before I met you." He looked up at me and took another step toward me. I was still looking at the box like it was a dangerous animal. "Years, decades went by and I didn't care. I was happy as I was, who I was. When I met you-" he paused and took another step. "When I fell in love with you, I realized that you had a limited number of days, we had a limited number of hours, minutes. And I was still stupid enough to leave you for some of them." He shook his head now and chuckled at his own idiocy. "Well, you know how I treated time after I got back."

I nodded slowly. I remembered Alice telling me how he didn't want to miss his chance. He knew if I picked Jacob, his days were even more closely numbered. I had no doubts Edward would never have had sex with me if that axe hadn't been hanging over his neck. Not while I was human at any rate. And there would have been no Rosemarie.

"When I-" I have no idea what that thought would have been as he quickly discarded it and chose another, taking another step as he did so. He was right in front of me now; the viper of a box within reach. "Knowing that I lost another year with you, it just makes me want this all the more. Even though it would seem we have limitless time together now, I don't want to spend another day without you. I know I just sprung this on you, so rather than simply saying no, think about it, all right?"

He put the still closed box in my hand. His hands hovered over and under mine willing me to close a fist over the box. I considered crushing it momentarily. Could I crush diamond? That would be interesting to find out. But Alice told me this was his mother's ring, so I wouldn't do it. He kissed my forehead and climbed into the Volvo.

I opened the box and looked at the ring. It was beautiful, of course. I looked at the web of gold that held the many tiny stones. _Marry Edward._ I listened to the engine start and he backed away while I was still staring at the ring. I left the box open and walked over to the Vanquish, intending on following him.

I tossed the ring on the console where I could see it easily as I drove. _Marry Edward,_ I thought again. This shouldn't be a big deal at this point. I'd chosen Edward after all. Usually making the decision was the hard part and following through was easy. I'd agonized and dallied over choosing between Edward and Jacob, and in the end it had cost me both. Edward had retreated behind his wall when he'd rejected my decision and I'd lost Jacob to Rosemarie. But now Edward was back.

Was it enough? Could I really take him back so easily? He'd tried to kill our baby! He'd refused to accept my right to choose my own fate. But he knew what that had cost him, cost us. He wouldn't do that again, would he? Could he? Could he stop me anymore? It was only my mortality that gave him power over me before. That was gone now. For the time being I was the powerful one. That might shift back in his favour over time, or it might not. These things were not as cut and dry for vampires.

Forget power. Could I trust him? No. No, I could never trust Edward again. I sighed loudly and threw the box over my shoulder. It landed behind the seat, which was pulled up to the wheel for my shorter legs.

Could I live without him? Why was I still thinking about this? I shifted in the seat even though I didn't need to. Could I live without him? If I had to. But I didn't want to. What did that mean? It meant I loved him, obviously. The same reason I wouldn't let Jacob kill him.

I groaned. I passed a convertible with 'Just Married' written on the back. I watched the bride kiss her groom's cheek. What were the odds? I rolled my eyes and blew past them. I also blew past a minivan with kids watching Sponge-Bob, a sedan driven by a man with coke-bottle glasses, and a biker. He glared at me and made me laugh.

I stopped just long enough to fill the tank and hopped right back behind the wheel. It didn't stop the guy filling his truck from staring at me and the car. "Yeah, that's right. I'm hot and have money. Keep it in your pants." I was irritable today. I peeled out of the station and hit the Interstate again.

What was I going to do in New York? I was going to live with Edward. What was the difference between that and being married to him in the end? I shifted in my seat again. Finally, to distract myself I practised folding my shield. It took enough concentration that I had to focus on driving. I didn't have a lot of space left over, even in my over-large mind for Edward.

_Edward. Edward. Edward. Dammit. _

I didn't have to decide this now; he'd told me as much.

I stopped for gas again, working my shield the whole time. How tiny was the tank on this thing anyway? What state was I in? Had I really been paying that little attention to where I was going? That was a little scary. It was late. No one stared at me or my car. I paid at the pump and was gone again in moments. Fold the shield, let it go, fold the shield, let it go. It was getting easier all the time, but I wasn't sure that wasn't just because I was getting angry. I'd noticed working with it was easier the madder I was. I was frustrated and confused and irritated. All of that made me angry.

I remembered my parents, their marriage. Charlie had never done anything remotely like what Edward had done to me, or vice versa. And their marriage still fell apart. Why would ours be any better? Fold, unfold, fold. Because I wasn't Renee. I knew what I wanted, I knew who I was. I was Charlie. Charlie would still be married to Renee if she'd stayed. Was Edward Renee? God, no. So that was why it would be different. Would it be better? Fold, unfold, fold.

Yes. No. Fold. Unfold. I was beginning to understand how vampires lost their minds. Yes. No. Fold. Unfold. To be. Not to be. Fold. Unfold. I wanted to cry. Why couldn't I cry anymore? Why did he have to bite me? Why did this have to be so hard? What did he want from me?

I hit the brakes and came to a stop inches from Edward's legs. "Are you insane! You might have destroyed your car!"

He opened the drivers' door and put his lips to mine. I felt the hunger rise and fought it back. That wasn't going to help me make this decision. Or was it? Was it as simple as that? Edward was who I was meant to be with so I should just shut up and be happy? Could it really be that simple? I started my exercise again. Fold.

"Bella," he whispered and kissed me harder, his tongue finding my mouth. My shield slipped out of my mental grip. _Shut up and be happy,_ I told myself.

"Let me pull this off the road," I mumbled. He nodded, breathing heavily and followed me onto the shoulder behind the Volvo.

"Why were you standing in the middle of the road?" I asked him now.

"Because I wanted to tell you it would be better. It would be perfect." He kissed me again and I was glad I was sitting down. I tried to get my head back from the hunger. I tried folding my shield again. His kiss heated as I did. "Don't leave me, Bella," he murmured. "Please. Be mine forever." He continued to kiss me, his hands finding my hips now, pulling me from the car.

I gave up. I shut up and was happy. "Yes. Yes, Edward. Now find me the damn ring."

* * *

Awww. There's your happy ending. If you didn't like it, I'm sorry. If you did, yay! I always hate ending things like this, it's so HARD.

Don't know that I've recommended The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful yet, so I'm going to make sure by doing so now. It is great. www . fanfiction . net/s/5815657/10/


	25. Outtake

This starts the morning Rosemarie was born. That's Chapter 18 if you want to go back and see the events of the day/night before.

* * *

I woke with a desperate need to pee. I thought I was going to burst. I ran, stumbling to the bathroom. I made it though. No 'pregnant woman – my water is breaking - oh no it's actually pee,' for me. Thank you. As I was brushing my teeth, Jacob came in behind me. "You going to be okay without your morning cup? I can hunt something while you're at the Cullens, or Dr. Fang might give you some O negative?"

I stuck my tongue out. Human blood? That was even more disgusting. "I'll be okay. Meet you outside?" I asked as I squeezed past him in the too narrow hallway.

"Are we driving or running? I can just use a tree." His smirked.

I shook my head. "Gross. Drive me, please. I want you to stay with me. If you can."

"All right. I'll be right out then."

I went to change. I didn't have much of a wardrobe anymore. Jacob had found me a dress that was large and shapeless. I went with that. It was a nice change from the perpetual sweats and XXL T-shirt. I brushed my hair and walked slowly to the Rabbit. Jacob was already outside. He didn't mind wearing sweats all the time, obviously. I eased myself into the seat and belted in.

"You're sure you want to do this?" he asked once he was in the car too.

"I'm going to have to go there sometime. After all, Carlisle is going to have to cut through whatever the baby is encased in. Why not today?"

"If you're sure."

We pulled into the Cullen drive and Alice was on the steps waiting for me.

"I couldn't see," she whispered as I came up and hugged her. "You brought him, so I couldn't see. I thought maybe you'd changed your mind."

"Shhh. Alice." Her voice was ragged and I knew that if she could she would be weeping. "It's all right, Alice. I'm here, and I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have stopped them. I should have done something. I just wanted to see you. I was so scared for you." She was still shaking. It was so strange to see Alice this distraught. No wonder Jasper was on a hair trigger. It was only now that I saw him behind Alice. It was then I realized I was even calmer than I expected to be. She was this upset when he _was_ calming her?

"Alice. I forgive you. Don't beat yourself up anymore, okay? I just wish you'd told me." I still had my arms around her and rocked her now. The baby nudged her from inside me.

"I wish I had too, Bella. I wish I'd seen more clearly. I'm sorry." She was calming down now though.

"It's okay, Alice." I gave her another squeeze before standing. She rose with me.

"Will you forgive Edward too?" she asked.

I tightened my lips. "Not as easily. I can't trust him, Alice. This isn't the first time he's hurt me because he thinks he knows what is best for me. How do I know he won't do it again?"

She nodded and her frown returned. "You'll see him though."

I tried to look at my feet. I couldn't see them, of course. "I think I need a little more time."

I didn't get it though. Edward was at the door of the house. He was looking at me with a wrinkled brow. His eyes were dead black. He looked easily as bad as he had when he came into my room in March. He had deteriorated quickly this time. "Bella?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?"

Oh, he wanted to know that did he? Well, I'd be happy to let him know. "I'm thinking I can never sleep in your presence again. I'm thinking that even though I love you and hate to see you hurting, I can't trust you with my life. I'm thinking that the sooner your baby is born the sooner I can get out of here."

"You weren't thinking about Jacob?" he asked.

I looked to Alice who shrugged. Jasper was staring at Edward too. "He hasn't left his room in over a week," he told me.

"Who is thinking about Jacob?" he asked looking around.

"I think we're all thinking about you right now, Edward." I said. "And we're all thinking the same thing. Have you lost your mind?"

"Now, now you're all thinking about me."

"Dude," Jacob whispered, coming up to Edward. "Are you all right? Do you want to go out and find something to eat?"

"Eat? Yes, thirsty. Who's thirsty?" he asked.

"I am," I whispered. But it wasn't really me. I put my hand to the baby. She nudged me. "I need to see Carlisle. And Rose. Where's Rosalie?" I asked pushing past Edward into the house.

"Right here, Bella." Rose practically sang as she came down the stairs and swept me into a hug. "Are you feeling well? Need anything?"

"Just Carlisle. Well, and then something to drink," I said with a little smile.

"Of course. He's in his office. I'll bring you up something." I really didn't want donated blood, but right now, I was craving badly.

Jacob grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up the stairs beside him. I looked over my shoulder now and saw Edward, Alice and Jasper following. Esme and Emmett came down the stairs to meet us on the landing. "Hi." I said to them.

"Welcome back, Bella." Esme said as she hugged me.

"Thanks. And thank you, Emmett." I hugged him.

"Hey, anytime."

I entered the office then. Carlisle was waiting for us of course. Rosalie handed me a snifter full of blood. I looked at her with a raised brow. "Really?"

"Well, we enjoy the bouquet."

I took a short breath and tossed the lot back. I sighed as the nourishment filled me and the baby. I immediately felt better, more stable. I looked down and saw Edward muttering to himself. "What is he saying?" I asked Rosalie.

"Something about need out soon. Can't hurt mom. Where's Jacob?" Rosalie shook her head. "I don't know what he's going on about."

"I think your son may need your attention more than me soon," I warned Carlisle. "I was hoping you could perform the procedure you began last week. I think she's ready." I rubbed my tummy and the baby rolled again.

"Mom, love mom. Need out." I could hear Edward muttering now. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Jacob holding him behind me. He was reaching for me. "Jacob? Who are they? Need out. Can't hurt mom."

I felt tears sting my eyes, but I kept my eyes on Carlisle. His mouth was open slightly as he gaped at Edward. "Carlisle." I brought his attention back to me. "Do you need to collect anything for this?"

"Yes, just the epidural. I'll be back within an hour."

I nodded and he left. Esme was at Edward's side now. Holding his head and stroking his hair. He was still mumbling. "Love mom. Where are we? Howls, wolves, crying, screaming."

"Ow!" I screamed as the baby kicked violently against my already broken rib.

"Mom, hurt mom. Don't want to hurt mom. Love mom. Jacob?"

"Edward, what's the matter? What are you talking about?" Esme asked him.

I moved to stand before Edward. "Can you all leave us for a minute?" I met Jacob's eye and nodded to him. He kissed me before turning to go. The family followed. "Edward?"

"Mom, who is that? I hear a voice. Jacob? Where did Jacob go? He was here. Jacob?"

I felt the tears again. The first had fallen and new ones came now. "Edward. It's the baby." I lifted his eyes to look at mine. He was still staring vacantly and mumbling. "How could you do this to me?" I asked him, knowing he couldn't answer. "How could you try to kill our baby? And now..." The guilt of his state was wracking me. I continued to weep. I grabbed onto his shirt and sobbed into it. The baby twitched between us, but didn't kick. "Why?" I begged him. "Why? Why couldn't you trust me? Why didn't you let me decide?"

I sobbed as he continued to mutter, but he never did answer me. Finally I met his dead eyes again and pressed my lips to his. He mumbled against them for a moment. I pulled his lip into my mouth and put his arms around my hips. I willed him to remember me, to remember who he was.

Jacob opened the door. "Bella? He's not in there anymore Bella. Do you know what he's talking about? Why is he calling me all the time?"

"He's hearing the baby, Jacob. She was thirsty. She doesn't want to hurt me. She needs to get out." I ran my hand over my belly and the baby nudged.

"Mom understands. Mom can hear me? Who is that voice?"

"It's your father, bump. He – he isn't himself right now. But he can hear you. He's speaking for you."

"Father? Jacob?"

"Right here, bump. I'm going to stay with you until you're out. That's coming soon, okay. Hold on."

"Soon. Good. Don't want to hurt mom."

"You've been doing a good job, bump. You haven't hurt mom since last night."

"You squeezed me. You held me too tight. I had to kick. Sorry mom."

"I know. Your father has that effect on me."

"Father. Who is father? Edward?"

Carlisle came in then. "All set. Jacob are you staying?"

"You bet your ass."

"Edward?" Carlisle asked next, but Edward was still muttering the baby's thoughts. "Esme, can you come and get Edward." Carlisle called. The door opened as he was pulling a gurney out of a closet. "We'll be starting soon and I'd rather he wasn't near the blood. Would you keep him just outside for now. We'll bring him in when it's over."

"Of course. Come along, Edward." Esme put an arm around Edward's slumped shoulder, his black eyes still vacant.

"Soon, getting ready. Love mom. Love Jacob. Who's father?"

Esme looked over her shoulder at Carlisle. "I'll see what I can do after we're done here," he assured his wife.

"What do you think can be done?" I asked Carlisle.

"I'm hoping you'll have some ideas. Do you know what he's talking about?"

"He's hearing the baby. Isn't he, bump?" I rubbed my belly.

Carlisle chuckled. "Bump." He shook his head as he hung and IV bag. "Hop on please." He patted the gurney now.

After making it through the IV I thought the hard part was done. I'd never learned what an epidural was, just that it made birth bearable. It was a needle in my spine. I was not a happy camper.

"Hold still now," Carlisle warned.

I whimpered and cried while I squeezed Jacob's hand. After that I was pleasantly numb from the waist down. My ribs still burned, but even they weren't as bad. Carlisle put a screen up for Jacob and I. I sighed with relief. I didn't want to know what he was doing, doubly so when I heard the sound of metal grinding. Suddenly, there was a baby in my arms. "A girl."

"Hello." I said, surprised. She was very warm, almost hot to touch. She looked perfectly normal. A little too perfect actually. Her eyes were brown although I'd read babies eyes were almost always blue. She also had a tuft of bronze colored hair. Then she opened her mouth and I saw her perfect teeth for a split second before she bit through my dress.

"Ow!" I pulled her off quickly. "Here, bite Jake. He heals faster." I thrust her into Jacob's arms and he took her, startled.

Then he looked down at her and just gaped while she drank happily from his arm. He didn't even seem to notice. "Jacob. She's biting you."

"What? Oh. Bump. Shoot you need to name her Bella. Are you going with that Ren-ness-may thing or what?" He was still looking on her with longing. The mutt had imprinted on my baby. So much for spending my life with Jacob. Well I'd be spending my life with him, but not as _my_ husband. Figured. Fate really hated me.

"No. I'm thinking Rose or Marie. Rosemarie? Maybe, maybe not."

"Rosemarie is nice. Marie is your name, right?"

"Yes, my grandmother's. And Rose because without Rosalie she never would have been born. Where is Rosalie anyway?"

"Waiting for the all clear. All clear?" she asked through the door.

Carlisle chuckled. "Yes. She's stitched up and the only blood being spilled is Jacob's."

Rosalie swept up to Jacob and peered down at her niece. "Rosemarie. Thank you, Bella." She came over and kissed my cheek then.

"Um, you're welcome."

"Can we come back in?" Esme asked from the door. Edward was still mumbling quietly.

"Sure." I said with a smile.

Carlisle was pulling away the screen and I saw the stitches on my belly. "Thank you for trusting me with this, Bella. I know it can't have been easy." He was taping a bandage over the stitches and pulling my dress back down.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Not that hard. You were just a bit too easily swayed by your son. Jacob, are you still letting her drink on you? Rose? Can you bring, hehe, Rose some blood?"

Rosalie was slowly extracting Rosemarie from Jacob's arm. He was laughing as she clung to him. "She doesn't want you, blondie. I'm the hot stuff."

"You're the hot dog. Come here, sweetie. Don't spoil your appetite on him. I've got some nice donations waiting for you downstairs."

Rosemarie smiled at Rosalie and lifted her had to Rosalie's cheek.

Emmett came in with the bottle. "I heard a blood call? Whoa. That's one pretty baby, Bella."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"May I?" Esme asked me

"Ask the aunt," I said, looking to Rose and Emmett.

"Of course." Rose gave Marie to Esme along with the bottle. Then she hugged Emmett. "I was just remembering you coming to help us."

"New woman, does she know Jacob? Does she know what just happened?" Edward muttered. Then there was a gasp from Esme as Rosemarie touched her cheek. "Jacob, Jacob eyes. Pulled him. My Jacob," Edward continued to rant.

Jacob punched Edward in the jaw. I jumped up and was pushed down by Carlisle. "Jacob! What are you doing?"

"Trying to knock some sense into him. She's born now, Edward. She can express herself."

Edward sat where he had landed still muttering. "Man on floor. Looks hurt. Why did Jacob hit him? Is he all right? Who is he?"

Esme was just collecting herself. "She can express herself. Bella. Can I give her to Edward?"

"No. Not just yet. I'm, worried about him."

"Good, Jacob tastes good. This is good too. That man is still talking. Father? Edward? Is he all right?"

Carlisle helped Edward to his feet and brought him to Esme's side. He pointed him to face Rosemarie, but he still didn't seem to see her.

It hurt so much to see Edward like this. My icy angel was an empty man. His mind seemed to be completely gone. He must still be able to hear everyone else, but he had fixated on Rosemarie, the baby he would never have met. The baby he never wanted.

Rosemarie took her mouth from the bottle and looked at Edward who hadn't stopped his ranting. "Black eyes. Mom and Jacob have brown eyes. Rosalie has gold. Why black? Why does he speak for me?" She reached a hand to Edward and touched his moving lips. They stilled.

Edward blinked and then focused on Rosemarie. He reached his arms to her and Esme passed her over, keeping the bottle. "Rosemarie," he murmured. He put a hand over her head and stroked her bronze hair. He ran a finger down her nose, her belly and one leg to her five perfect toes on that foot. She kicked him. Then he pulled her closer, holding her tightly. I watched his eyes close and he sighed deeply. "I don't deserve you. And I definitely don't deserve your mother." He kissed her forehead and gave her back to Esme.

Then he came to my side and knelt beside the bed. "I'm so so sorry, Bella. I was so sure she was going to kill you. She was hurting you so badly, and Alice couldn't see you living through it. I would give anything for you to live. Even you. I knew you would never forgive me, but I had to do it anyway. I had to hurt you to save you."

I grabbed his hair in two fists. "You listen to me, Edward Cullen. You do not have to save me. I decide for me. If I decide I die, you live with that. If I decide to have a baby, you live with that. If I decide I look better with one leg, you live with that. You don't decide for me. I can't control your actions, stop trying to control mine." I had pulled his face within an inch of mine and his scent was having its usual effect on me. I closed my eyes and released my grip. I didn't want to push him away, but I wanted him to go.

"I understand." His lips were suddenly on mine and I started to sob. He was gone and I continued to cry.

Jacob put his arms around my shoulders. "It's all right, Bella. I won't let him touch you if you don't want it. I'll tear him apart if you ask me to, treaty or not." He was holding my eyes, but I couldn't really see him through the tears.

"No, it was just – too soon." I shuddered as I continued to sob.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

I tried to calm my breath. Then I looked to Esme. "Yes?" My voice trembled.

"She's finished the bottle. Would you like to hold her again. I imagine she's less thirsty now."

I smiled. "Yes. I would like that very much." Rosemarie was placed in my arms again and I held her tight. She reached up and touched my cheek. I saw myself just before she bit me. I tasted me. Now that I wasn't pregnant blood was just as gross as ever. I covered my nose and mouth hoping the image would pass. It did and I saw Jacob. It looked like he had a sun behind his head, lighting just him. She loved him. She had loved him before she was born. I knew that. "He loved you too," I told her, kissing her. Then she showed me Edward. She showed him on the floor, his empty eyes, his repetition of her thoughts. She was worried about him. "I'm worried about him too. You helped him though. He is much better now." And that's just what she showed me next. How nice it felt to be tickled. Then she showed me Jacob again. Jacob with a baby in his arms. "She wants you, Jacob."

His smile was huge as he took Rosemarie from me. "Good. Cause I want her too. We're going to be great friends, Rose."

"Maybe we should call her Marie. Just to avoid confusion."

Jacob shrugged. "No confusion. Rose," he lifted her in his arms. "Blondie," he pointed at Rosalie who sniffed.

Edward was at my side again. "Thank you, Bella."

I looked at him. "Go eat something, Edward. You look like crap." I smiled remembering the last time I told him that.

He laughed. "Only if you promise you'll still be here when I get back."

"Um, how long till I'm walking, Carlisle?"

"Tomorrow? Day after?"

"I don't think I'm going anywhere," I said with a smirk.

"Right." He bent and stopped. "Can I kiss your cheek?"

I chuckled. "Yes." And I thought the power had shifted before. "I still love you, Edward. Alice's vision was wrong. I would have forgiven you. One day."

He smiled and I saw hope in his face. "Thank you, Bella," he repeated.

Alice and Jasper came to the door as he left. "Is it too crowded in here? Or can another aunt and uncle meet their niece?"

"Of course you can. Come in, Alice. Jasper." I smiled at them and waved with my hand.

Alice gave Rosemarie a quick look and then came to my side. Jasper took a turn holding her. Alice hugged me. "I'm glad you're all right Bella. And I'm thrilled I can see you again. You're going to be walking tomorrow night. I saw you visiting Charlie."

"Great! I bet he's worried about me. I called last week, but told him I'd stop in this weekend." I looked at Rosemarie who was now being measured and weighed by Carlisle.

"How is she?" I asked him.

"Perfect. Nine pounds, large for any sort of prematurity. Head and length are both normal for a newborn as well. She is absolutely perfect." He beamed at the baby.

I smiled and turned back to Alice. "Well, I'm exhausted. Move me to a real bed?"

"Do you want Edward's?" Alice asked tentatively. "You can have ours if you'd rather."

"No, Edward's is fine. Jacob." My tone shifted to something almost growling. He flinched.

"You get your assignments from Quil and get started. You are _not_ falling behind this early in the year."

"Yes'm." He smiled though.

I fell asleep soon after Alice laid me on the soft mattress.

I woke to find a groomed and fed Edward watching me from across the room on the couch. "What time is it?" I asked as I stretched. I felt a pulling in my abdomen and stopped. I looked down. Alice had changed me into cotton pajamas while I slept. Well I hoped it had been Alice. I lifted the shirt to see my bandage. No new blood. I hadn't pulled anything too badly.

"Four. Are you hungry?"

"Yes. I would love something to eat."

"I'll be right back."

I sat up in the bed once he was gone and looked around the room. It hadn't changed much in the time I was gone. He came back with a bowl of soup. "Here." He set the tray over my legs. "Do you mind if I stay?"

"Not really. As long as you don't mind me eating. Where's Rosemarie?" The minestrone was excellent. The vegetables were still very slightly crispy. I wondered how long ago someone had made it.

"Jacob is playing with her downstairs. She's learning quickly. They are playing peek-a-boo right now. She doesn't understand the game, but the way he says boo is making her smile." Edward smiled now too.

"She doesn't understand?" I asked.

"Well, unlike other babies, she knows things don't disappear when she can't see them. That's what makes peek-a-boo a game for them."

"Ah." I took a few more spoonfuls before his staring made me self-conscious. "Did I talk?"

"Hmm?"

"While I slept. Did I say anything?"

"Not while I was here." He said it sadly. He was hoping I'd let something slip while I slept. I smiled, glad I hadn't. I ate a little more. "Can you really forgive me?"

"I think I can. Forgiveness is actually the easier part. I don't trust you anymore Edward. I worry that you'll do something to me while I sleep. Something for my own good. Only knowing Jacob and Rosalie would stop you let me sleep at all." I frowned and pushed my soup away.

"Finished?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Would you like me to send Jacob and Rosemarie up?"

I smiled now. "Yes! Thank you."

He kept his features smooth as he came for my tray. I stopped him and pulled his hand to my cheek. "I do still love you Edward. That's why I can forgive. It's unconditional. No matter how you hurt me. I will always love you. But I won't let you hurt me again."

He nodded and took the tray. "I will earn your trust back, Bella. Even if it takes the rest of your life."

I smiled. "Good."

Jacob came up a minute later. "I heard there's a Mommy up here?"

I chuckled. "Yes there is." My smile slipped when I saw the baby in his arms. How long had I been asleep? I started to think it must have been months not hours. Rosemarie was longer. Her hair and grown so that the curls laid down on her head now instead of sticking up. And she clapped her hands. I shook my head, sure I was mistaken. Jacob put her in my arms and she was heavier too.

"Remember, Rose. No biting." He wagged a finger at her and she pouted. "I know you think Mom tastes good, but it hurts her." The lip was sucked in and her eyes were wider. "It's all right, Bella. She just needs to remember that you don't heal as quick as I do."

Rosemarie's hand came to my cheek and she showed me playing outside with Jacob. The feel of the blades of grass on her skin. She showed me the formula Carlisle had given her that she refused to drink, but still made her wet her diaper. She showed me Rosalie rocking her until she fell asleep. "I'm glad you had such a good afternoon," I cooed to her. "And all mom did was sleep."

She smiled at me and put her head onto my chest. It felt so wonderful my heart filled and tears came to my eyes. I kissed the top of her head.

That night I slept in Edward's bed curled around the new purpose in my life. My beautiful baby girl. Her hand on my cheek melded her dreams with mine. We slept through until morning.

* * *

A happier ending? Maybe. I couldn't write more on this thread though. I tried and vampire Bella kept taking over. So, this is just an outtake. Hope you enjoyed it.


	26. Beta for Twilighted

I am trying to post I Love Myself on Twilighted. I didn't realize the two betas I had left so much to be corrected that EACH CHAPTER is taking 3 weeks to Validate. *sigh* I thought we were doing pretty well as a group. Any Validation betas on the alert list or PTB betas that would be willing to help me with Chapters 5 on? Anyone with a really good grasp of grammar and puctuation would be appreciated.

I'm losing my mind... :p


	27. Big News! I'm Published!

Let me start by saying I'm only go to do this once. I promise.

Next, if you noticed a lot of chapter alerts with the same title, that's because they're all the same, skip/delete the others.

Finally, I wanted to give this big news to as many people as I could, which is the only reason I'm doing this (see first point)

Okay! The good news! I'm published!

That's right! If you've enjoyed my stories, which I bet you have as you've put me on alert, now is your chance to read a completely original story written by yours truly.

Cargon: Honour & Privilege is my first novel, but I already have two more complete manuscripts, so a second isn't far off. It is set on a future earth after a cataclysmic even has destroyed nearly all of our technology. It is the time of the second renaissance. The story revolves around Eve, a servant in a caste-style society who has the nerve and the guile to step out of her set role and take on a new and much loftier one.

Here's the back blurb:

* * *

Lives are won, lost and traded on the three-tiered Cargon boards.

Eve, a serving-girl, has watched the elite from the outside, seen the dramatic shifts based on the results of the Game. With a growing need to reach beyond her station, she can no longer accept her position on the edges.

Wagering her own life, she wins and emerges in a strange new world. New rules and old acquaintances tangle to make Eve's life less comfortable than her position would suggest.

One pawn moved, but an entire world shaken – Eve will change the world.

* * *

Copies are available at Amazon (kindle and paper versions) and signed copies, as well as information about up-coming book, blog posts from me, tour dates as I book them, are all be available on my website: Kimmydonn. com

I'm so excited about this, my first release. I've had a bit of a stumble out of the gate and that's gotten me down, but I'm hoping some of you will perk me back up, possibly with sales, but even with just reviews/PMs of congrats. I'll appreciate all of them.

I thought I'd finish by including an excerpt from the book. After demonstrating her wit to the High One, Eve was moved into classes with elite. She is still a servant, still apart from them, but in their realm. (Excuse the formatting, I pulled this from my final PDF copy ;)

* * *

Awaking early from the nightmare, she entered the classroom  
an hour before the elite students. Even so, the Ernst was there  
ahead of her. "If a rock is placed in the sea, does the rock become  
wet or does the sea become rocky?"

Eve smiled, but didn't raise her eyes. This was exactly the sort  
of question he would ask his class. "Both. The rock joins those on  
the bottom, making the sea rocky. As well, the rock, having space  
within, takes in water, becoming wet."

The Ernst smiled at her. "And, if the rock were not porous?"

"Then only the sea would become rocky, as the rock would  
retain no water upon removal. Nor, if the rock were the only one in  
the sea could the sea be said to be rocky either. Was this the only  
rock in the sea?" Only after she asked did she realize she was  
looking up at the Ernst.

His milky blue eyes shone. "You are a fine student. Take your  
place," he sighed. Eve heard the students approaching. Today, the  
Ernst quizzed his students on the nature of time and its flow. Was  
it even, like water poured from a pitcher, or variable like the wind?  
Eve imagined it was choppy like water in a stream. It generally  
flowed in one direction, but it was possible to be thrown back, with  
memory and dream, to an earlier time, only to be rushed forward  
again. She made plans to write this after class was complete.

Prince Louis came to her as he had so many times before. He  
was significantly older than his classmates, making Eve wonder  
why he was still here. His hand came to rest over her breasts,  
where she had pinned the bloom today.

"That bloom will never fade. I think his attention is not so  
constant. But mine is, as you can see." Eve set her teeth at that. She  
taunted him, but did not seek his affections. Prince Louis put his  
nose to her hair now, inhaling deeply. He sighed. "Would you taste  
as wonderful as you smell, I wonder?" His hand traced down her  
side, just off her skin. It brushed the fabric of her skirt, and she  
stepped to the side. It was not strictly permitted, but neither was  
his touch.

He sidestepped with her, grinning now. "Skittish. I like that.  
Where will you jump to next?" He moved to place his hand on her  
chest again, and she leaned away to her left, twisting from him.  
Her skirts brushed his legs. That wasn't permitted either. She  
backed away again.

He continued to pursue her as she backed herself into the  
corner. He put his hands to either side of her head, trapping her  
effectively. Finally, unable to find another response, she turned her  
eyes level to his. In them she held all of her hatred, her anger, his  
loss of honour. Would he continue to ignore the impropriety he  
was inflicting? Would he simply accept the slight she had  
delivered by staring him down?

He seemed to, showing no offence and instead dipping his  
nose to her bloom. He was nearly touching her breasts. She tried  
not to breathe while he inhaled deeply. "Smells wonderful, but I  
think that's not the bloom. I do wish our stations were not so  
distant." He pulled his arms away and turned from her.

It had been over a year since the first time he had approached  
her, but for the second time she fell to the floor in relief. She had  
nearly spat on him! He would have had her beaten severely for  
that. She sniffled, and only then realized tears streamed her face.  
She pulled a kerchief and wiped them away before rising. She took  
one more deep breath and strode to her lunch with what time  
remained.

* * *

If you'd like to read a larger sample, there are a few chapters available on Google Books. Thanks so much for reading!


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